


Is There Somewhere?

by nyrcella



Category: Marriage Story (2019), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (Rey has a nice ass so...), (Rey is the one who chokes Charlie), (both Rey and Charlie smoke), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alley Sex, Anal Play, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Rey (Star Wars), Blow Jobs, Blow Jobs in a Car, Bratty Rey (Star Wars), Break Up, Chair Sex, Charlie Barber is also a mess, Charlie Has a Big Dick, Choking, Cigarettes, Cock Warming, Come Shot, Consensual Somnophilia, Creampie, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Degradation, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talk, Emotional Constipation, Epilogue, Exhibitionism, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Goodbye Sex, Hair-pulling, Hotel Sex, Infidelity, Kitchen Sex, Masturbation, Older Man/Younger Woman, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Possessive Sex, Praise Kink, Pussy Spanking, Recreational Drug Use, Reunion Sex, Rey is a Mess (Star Wars), Rey is a promiscuous woman, Romantic Gestures, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Spanking, Spit Kink, Squirting, Stair Sex, Therapy, Thirsty Rey (Star Wars), Time Skips, Too Many Taylor Swift References, Unreliable Narrator, Unsafe Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, a lot of exhibitionism, and babies, high sex to plot ratio at the beginning, inspired by halsey and taylor swift’s songs, it sets DURING Marriage Story but with different ending, it’s not exactly a Marriage Story sequel, more like porn with a happy ending, not safe to read if triggered by pregnancy, now that i’ve summarised the fic lets move on to the sexy tags, rey gets fingered with charlie’s ring finger where he still wears his wedding ring, rey teaches old snobby man charlie about taylor swift, the pregnancy and baby will appear at the end, therapy plays a role here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:22:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 129,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24817549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyrcella/pseuds/nyrcella
Summary: I’m sorry but I fell in love tonight,I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight,Can we pretend that we’re in love?Charlie is a married father. Rey is afraid of commitments.FOR PREVIOUS READERS: I have added some details and made this fic a little more consistent. (Mainly the first 12 chapters.)  I hope you give it a chance to read the updated version and enjoy it more because I’m kind of proud of all the adjustments I made.Thank you for your support!
Relationships: Charlie Barber/Rey (Star Wars), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 333
Kudos: 392
Collections: Rey in the Adamverse





	1. Bad At Love

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the filth! I’m not from New York so forgive me for any mistakes. Thank you for stopping by, it’s gonna be a chaotic, filthy ride! ❤️
> 
> All chapters are named after Halsey’s songs because my girl Rey is basically Ashley anyway.
> 
> If this fic is too long for you but you’re in the mood for some Charlie/Rey, check out my one shot, [invisible](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800731).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I know that you’re afraid,_
> 
> _I’m gonna walk away,_
> 
> _Each time the feeling fades._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **tw // mentions of suicide and death**
> 
> cw // baby and mention of underage sex (Rey described her early sexual experiences)

Maybe she should be diagnosed or something. Seek a therapist. An expert.

Ever since she was a kid, she always had a strong sexual drive. At merely nine years old, she had already started touching herself even though she had no idea what sex was. What she knew was that she needed a relief around that area since she hopped on the see-saw and almost moaned at the feel.

Then at age twelve, she developed a crush on her upstairs neighbour who was married and twice her age, though younger than her mother. That was probably because her mother had her at thirty five and when the man moved in the apartment above theirs, he and his wife were in their mid twenties, newly married with a newborn baby.

That was her first sexual awakening. That man, carrying a baby in his arms as he smiled politely at her mother. 

When she finally knew what sex was, she still took the time before she tried to find a guy to have sex with. During her first time when she was fifteen, her first boyfriend was wheezing and crying because she basically had no refractory period. He was already tired after their first round, catching his breaths and coming too quick while Rey whined in bed, begging for more because she wasn’t satisfied yet and she was thoroughly disappointed. The fact that it was _his_ second time and _her_ first time frustrated her even more. 

She wasn't sure why she was attracted to him. He was a _real_ man. She was barely a teenager. Still a kid. But he was so nice to her, protecting her from the bad ones. Everyone feared him because he was known to be scary whenever he got angry. But he was never angry in front of her (probably because she was a kid, but little twelve-year-old Rey didn’t think of that).

Only one time when some boy tricked her to give him her money when she was about to buy ice cream and her neighbour saw that, immediately throwing a fit. She remembered feeling so impressed. So _awed_. Her knight in shining armour. 

For years, whenever boys had a crush on her, all she thought of was whether they were on her neighbour’s standards — tall, beautiful and protective before she could consider dating them but in the end, they were all just boys. Mr. Barber was a _man_. 

Basically, all throughout her high school life, she was only known as the school’s whore. She would offer blow jobs when she found out what safe sex was in Health class and that condoms are not hundred percent safe.

And then she went home, finding relief on her center because while blow jobs would turn her on, it wasn’t enough. She let some jocks and guys who were tutoring her for math test fingered her.

Then during some days when she was sixteen, her mom convinced the Barbers that she was able to babysit their five-year-old kid. Anytime they needed her, they called her up and she had to come to the Barbers’ apartment to watch their kid, hoping they wouldn’t see how flustered she could get whenever she was around them. Actually, she saw Nicole more than Charlie because he always came home a little late than his wife. When she _did_ see Charlie and he was the one paying her for her babysitting job, she relied on their slight brushes of fingertips to use it as her, uh, masturbatory bank. 

Then she went home, longing for her upstairs neighbour who was too old for her and _married_. 

Since they lived right upstairs, she could hear the thumping and moaning sounds from above. It was embarrassing but while she was envious, she started to use those sounds as her porn. Something to touch herself to. She imagined she was Nicole as she tried to only focus on Charlie’s grunts.

After some time, she stopped blocking out Nicole’s moans because she sounded kinda hot too. Goddammit. Like she said, it was embarrassing and she hoped they would never know about this. 

Years later, now that she was twenty two, nothing really changed. Except her look, of course. Gone was that self conscious, skinny girl. She'd grown taller, grateful for her long legs. She learned how to use makeup and how to choose a well suited haircut for herself (no more bangs). Then she'd gone to college. Hadn't seen him in a long time because that time, she was busy with schoolwork and he was working all the time (not that she was stalking). The last time she saw him was when she was eighteen, but he didn’t see her. He was going up the stairs to his own apartment while she peeked from the window. 

And then she went to college. And then she hadn’t come back after four years because... 1) expensive flight ticket and 2) her _mother_.

They had this complicated relationship. She wasn’t one to hold grudges but when it came to her mother...There was never, not even _once_ , when they had come to agreement. They would always fight. Even about the pettiest thing. So when she left Brooklyn and got accepted to Oxford, she was just elated. Gone from her. When her mother found out she applied to go to St. Hugh’s College in Oxford, her mother was pissed as fuck. That was the biggest fight yet.

And she hadn't come back after four years. She had been busy partying. Busy studying. Busy memorising her notes. She was good at balancing both, which manages to her get 4 flat every semester.

Last night, her mother had called. There was a birthday party of some kid. And... that kid was important to her.

It was the hot neighbour's kid.

But she wasn't going to come back to Brooklyn just to see him. No, no, no. (Though she was _sure_ he no longer lived in Brooklyn, if she wasn't mistaken.) She was going to fly there because she used to babysit that kid for years and now he was turning eleven. She wasn’t even sure if that kid remembered her. He was only seven when she went off to college. 

Why was she nervous? She wasn't nervous. She was going to see her mother. Going to see her old friends. Everyone. Maybe the distance and the amount of time being apart would bring her and her mother closer, maybe. 

"Oh god," What's-His-Name said as he rolled over her side and laid beside her, all sweaty and their limbs tangled with each other. "That was fucking good, Rey." That made one of us, buddy. Did she tell him her name? Huh. The whole night was a blur. 

She got up and picked up her underwear and t-shirt before she looked around to find her daisy dukes. "I really got to go," she sighed, fixing her tousled hair a bit. "That was incredible." _Lie lie lie_. "But I have... a birthday party I have to get to." How the fuck did her daisy dukes go to that TV? She immediately grabbed them. 

The man was still naked on the bed, putting his hands behind his head as he watched her dressing up. He was at _least_ 10 years older than her but he was so worn out when he fucked. He'd really lost his energy and needed viagra already. It was a slow, lazy fuck and he came too quick. Here she thought men took longer time to come as they got older.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to, baby,” he pleaded. “Come back here and let's go for round two."

She hopped a little as she tried to put on her shorts. "I'm sorry. My mother would _kill_ me if I don't come home. Haven't seen her for ages and she's gonna nag me on my voicemail about my lack of social involvement no matter how many times I block her number." 

For someone who was afraid of commitments, she sure overshared a lot about her life. She leaned down to give him a goodbye kiss but he prolonged it by pulling her by the waist until she sat in his lap. 

Should have sneaked out while he was asleep, damn it.

"You were _very_ involved last night," he said suggestively. "You were amazing."

She shrugged and smirked. "I know." Her hands were on his hairy chest as she tried to get herself off of him. “Okay, you gotta let me go now.” The whole hairy chest was a little bit of turn-on for her, actually.

"Come on and stay,” he peppered kisses along her jaw while she refrained herself from grumbling loud because she really had to go. “I'll make you pancakes." 

"Tempting," she teased before she feigned a pout. She really was a master of pretension. "But I really have no time. I have to catch a flight."

He sighed. "No way of stopping you, huh."

She shook her head, getting off of his lap and quickly slipping on her sandals. "Sorry." She checked the mirror to see if she was presentable enough before she picked up her coat and her purse. "Bye!" She threw him a kiss before she went out the door.

Thank fuck she had packed last night. Because her flight was leaving in four hours. She had time to take a quick shower and change into something more appropriate, like a tank top and washed up boyfriend jeans. Throw in a leather jacket and ta-da! She would be presentable by then. 

* * *

Brooklyn baby. Here she was back. At the apartment she used to only share with her mother because she never knew who her father was. Mama never talked about him. Every time she brought him up, they fought again.

She handed to the cabdriver a fifty dollar bill after he helped her with her bags right in front of her doorstep on the first floor, shooting him a smile as he handed her back the change. The only key here was just a smile, really. 

After the driver left, she put up her hair into a high ponytail before she knocked on the door. She had to knock six times before her mother finally opened the door.

"Ah, the prodigal daughter returned," her mother snarked, clasping her hips. She looked a little worn down compared to the last time she saw her, simply wearing an oversized shirt and sweatpants while her hair was in a towel. As complicated their relationship was, Rey hated to see her mother ageing because that would mean...

Rey's nose flared as she inhaled. "Nice to see you again, mother," she forced out. "How I've missed you."

Her mother stepped away to let her inside. Rey picked up her bags and went inside, a whiff of the familiar scent of the house tickled her nose. The smell of cardamom, ginger, and musk reminding her of her bitter teenage-hood. Rey watched as her mother continued ironing her simple button down blouse for the party near the kitchen island. That was where they placed their iron board since before Rey could remember. 

"Better get ready now,” her mother ordered. “I know how long you always take to just get your hair done. Plus you smell like airplane so it’s better if you shower.”

The intention was nice but the tone was a little condescending, pissing Rey off. "I'll try not to take long! I mean, it's just, what, a kid's birthday party?" She headed to her old bedroom that still looked almost the same, minus how it looked almost like a clothes storage room with how many clothes were hanging here. Guess her mother made this place another closet since her small wardrobe couldn't fit in the clothes anymore. "I can't believe you made me fly over here just to go there."

"I don't want to go alone!" her mother yelled across the room. "It's embarrassing." It was understandable. The neighbours here weren't that — how to say this — _great_. They were nosy. Never knew how to mind their own business. As much as Rey wasn't fond of her mother, she knew she couldn't possibly send her mother to that a place full of their nosy neighbours alone. “Plus, I know you’re on your break so might as just take this time to come home, right?”

Rey sighed, the guilt creeping up inside her. Her mother wouldn’t admit this but this might just be an excuse for her to come home.

She started unpacking, to find an outfit to wear. What would you wear to a kid's party? What would you wear to maintain your mother's reputation in front of your old neighbours by making her proud since she basically dragged you there? Something decent and unfortunately _modest_ , definitely.

"Look, I hate going to some gatherings alone, okay?” she heard her mother saying. “I need my daughter."

Of course she did. It was nice though, to be needed. Warmth bloomed her chest as she heard that.

Rey decided to go braless in her black spaghetti strapped top with a leather skirt. Would that be too inappropriate? Fucking kid's party. Fucking _kids_.

She grabbed her towel and all of her sanitaries from her carry-on like her toothbrush, razor, shampoo and soap to take a shower. Letting the hot shower clear her head as she cleaned herself up as much as she could (especially her cunt after spending a night with a random stranger from the bar) in case she ran into, well, the hot neighbour. She even made sure shave everything she needs on her body until she’s all smooth. As if she was going out on a date. There was still some time.

Hopping off the shower, she brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth before she emerged from the bathroom, seeing her mother out in the living room while she crossed the hallway to stride towards her bedroom.

“Don’t wear something slutty!” her mother warned.

She snorted. “Wouldn’t dare, Mama,” she snide, entering her bedroom and slamming the door close to get blow dry her hair and get dressed. 

Her mother didn't seem to mind when she went out with her slightly curled hair and light but not too light makeup. Even drowned herself in her perfume. But there was still that hint of _distaste_ on her expression. Nothing could please this woman, anyway, so she had to accept this. "Let's go then," her mother said before handing her the car key. "You drive."

"What?" Rey asked, puzzled as she took the key. "I thought they only live right upstairs."

"They've moved to a newer apartment,” her mother explained. “With the whole private lift and all that at the Upper West Side."

_Upper West Side, are you fucking kidding me_ — Rey shook her thoughts. "Okay. Just tell me the address and which one is the building." She basically had the whole Big Apple stuck in her brain anyway, no matter how long she hadn’t come home. 

It would be like riding a bicycle again. 

* * *

Well, Charlie Barber was filthy rich. Top floor. Private elevator. Rooftop garden. Fucking _Manhattan_. This was not the Charlie Barber she knew (not that she knew him _well_ ). But she was happy he was getting more and more successful with his theatre plays. Just last year, he won his first Tony Award. She knew this because she spent the whole morning on Twitter, watching the award show live even though she barely cared about plays.

She was glad that she was slightly dressed up for the occasion as she stared up at the building he currently lived in. No wonder her mother took the time to iron her blouse and put on lipstick. Mama was hanging onto her arm like a small child, which made Rey smile.

When the doorman spotted them, Rey took a deep breath to gather her courage. "The Barbers' apartment?" she asked.

The doorman—Wexley, according to his name tag—smiled and nodded. "Come with me, Miss. Ma'am."

"She called me ma'am," her mother whispered as they went inside the elevator.

Rey refrained herself from smiling again. Mama could be adorable sometimes. 

When the elevator reached the Barbers' floor, both Rey and her mother thanked the doorman, quickly found where the party was. Judging by the balloons above the door and the loud chattering coming from that door. Apartment 12B. She rang the doorbell. 

It was not Charlie or his wife that answered the door, but instead it was one of their old neighbours, Maz, a good friend of Charlie from their apartment. "Oh, Jodie Johnson!" Maz gasped out while a champagne glass was in her hand. They served alcohol at a kid's party? "I haven't seen you for quite some time!"

Her mother feigned a smile, looking like she was trying her best not to seem so nervous. "Why, hello there, Maz. Are we late?"

"Not at all!" Maz gestured both of them to come in before closing the door behind them. "The party is just getting started, but they've already cut the cake, unfortunately." The short woman looked up at Rey and widened her eyes. Although her eyes were already big enough behind those glasses. "Oh, Rey? Is that you?"

"Ms. Kanata, hi," Rey politely said, kissing her cheek. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm great, honey," she answered with a smile. "I heard you're currently studying pre law at Oxford University?” Before Rey could say anything, Maz kept talking, looking at her mom now. “Jodie, your daughter has both beauty and brain. How can you survive while your daughter is out in a different country? I'd _cry_ if my daughter is not near me all the time."

Mama just laughed nervously while they all walked along the apartment's foyer, passing by a dresser that probably served as the shoe shelf on her left where there was a round mirror hanging on the wall and a bowl of potpourri placed on the dress. The kitchen was on the adjacent of the foyer hall where she could hear loud chattering and laughter coming from there. She wondered if Nicole and Charlie were in there.

There was a staircase leading up to the second floor at the corner on her right as she walked in the living room, out of the kitchen view. Huh, a two-storey apartment. Of course it was.

This apartment was mainly consisted of cream coloured, bricked walls, wooden furniture and paintings on the wall. It looked spacious because of the floor to ceiling windows around the living room where they could see the whole Manhattan. The living room itself was bigger than her entire apartment in Brooklyn. This place could fit four of her dormitory in Oxford.

_That_ spacious. 

It was quite a party judging from the sea of people socialising here. 

Rey tried to save her mother by chiming in. "Speaking of your daughter, I heard Kaydel just enrolled in Columbia? That's a big deal."

"Oh," Maz let out a small laugh, waving her hand dismissively. "Yes she is! I like to keep her close, of course. She's somewhere with her old friends. Finn and all that. I think they're in the game room. Aren't you friends with them too, Rey?"

"There's a game room here?" Rey asked to dodge Maz’s question. The truth was, ever since she started living in London, her old neighbours and high school mates hadn't kept in touch with her six months after graduation and she also didn't try to keep contact. They followed each other on Instagram but that was all. No DMs and all that jazz.

Especially Finn. Last time they talked was... _painful_.

But she still adored him.

"Charlie and Nicole love to spoil their kid," Maz raved. "My goodness, Rey, I haven't seen you in ages that I'm _stunned_ by how beautiful you are. Jodie, you might have the most beautiful girl in New York as your daughter."

Rey just laughed sheepishly, although she was feeling irked because wasn't Kaydel beautiful too? She hoped Kaydel would never hear this. "Speak for yourself, Ms. Kanata."

A sort of server approached both Rey and her mother to offer drinks on the tray that she was holding. Three types of sparkly drinks were displayed on the tray in an elegant way. White wine. Red wine. Champagne. Rey opted for the red wine and took a glass of champagne to hand her mother. Her eyes wandered around the apartment, her heels clicking on the wooden floor. 

When she began to sip her drinks, averting everyone’s gaze, she saw him across the room. She almost choked on her drink as her breath hitched.

It wasn't so difficult to spot Charlie Barber in the midst of people because he was so tall and... perhaps, the most gorgeous man she had ever laid her eyes on. He easily stood out with his beautiful, thick hair and his prominent features as he spoke to his guests, laughing until his dimples deepened. Sharp, long nose like the one of the Greek gods. Plush, kissable lips. If he were a Greek god, she was sure he would be Dionysus. His fashion was like every wealthy dad: a deep navy blue Oxford cashmere sweater over a grey collared shirt underneath tucked in white trousers. Cream coloured trousers. Only _he_ would look good in cream trousers with those muscular thighs. His veiny hand looked _massive_ holding a champagne glass, only using his index finger and thumb. 

His hand was the same size as his fucking face.

Christ, the _things_ he could do with those hands and fingers. Her mouth starts salivating. 

Rey quickly looked away to stop herself from thirsting in public. The fact that she was considering stooping so low as her dad's mistress. Only for him, she would whore herself out.

"Jodie Johnson!" someone called out and it turned out to be Mrs. Barber herself, Nicole, who was beaming at the sight of Rey’s mother. Rey immediately snapped herself into the present time instead of just thinking about how hot Charlie is when Nicole crossed the room towards them in her white satin shirt and brown pants. 

The irony here was that Nicole was incredibly close to Rey’s mother. Nicole was maybe younger than her mother but she was basically her best friend the moment they got along after the Barbers moved in upstairs. They had a lot of things in common like their passion for knitting, shopping, and party planning.

Rey also liked shopping but there was no way she could be close to Nicole when she met her at a very young age. Nicole never took her seriously. She was just the babysitter. 

"Nicole!" her mother greeted and they kissed each other's cheeks. "Wow, Nicole. What a splendid house you have here!"

Wait, her mother had never stepped inside this house? Even though those two were close? Mama really waited for her to come home, huh. What had her mother been doing here all by herself if she wasn't socialising?

"Oh, thank you, Jodie," Nicole said, smiling with a glass of wine in her hand. Rey kept having mini heart attacks as she stared at Nicole, fearing the red wine would spill on her white satin shirt as she talked animatedly. Her green eyes glinted as she gushed about her new home. The fact that she still sounded humbled when talking about her huge apartment instead of sounding like she was bragging was amazing. “You know, Michael Yarinsky designed this apartment until it looked like this. I asked for modern contemporary and he gave me modern contemporary. That bookshelf over there, around the TV is one of my favourite things. This place just looks spacious but it doesn’t look like the space is wasted, right?” Nicole looked around her apartment and the crystal chandeliers above her, miraculously never spilling her wine on her shirt. “Charlie knows how to pick a home, he bought this house after we got back together and he let me design it. You have to come over again soon, Jodie, so I can properly give you a tour.”

Rey’s chest ached at the mention of Charlie. Reminding her that they were a happy couple and she shouldn’t do anything to ruin that. 

When Nicole finally noticed Rey, glancing up at her, her expression completely changed. From excitement to confusion, squinting a little. "Rey?" 

"Hi, Mrs. Barber," Rey said, her face flaming up. She wasn’t sure why she was flustered. Maybe from the guilt after lusting over her husband.

"God, please, don't call me Mrs. Barber!” Nicole exclaimed, letting out a small laugh. “I'd feel so old. Oh my god, Rey, you’ve... grown so _much_. Look at you!”

There was no way she would ever be able to properly react to a compliment. Especially not from a beautiful woman like Nicole. "Uh... thank you, N-Nicole,” she replied hesitantly, not used to calling by first name. 

"My god." She shook her head, as if she was still in a disbelief state as she studied Rey’s face. "You know, my, um—well, _Charlie_ just asked me who you were when you came in here.” Nicole sipped more of her wine and swallowed it before she continued, smiling and shaking her head at some parts. “He thought maybe you crashed our party. I told him, “Honey, that could be Rey because she came with Jodie,” but he didn't believe me! I can't wait to tell him how wrong he is. I mean, Rey. Sweetie, you're _gorgeous_. I knew you since you were this skinny girl and here you are, tall and pretty. And smart. I just feel—so old! Seeing you’re in _college_ now. You're studying in Oxford, right?"

The only thing she got from Nicole’s chattering was that... Charlie _noticed_ her when she came in? She tried not to be affected by that but her heart still almost stopped beating to hear how the guy she spent half of her life crushing on was talking about her. Honestly, what the fuck. She felt like a teenager again, flustering over being mentioned. "Well, you all haven't seen me in a long time so I... get the surprise?” Rey said, huffing out an awkward laugh. “Also, uh yeah, I'm studying in Oxford. I literally _just_ touched down this morning and straight away came here because how could I miss this?"

Nicole clutched her chest like she was honoured to hear that. "Aw, that’s nice to hear. Honestly, it's so great seeing you again. Now, can I borrow your mother for a while? I want to show her my new Chinas that I got from Manchester. I can't believe I forgot you're staying near London now or else I would've called you!"

"Oh yes, you mentioned you bought a new set," her mother spoke up.

"Well, if you're visiting again, don't forget to call me," Rey offered out of politeness. "I'm graduating next year so hopefully we still have time for that?"

"I'll keep that in mind,” Nicole said, squeezing Rey’s arm. “Please make yourself at home and enjoy the buffet.” And then she basically dragged Rey’s mother to the kitchen, leaving her on her own.

She walked to where the buffet table was and grabbed a plate, finishing her wine. When a server passed by her, holding a tray full of empty glasses, she took the chance to place her own there before she glanced back at the buffet table. 

As she picked up the mushroom biscotti that looked very mouthwatering, she jumped and almost dropped the biscotti at someone's voice so close to her right ear, saying, "Enjoying your food?" 

She turned her head and was slightly disappointed to see it was just Mitaka. 'Ole Mitaka who was in the same grade as her and always had a crush on her. "I don't know, I haven't tasted any yet," she gritted. It wasn’t that she hated him, she was just pissed that he was ruining her moment with the food. Okay, maybe she hated him a little only because he always asked her out all through high school even when she said _no_ over and over. Letting out a sigh and recoiling herself, she feigned a smile to seem polite. "Hi, Mitaka.” 

Mitaka mirrored her expression, although his smile was more genuine than hers. "Hi there, Rey." 

"I'm surprised you... er, recognise me." Part of her was relieved to see a familiar smile, part of her just wanted to be left alone as she enjoyed her food without having to talk to anyone.

He frowned, puzzled. "What do you mean? We follow each other on Instagram, remember?" 

Oh, right. She almost forgot. Mitaka and his constant posts of him and his frat dudes (it was kind of surprising that he managed to join a fraternity) that made her mute his posts. In her defence, she rarely checked her Instagram anymore when she realised how many people she barely talked to anyone were her mutual friends on that app. It became kind of tiring. 

"Right,” she muttered, walking over to the next buffet chafing dish — mini sandwiches — and picking them up to place on her plate while Mitaka followed closely behind her like a fucking puppy. “Sorry. I forgot. I'm still jet lagged and all that because I just came down here this morning. Just hopped off the flight." 

"Ah, understandable, understandable,” he said behind her.

After grabbing each food from every chafing dish, she went and took a seat on what seemed to be an antique bench against the wall where there was a painting of a sea hanging there. 

"So, how are you, girlie?" Mitaka asked, taking a seat next to her.

Why the fuck did he just call her girlie— "Great!" she chirped, almost _too_ jovially before she took a bite of the mini sandwich. "Well, Mitaka, you look pretty good. Have you been working out?" Look, she was a natural flirt. Sometimes she just couldn't help it. 

His grin grew wider. "You been noticin'? Been taking a lot of proteins and lifting weights and all that." At that, he flexed his biceps a little. 

Not a single muscle. Scrawny. Adorable, though. "Well, all that work definitely paid off." 

"Eh, well." He shrugged. "But you, though. Can I just say _wow._ Your genes must be something else. I mean, I've seen your pictures on the 'gram but you just look even _better_ in real life. Most people I know look good in pictures but are just really basic when I see them in real life." 

"Oh," she said with a little laugh. "I guess, thank you?" 

There was a sound of loud laughter and both she and Mitaka turned their heads to look at Frank, one of Charlie's actors from his play. Everyone knew Frank around here, thanks to Charlie and Nicole. "Wow, look at Frank getting all the ladies surrounding him," Mitaka mused like he was genuinely impressed. "At that age, he can still get it." 

"You'll catch up," Rey teased. 

"I mean, tell me honestly, you think I'm more attractive or Frank?" Mitaka joked. 

_Frank, definitely Frank,_ she thought to herself, But only because Frank was funny, not because she was an old man fucker. Yes, her taste was older men, just not men that already had adult kids the moment she was born. "Don't make me feel weird talking to his granddaughter if I say I would still fuck him," she mused, shoving the biscotti in her mouth and almost moaning out loud at how amazing it tasted. 

"We should definitely exchange numbers," Mitaka suggested. 

Ah, fuck. "Right," she muttered, refraining from snorting. The thing about her was that she sucked at saying no. "Oh, I think I just saw Kaydel. I'm gonna go say hi now." 

Before Mitaka could answer, she already stood up and walked away from him so she could peacefully eat. 

She managed to finally finish her food even after all these people approaching her. If she could get a dollar for every time people say _"Look at you! You're gorgeous!"_ she would get... well probably 20 something bucks. Still a lot. It was nice to hear at first but the more she heard it, the more she felt kind of unsettled. That made her sound so irritating but she could never know how to react to compliments. 

Her eyes scanned for a caterer employee that always held a basin to gather the dirty dishes. When she saw one, she placed her empty plate carefully in the basin before she grabbed herself another glass of wine. She wandered around the apartment, looking for a solitary for herself where she could avoid people. Her socialising energy was evaporating. Now she was just fucking exhausted. 

There was a wall of shelves full of award trophies and photos at the corner, near the staircase where there weren’t a lot of people. She strode towards it and checked out the shelves. Pieces of articles featuring Nicole and Charlie citing their success were framed nicely. Some Saturn Award trophies for Nicole. A couple of New York Drama Critics Circle Awards. One Lucille Lortel. Two Tony Awards, both from last year. There were also framed photographs of Charlie and Nicole’s red carpet appearances. They really made a beautiful pair. She sipped her wine casually as she admired their photos. 

Made her wonder. Yes, people called her pretty but Rey acknowledged that she wasn’t the Hollywood type of beauty like Nicole. She was just a plain beauty, not as elegant as Nicole Barber. 

Which was why Charlie and Nicole were so perfect together. 

"Rey?" she heard someone say. 

Thank god she had already swallowed her drink when she turned around to see Kaydel, who also looked genuinely surprised. "Just want to see if the rumours are true,” her old friend said, beaming. “So, you really _are_ back.”

"Kaydel. Oh my god." She put down her wine on one of the shelves (where the pieces of article were) and immediately pulled her in a tight embrace. At that moment, it felt like things were looking up now that she saw faces that she was actually glad to see. 

"Rey fucking Johnson!" a very familiar voice exclaimed.

Kaydel pulled away from her so that Rey could see who had just called her name. The moment she did see, she instantly felt like bursting into tears. Rose Tico, her dearest best friend throughout her high school, the one who had been with her through thick and thin, was actually here. The only one she still kept in touch with. This bitch said she might not be able to attend the party, which made Rey even reluctant to come here yet here she fucking was. 

"You lying piece of shit," Rey cried out and basically sprinted towards her so she could attack her with the biggest hug. 

Rose laughed and yelped when Rey picked her up. "Don't do that! I'm heavy as fuck, you know!" 

Rey ignored her, careful not to make too much of a scene as she squeezed the life out of Rose. They both pulled away and the three of them started catching up as if neither of them left. A lot of _“no way, shut up!”_ was exchanged. 

Soon more girls from her old high school came up to them, which was exactly what she was avoiding. It just became more overwhelming when it was a group of more than five people. All she wanted was to catch up with Rose, Kaydel, and Jannah but now Tallie, Jessika, and Korrie had also joined them. They reminisced about some of their old classmates that weren’t here — who got married, who had babies, and who died. Shit like that.

It turned depressing really quick after that.

"She was always so joyful and—and insane," Rey recalled, sighing. "She was my friend. We bonded over Harry Potter. I still couldn’t believe it.”

"I'm sorry, babe," Rose offered sadly. 

"We were all shocked too when we found out," Korrie said. "The happiest ones were always the saddest behind the doors. Take Robin Williams.

Rey really couldn't bear hearing any of these anymore. They changed the topic to a brighter note — their dating lives. Most of them were single anyway, whatever. 

“Look,” Kaydel said, nodding her head at Charlie, who was talking to a group of guests. What Rey was impressed by was how engrossed everyone was when he was the one speaking, looking at him in adoration. The way she was right now. 

"I know I have a girlfriend," Tallie said, "but I'd risk it all for Charlie Barber." 

Truer words had never been spoken.

"I don't know, he looks like an asshole," Jannah commented, shrugging. “Didn't he cheat like a couple of years ago? It’s why he and Nicole got a divorce before they reconciled after, like, almost a year of separating.”

Rey’s ears perked up at that, glancing at Jannah. She knew it was wrong to harbour some hope but, oh my god, he cheated before? Just because he cheated once (was it once?), it didn’t mean that he would cheat again but a girl could dream. She felt so mean, thinking like this. All she wanted was a taste of what it felt like to be fucked by him. 

The audacity of her mother for not telling her the hot gossip during the period of time when Charlie was divorced. She would have come home _sooner_. 

"Hot men are always either the assholes or those who got snatched up early," Korrie remarked. "Charlie is both." 

Rey tried not to say anything or else everything would slip up like, _"I'd let that man do anything to me. Would let him fuck my mouth while he calls me a whore. Would ride him into the sunset. Maybe let him put a baby in me."_

"God, I would love to have his babies," Kaydel sighed dreamily. 

Amen to that. 

"You also said that about Mr. Dameron," Rey teased. "Remember? Our Calculus teacher?" 

"Oh my god, yes," the other girls said in unison and let out giggles. 

Except for Kaydel, who just sighed. "Wonder what happened to him." 

"I feel you, baby," Rey cooed, enraptured by the way Charlie handled when one of the poor servers accidentally dropped the tray on the carpeted floor. Thankfully those were just empty glasses and nothing broke. Charlie was quick to help the server, picking up the tray and the glasses one by one while the server was blushing. 

God, she wanted to be _that_ close to him. That was how pathetic she was. 

"What a fucking prince," Rey blurted out before she cleared her throat. 

The girls looked at her and snorted with laughter. Soon they had to break apart because Tallie and Jannah had to leave since they had early mornings while Kaydel had to look for her mother. They all hugged in a group and promised each other to keep in touch again. 

This time, maybe they would, Rey thought. Maybe they wouldn’t. 

"I have to go too," Korrie said melancholically. “I hope we can catch up together like this again.”

Of course that was when Rose received a text. "It's Paige," she said, reading the text on her phone screen. "I forgot that she's picking me up since she's the one who dropped me off here." 

"Why didn't she come here to the party?" Rey asked. 

"Reasons," Rose simply answered with a smile. 

"Fine, fine," Rey sighed, pouting. “Text me when you’re free so we can hit up the town or whatever.” 

Rose’s face brightened up as she nodded before they hugged one more time. “Bye babe.” 

Now that she was back to being alone there, she realised her glass was empty. Once again, her eyes scanned for more servers to put down her empty tray and grab another glass. How many glasses of wine had she drank today, she wondered? This time, she grabbed a glass of red wine instead of the white one.

She was just minding her business, roaming around the apartment again, maybe wanting to check out the bookshelf when she saw that her mother was still in the kitchen with Nicole. Just as she was about to drink her wine, someone bumped onto her right shoulder, making her spill her drink on another person that was standing in front of her. She yelped as she tilted her chin to look at the person in front of her.

Which happened to be Charlie fucking Barber. 

"Oh shit," she gasped in shock, eyeballs would pop out any moment because her eyes were open so wide. And then she just—stilled.

While Charlie just stared at her in disbelief. 

Shit, she had just spilled red wine on his _cream_ trousers. That ought to stain. 

_Fuck me,_ she thought helplessly, blinking at his crotch.


	2. Coming Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I found God. I found Him in a lover._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Father’s Day! And the filth begins 😈

It was fortunate that no one seemed to witness what just happened because they were under the staircase when she spilled her drink and no one hung around the spacious foyer anymore. Even the server that nudged her shoulder earlier didn't even look back, probably because his hands were full and he wasn’t aware of his own surroundings. 

Charlie glared at the server but didn’t say anything. His gaze flitted lower to where the wine was spilled on. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Mr. Barber," she cried out, gaping at the wine stain — which just happened to be on his crotch. That made her feel like a pervert. 

Her gaze finally averted his crotch, now her eyes just wandered around awkwardly as she wondered if there was anyone that could help her while she was waiting for her demise. The embarrassment was real because this was the commodity of her fantasy for years _and_ her sexual awakening. 

Finally her eyes met his tired ones that softened when he looked at her. Her heart skipped a beat at seeing those pretty eyes that seemed brown right now. "It's... _fine_ ," he croaked out, making him clear his throat. "Um, Rey, right?" His low voice instantly jolted her body. 

She hesitated to answer him because she got sort of distracted by his face up close. Holy fucking shit, time had treated him well. She took the time scrutinising his face, admiring it. Gone was the boyish, kind looking face that she remembered as a kid and here was the sharper and more distinct face of his, such as his cheekbones. His longer hair had really accentuated his face bone structure. He had facial hair then when he first moved in but now, it seemed like he shaved it off.

How could he look manlier without the facial hair? 

Usually she had the confidence of a Leo, but in front of him, she was back to being that lovesick teenager. She stuttered a little, refraining herself from rubbing her thighs together as she remembered his question. “Uh, y-yeah,” she stammered, swallowing. Sweat beading her nape. “Rey.” 

He smiled when she answered her and she was gone. Done for. Because he seemed so pleased that she managed to answer him. Oh god, she would serve him if he would let her. Be on her knees anytime he needed her to. Arousal pooled her center as she flexed her fingers and did Kegel’s. 

But then her eyes flitted towards the gold band on his ring finger and the realisation hit her like a splash of cold water. She had to quell the voice in her head and take responsibility for her action. "You know what, I'm going to get you cleaned up,” she said, regaining her composure. “This can be solved. Do you have baking powder in the kitchen? Clorox, maybe?" 

"I think I have it in my bathroom,” he said almost lazily. There was this cocky presence that he seemed to emanate. It suited him so well — that Alpha male energy. “Clorox, I mean. It's like a pen. You know what? I think I can do this myself." 

"No, please, I feel really bad," she offered, her hand almost reaching out to cup his crotch. Jesus, she was horny as fuck. "You'll go change somewhere and I'll just... fix your trousers."

His eyes glinted with amusement. "Really, Rey, I know this fantastic dry cleaning I always go to—" 

She tried not to be affected by the desperation in his voice when he said her name. "Mr Barber, please," she pleaded. 

Now his expression changed to a more concerned one, his brows knitting together. He swallowed. "I really don't mind, Rey, I could just change—" 

"Well my mother taught me to take responsibility,” she argued vehemently, determination rising inside her. That fact was true, it was her habit. Old habits die hard. _Always fix your own mistakes, Rey. No matter what._

He just blinked. "I'm totally fine.” Now he just seemed really, really, really frantic as he rubbed his nape, looking at anywhere but her. “You don't have to tell your m—" 

She mustered up her courage to look up at him. _Really_ looked at him. She could be very persuasive when she needed to. That was the reason she took law in the first place. 

When he looked so guilty that he finally nodded, she felt a sense of triumph. "Alright then," he sighed defeatedly. "Follow me." 

She fought the urge to smile, nodding at him. She waited ten seconds before she followed him, watching as he headed upstairs, just in case this could raise suspicions. No one was looking at them, but she couldn’t be too careful. When ten seconds was up, she finally climbed up the stairs a little hurriedly. 

Reaching the second floor, she saw him waiting for her in a hallway. When she thought he was about to open the door at the corner which she assumed was the master bedroom, instead he opened the door on the adjacent to his left. Perhaps she was mistaken. 

She followed him inside, looking around and wondering why it looked small for an apartment with a private elevator. Maybe it wasn’t his room. He probably didn’t trust her enough to lead her to his own bedroom. Which was understandable. The room was minimalistic and all white (it just screamed IKEA), with one small flat screen TV on the dresser. Her gaze settled on the cozy reading corner by the window on her right, where there was one navy blue couch and a few small sized paintings hanging on the wall. 

This room didn’t exactly seem like a master bedroom. There was no walk-in closet. She knew this because there was a closet on her left. Next to a door that she assumed was the bathroom en suite. Apartment this huge, she assumed every room had a bathroom en suite. 

Maybe it was his solitary room, but surely this room would look more like an office. She could see a leather wallet and keys on the dresser next to the TV. When she turned around, she could see trousers hanging on the door. His, based on how baggy they looked. 

Maybe she was overthinking, but this room felt more like a bachelor pad than a room for a married couple. 

"Just go in there in the bathroom while I... change," he said sheepishly, pointing at the door she had already guessed was the en suite. "I'll hand you my pants. Everything you need is in the cabinet. But I need to remind you that this is _really_ unnecessary.”

She brushed him off, waving her hand dismissively as she entered the bathroom to see the white cabinet and wooden floor. The walls were just grey tiles. She placed her purse on the sink counter and opened the cabinet to see the necessities like a shaving cream, a black electric razor, a toothbrush, a deodorant, and a face wash (oh my god, he washed his face with a _proper_ face wash and now she was in love). Medicines. Some body creams or something. No feminine product in sight. Maybe he just liked to have his own bathroom cabinet here. 

No, she wasn’t here to inspect his fucking room like a goddamm stalker. She kept her eyes open for a certain stain remover. 

There it was. Clorox stain remover that looked like a pen. There was a container filled with white powder and she grabbed it to see what was in it. Not that she suspected anything (like… heroine). Smelling it and dipping one finger in it to taste it, she immediately knew this was baking soda. He must be either a very clean person or he just liked to be prepared. A former boy scout, maybe. 

There was a tentative knock on the door. She opened it and he quickly shoved his trousers to her, his arm poking from outside the bedroom. Probably wasn’t decent right now. She realised now that her former crush was right outside this room, probably in only his underwear. Cool. 

She grabbed the trousers and placed them on the counter before she latched onto the Clorox. The door closed with a click. Her eyes scanned around for something to rub the stain other than the toilet paper. Cloth or anything. 

Her gaze settled on the blue hand cloth hanging next to the cabinet nicely. “Mr. Barber?” she called out, grappling it. “Can I use the hand cloth?” 

The door swung open and he popped in, which she could see from the mirror. "What hand cloth?" he asked behind her. 

She held the cloth up, seeing that he had already changed into a pair of beige slim fit trousers. 

"Ah, yes, sure," he simply said, leaning on the doorframe as he studied her. "And please call me Charlie."

Her face heated up but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she just got down to her business, stepping backwards a little so she could bend to rest her elbow on the counter. She had become quite an expert at doing this from always spilling something on her outfit. 

Grabbing the Clorox, she uncapped it while flipping her hair to the side since her hair blocked the light a little. Should have brought a hair tie. She still managed to check the brand of these trousers she had just ruined. 

Fucking Club Monaco. A choke almost escaped her throat because she had just spilled red wine on a pair of fucking Club Monaco trousers. These probably cost at _least_ a thousand dollar. Biting her lip in concentration, she lightly squeezed the Clorox and smeared it on the stain before she rubbed the liquid meticulously using the cloth like she was colouring on the colouring book. 

When she agreed to come to the party, she didn’t expect that she would spend some of her time in Charlie Barber’s bathroom, bending on the counter and _not_ getting fucked. 

She could feel a pair of eyes on her so she glanced up at the mirror. A gasp of surprise emitted her lips when she caught him checking out her ass. But she shook it off, focusing on fixing her goddamn mistakes like her life depended on it. Her brows furrowed deeply, refusing to let him affect her like this. Not when she had just ruined trousers from fucking _Club Monaco._ Relief entered her body when she saw the red turned into light pink, which was great. 

Her heart started racing when she felt him nearing her until he was next to her — based on his spiced cologne that tickled her nose. Now that they were alone, her sense of smell focused on his scent. Her mouth dried at the proximity between them, feeling him looming over her. But she tried her best to ignore that, giving her entire attention solely on her task.

Tremblingly, she grabbed the Clorox pen and smeared some more. The pink stain had really begun to fade, making her smile.

"Wow, you really went for it," he commented, his voice caused her still. "You're really sorry, huh?" 

_Yes, Daddy._

Her cheeks reddened as she let out a huff. "Always take responsibilities." She shifted towards the sink and pivoted the tap to rinse off the stain remover. "You have to be quick before the stain lasts here." Then she turned off the tap, scrubbing the damp spots using the dry part of the cloth before she splayed her palm on it. Letting the warmth of her palm dry the seam up. 

Of course then she noticed she was placing her palm right on the crotch of the Club Monaco trousers. 

Not awkward at all. 

"There," she murmured, holding trousers up to inspect the stained spot. Barely noticeable now. "I think it looks good as new." 

He seemed impressed as he looked at her _craftwork_ over her shoulder. He was so close to her that she could feel his breath on her ear. "Thank you,” he told her, his voice caused her to shudder. Mainly because he was _too_ close to her yet she didn’t even budge. “You really didn't have to but I appreciate this a lot.” 

"Well, you would've bought a new pair," she joked, spinning on her heels until she properly faced him. She handed his trousers back to her. “You should dry these.”

"Yeah," he flustered, holding her gaze. She averted his gaze, just holding up the garment in her hands, waiting for him to take it already. As he took the trousers from her hand, his massive hands covered her smaller ones instead and she felt a jolt. 

Out of reflex, she shoved the trousers to his chest and pulled her hands away, her palms were clammy with sweat. "I'm just gonna..." she trailed off with blushing cheeks, nodding at the door. “Go.” 

"Right," he muttered, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

God, she could feel her whole body growing hotter with each second passing by. 

She glanced up at him to see he was crossing his arms and avoiding her eyes, waiting for her to leave first. The air felt heavy with tension and it felt like the room was shrinking smaller around them. 

As she turned around to get out of there, she felt a grip on her lower arm all of the sudden and a drop of something sort of light. She froze, thinking _'what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck’_ as he hauled her towards him. Facing him again, she saw his cream trousers were on the floor now before he took her by surprise by tilting his head and capturing her lips with his. 

An embarrassing whine escaped her throat, immediately reciprocating the kiss. But before she could deepen the kiss, he tore himself away from her like he had just touched something scorching. 

"Fuck," he cursed gravelly, which made her feel some type of a way because of his raspy and low voice. He ran his fingers through his hair, his cheeks and neck were flushed. "That was... inappropriate. I’m so sorry, Rey. Fuck, I don’t know what had just gotten into me.” He closed his eyes in regret. 

Now that she knew he was _kind of_ feeling the same way as her, she stared up at him, then his lips. Her mind was finally made up. All those years of pent up feelings for him, now that she knew how it felt like to kiss him, she had to chase that feeling again. _Here goes nothing,_ she thought, before she pulled him towards her by the collar and kissed him hard. 

His response was immediate as he actually _devoured_ not just her mouth, but her whole face. The man was intense, she wasn’t surprised that he kissed intensely as well. If those years of her listening to him fucking his wife in his apartment upstairs from her room was any indication, this just sealed it. His nose dug into her cheek and his teeth grazed her lower lip before she parted her lips to let his tongue in. 

The way he groaned in her mouth was the most erotic sound she had ever heard in her life. She knew she wasn't imagining or exaggerating this because she had never been _this_ wet in her entire life. 

Her conscience was telling her to not do this. To stop now while she still could. Her heart was saying go for it. Her cunt was saying _yes, yes, yes!_ If kissing him was wrong, then she would never want to be right. All her life, she had been waiting for this moment.

She gasped against his lips when he slammed her to the wall, kissing her hard. He kissed her like he was drowning and kissing her was the only thing that let him breathe. And she succumbed to him, giving in to all her desires into this kiss until her head spun. The stroke of their lips together, their tongues dancing, their teeth battling a war against each other's lips as they nipped each other’s lips. 

His hand found its way to the back of her head, fisting her hair. It hurt but it hurt so good, so deliciously. She could feel his pelvis pressing onto her body until she something poked on her stomach. Now his whole body was on hers, no air was between them at all. 

She ripped her lips off his to be able to breathe but he never relented — his lips never left her. His lips then barrelled down to her jaw and her ear, like he hadn’t had enough — just nipping and kissing while she sighed in pleasure. He yanked her hair to the back to press his lips along her neck, causing her to gasp at how rough he was. 

Not that she was complaining. 

He lowered her leather jacket roughly until more of her skin was exposed until the jacket dropped down on the floor. He backed away as he gaped at her body — wearing only a tank top with no bra underneath — in disbelief, his tongue swiped over his lips. "You came here like that?" he asked, thick with arousal. 

"I never planned to take off my jacket," she quipped almost smugly. 

"Can I... Rey, I want to..." he stammered. 

"Do whatever you want to me,” she murmured invitingly, leaning against the wall. 

A hint of smirk quirked his lips, his gaze flitting up to her. “You’re…” He breathes raggedly. 

Hesitantly, he lifted his hands up and cupped her tits. Palming them. She almost smiled because he still seemed like he was in a state of disbelief. His deft thumbs circled her hardened nipples over the material of her top. Her body was quick to respond to his touch as she mewled while he just stared at them and her eyes back and forth. “These tits,” he heaved out. 

She just swallowed the lump in her throat, watching the way his eyes glinted with adoration. 

The way he looked at her made her glad to show her body. He slipped his fingers with each of his hands under each of her spaghetti straps, tugging them lower until her small breasts jutted out of her tank top. His eyes darkened at the sight before him, which made her feel flustered. Taking his time as if his whole family weren’t right downstairs.

He bent down, finally taking one of her breasts in his mouth. She sobbed with relief at the feel of his hot mouth as he attempted to take her whole breast in his mouth while he palmed the twin. The warmth of his tongue was enticing and was the perfect simulation to send tingles down to her pussy. He gave equal attention to both until she writhed underneath him. 

After some time, the overwhelming feeling surged up inside her. It became a little too much that she had to pull him up until he stood in his full height. 

Confusion was written all over his face. “Are you okay?” he asked, concerned. 

She didn’t answer, but instead went on to kiss his neck right below his hair. She breathed in his musky scent, sucking his neck, but not too hard to bruise his skin. He circled his arms around her, panting in her ear. Fuck, she was making out with Charlie Barber. 

When she realised what she was doing and whom she was with, she immediately pulled away from and shoved his chest off of her. He looked so illegal right now with his hungry, dark eyes and his bruised lips from their kisses. She bet she looked disheveled and debauched like him too. 

"We shouldn't have done that, right?" she asked, catching her breaths. 

He shook his head, still staring at her hungrily. Mainly at her tits. Now the lines were blurred, just from the way he was looking at her right now. 

_Think, Rey._ Her conscience was thrown out of the window at this point. "We should definitely get out of here,” she stated, although she really didn’t want to. 

This time, he nodded, though he himself wasn’t entirely convinced. 

It was a bad idea to ask but she asked anyway, "Do you want to?" 

A laugh escaped his lips. “If I’m being honest, not at all,” he confessed. 

_Neither did she,_ she wanted to say. But she didn’t. "Do you do this a lot?" she asked instead. Her voice quivering with anxiousness. Jannah’s words rang in her ears. 

That made him react faster than he did earlier as he shook his head vigorously. "I... I swear I'm... I'm not this kind of guy.” Then softly, he murmured, “Not anymore.” 

She sighed. They always said that. "Right now, you are." Her eyes glanced at his bulge that seemed to stretch the seam of his trousers. “You know, that kind of guy.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a heavy exhale. "You're just... I don't know, you're..." he trailed off, looking like he was searching for words to express what he wanted to say until he gave up. Sighing in frustration. "What are you doing to me?" 

She blinked. "You're blaming me?" she huffed in disbelief. 

"I..." He pinched the space between his brows. “Of course not. I... I _initiated_ it.”

“Are you sorry that happened?” she asked. 

He gulped, shaking his head. “I don’t know—” 

His words broke off when she cut him off with a kiss to see it for herself. Whether he was sorry. Plus, she couldn’t get _enough_ of him. 

As it turned out, he _wasn't_ sorry when he reciprocated his kiss almost immediately, his hands were on her hips in an instant. She pulled his neck down so she could reach his ear hidden in his hair since he was tall as fuck. When she nibbled his ear, he let out a deep low moan, clutching her hips tightly. 

"Should we stop?" she murmured. Testing him.

“Fuck no,” he answered hurriedly. 

That was all the answer she needed when she shoved him towards the sink counter, until he sat down. 

When she sunk on her knees until they rested on the Club Monaco trousers he had dropped earlier, she peered up at him to see the look of surprise displayed on his face. 

"Rey," he breathed out. "Rey," he repeated, more steadily now. "What are you doing?" 

"Do you want me, Charlie?" she purred, looking up at him as she unbuttoned his trousers. 

Desperate incoherent sound emitted his mouth, looking down at her. 

She took that as a _'keep going’,_ lowering the waistband of his trousers until his briefs were exposed. Her mouth salivated at the sight of a damp spot on the outline of the head of his cock. She reached out to cup the bulge, her thumb brushing against the head until he let out a needy whimper. The fact that she managed to render him until he reacted this way — needy and groaning — made her feel all flustered. 

With a shaky breath, she tugged his briefs down. Boy, did that sight literally take her breath away. It just sprung up but since it looked so big and heavy, it bent on his stomach from being unable to hold its weight. Cum beaded the head of his cock and all she wanted was to catch it on her tongue.

It wasn't like she never gave head before. She did. But just because she had a stream of one-night-stands, didn't mean that she sucked _all_ their dicks. Anyway, that didn't matter. What mattered was that no one had a bigger dick than Charlie fucking Barber’s. Of course the owner of the biggest dick was unattainable. Who wouldn't marry this man?

"Rey...?" he asked nervously, snapping her out of her reverie. "Are you... are you okay?" 

Good god, she had just embarrassed herself. Of course she did. Of course she did. She wrapped her hand around it — his cock — and she was slightly impressed because her hand couldn't wrap the whole shaft. Her tongue caught the taste of the bitterness, causing him shudder. When she finally took him in her mouth, he flinched and cursed. 

_"Mother of—"_ he hissed and she saw his hand was about to reach her hair before he dropped his hand down and made a tight fist until his knuckles turned white, as if he was refraining himself. 

The way he reacted to her kiss or her mouth on his gave her the impression that he was _rarely_ treated this way? Now she was just harbouring hope at this point, which was so pathetic. 

She wrapped her hand around his cock where her mouth couldn't reach. Relaxing her throat, she attempted her best to accommodate his size. She gagged and sputtered when the tip touched her throat but she wasn't the type of woman to give up. So she pulled away a little only to let the whole length back inside her mouth until he kept hitting her throat again and again. 

And the beautiful curses and cries streamed out of his beautiful mouth as he finally put his hand on the back of her head. Chanting her name. "Rey, fuck, fuck, fuck. Rey. Oh Jesus. Rey." He didn't yank and shove her head down on his cock though. No, all he did was just hold it carefully. Like he was afraid he could hurt her. 

She used her free hand to grab his, pressing it hard on her head until he got what she meant. Encouraging him to fuck her mouth. 

As she bobbed her head and used her tongue to swirl around his shaft until her spit dripped down to her chin, he finally dared to properly fist her hair and moved her head however he wanted while he bucked his hips to fuck her mouth brutally. It hurt, the way he really fisted her hair until her eyes watered and she gagged on his cock but she fucking enjoyed it though. 

This — this was what she needed. 

_Fucking use me, Daddy. Fuck my mouth. Use me._

“Holy shit, Rey,” he moaned. “Baby.”

She looked up through her lashes and he cursed at the sight. 

"Baby, I'm about to—I'm about to—" he stuttered, panting. He tossed his head back to the tiled wall, still fucking her mouth.

Both of her hands cupped each of his balls until his cock twitched inside her mouth. Urging him to come for her. It was all it took for him to finally come, spurting inside her mouth. 

While she drank it all hungrily, loving how he tasted like. The stream of his cum was almost endless, hitting her throat. It tasted bitter. Tangy. It was _his._

The moment it was over, she was surprised to see he was still hard. _Slightly,_ though. She rose up on her feet to walk up to the mirror and wiped his essence on her mouth using her thumb while he watched, still sitting on the counter. With a smile, she sucked her thumb, causing his pupils to dilate. 

He finally hopped off the counter, pulling up his trousers and briefs. Zipping it up and fastening the button. 

After she rinsed her mouth twice, she took out her burgundy lipstick and reapplied it on her lips so no one would suspect anything. She smacked her lips together and fixed her hair a bit. 

Decent again. She hoped. 

She was about to pick up her leather jacket when Charlie held it up for her, hooking it on his finger. She grabbed it with a quick “thanks” before she slipped it on. "Well, that was fun," she simply chirped. 

He just stared at her in awe. Speechless. Maybe she wasn't _so_ bad at giving blowjobs. 

"See you at the party, Charlie," she murmured before she kissed his cheek, her lipstick leaving a stain. 

No one seemed to suspect anything as she returned back to the party downstairs. She took a glass of champagne and gulped the whole thing down. Her whole body still felt a little hot all over after the bathroom incident. She wondered if anyone suspected, if anyone knew how wet she was right now from the thrill of making out with a married man upstairs while his wife and son were just downstairs. 

Her eyes roamed around, searching for her mother. There was no way she was still in the kitchen, talking about chinawares. More people were already leaving since it was getting late. Looking at the window balcony, she could see the lights flickering from the skyscrapers, painting the Manhattan skyline. What time was it anyway? 

She glanced at the staircase, seeing that Charlie still hadn’t come back to the party as well. 

When she spotted Finn, her breath hitched. It had been ages since she talked to him, since she saw him actually. She was about to approach him when she saw that he was talking to someone—hold on. 

Was that Mr. Dameron? 

Her eyes met Finn’s and his shoulders visibly tensed. He seemed hesitant as he smiled at her. 

She took a deep breath and smiled back. Just a little before she looked away. She wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet. Almost though, just not yet. But she did miss him though. Her old friend. 

When she finally saw Charlie across the room, he seemed more decent now with his shirt tucked in his pants again and his hair combed a little more neatly. It was still slightly disheveled though, but she knew that was properly styled and not from the shenanigan that happened upstairs. He styled it to make it natural, like he never left the party. 

The world seemed to blur and stop moving and he was the only clear thing here when she saw him. His eyes met hers and he gave her that smirk that oozed confidence. The blow job probably did something for him to emanate that cockiness. 

Of course that was when she noticed that Nicole was also there next to him, along with her mother. There her mother was! She silently hoped Nicole didn’t catch her ogle at her husband or suspected anything since Charlie was wearing a different pair of trousers right now — a darker tone than what he wore earlier. 

When Henry passed his mother by, Rey saw Nicole whispering something to him while looking at her. Her brows cocked up when Henry approached her with a smile. She wasn’t going to lie, she was _this_ close to bursting into tears seeing that Henry was no longer that little. He had grown taller now and he looked more and more like Charlie the older he got, which pained her chest a little. 

She just knew she was already a sucker for this kid.

“Hi Rey!” he greeted, grinning and showing his teeth. He no longer had the chipped tooth, it seemed. She wondered whether he really recognised her or Nicole was the one that told him earlier to act like he remembered. 

"Hi, honey," she chirped, bending down to talk to him face to face. She was careful not to let her skirt hike up until the whole party could see things that weren’t appropriate to be shown at a kid’s birthday party. “Do you remember me?” 

Henry shrugged a little. “Just a little.” 

She let out a small laugh. “I used to babysit you when you were little, kid. We were best friends.”

He tilted his head to the side. She knew kids hated to talk to adults they barely remembered at a party but he didn’t seem to mind. Good kid right here. “That’s cool.” 

She smiled. “Happy birthday, kiddo. I got you a gift. I think you’ll like it.” Her mother had mentioned that Henry was more fond of Monopoly now actually so she had actually brought a gift for him. A Monopoly set, UK edition. But if he wanted a video game, boy, he was going to be _thoroughly_ disappointed. "Read the card before you open it, okay? So you know which one is from me." 

“Cool, thanks, Rey!” he said with a grin. “Is it a Nintendo Switch?” 

She grimaced a little. “Hey, no cheating.” Then she frowned. Rich kids like him not owning a Switch? “You don’t _have_ a Nintendo Switch?” 

“No,” he said with a sigh. “I asked Dad but he told me I need to get high marks for my test. Especially Math. I bet he’s lying.” 

That made her laugh. “Oh honey,” she said pitifully. “I bet he’ll buy you a Switch.” 

“If he doesn’t, could you convince him?” he asked with a grin. “Mom also agrees with Dad. I don’t even know if they’re telling the truth. All my friends have a Switch.” 

“If you want, I could ask them?” she offered. She could feel Charlie’s eyes on her but she ignored him.

Henry beamed. “Really?” 

She shrugged. “Sure, Switch is cool.”

“Thanks, Rey, you’re the coolest. Okay, I’m gonna go back to my friends.”

She was about to say “okay, bye” when he had already dashed to where his friends were. She finally stood up. 

When she looked at her mother, she saw that Mama was motioning to “come here.” 

With a sigh, Rey crossed the room towards her mother and the Barbers. Nicole’s mother and sister — Sandra and Cassie respectively — were also with them, saying goodbye to the guests that were also leaving. She did meet Nicole’s family before since they were so close to each other but she never met Charlie’s family. She had no idea where Charlie’s family even lived but she knew that Nicole’s family were from LA. 

“Thank you, Nicole, Charlie, for inviting us here,” Mama said. “And of course, thank you, Cassie and Sandy.” 

"Of course, Jodie," Charlie said politely, as if he didn't just make out with her daughter upstairs and let her suck his dick. 

"It's always a blast to have you with us," Sandra gushed. Then she looked at Rey, cooing. "You really have the most beautiful daughter, Jodie." 

"Mom!" Nicole whined. 

Rey giggled sheepishly. How many times did she have to hear the compliments that just made her feel bad instead? "That's ridiculous, Nicole, you're more of a stunner than me." And she wasn’t even trying to be polite. Nicole was hot as fuck. 

Nicole let out an, _"aww”_ as she grinned at her husband. Her husband, who was currently staring at Rey. Charlie quickly looked at his wife and smiled at her before he could get caught. "You hear that, Charlie? Rey just called me a stunner." 

Charlie just smiled, nodding. “Yes, honey, I heard that,” he said flatly. 

Asshole, she thought, as if she was the lesser of the two evils. "Thank you for having us," Rey said, smiling as she looked at everyone except Charlie for fear that she had a terrible poker face. "The food was wonderful." 

"Oh, thank you," Nicole replied with a wide smile. 

"I helped," Cassie said pointedly, shrugging proudly. 

"You helped _carry_ them," Nicole snide, rolling her eyes. 

"Don't banter in front of the guests!" Sandra reprimanded. 

What a wonderful family they were, if Rey was being honest. 

Rey and her mother turned around to finally leave the memorable party, smiling at the family. When she glanced back on her way to the foyer, the Evans women were still bantering while Charlie gazed at her hungrily, looking from her head to toe like he was fucking her in a room full of people. 

It sucked the oxygen out of her lungs because even with the midst of people between them, he made her feel like they were the only two people there. Her cheeks flushed at the thought of how no one got any idea about the two of them. 

Right, she had to get out of here. Fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comment section ❤️


	3. Is There Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm trying not to let it show, that I don't want to let this go,_
> 
> _Is there somewhere you can meet me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say, but a _lot_ of things are still said.  
> One more chapter then I’ll probably upload the fourth one next week.  
> Tags are updated.  
> Enjoy xx

His taste was still on her tongue when she woke up the next morning. Even after she brushed her teeth before she went to sleep. 

Just yesterday she had just involved herself with a married man. A fucking married man. A man around a decade younger than her mother. Someone with a bigger age gap with her than he had with her _mother_. Someone she'd known her whole life. (Well, he barely remembered her.)

With the guilt eating her up, she decided to distract herself by getting up early in the morning and cooking breakfast for both her and her mother after she was done brushing her teeth. Do something and just get him out of her head.

When she finished cooking, she set up the table in buffet style. Placing the classic big English breakfast on the dining table like baked beans, omelette, roasted capsicums, sausages, toast. The coffee pot that she brewed earlier was already on the table as well, along with two mugs for both her and her mother. 

“So, it took you going to college to finally learn how to wake up early and make breakfast,” Mama said when she emerged from her bedroom, freshly showered. 

Rey just rolled her eyes, placing a napkin and a set of cutlery on each side of their plates. She poured the coffee on both of the mugs and sat down. “Come and take a seat, Ma.” 

Her mother just squinted at her inquisitively, still taking a seat across her anyway. “Is something the matter or is this really your habit in college?” she sniped. 

“I’m just glad to be home,” she said with a sigh. “Thank you for letting me stay here.” 

That just caused her mother to snort. “I _asked_ you to come home.” 

Rey picked up the cutleries, forcing a smile. “I know.” Couldn’t she do something nice without being questioned? Was she that much of a spawn of the devil? 

Since all her life she always chased for validation, Rey just watched her mother as she took a bite of the omelette. Relief washed over her when she saw that her mother seemed impressed after chewing her food. 

"This tastes good," her mother said, looking genuinely surprised. "This is really nice, honey." 

She made a face. "Don’t sound so surprised,” she mumbled. 

The older woman just smiled, taking another bite. “Are you dating anyone right now?" her mother asked casually, picking up the mug and taking a sip of the coffee. “Or maybe you’re interested in anyone in college?

Well, the question was expected from almost every mother. "Is this really important?" she asked with a sigh. 

"Why, yes, of course!" her mother cried out, visibly offended. "I'd like to know what my daughter has been doing while I'm not there, thank you very much."

Rey bit the sausage and chewed it slowly, shaking her head. "I don't." Well, she wasn’t dating anyone at the moment. But interested? Would interested in pouncing someone count? 

If her mother knew whom exactly she was interested in, all hell would break loose. Sure, Rey knew she wasn’t exactly a saint and her mother was also aware of that. But at the same time, she didn’t think her mother would ever expect that she would get involved with a married man. 

At least, she hoped so.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" her mother reprimanded. 

She swallowed it, even gulping the coffee to avoid choking. "I’m not,” she said afterwards. “Dating around, I mean. I'm not dating anyone." Just been fucking around, which she was sure her mom had _some_ idea of. 

But if her mother knew the amount of people she had slept with, the ratio would be unequal compared to how many people she had been in a serious relationship with. She could count how many people she had dated with one hand, actually.

"You've been shagging anyone then?" Mama asked as if she just read her mind. 

Okay, surely her mother would have to know that her daughter was sort of a _whore._ Yeah, she never got pregnant and she had never gotten STD but she had been _around._ "How can you live here and still say the word shagging?” she exclaimed, changing the topic. _“I_ should say the word shagging." 

But her mother didn’t budge. "So have you, though? Been shagging anyone?" 

"Yes, mother, I have," she answered vaguely, shoving the whole sausage in her mouth before she grimaced at last night’s memory. "I'm not a virgin, mother. I’m a grown, 22-year-old woman and it's bound to happen." 

Disbelief was written all over her mother’s face as she backed away slightly. "Well, Jane the virgin didn't lose her virginity until she was like, what, 25?" 

_Again,_ she tried to dodge the question. "You’ve been watching Jane the Virgin?" 

"What else am I supposed to do?” her mother retorted. “That show is addictive." 

Rey shook her head. "Well, I'm sorry I don't have a Catholic grandmother that would traumatise me about sex," she remarked. 

Clearly her mother wasn't fond of the joke judging by the look on her face. “Maybe you should,” she said, causing Rey to pout. "Well, who was it?" 

"Who was what, ma?" she muttered.

"Who did you lose your virginity to?" 

Rey dropped her fork on the porcelain plate, creating a loud clanking sound. "Ma!" she groaned, dreading this whole thing. 

"What?” her mother tut innocently. “Xiomara gets to know every detail of Jane's sex life and I don't?" 

"Well, Jane also knows every detail of Xiomara's sex life," Rey snide. 

From the look on her mother’s face, now she knew what Rey felt like when being bombarded like this. "I haven't been shagging around ever since I had you!" her mother exclaimed with a horrified look on her face. 

"Well, why not?" Rey deadpanned, happy to change the subject. "You're a catch! There are many single, rich 60 year old men that want some 50-something-year-old old woman to keep them company." 

The older woman’s eyes widened. "Rey Isabelle Johnson!" she chided. “The _nerve_ of you to ask me that.” 

She felt a silent triumph inside her, being able to piss her mother off like this. How she missed being home. "Relax, I'm just saying!" she casually said, picking up the last capsicum and biting it. "I can't be the only one being interrogated here. Conversations are a two-way street.” 

Her mother finally gave up, putting her hands up as a sign of surrendering. "Alright then." 

In Rey’s defence, her mother was the one who insisted for her to get into law school so she couldn’t exactly be blamed for knowing how to argue and shift a conversation here. 

"But seriously, ma, you should definitely get some," Rey said, realising how lonely her mother must be. Eve she herself couldn’t survive without sex, how could the poor woman survive that after all these years? "I didn't come home for around 4 years and you didn't get any? Not even a company? I can't let that happen." 

Her mother just scoffed. "Well then come home more often, then!” she argued. “Besides, you're graduating soon, anyway." 

Ha, she still had another year away. "I won't stick around here forever," she said with a sigh. "I'll still take care of you but I won't be able to keep you company for long." She wanted to get out of here and stay far, far away from Charlie Barber before she stooped so low by getting on her knees just to suck his dick again. 

"Why, because you're going to be married?" her mother imposed, her eyes glinting. 

_As if._ The idea of settling down made her want to laugh and barf at the same time. "No, because I'm about to be a career-driven woman that won't have time for a relationship, let alone for her mother too. Although I would be there for whatever you need. Just not all the time." 

Her mother suddenly seemed so sad now. "I just don't see myself go out there again. I feel like being a mother is my only personality now." 

"Oh, mama." She sighed and took her mother's hand. "We'll be okay." 

Then her mama murmured, "It's not like I have no company at all." 

Rey looked at Mama expectantly. 

"I _have_ friends,” she emphasised. “I've also joined this book club where we discuss books. Only books that are written by women. Then I—I shop. Our neighbour, Mrs. Fairchild always comes over to give me those cookies she always bakes. I'm not that lonely, you know." 

That was still something. She guessed. Maybe one day her mother would find a nice man. Or who knew? Nice woman maybe. Not that she needed anyone to complete her, but Rey just felt like sex was so necessary after depending on it. "So you're okay, then?" she asked. 

"Yes, but you still need to come home more often!" her mother whined. 

Rey pinched the space between her brows. "I'll try. But flight tickets are not that cheap." 

"You need to get a job then,” she said, like it was so simple. As if the living cost was that affordable. 

"I _have_ a job in Oxford," she said. "A couple of jobs, actually. One, I... work at a coffeeshop as a barista." Actually, she was a bartender. "I also help my professors proofreading. Now that pays me sufficiently." That was true. She was surprised she even got offered. "But I also... like going to concerts?" 

"Rey, you need to save up your money," her mother chided. 

She couldn't help it. There were a lot of great underground bands performing there. And Brits' music hit her differently if she was being honest. Most performances there were raw and honest. She _couldn't_ help it. "I really couldn't help it," she confessed. 

Maybe it was good here to just have a talk with Mama. While Mama was still in a conversation mood. It was rare for her to be open or available when conversing. She was always distracted by something or not caring whatever the fuck she was saying. 

But still, she wanted to open up about something else too. She was torn about this whole Charlie situation. She knew she had to stay away. There was also part of her that felt the need to tell Nicole what happened and just apologise but another part of her felt like this was not her place to tell. But it wasn’t like Charlie was going to tell his wife either. 

Still, it was equally bad to keep Nicole in the dark. She knew Nicole had to know the truth but her conscience told her that it was not her place to tell. It had to come out from Charlie’s mouth, not hers.

No, the only thing she needed to do was stay away from him. Let it be a mistake she did once. She couldn’t turn back the time and avoid doing that but she could however not repeat the mistake. She should avoid the Upper West Side, maybe. Just hang around Brooklyn. Hell, she would move to fucking New Jersey. 

Of course she couldn’t tell her mother any of that. She wanted to repair her relationship with her mother, not ruin it. 

* * *

Walking around Brooklyn made her realise something. She always thought Oxford was home to her and was always reluctant to come home to New York. She was born and bred in England, but she grew up in New York. Being in Oxford got a little lonely, even when she was surrounded by friends and good music and basically, she was free there.

Surprisingly, she still did miss her mother. That was when she learned that the _people_ were what made a place a home. Home wasn't a place. It was the people. 

Great, now she felt like belting out _People_ by Barbra Streisand like she was in Glee or something as she leaned against the stanchion on the subway train. Death by a Thousand Cuts blared from her earphones. She let Taylor Swift’s voice lull her until she felt like the main protagonist of some indie movie and this would be included in the trailer. 

She was staring out the window, the train slowly passing by the buildings in the daylight until they all became just a blur. In all honesty, she was not even sure where she was going and what was the reason she hopped on this train. All she knew was that she kind of missed this city and she wanted to be reminded again why she loved this city and what did she miss. What had changed either from the last time she was here? Was her favourite kebab place still where she always went to? 

The train entered a tunnel before coming into a halt, arriving on one of the platform stops. Now she was just staring into the distance, too absorbed in some movie that never existed that was playing on her mind. But when the movie ended all of the sudden, turning into darkness, that was when she realised that there was a solid chest blocking her view from the window. Invading her space. 

She frowned and was about to give a dirty look to the person when she saw... _him._

Her lips parted in surprise and she almost tripped as she backed away. When she tried to steady herself, reaching towards the stanchion when the doors were closing and the train started moving tumultuously. She almost lost her balance, unable to latch onto the stanchion but thankfully she _guessed,_ Charlie was quick to catch her, pulling her close until her chest was flushed against his, the warmth of his body radiating her body. 

She panted, finally able to wrap her hand around the stanchion, standing on a moving train. Her mouth watered as she caught a whiff of his strong cologne, the same cologne he used the other day at the party. It was basically his signature scent at this point. God, she hated how much she loved how he smelled like.

Right. The party. Last week. The illicit incident. 

She quickly tore herself off his chest, backing away from him. 

Charlie just smirked at her lazily. "Rey," he acknowledged with a nod. She took out her earphones and kept them in the pockets of her coat. "Thought I had to wait a week until I got your number. Was really debating with myself whether I should just ask your mother for your number. Or ask anyone, really. But I need to get it from you. Just so you're fine with it. Or maybe I'll just give you my number." 

"I _have_ your number," she hissed. Even with the sound of the train screeching, he could still hear her. 

He looked genuinely surprised _._ “Do you now?” Seeing him again really reminded her just how massive he was. He took up most of the space here.

She inhaled, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, from the building group chat. You might have moved away but you’re still in the group.” Fucking old man. “And don’t think you could find my number there. I never said a thing in the group chat and I made my photo private for people whose number I saved.”

He huffed a laugh. “You didn’t save my number?” 

“No,” she answered swiftly. “But I still know because people refer to you in that group.” 

“And you _never_ thought to use it?” he tested. 

A snort escaped her lips. “Please.”

Charlie placed his hand on the stanchion that she was holding onto, right above hers. His pinky brushed against gloved hand subtly. That one small movement and she was already affected as she took a sharp intake of breath.

“You know, that’s probably the best idea,” he said with a shrug. “You shouldn’t use that number anyway, it’s sort of a… business number.” 

A business number, or just the main phone and he actually had a secret burner phone to use for his other conquests? She glared up at him, her brows knitting together. "What, you got another phone or something?” she retorted, not that she cared if he did. 

He swallowed, looking down at his shoes. "It's sort of a... private phone." 

"Ah." She nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. "Your _booty_ phone. So Nicole wouldn't find out." 

He sighed. "Look, Rey, I know how wrong this is—” 

"Yeah, because you’re—you're _married,"_ she interjected accusingly, hoping no one could hear her. But this was New York. No one cared.

"You didn't sound like you care at the party?" he gnarled.

“I know I’m not that much of a saint,” she hissed, chewing the inside of her cheek. “But there’s not going to be a second time. That first time? I slipped and I won’t do it again.” 

Charlie just seemed unconvinced and she hated that because he knew he was right. He knew his effect on her and that her temptations wouldn’t last. She knew she couldn’t fight this long.

They both felt it—what happened last week. 

“You slipped,” he echoed, letting out a bitter laugh. 

"Why are you in Brooklyn, Mr. Upper West Side?" she snapped, not meaning to sound bitter as she changed the subject. 

"My company is still in Brooklyn, sweetheart." 

Heat flushed her cheek when she heard the endearment. Right. Of course. So she still had to bump into him. Now she was just counting the days until she could go back to university after about a week of being in Brooklyn.

She found herself backing away when he stepped closer to her. 

But he kept inching closer to her, bending lower until he could whisper in her ear. "You know, I couldn't stop fucking thinking about it. You and..." His breath grew ragged, "that _dirty_ mouth, that tongue, and your little hands were all I think about. And your fucking voice. Fuck. I could just come just by thinking about your accented voice." 

She drew in her breath, her face heating up. He hadn’t pulled away yet, his breath was still hot on her ear. "Don't... talk to me like that," she gritted, turning her head to the side. "It was a _mistake."_ Yeah, she was in denial but while she could still put up a fight, she would. 

A small chuckle emitted his throat. "You were into it too," he stated coolly. "Bet you could still taste my cum on your tongue." 

She shoved his chest but he barely budged. “Fuck off,” she hissed, not wanting to create a scene. Then with a normal tone, she said, “I told you, it was a one time thing. It’ll _never_ happen again.” 

"Right, whatever helps you sleep at night,” he mused. God, she just wanted to wipe that smug face off his face. How could his cockiness look so hot? It just suited him so well, which she despised. 

"It _was,”_ she pressed, building up this wall as her way of self preservation. “You're a cheating snake." Like he said, whatever helped her sleep at night.

"It took two to tango, Rey," he sang condescendingly, the brush of the tip of his nose against her neck sent shivers down her spine. 

With him, she just really couldn't say much because he knew she wanted him. If she spoke up now, he would hear her whimper.

"Don't be afraid," he murmured, his lips grazing her ear. "I feel it too." 

_"You're_ afraid," she argued. "Why else would you still be married?" 

"You'll be begging for my cock after we fuck," he stated like a promise, "I'll _ruin_ you. Make you think about me for days just like how I can't stop thinking about you." 

The grip she had around the stanchion tightened as she subtly rubbed her thighs together. "Fuck you," she spat just for him and only him to hear. 

"Well, I'd love to, actually," he witted, nipping her ear. 

She inhaled sharply, clenching her teeth. Shutting up. Her shoes scraped the floor when she tried to seek for friction between her legs. He really had no right affecting her this way with his deep voice and filthy words. 

Basically _him,_ in general. 

It was confusing how presence could be both obscene and calming at the same time. Calming as in, she felt safe when she was around him. 

"This is my stop," she stated, waiting for the train to halt. She had no idea what station this was but then again, she didn’t even have a plan on where to go. Just spontaneously hopped on the train.

As she shoved him off of her, his commanding voice and his hand locked around her elbow stopped her. "Wait." 

She turned to him, looking at him expectantly. "What?" 

He hesitated, just letting his eyes roam over her, never letting go of her arm. But he finally dug into the pocket of his coat as he rummaged for something before he took out a pen. He then pulled her right arm towards him, making him frown. His hand was searing when it was wrapped around her entire arm, emphasising how massive he was.

“What are you doing?” she asked as he pushed the sleeves of her coat to her elbow, clicking his pen. 

When he began scribbling on her arm with his pen, she gasped at the tickling feeling. She could see he was writing some digits. 

"My number,” he explained, frowning at his handiwork. She shuddered when he blew on her skin so the pen properly dried. “If you want to contact me, call me there." 

"Do you do this all the time?" she quipped, pulling her arm away from his vice grip and smoothing down her sleeve to cover her arm. "Do you only have this number for all of your booty calls?" 

That seemed to push his buttons when he let out an exasperated sigh, clicking the pen close and keeping it in his pocket. "Rey, don't— you know that's not true,” he convinced her.

Deep inside, maybe she _did_ know that. But as of right now, she couldn’t trust her conscience yet when her lust for him could have affected her right now. Blurring the line between right and wrong. 

"What's true then?" she huffed, sensing the train about to halt any minute now before she heard the automated voice announcement, warning everyone to please step away from the door on the right as the train was about to arrive at the next station. 

"You and I, we have an inevitable going on,” he said in a way that convinced her because he seemed so sure of himself. "I know you feel it too. Because _I_ feel it." 

The train gradually stopped, causing some turbulence that led her to latch onto the hanging strap above her. "Go back to your wife,” she spat. And then the door opened behind her to which she immediately headed out.

Now she had to figure out where the fuck she was or maybe she should just catch another train. 

* * *

Miraculously, the digits on the back of her arm barely smudged like he fucking tattooed his phone number on her skin.

She kept staring at the digits on her arm while she was lying on her bed. Admiring his handwriting even though they were just numbers and he scribbled them on her arm. 

_You know, Rey, this wouldn't be complicated if you just smudge off the ink and go to a bar right now, fuck some rando from the fucking bar,_ her conscience said. Maybe that would be a good idea. She should call up Rose, Kaydel and Jannah just to catch up. 

But she _didn't_ feel like going out. She didn't want some random dicks that weren’t bent nicely like Charlie’s. All she wanted was Charlie's.

_Fuuuuuuuck._

She rolled in her bed and buried her head in the pillow, screaming into it. God, she hated men, She hated men so much but she also needed them. 

The bathroom was just right outside her bedroom and all she needed was to scrub her arm with a soap. Then never look back. 

Now she was forever haunted after having a little taste of him, hungry for him all the time. Knowing no men can compare to him. Knowing that no one would fill her the way he could even though his cock had only been in her mouth, knowing no voice could send her to the edge like his, knowing no lips could be as searing as his. 

As she closed her eyes, she was transported back to the bathroom incident and she could still feel his lips on her skin, his groans in her ear, his hands everywhere on her. Knowing her mother had already gone to sleep, she went under the covers and her right hand—the one with the scribbles on her arm—crept down to her center.

She imagined his deft fingers were the ones on her clit right now and not hers. Imagined it was his hand that was trailing from her neck to her breast right now. She started circling her fingers on her clit while biting her lip hard, seeing his face in her head. 

The orgasm was already building inside her just from that barest hint of touch, which showed how sensitive she was just by thinking about him. No man had ever affected her the way he could. She recalled how he chanted her name over and over and cussed when she had her mouth around him, no doubt he would groan her name if he was pounding inside her right now, bottoming out and then fucking her hard. 

Even just by flicking her clit she was already on the brink of coming, which never happened before. It usually took her a longer time, sometimes never, to come.

_“Charlie!”_ she screamed out loud as her body was shaking and she fell apart, her cum seeping her sheet. That was the most intense orgasm she ever had, her legs didn’t even feel like her legs as she quivered. 

As she tried to catch her breath, drenched in sweat and cum, she looked at her arm. The pen ink was still there, only slightly smudged but the digits were still obscure. She shouldn’t trust herself to make a decision right now, she was still so fucking horny. But—

Her left hand reached for her phone, the light flickered by the screen hurting her eyes as she squinted. Fuck this. Using the flashlight from her phone, she copied his number on her phone before she saved the contact as **Ghost.**

Technically, if she would do this, he would be a ghost. No one had to know about them and what they would do with each other. They would fuck, then afterwards they would jusr disappear off from each other as if what happened between them had never happened. She would only see him in the dark or away from everyone else. 

It just fit. 

She knew she shouldn’t but finding out the man she had always fantasised about also felt the same way that she felt, even if he was unavailable, it just shrouded her judgment. She would risk it — just for a _little_ taste in the dark. God, she would let him do her seven ways to Saturday. 

With trembling hands, she tapped on Message under the Ghost contact and began typing. 

> **Is there somewhere we could meet?**

It was vague but she needed to know whether he would know this was her. 

Her breath hitched as she saw the bubble chat popped up, showing that he was typing. That was fast, she had _literally_ just sent the text. 

It took some time for him as he texted and paused and texted again. Either he was hesitating or he kept erasing as he made typos while he looked for the letters he needed to use on the keyboard using his fat fingers on a phone too small for his inhumanly massive hands like an old man he was. 

Her heart stopped beating for a minute when he finally replied.

> **Of course there is, Rey.**

She bit her lip as warmth seeped all over her to see her name on the message. It was the way he was confident this was hers, not a wrong number or someone else he knew who might change their number. That he would risk it, typing out her name and sending it.

> **It'll be just once.**
> 
> **To get it out of my system.**

> **And then we're done. I'll**
> 
> **delete your number.**

> **Anything you want, sweetheart.**
> 
> **I'll text you the address.**

She was about to put down her phone when her phone vibrated again, receiving another text from him. 

> **What are you doing right now?**

It was the way that text was both cringeworthy and funny coming from a man like him made her snort. Of course Charlie Barber knew how to text like a fucking asshole. It was kind of _nice_ that he didn’t want the text to be over though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re going ✈️ Room 93 (Halsey reference)


	4. Hold Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine_
> 
> _I'm helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The... **penetration** muahahaha

They promised to meet at a hotel in Queens of all places. 

Brooklyn and Queens weren't that far away but the good thing was that her mother never really went to Queens. Mostly she liked to just stay in Brooklyn. She worked in Borough Park anyway until late evening and she wouldn't ever go to Queens late at night. 

Or _anywhere,_ really. 

As for Nicole? She wasn't sure. But she didn't want to think about it. She would be in LA, according to Charlie, while she'd told her mother she was going to meet and catch up with a couple of friends out at some bar. While really, she just had a dick appointment. 

They'd texted for almost a whole week before they agreed to meet here on a Friday for a proper fuck. After the first time she texted and didn't reply, he texted her again the next day in the afternoon. Just asking about how she was doing and whether she had eaten. She ignored his texts. When he texted her that night, only then she replied when she was feeling horny. 

Nothing about the _'what are you wearing'_ and ‘ _what are you doing right now_ ’ shit anymore. She just straightaway asked, "What are you gonna do when we meet?" 

Apparently Charlie knew how to sext because his replies made her whimper.

Their text messages were full of debaucheries until one time her mother caught her blushing as she read one of the messages, which was fucking embarrassing. Never had someone known exactly what to say to make her all hot and bothered the way he could. He better make promises of his own words because holy fuck, she _needed_ that. 

Charlie was already at the reception where pink lights were flickering above them when she arrived at the hotel through a cab, wearing his large brown coat for his large body with dark jeans and—are those Adidas trainers? He really looked like a dad all the time and this was the man she would worship for. 

This was actually a nice hotel in Downtown Flushing for a one night fuck, although she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be fucked in a motel either. The floor at the lobby was fully carpeted and the reception counters each were made out of a rock — or designed to look like a rock. The purple velvety seats they offered for guests to sit and wait at the nook of the lobby weren’t filled by anyone. In fact, there weren’t a lot of people here in the lobby, minus two guests that were standing behind Charlie. This whole place kind fit the vibe of Flushing, Queens in her head. 

It came off as a surprise that they were meeting here because she thought they were going to do it in a motel room like high schoolers after prom because it was more low-key _maybe._ They could get away with it. Honestly she was clueless about this whole affair thing. Was a hotel too high class for an affair or was it appropriate? Was a motel too cheap? Where would people who wished to commit infidelity always want their clandestine meetings to be at? 

She could see he was using cash to pay for the room before she looked away. That was a good idea anyway, his wife could trace the credit card. Oh god, she was about to fuck a married man while being sober _and_ sound mind. This was a bad idea, wasn’t it. 

Speaking of cash, she should definitely ask him how much she should have to pay. They needed to split the bill so she felt less like a prostitute. Not to disrespect the sex workers, she very much respected them. But she wanted to fuck him for the sake of fucking him, not to get _paid._

Although—

When Charlie’s eyes roamed around and he saw her briefly, he nodded in acknowledgment. She took it as a sign as she walked towards the elevator hall to wait for him there, standing there and fixing her hair when she saw a mirror on the wall. She smoothed down her mini halter sundress under her undone black coat, wondering if she was trying too hard at this with her ankle strap wedges she was wearing. 

Her phone vibrated and she checked to see there was a text message from him. 

> **913**

That must be the room number. She pushed the elevator button and entered the elevator shaft when the doors opened. An adrenaline rush surged inside her from the thrill and anxiety she was feeling as she pressed on the **9** button. Honestly, what the fuck was she doing? 

This was a fucking bad idea but her stomach was coiling with anticipation. 

She didn't even get to close the door when the automated doors stopped closing as a hand slipped in between, gripping it. Her anxiety went up as she remembered that scene in Final Destination but the automatic doors just slid open normally. 

It turned out to be Charlie who stopped the doors from closing. Her brows cocked up, seeing how broad he was that he was literally the size of the entire elevator door frame. He looked at her with wild eyes as he entered the elevator shaft and pushed the close button aggressively behind him. 

Broad man incoming. Big, _big_ man. Huge. Massive. Even when she was wearing platform wedges and her height was slightly _above_ average, he was still so much taller, towering over her. He looked like he was ready to pounce as the automated doors were finally closing while she backed away until her back met the wall. 

There must be a surveillance camera here — oh, there wasn't. How fucking convenient. What the fuck kind of hotel was this? There was not _one_ hotel she had been to that didn't even have a surveillance camera in the elevator — although she had only been to a handful of hotels only during special occasions. Why the hell was she even complaining right now? It should be a good thing if he wanted to make out with her here _oh, hello—_

Her trance was cut short when he just scooped her up in his arms against the wall by circling his arms around her hips before his mouth was on hers. It was a hungry and intense kind of kiss where he channeled every bit of his desperation and how much he missed her in this kiss. 

She let out a whine, locking his hips with her thighs. As much as she hated to admit this, she did miss this — she did miss his fervent kiss and the taste of his mouth. Her fingers threaded in his soft hair, pulling him closer to her.

"I'm so glad you're here," he breathed out against her lips. 

She was heaving, her eyes were closed when they pulled apart. She could feel his forehead nuzzling on her shoulder, making her smile. _I'm glad I'm here too,_ she thought, though she wouldn't admit it out loud. 

Maybe this was wrong and they could hurt other people. Maybe this would end up badly and she would regret this. But at this moment, she couldn’t find it in her to care. It was easier to just live a one night of pretence and satiate her cravings for him. She could just face the consequences _tomorrow._

The elevator made a _ding_ sound, announcing their arrival on the ninth floor, which was their floor. _Their_ floor. What a weird thing to say. He took her hand as he led her to their room, interlacing their fingers together. Her brows scrunched together as she stared at their hands together, fighting the confusion away from her mind. 

She convinced herself that this was just going to be a simple fuck. No feelings. No strings. Nothing. 

Right. That reminded her — she needed to talk to him. Yes. Definitely. Talking was good. 

He grinned at her when she glanced at him while they were standing in front of their door room. The moment they went inside, that was it. Her conscience was completely out of the window. He swiped the card through the reader and pushed the door open when it was unlocked. 

“Here we are,” he said as they entered the room.

It was a nice room actually, although she was kind of anxious that the bathroom right in front of the entrance door was only covered by glass walls. She could see her reflection on the mirror since the bathroom sink was facing the entrance door. The good thing was that the toilet was at the end of the room away from the bed. She couldn’t believe she was worried about this. From the bed, the shower place was exposed, only covered by the glass. 

Definitely a room for either a couple or one person. Anyone you wouldn’t mind letting them see you shower.

Not that she was planning to take a shower here. She was just here to—to _fuck._ Then go straight home. Maybe. She should see where things were going. 

Adjacent to the entrance door was the dresser and a chair where the mini bar was too. She placed her purse there and grabbed the complimentary bottle of water when she suddenly felt dehydrated, reluctantly letting go of Charlie’s hand. There was a mirror on the wall above the dresser and a TV mounted so close to the ceiling next to it, facing the bed. It was just one long room basically, but still kind of spacious. 

After downing almost half of the water bottle, she placed it back on the dresser. She took off her wedges and left them on the marble floor of the room’s entryway while she walked on the carpeted floor. Revelling the softness of the tufted carpet under her feet after walking in those painful wedges. She took off her coat and folded it nicely over the chair at the dresser. 

Now that she was getting more comfortable after taking off her wedges and coat, she strode towards the window next to the bed. It was a pleasant view of Queens since this hotel was the tallest building around this area. The sun was almost setting as the sky was spreading into a splash of orange and pink hues before her eyes as she tapped on the window a couple of times. 

She turned to see that Charlie was already sitting on the bed with his hands gripping the edge of the bed on each of his sides, watching her. He had already taken off his brown coat, wearing a red button down shirt. Concern was written all over his face but he hid it well as he cocked his brows at her. Smiling at her playfully, knowing exactly what they were going to do. Her chest ached at how beautiful and young he looked right now, slanted by the yellow sun. 

"Come here," he murmured, splaying his legs open. Those fucking _rideable_ thighs that she wanted to ride so badly. Even though he was only whispering his command without gesturing to her where to sit, she just _knew_ what he was asking of her. 

She barely moved, though. Just stood there, leaning her back against the window. "We need to talk first before—before we further this," she stated, attempting to sound as concise as possible. It was kind of difficult from the way her heart was thumping against her chest and her knees were wobbling since he was staring at her like that. She was sure she sounded like she was trembling.

What was he doing to her? 

He straightened his body and crossed his arms. That just made his biceps even _bigger._ "Okay,” he said tersely, sounding calmer than her. Did he know that she was feeling all hot and cold? That her heart was racing? And her palms were clammy? And her whole body was blazing? All because of him?

"We need..." She blew out her breath and ran her fingers through her hair. "We need to make things clear first. Draw the lines, maybe. I don't know." She looked down at her feet, unsure how to do this since this whole thing was still strange to her. 

He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. "I agree." 

“I feel the need to tell you that I’ve never done this before though,” she confessed. God, she had a feeling tonight wouldn't be the _only_ night and she was just fooling herself if she said this would be once. Once she got the taste of him, she knew she'd beg for more. As much as she hated to admit it. 

“What, having sex?” he mused. How was he acting so nonchalant about this? God, she wished.

“Being involved with a married man,” she explained. 

“Ah,” he said, swallowing. “I don’t know if it makes you feel better but I’ve never done this either. Planning to do this behind my—yeah.” 

She winced, biting her lip. “Obviously strings attached," she stated confidently. 

He tilted his head to the side, smiling. “Obviously,” he conceded. “Anything else?” 

She groaned frustratedly. "We'll talk about the details later. I can't— I just simply can't _think_ when I'm around you." 

He chuckled. "I agree with that too." 

Why did he have to be so fucking beautiful? She hated him _and_ herself. That was how she got into this situation in the first place anyway. Hating him for being able to affect her this way and hating herself enough to fall for it.

"Now come here," he ordered, stricter this time. Giving her those bedroom eyes. He was right, they should just rip off the bandaid now. 

Slowly, she did what she was told until she was at an arm's length from him. 

"Closer," he beckoned, his voice was so low, it sent shivers down her spine. 

She, a fool, was happy to obey as she flitted towards him. 

His eyes raked from her face to her body, taking his time. When his fingertips touched the skin on her leg, she found herself struggling to breathe. He ran his fingers along the outer side of her thigh, until they reached the hem of her dress, lifting her skirt up. Letting the air kiss more of her skin. 

It was just a fleeting touch, careful and teasing. But it was enough to make her wet, slick pooling the gusset of her panties. His fingers kept trailing higher, towards the waistband of her thongs (which she only wore for _this_ occasion.) 

With a devious smile, he hooked his thumb under the waistband. It was all so painfully slow that her breathing grew ragged from the anticipation. He really took his time as he slid her panties down her legs until they dropped on the floor. 

She kicked them off her feet before she rested one of her knees on the edge of the bed between his thighs, folding it as she neared him until her knee grazed his bulge that seemed to strain the seam of his trousers. 

Charlie clenched his jaw, glancing up at her warningly. She just smirked at him as his hands reached up to her nape to tug the bow of her halter dress to undress her. The dress dropped around her ass where she had to unbind the tie around her waist. His eyes darkened as he gazed at her tits that were covered by a strapless push up bra. 

Part of her was self conscious about her body. She had always been proud of her body but somehow, under his stare, the insecurity crept inside her. Were her tits too small for him? She was feeling like that 16-year-old girl with a crush again. That 16-year-old who used to always compare herself to Nicole Barber whose body was shaped like an hourglass. 

Why was he here with her, looking at her like she was the only girl in the world? 

Fuck, why did she have to think of Nicole right now? Guilt caused her stomach to churn although her fervent need for him transcended her guilt. 

His hands were back on her body, along her side. He was touching her all over her body meticulously, like he was afraid he could hurt. She didn’t realise that his hands had manoeuvred their way to her back, unfastening the single hook of her bra. 

A slow grin appeared on his face as he tossed her bra to the floor, circling his arms around her hips. She liked how playful he could be until she slowly relaxed. He pulled her towards him and tipped his head to kiss her. 

They kissed slowly like they had all the time in the world until her head started spinning. He took the chance to loosen the tie around her waist until her dress glided to the floor before his hands splayed on her hips. 

When they broke apart, she watched as he pulled back to gawk at her body. "You're so..." he trailed off, wetting his lips and gripping her hips in a vice grip. 

She was glad he didn't finish the sentence. 

A yelp escaped her lips when he picked her up flawlessly by wrapping his arm around her waist. basically throwing her on the bed. With _one_ hand. 

The glint in his eyes was so dangerous as he climbed over her. He was so wide that she had to spread her legs so wide just to be able to accommodate him. It was then that she realised he was still fully clothed while she was writhing under him. 

Something about her being the only one naked while he was still fully clothed really spurred her on. Really showed that he was in charge here. (For now.) 

He tucked his head in the crook of her neck, kissing her there. From there, he began peppering kisses all over her body, trailing lower and lower. She arched her back when he kissed both of her breasts, closing his mouth and swirling her tongue on each of her nipples until she shuddered. 

“These fucking tits,” he murmured while she felt her slick dripping down between the cleft of her ass. Seeping the bedsheet. 

His fervour lips never left her skin, kissing her abs and her pelvic bones. The whole time, her cunt clenched as she waited for his mouth to finally touch her there. She was squirming and breathing hard, fighting the urge to just pull his head down. 

He seemed to sense her impatience when he splayed her legs open, hooking his arms around her thighs. A whine escaped her mouth when she felt his warm breath on her cunt. He softly nuzzled his nose on her labia, inhaling her scent. His eyes were closed as if he was really savouring this. 

When his eyes peered up to meet hers, her toes curled in anticipation. "You have a pretty cunt down here," he cajoled. 

She could only manage to mewl.

He licked up a hot stripe along the slit which made her hips buck. She immediately clutched the bedsheet as soon as he kissed and sucked her clit. "So small," he mumbled against her cunt. "Need to prep you up." 

"Uh—wh—" she stammered. The stimulation was too good. He knew how to put those lips to good use. Oh, his thick, plump lips. 

If she had just told her younger self that this was happening, she would laugh. _There is no way I could ever make Charlie Barber put his mouth on my—my—yeah._ That would be her reaction. Too shy to even say the word cunt or pussy. 

Look at her now. 

"Gonna put my finger inside you," he said, kissing her bundle of nerves. 

_Whatever, just do everything, please, please, please._

While his mouth was nibbling her clit, he inserted his index inside her by slowly pushing it until a gasp fell on her lips at the electrifying feeling. That was only one finger yet the sheer size felt like two of hers. "I'll let you know beforehand that I might not be gentle," he said against her cunt, "but for tonight, I'll be that for you. Only tonight." 

"I'm not fragile, Charlie," she assured him but her words were cut off. Maybe she spoke too soon because she whined when his digit entered her, already filling her up like no other. 

With _one_ fucking finger. 

He slid in his finger until it went all the way to his knuckle when he dragged it out just to push his finger back inside her again. It was torturous since he was dragging his finger in and out of her so slowly. Judging from his smirk, he knew what he was doing. He did that repeatedly until her back arched. 

"Fucking tight, baby," he murmured, and she watched his Adam's apple bobbed while he swallowed. He tore his lips off her cunt and climbed up her body until he was facing her. "So fucking wet. Could you take one more? Could you take two fingers, sweetheart?" 

She was eager to please him so she nodded, putting her hands on his back to feel his hard muscles. Her nails dug in his skin, drawing out a low sound out of his mouth. He really filled her up when he went inside her with two fingers at this point, stretching her out especially when he was making a scissoring gesture. 

It wasn't so bad since she was soaking wet, she might as well just take three. (Alright, she was pushing her luck.) 

As she got used to the feeling, Charlie started pushing deeper inside her and crooking his fingers like he was beckoning someone and she felt it. 

She fucking _felt_ it.

A sacred place no man had ever managed to find. She buried her nails harder in his skin so he kept doing it, bending his fingers like he was commanding something inside her by crooking and straightening and crooking his fingers again, while she gasped and screamed out, _"yes, yes, yes, right there, right there, right_ fucking _there.”_

He really was an attentive lover because he did what he was told and—

Oh fuck. She felt her stomach twisting, that feeling when she was on a roller coaster at the top before it rushed all the way down the avalanche. She knew exactly what this meant. "F-f-fuck, I'm about to- I'm about to come," she cried out. And then the next words rushed out of her mouth so quickly she didn't really hear what she was saying, _"DaddycanIcomeplease!"_

"Do it," he coaxed in her ears. "Come on my fingers." 

And she did. She just spasmed and gushed around his whole hand. It felt like her body just combusted and her soul came back into her body as she trembled. 

He slowly withdrew his fingers and sucked them in his mouth right in front of her, slurping like it was a watermelon ice cream in the summer while moaning. Her lips parted as she watched him, waiting for him to fuck her already. 

Charlie got off the bed, standing in front of her while he started undressing. Rey kept staring as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, teasing her by making her impatient before his bare body was revealed before her. She counted each mole that scattered all over his hard muscles. 

This man really had the audacity to have bigger boobs than _her._ Of course she'd always noticed his pecs, especially when hugged by his jumper but she had never seen what was _underneath._

There was a time when he was washing his car out in the fucking street by only wearing black tank top and she remembered almost having an aneurysm. She was a high school senior that time, blushing so hard as she quickly clambered inside the apartment before he could notice her, panting in the hallway. Afraid she might look him in the eye while he was like that. It would be too obvious that she had a thing for him. Groceries be damned. 

Looking at his body right in front of her, knowing he peeled off his shirt for her was so much better. Now she had the chance to actually _stare_ at him unapologetically. She was allowed to, was she? 

He took off his denim jeans next where she could see a very obvious bulge tenting the crotch area. Knowing the sheer size of his cock, she was starting to worry if it could fit inside her. Sure, he'd prepared her when he made her come earlier and she was a size queen but she had never been anyone as big as... _oh, there it was._ His red, veiny cock was whipped out of his briefs. The head of his cock was glistening, ready to fill her.

She knew he was going to ruin her for other men. 

Wait, he already did. 

Before she could contemplate anything, he was already on top of her, mouthing on her neck and her lips. There was no going back now. 

"Shit, wait," he cursed, lifting his body off her and gently straddling her hips. "Let me grab my condom." 

"I tested myself this week," she blurted out, stopping him. "And I have... implant." 

She already decided if she had the chance to fuck Charlie Barber, she knew damn well she wanted to forgone the condoms. She wanted to feel him raw. 

Apparently that startled him. Shit, had she just freaked him out? 

But he just exhaled. Quite audibly. "I'm... clean too,” he said. “I mean, I've only had sex with one person this past three ye... um, recently." 

Of course. Why was she feeling a pang on her chest? He wasn't hers. He would _never_ be hers. 

But maybe if she just could just try to pretend he was hers tonight. 

He crawled back on her and lowered himself onto her. His body pressed on her chest like a blanket. She'd never get over having his feverish weight on her. 

She watched as he situated himself between her legs, already hard as a rock and ready to enter her. 

Warm tears welled up her eyes when his hand placed on her cheek, getting her hair out of the way. It all just felt too intimate and she would rather he could just fuck her into oblivion now, maybe from her behind just so this could hurt less when it was over. No eye contact or anything. 

He lined his cock on her center until she felt the head of his cock along her opening. Smearing himself with her wetness while she bit her lip, stifling her moan. He hadn’t even penetrated her yet she already felt like moaning. 

No going back now. 

Both of them took a sharp breath when he pushed in daintily. She wasn't usually a fan of slow sex. She liked to just _go for it_ or else it wouldn't feel like a fuck, but instead more... lovemaking? So when he looked into her eyes, she looked away and tucked his head in the crook of her neck, closing her eyes. Just enjoying him entering her inch by inch. 

"Are you okay?" he asked in her ear, his arms basically imprisoning her. 

"Yeah," she panted. "You're just..." _Big._ But she didn't need to stroke that ego. Weird choice of words given the circumstances. 

"I'm only halfway in," he murmured. 

_Fuuuuuuuuuck._

When he finally settled inside her, thick and hot and full. So, _so_ full, she felt like she had just found nirvana. It really satiated every need that her body was craving for her whole life. His pelvis found hers and for a moment, they just stayed like that. Glued to each other. 

His soft hair tickled her nose a little. "You can—you can move now," she breathed against his hair, basking in his warmth. 

"Yeah, I just... need a moment," he choked out against her neck. 

She licked and bit her bottom lip, almost smiling. "Okay,” she said, nuzzling her cheek on his hair. 

Well, she was definitely _not_ prepared when he began pulling out just a little only to slammed back inside her, drawing out her hole. He was just getting started because soon he started to pound into her on the mattress until her head tilted to the back, squeezing her eyes shut and screaming out his name. 

She wasn’t exaggerating when she said he was stretching her wide. 

Keeping a steady rhythm of strokes, he lifted his head from her neck. "Fuck, you're so tight, baby,” he muttered gravelly. “You're really gripping my cock so good, baby, you know that?" 

She could only whine as an answer since his hard thrust bereft her of the ability to speak coherently. Wouldn’t even dare to open her eyes. 

His hand wrapped around her thigh when he folded her knee between their chests before he maintained his merciless thrusts. 

From this angle, it hurt even more, yet it hurt so _good._

Charlie really wasn't silent at all during sex like he usually was in the daily basis. At least, according to what she was able to listen downstairs from his apartment as he fucked his wife. He did grunt, but just those soft grunts. 

Right now, he was cursing and groaning out loud. She could only see white as her eyes rolled to the back while his voice caused her heart to plummet against her chest. One of her hands grabbed hold of his bicep while her other hand was on his pec.

She managed to meet his thrust after long, although weakly. 

He used his free hand to squeeze her jaw tightly, it might bruise her. 

_Gentle, my ass._

"Look at me, dammit, fucking look at me, Rey," he growled. "Look who's fucking you." 

She cried out but admittedly liked it—how rough he was. Her eyes automatically opened to see this beastly of a man, brutally pounding into her while his eyes were barely opened and his mouth made an o-shape. Some part of his hair was slightly soaked from his sweat. 

When his whole body started shuddering, she knew he was already on the brink of coming. 

But she wasn't there... _yet._

Except he already had something in his mind. He grabbed her leg that was folded between their chests and hooked it over his shoulder. The muscles around her thigh were cramping because he did that without a warning but then she felt his hand on her clit, immediately forgetting her pain and only focusing on what he was doing to her cunt with his cock and her clit with the pads of his fingers. 

He wanted her to come first. 

"Oh, Charlie—" she gasped out but her words were cut short, replaced with a sob when he pinched her clit. 

"Wrong name." 

"Huh?” she mumbled, running her hand along his pec. 

His thrusts were getting sloppier at this point but _he_ was unwavering. "Who am I to you?" he demanded, his voice was dangerously low. He slowed down his thrusts but the pressure and movement of his fingers on her clit was intensified. "Who's fucking you right now?"

This felt like a trick question but she wanted to come so bad. Her mind was fogging up with lust. "Charlie, please—" 

"I let you come earlier,” he tested her. “I'll only let you come again if you know how to be a good girl." 

A loud moan escaped her mouth. She was on the precipice of her orgasm that she could almost _grab_ it. "Charlie," she whined impatiently, not able to move much when one of her fucking knees was bent. 

"Come on, baby, you know exactly what I need,” he coaxed. 

The name was on the tip of her tongue yet she couldn’t say it. But when he angled his hips and quickened his thrusts, she found herself screaming out, _"Daddy!"_

He gave her that sinister grin. "That's my good girl."

As her reward, he made a circular pattern around her clit and fucked her with a more vicious cadence while she sang praises and flicked his nipple with her thumb. 

It didn't take long before she felt the orgasm jolted through her. The avalanche earlier was nothing compared to this, like a terrible itch that got scratched, only so much better. 

He removed his hand from her cunt and chased his own climax, letting out low throaty noises out of his mouth when she put down her leg from his shoulder and wrapped both of them around his waist. He gathered both of her hands and wrapped his hand around her wrists so tightly until they numbed before he finished off inside her. In an instant flash, she could have sworn she saw his eyes watered. 

It didn't feel like a one time thing. 

She didn't want to hold out hope but when he released her wrists to interlace his fingers between the fingers of one of her hands as he kept emptying himself inside her, filling the walls of her cunt, it felt kind of intimate. 

Either she was imagining it or he was really staring at her like she was the only one. 

He slipped out of her and rolled his body until he laid beside her, gathering her in his arms and holding her. It worried her because she let him even though she wasn't the cuddling type. They panted heavily, staring at the ceiling above them. At the vent. 

"So," he broke the silence. "Did that manage to get out of our systems?" 

They went for round two a while after that. He positioned her on all fours and took her from behind until she was a writhing mess. And then round three. And then four. Fuck, she couldn’t get enough of him and he also shared the same sentiment.

She had no idea how they ended up on the dusty carpeted floor, tangled between the sheets.

"I... I have to go," she said, getting up from the floor while Charlie was still lying there on the carpet, staring at the ceiling. She picked up her coat after putting on her dress, her eyes wandered around the carpet. "My mother might wonder where I am. Now where the fuck are my panties? Weren’t they on the floor somewhere?" 

She sighed when she watched Charlie smirking up at her while twirling her thongs around his finger. "These are mine, now," he snickered. 

"Whatever, I need to pee," she huffed. 

"Right. Want to avoid UTI, yeah?" he mused. 

* * *

She was washing her hands when she looked at herself in the mirror. Scrutinising herself. She looked like a mess with her tousled hair, her bruised lips after kissing too much, and mostly her wild eyes. This was the face of a woman who had just slept with another woman’s man.

Fuck.

She emerged from the bathroom to see Charlie had slipped on the hotel robe. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, tapping his knee. He looked at her while the corner of his mouth twitched a little. "Hi," he said. 

"Hi," she said back. She gathered her stuff and walked towards the door. "Look. Just don’t—don’t call me, okay?" 

His brows cocked up. 

"Let me call you first," she said hurriedly, smiling. "I need a little… space. You get me?”

His eyes softened as he nodded, pressing his lips together. He opened his mouth but before he could say anything, she was already out of the room. No goodbye kiss or anything. 

It was all too personal for a no strings attached thing and she was already so confused with everything about this whole arrangement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might sound pathetic (ha, jokes, I _am_ pathetic), but please, pretty please, comment and kudos. I’m so desperate. You’re so sexy aha 👉🏼👈🏼
> 
> Also, the fact that I wrote a lot of these last year including the “watermelon ice cream” part (thanks to my visit to Singapore’s Universal Studio and sweat my ass off that i indulged myself with some heavenly watermelon ice cream) before Watermelon Sugar came out... whew, I share braincell with Harry Styles.


	5. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I know you're dying to meet me,_
> 
> _But I can just tell you this,_
> 
> _Baby, as soon as you meet me,_
> 
> _You'll wish that you never did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t resist updating :’)  
> Don’t forget to interact with this crack (kudos, comment)
> 
> Also, we’re introducing my boy, Hux hehehe. (But Charlie will appear in this chapter, obv)

"Good afternoon, did you make a reservation?" 

Ah _fuck._ She smoothed down her dress that she had hoped could convince the man on the front desk to let her in the club. She'd promised to be here. Black dress usually let her in mostly everywhere. 

"I'm meeting someone here," she said with clarity and her best assured voice. “I’m Rey Johnson.”

"Oh," the man said, frowning as he searched for her name on the list. "Under your name or his?”

“His.” 

“What's his name?" 

Usually when she said the name, they would laugh at her. A fucking celebrity who happened to be her childhood best friend. But she tried anyway. "Armitage Hux." 

He threw her an amused look. "Right." 

_Happens all the time._ She let out an exasperated sigh, wanting to call this bastard but he never answered his goddamn phone. "Man, please, I'm supposed to be—" 

"Trooper, would you _please_ let Miss Johnson in,” she heard her best friend’s voice. “She's with me." 

_Finally._

She shot the front desk man with her triumphant look, so close to sticking out her tongue when Armie dragged her inside the club lounge. "I love it when you use that scary voice you like to make," she said with a cackle, hugging his arm. 

"Now, now, don't embarrass me," he hissed, shaking his head, leading her to his table, the one near the window that faced the golf course, obviously. 

"What took you so long?" she whined before she sat down in front of him. 

"Why didn't you call?" he shot back.

Her jaw dropped open. "You never answered my phone, you dick," she exclaimed in disbelief. 

"I meant by whistling at me," he mused, rolling his eyes. 

The thing about Armie was that he wasn’t funny when he made jokes. He was always funny when he had no intention of being funny. 

"What are you even doing back in town?" she asked, ignoring his stupid joke.

"I'm a busy man, Rey,” he said with a sigh like he was running the fucking country. Okay, he would still act the same if he was running the country based on the current people that were in the government. “I can fly wherever I want and whenever I want. I got a lot of companies to manage, you know that.”

"Whatever," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "Just say you miss me." 

He squinted at her. "I hate to lie,” he said, making her snort. 

A fidgety waiter arrived at their table. "Hello and welcome," the waiter said tremblingly. “Is there anything I can fetch for you?” 

She clutched her chest, parting her lips. “Hello to you too!” she chirped, straightening her back when Armie let out a sigh. “Can I have a glass of Long Island iced tea and maybe a lie detector machine?” 

"Rey," Armie warned. 

“Uh—” the waiter seemed to flush as he mulled over his response. 

“Just Long Island iced tea is fine,” she told him with a smile. “Thanks.”

The waiter nodded eagerly and scurried away. 

Armie looked at her disapprovingly. "You think you’re so funny." 

"Uh, I am," she deadpanned, grinning at him. 

He just rolled his eyes. “When did you arrive here?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Two weeks ago?" she said, although she wasn’t sure. Searching her mind, she finally nodded. "Yeah. I think two weeks ago." 

"Are you staying with your mum?" he questioned. 

"Had to." She took a butter and ripped the foil open, grabbing one of the buns in the bread basket. Breaking the bun in half, she roughly dipped it in the butter before she shoved it in her mouth. 

While Armie looked at her in disgust. 

"Oh, fuck off, you pretentious hoot," she said with her mouth full. Just to annoy him. 

And he really gave her what she wanted by scrunching up his nose and looked like he wanted to puke. "Call my office number when you've finally learned to eat properly. Tell my secretary that.”

After swallowing her food, she patted the area around her mouth with the white napkin. She looked around and widened her eyes. "Did I just see Julia Roberts?" she gasped to Armie. 

"Could you drop that," he grunted. "So what do you want from me?" 

A server approached their table with her iced tea. 

"Thank you, love," she told the server before she took a sip. Glancing back at Armie, she grinned sweetly. "What makes you think I want something from you?" 

"You _called_ me," he stated. 

"Well, I'm in town, _you're_ in town." 

"How did you know I was in town?" he mused before it dawned on him.

They both said simultaneously,

"Your mother,” she answered.

"My mother,” he sighed. 

Armie nodded. His face always looked like he was constantly trying to hold a fart, which Rey was sure that always happened to him. He had too much pride to fart in public . 

"So,” he said. “What do you need?" And when he recalled what she always needed, he said exactly what she needed at the same time she answered him. "You want to use my dance studio." 

"I want to use your dance studio,” she said before she snorted. "We should stop doing that shit." 

_"You_ should stop,” he shot, reaching for his scotch.

Rey put up her hands in surrender. 

"Do you want to get your job back there?" he asked, sipping his drink. “You graduated?” 

She blew out her breath. "No, I still have another year but I’m staying here for two months before I start my classes. Can't I just use it during my break? I don't want to just stay at home." 

Or have the urge to booty call that hot piece of meat. 

Ew, why did she have to think it that way? She grimaced and thankfully Armie didn't seem to notice. 

"I know you want a job,” Armie said with a smile. “Proving to your mother you're independent and all that." 

"I don't _mind_ applying to be a pole dancer,” she said defensively. “I mean, hey, I get to work the night shift." 

"And get sexually harassed when some creepy men put their hands on you?" he tut.

"Aw," she said in a singsong tone, twirling her drink with the straw. "Nice to know you care." 

"You know I do," he said with a frown. 

That was just the way he cared. "I need to practice first. I don't really get to dance in Oxford.”

"Why not?" 

She forgot she was speaking to a fucking genius who could multitask in between his busy schedule. "Let's see. In the morning, I have to get to class and between classes, I help my professors proofread essays. When I'm done with class, I do my bartending job. At night, I have to do my assignment. Then when I have free time, I have to use that to satiate my sexual needs. Which is good for workout.” 

He gagged. "Why do you have to be such a fucking horny woman?" His face was always so entertaining whenever she mentioned sex. It wasn’t that he didn’t like sex, but he saw her like a little sister so it bothered him a little. "Instead of fucking some rando, you could just take the chance to dance. Jesus." 

"Was made this way," she said with a shrug. "Besides, I _do_ dance, you know. On the street. In my dorm room while I take a break from doing the assignments. Not everyone only thinks about work like you do. This is why I'm the cheery one and you're the grumpy one." 

"Kindly fuck off."

She offered him a flying kiss. "So, can I use the studio?" 

"Use it to practice for two weeks then maybe I’ll consider employing you." 

"Come on, Armie,” she moaned. 

"It's _Armitage,_ and take it or leave it." And then he did the thing businesspeople liked to do when negotiating where he leaned back in his seat and sipped his expensive scotch. All he needed now was a cigar or something. 

She gritted her teeth, looking out the window to see the golf course. "Alright, fine. Now let's go karaoke." 

He sneered. "Right." 

"I'm being serious,” she gasped. 

That made him look at her like she was insane. "You know I _hate_ karaoke. And filthy bars. I’m wearing a fucking Armani.” 

"Come on!" she whined. "This place is creeping me out." 

"It's an exclusive golf club lounge—" 

She was already standing up, grabbing her purse. 

* * *

"I hate you," Armie said through gritted teeth. 

"I love you too," she replied, pecking him on the cheek. Armie usually liked to sit at the corner booth but she dragged him in the middle of the room, one table away from the karaoke stage. Everyone that was in here had blank stares as they drank in silence since it wasn’t exactly rush hour right now. 

Armie downed his bottle of beer, looking around in distaste like everything was beneath him. They were all dirty peasants to him and he was the King there. Before he could take the seat, he wiped the chair with his wet wipe he had in the inside pocket of his expensive Armani suit. He took off the suit and carefully placed it on the head of the chair before he sat down while Rey watched him in amusement. 

That took around twenty minutes. 

Her eyes wandered around the place and was pleasantly surprised that the karaoke stage was used at this moment even though there weren’t a lot of people during this time. A woman on the stage was singing Don't Cry For Me Argentina in her flat voice while sniffling. Rey looked at the table beside her to see a couple of women staring and wincing at the singing girl, though they did seem like they were trying their best to support their friend. 

She _assumed_ they were friends. 

That was the beauty of a karaoke bar. No one had any idea what they were doing. No judgment. Everyone's mind was already blurred out by the alcohol. 

"I do _not_ want to sing," Armie stated clearly. 

"Well, _I_ do," she argued. 

"Then, why are you dragging me here?" he asked. 

"I don't like going to a karaoke bar alone," she said with a duh tone. She actually didn't _mind_ going alone. The chance of torturing Armie with her voice was too much of an opportunity to pass. "You like Nirvana, isn't it?" 

Armie frowned. "Why are you asking?" 

She just grinned. "Nothing." She walked up to the DJ next to the stage that controlled the music. "Hi!" she greeted. 

The person had a bored expression before he beamed the moment she smiled at him. His brows cocked up. 

"Do you have Doo Wop by Lauryn Hill?" 

At first he seemed distracted — by her plunging v neck dress — before he blinked distractedly and looked up at her. "Sorry, yes?" he stammered.

"Doo Wop," she repeated. "Ms. Lauryn Hill." 

His eyes widened in realisation when he spoke up. "Yeah! Yeah, we— we have that. Y-you can go up next. There aren't many people here anyway."

“Great!” she chirped.

* * *

When the beat dropped, her synapse immediately turned up. She looked at the small crowd in front of her while she clenched and unclenched her fist as she prepared herself, nodding at the group of women next to her table. 

Armie looked like he was wishing the bar would collapse at any moment. 

_"Yo, remember back on the boogie when cats used to harmonize like- yo, my men and women,”_ she started rapping like she was some Coyote girl and immediately regretting the song. _"Don't forget about the dean, sirat al-mustaqim."_

She knew she should be less enthusiastic when the crowd before her seemed all bored out of their mind. Most of them were just there to drink their sorrows and not socialise, but that just made it easier for her to be herself. No one was paying attention.

But then someone did let out a _whoop._ That was something, right? Gotta pump up for the crowd. Soon she was getting used to all this (she was a _little_ rusty alright), thinking she was conquering the crowd as she dropped the beat to the chorus when she was sure she was imagining it all. 

_"Guys you better watch out,"_ she sang while moving her hips while Armie palmed his face, shaking his head. _"Watch out! Some girls, some girls are only... about! That thing, that thing, that thing."_

So maybe this whole dancing was the product of a good dicking she had two nights ago. She was _less_ sore now, but still sore. 

_"That thing, that thing, that thing!"_ she sang, walking down the stage to sing it to Armie. She hopped on the table, shimmying her shoulders towards him while he was gathering the drinks in his hands so she wouldn’t drop and break any of them. 

Armie scowled, retreating back as she tipped his nose. 

Okay, maybe she was a _little_ tipsy.

By the time she was done, she handed the microphone back to the DJ while he just stared at her with wide eyes. 

"God, that was sick!" she said, huffing as she sat down drenched in sweat.

Armie just snorted. 

"Come on, it was," she protested, pushing her hair off her face. "Admit it. I'm the Queen of karaoke." 

"You stink. As in, literally. Not your singing. I mean, you. But seriously, rapping is not for you."

Rey just laughed and pinched his cheek. “Since you were a good sport, we can sit at the booth.” 

He let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” 

When they sat in the booth with their drinks in their hands, they were already having a staring contest. Armie was waiting for her to spill something. She was waiting for him to blink. 

He finally did. 

"You blinked!" she shouted victoriously. 

Whenever she was around Armie, she went back to being childish since she first met him when she was like 8 when they were both in the same ballet class before she moved to Brooklyn and he stayed in London. 

Yes, grumpy Armie took a ballet class and he was actually more graceful than her. 

They reunited when she was 14 and he was 16 when Armie’s family visited New York. Since their mothers were good friends, it was inevitable that they met up.

And then they reunited. He developed a little crush on her but, well, she was busy crushing on a fucking adult with a kid. Thankfully he moved on because they were better off as friends anyway. Texting buddies before Armie became a famous ballet dancer in New York after enrolling fucking Julliard while she went to law school in Oxford, funnily enough. 

Yes, he basically became a ballet expert at fucking 17, became a celebrity around the high class New York society after he graduated Julliard. After a couple of years, he finally opened up his own dancing academy for the undergraduates and his own dancing studio where she liked to spend her time at.

Here they fucking were.

He scrunched his nose. "Didn't realise that was what we were doing." 

Rey grinned. "I won, loser." 

It was a miracle that he still stuck by her. "Alright, come on. Tell me. What's going on?" 

She groaned, throwing her head to the back on the head of the seat. Even though Armie was a cynical, bitter, picky kind of a man, Rey _liked_ telling him things. And he didn't mind her telling him things. He always gave her honest answers without trying to sugarcoat things and not many people were immune by that. Rey very much preferred that. He would never disappoint her when she never really expected much from him. 

It was a perfect friendship they both had. To the outside world, he was a stuck up man but to her, he was… Armie. 

"I fucked a married man and I want to fuck him again," she confessed and then the word vomit just came out. "But he's unavailable. He's married. But I want to fuck him _again._ I want to keep sucking his cock and I want him to raw me all the time whenever he needs me and I want to cook for him and wash his clothes and have his babies and be on my knees whenever he's tired from work so he can use me. I want to push him around in his wheelchair after we make love as an old couple. And let me tell you, he would still know how to use that cock even when he's old and grey and rotting." 

Armie stared at her blankly, unaffected by her rant like it was nothing unusual. Honestly, what else would she expect of Armitage Hux? He leaned back, his fingers were tapping rhythmically on the wooden table. "Rotting?" he asked. 

She slammed the table with both of her hands. "Is that all you got?" 

"Is he an asshole?" he asked.

"I mean, he fucked me while he's married." Suddenly the memory of him taking her from behind appeared in the back of her mind, making her squeeze her thighs together. 

After their hotel shenanigan, she finally called him around a week later. They met up for coffee, attempting to stay lowkey. Then they met up in the mensroom and he fucked her in one of the stalls. 

Fucking good times. 

"You know his wife?" Armie questioned, snapping her back to reality. When he realised what she was thinking about from her expression, he scrunched his nose in distaste. 

“Yeah, she murmured, blushing. 

Armie clicked his tongue. "Yep. Asshole. Exactly your type." 

She dropped her head on the table. "I'm a whore!" 

"Great, can you shout it louder? I think New Jersey could hear you from here. Rey Johnson is a whore!" 

Rey lifted her head up and glared at him. "Fuck you." 

"Sorry, you're not my type." 

17-year-old Armie would laugh at him. She stuck her tongue at him.

"Uh-huh. That's very mature. Do you also do this to him? Maybe he just wants a daughter. Or fuck his daughter if he already has one. Daddy’s home. Oh god, he calls himself Daddy around you, does he?” 

"For fuck's sake!" she exclaimed, her face flaming up. In her defence, she was the one who called him Daddy first. "I get it! You are fucking disgusting, Armie!" 

Armie shrugged. "It's one of my finest qualities. Being so disgustingly honest." 

They were silent for a moment. Having another staring contest. 

"Ha!” he tut. “You blinked. Pay up, bitch." 

Rey scoffed at him. "Shut up." 

Then his eyes softened, sighing. "I'm sorry. Okay. I'm here now. I had a long day but I'm back now. Now, tell me everything. Not the fuckening. Just... your moments. How is he with you?" 

"I... I've always thought he's hot." She told him about the spilling wine accident. The part where he noticed her and told his wife. Those kinds of shit. "He gave me such a hard time when I offered to clean up.” She sighed then she told Armie when he finally gave in. "I noticed his room was kind of like a guest room? I checked out his things in the cabinet and not one feminine product was in sight." 

He shook his head sympathetically. "Rey..."

"I'm not trying to conjure up anything here," she tried to convince him pathetically. "It's just an observation. I know, I know, I had no business checking out his personal stuff but I'm a nosy bitch so sue me! I had a reason to snoop around his stuff, I was looking for something to clean up my mess.”

Armie shook his head. "Okay. Keep going." 

"When he entered the bathroom, I saw the mirror that he was… checking me out.Um, my ass." 

He shrugged. "You do have nice ass," he remarked nonchalantly.

"I know!" she exclaimed. She went on and on continuing her story and inserted a lot of horny things she thought about him, which made Armie gag, until she was done. 

By the time she was finished, Armie sighed. "How good was the sex?" he asked hesitantly. 

She scoffed. "You sure you wanna know?"

His face indicated that he would rather die but then he sighed. "Yes." 

"It was just _amazing._ He's a gentle lover. Attentive. And loud. And it was like we had this silent communication between us. We just... _clicked."_

"So you wanna do it again?" 

That was the real question there. She groaned. "I do. Want to do it for the rest of my life." 

Armie motioned for the waitress to come to their table, ordering another glass of scotch. "Even though he's married?" he asked.

Her temples pulsed. "I've slept with so many people. Well, not, like, many. But... just a number of times? And never have I orgasmed that hard." 

"Maybe because the thrill of having someone unattainable?" he offered. 

That sort of made sense. "So I should delete his number now?" 

He shrugged. "I think you'd do whatever the hell you want to do regardless of what I say. However, I’m obligated to tell you that it’s not worth it, Rey.”

The bastard was right. She covered her face with her palms, whining. “I hate this so much. Ugh, I know I should.” 

“Here’s your Johnnie Walker,” she heard the waitress’ voice. 

She dropped her palms and took out her phone with a heavy sigh. As if he knew what she was trying to do, Ghost called. Well, Charlie. She looked at Hux, panicked. "What do I do?" she asked, the phone almost slipped out of her palm. "It's him." 

"Answer if you want," Armie said casually. "Let's see what he wants." 

Contemplating her decision, she finally decided with _'oh what the hell?'_ when she tapped the green button. She would put it on speaker for Armie to listen but... maybe not. So she put the phone on her ear. 

"I thought this number is for _me_ to use, not you," she began, glancing at Armie. "You know, in case I need to." 

There was a soft chuckle on the other line. God, his laugh. Armie obviously could see it through her because he narrowed his eyes at her. She ignored him and just listened as Charlie replied. 

_"I couldn't resist,"_ he said lowly. _"Am I interrupting anything? I can hear some music."_

"I'm at a bar," she said sternly. "With a friend." 

_"Oh,"_ he replied. _"Should I call you later?"_

“You shouldn’t even call me in the first place,” she murmured. She sighed, gritting her teeth. “What do you want?”

_"To hear your voice. Though you sound quite annoyed. I’d take anything."_

She let out a bitter laugh. "Well, now you have it." 

His voice was purring when he said, "I couldn't stop thinking about you and your hot p—.” 

"Charlie," she cut him off, her face burning hot. 

_"The way you gripped my cock. Your small hands. Your fucking mouth around it. I can’t stop thinking about you, baby."_

It felt like her skin kept being pricked by some thorn as she rubbed her thighs together. She chewed her lower lip, already heaving. Wet. She was fucking wet.

Armie gagged. 

Right. He was right. This was wrong. "I think once... twice, er—thrice?—was enough," she forced herself to say, balling the hem of her shirt in her fist. She wasn't sure that time she blew him counted. 

Of _course_ that counted. 

There was a pause. His breathing was the only thing she could hear. Then after a few seconds of pause between them, he asked in his gentlest tone, "Do you mean that?" 

His voice seeped her nerves. "Charlie,” she whined. 

_"As much as I love my name in your voice, that's not what I want to hear. Tell me."_

"Oh, so I only need to say what I want you to hear?" she demanded. 

_"Just a yes or a no answer, baby.”_ His soft tone easily quelled her anger. Fuck, he knew exactly what he was doing. _“That you actually mean."_

Her hand went up to her mouth before she bit her nail. Bad habit, she knew that. "I'm deleting your number," she announced confidently, earning a lifted brow look from Armie. 

There was a breathy sound from the other line. She wasn't sure whether that was a sigh, or a bitter laugh. She didn't like either. 

_"Okay,"_ he finally said, almost daringly. Man knew he had a fucking magical dick. _"I respect that."_

Somehow she wasn't convinced. It was like he was playing a mind trick on her right now. He knew she would want it more if he didn’t argue with her. Fucking psychology. 

"Okay,” she said tersely. 

_"But just so you know,"_ he crooned. _"I'll still be here if you change your mind."_

"Well, don't wait,” she snapped. She was about to hang up when she remembered something. "Wait, hold on." 

Armie frowned at her. 

"Um, I still have to pay for... for the room. That we, um, stayed at?" Well, she didn't even stay. 

_"The room where we fucked?"_ Charlie asked nonchalantly. 

She clenched her jaw. "Yep." 

_"On me."_

"I'm not your prostitute,” she protested. 

There was a sound of his soft laughter that made her stomach rumble. _"Would it make you feel better if I tell you I stayed the night? You were there as my guest. I invited you in."_

Okay, that did make sense. "You stayed the night?" 

_"Yes. Alone. Having to still smell what we did in bed was... well, let's say, hard."_

She almost snorted at his double meaning. "Fine then." 

He hummed.

"I'm blocking you now,” she said, although she couldn’t even convince herself. 

_"Whatever you say, sweetheart."_

She immediately hung up, fighting the urge to dip her phone in Armie’s scotch. 

Armie looked at her inquisitively. "So?" he asked. 

She took a deep breath when she looked at Charlie's contact. Her thumb was looming on the red **'Delete Contact’** button as she mustered up her courage to just tap on it. 

When she actually tapped on it, her phone asked **“Are you sure?”**

Fuck, she wasn’t strong. She wasn’t strong at all.

Jesus, she was weak as fuck. What was this spell that he casted on her? She couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't shower properly (just standing under the water while it trickled down her skin). All she thought about was him. She couldn't sleep because she got so horny in the middle of the night for him and she didn't want to fuck anyone else. Not even masturbation could help her with that. She couldn't eat because she was either too full just thinking about him or so disgusted with herself for wanting him too much that made her so sick. 

She was fine before, just fucking some rando at the bar. Not thinking about any of them the moment she got out of the place they'd just fucked like they were so disposable. 

Obviously because Charlie wasn't just some rando that she could forget the next day. He was... _Charlie._ The man of her dreams, the one she'd fantasised since she was younger, the prince of her castle. Now he was more like the king of her heart, which was ridiculous. 

He wasn't even hers to begin with. He was never hers to begin with. 

No, he belonged to someone else. He belonged to Nicole, who had been nothing but nice to her. Well, actually, they never really talked. Obviously. She'd always been too young. Nicole was always awkward around her. Not sure why. 

Before this, she had a crush on Charlie because he was nice and protective of her and strong and sturdy. 

He was exactly her type. Or maybe he was the one that developed her type. She just realised that she was always attracted to the same type of men. She wasn’t picky when it came to women but when it came to men, she was always too specific. They had to have dark hair and long nose and broad shoulders and deep voice and fucking tall.

That took her long to realise that. 

It was official. She _was_ under his spell. 

"I was born to serve Charlie Barber," she mumbled distractedly. "Call me traditional but I would feed him, bathe him when he's dirty, wash his feet, suck his cock when he's tired. I'm just a hole. Literally a hole." 

"Fucking Christ," Armie swore. 

She groaned out loud, burying her face in her palm. 

"Is he that good looking? Uh... well-endowed?" 

With so much shame, she nodded at him. "Magnificent. Plus, he knows exactly how to use that fat cock. He's like..." She made her palms face each other as she slowly spread it out to emphasise Charlie's size, while Armie looked like he would rather die. "This big."

"Ouch," he winced. “I definitely didn’t need to know that, I don’t know why I asked.”

"It didn't hurt _that_ much," she said nonchalantly, although she was sort of lying. It hurt at first, but then she welcomed the stretch and soon it became heavenly. She squeezed her thighs together again. 

"Rey, you're fucking horny," Armie deadpanned. "Stop it. Not in front of me." 

Yeah, Armie was right. She always got out of control whenever she thought of Charlie. 

"I've just _always_ had a thing for him,” she said, biting her lip. “He is the man of my dreams since however fucking long. I mean, imagine if Rachel Weisz suddenly comes up to you and says that she wants to fuck to you to the oblivion." 

"So, this Charlie guy is your Rachel Weisz?" he asked flatly. 

"I don't know, I prefer Cate Blanchett,” she remarked.

Armie threw her a glare. "I don't think you can do it,” he said, leaning back. “Being away from him. If I ask you it’s a bad idea, you’ll want him even more. That’s just who you are.”

The smug asshole knew her too fucking well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession: There is another karaoke scene. _*hides under cover*_  
>  The sex may be lacking but wait til you see the next chapter.......... _*evil laughter*_


	6. Young God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He says, “Oh, baby girl, don’t get cut on my edges,_  
>    
>  _I’m the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon,_
> 
> _There’s a light in the crack that’s separating your thighs,_
> 
> _And if you wanna go to heaven, you should fuck me tonight.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this is so dirty (I mean, I haven’t written this kind of dirty) that I hesitate posting this chapter. God. Have mercy on me.  
> Mind the tags, lovelies.
> 
> Seriously, this whole chapter has elements of exhibitionism, I am _so_ sorry.
> 
> Charlie and Rey are kinky as hell, these dumb idiots can’t help it even though no one is supposed to know about them. “Secret? I don’t know them...”

This man was playing mind games on her. 

Charlie hadn’t texted her or called ever since that afternoon at the bar, which was two weeks ago. Yes, she should be glad because he was giving her what she wanted but she herself had no idea what the fuck she wanted. 

The whole time of the absence of him — whether it was his touch or his voice or his words through text — she had been resisting the temptations to text him or call him. But she had been picking up her phone every chance she had though, just to see if he had texted her yet. 

He was _ghosting_ her, fuck. 

And it was _working._ It had been bothering her a lot. 

Maybe he was busy. He was a dad, for fuck’s sake and he had a job. _She_ definitely needed to find a job too, she couldn’t just sit around even if she was on a break. So right now she had been distracting herself by helping her mother in the kitchen and running her errands. Buying groceries, among all things. Then on some days, she spent some time at Armie’s studio and practiced her dancing. She was a little rusty right now, but she was _trying_.

Of course the nights were the loneliest. She had curfews again since she was living with her mother. She tried dressing up slutily and going to the bar near her apartment (but not _too_ near that she might bump into her neighbours or anything). Two nights ago, she did pick up this guy from the bar but now that she knew how Charlie felt like, it wasn’t the same. 

Any of her friends would laugh if she told them that she no longer found sex pleasurable anymore. All she thought of when the rando took her to his apartment and let her ride his cock was, _“When will this be over?”_

So she resorted to… herself. It was just her and her fingers. Or pillows. Or her loyal companion, bullet vibrators. Just thinking about a certain plump mouth and big hands and soft grunts. Being back to her bedroom that she spent half of her life just reminded her of everything. Listening to his _“come on, come on my cock”_ upstairs while she figured out how to rub her clit, imagining that he was fucking her instead. 

That was probably a contributing factor to what she did the next morning. 

She grabbed her phone on her nightstand and scrolled to the letter G. Admitting her defeat after the thought of him drove her insane. 

The impact he had on her… she wasn’t strong at all.

**Let’s fuck. Now.**

And… sent. 

Surprisingly, he replied within _minutes,_ like he had been expecting this to happen. Although there was no way he was anticipating it today. He didn’t say anything much though. 

Just a location and _20 minutes._

What did that mean? Was he asking her to come in twenty minutes, or _within_ twenty minutes, or was he telling her that they could only spend twenty minutes together? This man was confusing as fuck but she didn’t want to take chances. 

When she checked the map, it turned out that he sent the location to his workplace. She knew that was the name of his theatre company.

Was he insane? But then again, she was a horny woman and she needed this badly. 

After taking a quick shower, she didn’t even bother putting on makeup as she walked out of the empty apartment in her Oxford sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. She hailed a cab, only bringing her crossbody purse to keep her phone and other necessities like the metro card and fifty bucks. She _would_ ride on the subway if she wasn't rushing. Pretty sure it was only an hour walk to there but fuck it. She was getting antsy as she tapped her feet repeatedly in the cab. 

But then she started to feel a little self conscious so she took out her lipstick, hoping she had looked a bit presentable. With her bare face, she could still look good with a red lipstick. 

Red lipstick. Fucking lifesaver. 

When she arrived in front of the building, she typed a quick text after handing the dollar notes to the driver. 

**I’m here.**

His reply was instant. Right on time when she stepped out of the cab. 

**Come up. Lock the door.**

The door was unlocked for her so she went in before she locked it like she was told. 

Alright then. Here she... was. 

Was there any elevator here or did she have to use the stairs? Of _course_ she had to use the stairs. Reluctantly she climbed one by one, eager to get fucked. Obviously she was losing her stamina after not working out in some time, or she just hated stairs. She usually liked to jog but now that she was back home, she'd lost the motivation. 

Did sex count as workout? 

She had to climb another flight of stairs to the top floor when she saw Charlie was already waiting there on the top. He had his arms crossed while bearing an impatient look. _Asshole._ Was she imagining or did he grow facial hair? 

His mouth quirked up a little when he saw her, his eyes hungry for her. "Wait there,” he beckoned, uncrossing his arms and jogged down towards her. 

There was no way of her knowing what he was planning but she did what she was told anyway, waiting by the handrail on the second bottom of the stairs. He was probably punishing her for threatening to block his number.

He stopped only one step from where she was standing so he wasn't so much taller than her than he usually was. She was a sweaty mess but he didn't look like he cared. 

"Hi," he murmured, biting his lip. So he really _did_ grow some facial hair. Just some stubbles. 

Safe to say that she was really, really, really into it because her hand was already reaching for his face, feeling the soft stubbles on her fingertips. Causing him to shudder.

"You're gonna fuck me here?" she daringly asked. Part of her was excited at the possibility of getting caught but another part of her was actually terrified of getting caught. His reputation wouldn’t be that damaged but hers definitely would because... double standards. 

She wouldn’t be able to face New York if that happened.

Was his workplace empty right now? She knew it was a Saturday but hey, who could've known? 

"I'm gonna fuck you everywhere, sweetheart," he told her, making her blush. "Starting from here." 

"Is no one gonna... see us?" Her palms slid down towards the soft wool of his cashmere sweater. 

"I let everyone off,” he murmured, leaning closer to her. “Told them I locked the place. Let's hope no one comes here." With that, he tilted his head so he could kiss her, immediately melting her all over. 

From this height difference, it was easy for her to meet him in the middle. Every time he kissed, he truly delivered. Latching on her with so much passion and yearning like he was starving for her. She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, parting her mouth for him. 

It was nice like this. Just them holding each other while tentatively kissing. 

She missed this. This, this was where she belonged. With him.

He walked up until he was standing on the same step tread as her, shoving her against the wall. Her eyes fluttered open and was taken aback to see that he was grinning at her before he kissed her jaw. His hands made their way to the hem of her sweatshirt, hiking it up. They had to break apart for each other for a second when her shirt was hanging around her neck before he pulled it over her head and dropped her sweatshirt on the floor. Leaving her topless.

Without wasting time, their bodies were flushed against each other again until she felt everything, including his cock straining the seams of his pants, poking her stomach.

A sigh departed her mouth when he licked a hot stripe of her skin. 

She undid his slacks and let them drop on the floor. Her hand searched for the outline of his bulge, stroking it until he heaved a sigh in her ear. His nose was dug into her neck, like he was inhaling her, while she took his cock out of the briefs to wrap her hand around it. 

It was so big that she couldn’t wrap her palm around his entire shaft. Soft and velvety and veiny too. She lightly squeezed it while he rocked his hips lazily, fucking her hand. 

"You feel so good," he murmured, sucking her throat. His hand went up to cup her breast while his other hand rested on the wall above her head. 

"Yeah?" she panted. 

"Yeah," he rasped with a fervent nod, smiling against her skin.

Her thumb circled around the tip. The throaty sound he made when she did that was so fucking worth it. He breathed raggedly, his clumsy lips latched on where her shoulder met her neck. Grazing his teeth against her skin. 

She pulled his head away from her neck by the hair to kiss his mouth while still stroking his length. 

"You know, I was genuinely surprised when I got your text," he mumbled when she peppered her kisses down his jaw, his hips rocking meekly. His thumb started flicking her nipple. "You said you wanted to delete my number." 

"Shut the fuck up." Her tongue was on his Adam’s apple now, like she had always fantasised if she was being honest. It just jutted out so prettily.

"It was a good surprise though,” he said, tipping his head back. “Literally ran over here. Dropped everything." 

"Including your son?" She knew she was pushing some buttons here. 

He retreated back and gave her a look, which made her smirk in satisfaction. ”Little brat." 

"And I'm yours." And she meant it, even though she was stupid to think so. It was true. Her body was his. No one else could make her feel as good as he did. 

Instead of reacting the way she imagined he would (freaking out), his face just softened as he went back to kissing her lips.

They kissed too much all intimately. Shouldn’t they just fuck? Wasn’t that the point of their arrangement? 

But she _was_ his though. Even if he wasn't hers. The Rey from a year ago would call herself a fool. And the current Rey agreed. But she also didn't care if she had to be just a side chick. As long as she still got a taste of him. Just for Charlie. He was unattainable but she would let him burn her. 

He caught her off guard when he said gingerly that she almost didn’t catch what he was saying, "And I'm yours as well."

Her breath hitched and she was about to speak when he lowered his deft hand from her breast and just slipped it under her sweatpants to find her folds. There was no hesitation in his movement when he entered her with two of his fingers, crooking it slightly. Stealing her breath away. 

Maybe it was a spur of the moment kind of talk since she was literally holding his dick right now but that didn’t mean it didn't spur her on. His warm breath on her neck made her cunt clench. 

When he started shuddering while she was still stroking him, he circled her clit with his thumb, eager for her to come first. Fucking in a public place like this made this whole thing even hotter. Guess she could tick _Exhibition_ as her kink later on. 

"Do you want to come for me, baby?" he asked in her ear. “I’m letting you come.”

Just like that, she saw white as her world shattered around her when she reached her climax. He followed suit, right as she pressed her palm on the tip so she wouldn't make a mess of it. 

Even after he came, his cock was still hard in her hand. It was quite remarkable. 

Without breaking eye contact, she licked her palm with a devious grin, tasting the saltiness. His jaw tightened while he smeared her whole cunt with her cum. Slicking it so he could make home inside her. 

Charlie pushed down her sweatpants until they were around her knees. His hands snaked around her so he could cup her bottoms, squeezing them. The thought of how his hands were so massive, they were able to cover her whole ass was something, alright.

With that, he lifted her up effortlessly so he could sit on the staircase with her in his lap. _Hold up,_ this position was really familiar. Not being on someone's lap, but fucking at a staircase. 

Right. She used to do that in high school, thanks to Skins. Either Charlie watched Skins, or he knew her well, or he was just that creative. 

Either way, she wasn't complaining. 

"You know people step on where you're sitting, right?" she mused. "You're not worried about your ass?" 

"Hey, I still have my briefs on,” he argued, his head moved towards her sternum as he kissed her there. “Only my cock is out, sweetheart." 

"Fine,” she huffed. “Your... thighs." 

"I'm not complaining,” he said before he took her nipple in his mouth, kissing it. “Are you? Are your knees hurting, _princess?"_

That made her so frustrated that she pulled his head off her breast and wrapped her hand around his neck and squeezed it, not even thinking because her mind was clouded with lust. Something about him calling her princess really fucking turned her on. 

When she realised what she just did, her eyes widened. She slowly unloosened her grip. "I'm- I'm sorry." 

"I'm kinda into it," he murmured, like a dirty little secret. Maybe it was. 

"I wasn't... hurting you?" she asked. 

He threw her an amused look. “With that cute little hand that barely covered half of my neck?” 

She squinted at him warningly. It was true though, her hand looked cute around his neck. "Maybe you… hate not being the one in charge." 

"I do. But I also don't mind some pain," he said suggestively. "Choke me. Slap me. But only during sex." 

"I agree," she concurred. "Same for me. But... I don't like being slapped on the face or punched.” Or so she thought? 

"I don't like being punched either... I think.” She cocked her brows at that. “But how about some spanks?" 

She bit her lip. "That could be... arranged." 

His eyes darkened again. "Yeah?" His cock swelled against her cunt.

Slowly, she rolled her hips, her pussy lips rubbed along his hard length on his abs. That felt so good, holy shit. Her grip on his throat tightened again. "Does choking you make me a bad girl, Daddy?"

He tossed his head back to give her more access, groaning. Like his neck wasn't that long and wide when it was. That was one of her favourite features about him. His neck. His beautiful, beautiful neck. Long and thick and wide. 

Yes, she had a fucking neck kink but only when it came to him.

"You're driving me insane, baby," he cried out when she squeezed it tighter. It probably felt like a pinch to him anyway. Her thumb and middle finger were pressing right on his veins. 

"Am I still going to get punished?" she taunted playfully, biting her lip. 

"Yes you will, baby,” he breathed out “After you ride me." 

She adjusted herself a bit, letting go of his neck with one of her hands to take his cock right on her center. As she lowered herself down, taking him in little by little, they both moaned at the same time. 

_This_ was what she almost gave up? It had only been two weeks since the last time they fucked and she'd already missed it a lot. It was like nicotine. Made her feel terrible at first before she started begging for more. Surely it would lead to terrible consequences just like nicotine did to her. 

Since she could never really quit smoking.

She had been cheated on before. And now she was doing exactly what the people that hurt her did. 

The way he filled her was intoxicating and made her head spin. It hurt just a little, before it felt good. He really _split_ her open. 

She brushed her lips against his while his breath ghosted her lips. 

"Just stay there," he choked out when she was about to lift herself up. "You're so warm inside. Fucking tight. I've missed this. I've been hard all the time just thinking about you ever since the hotel." 

"I've been thinking about you a lot too," she murmured. "I feel so bad but I just... I can't help it. I want you all the time." 

She knew she shouldn't feel this but she actually wanted to do this in bed more often. Of course that time was the only time they could properly fuck in bed. It was considerate of him to do her the first time properly in bed since they wouldn't have that opportunity anymore. 

Charlie Barber. Considerate. Who could've known? _She_ did. 

Slowly, she hoisted herself up while balancing herself by holding onto his shoulders. The friction and the way he just stretched her open from this position was a religious experience. Thank god she was able to experience this. Shame to think of his cock not being used more often, by her or anyone else really. 

"Ride me, baby," he goaded. "Use my cock. You're doing so well, baby girl." 

She nodded and did what she was told, maintaining a minimal pace of her hips. His praise made her even more eager to please him as she quickened her movement. She was holding onto his shoulders so tightly, probably digging her nails in his skin. 

He started thrusting up to meet her in the middle while gaping at her. 

Keeping up the eye contact was too challenging because of the way he was looking at her — like she wasn’t some girl he was fucking. It got too overwhelming for her so she averted his gaze and tilted her head back, her eyes rolling in pleasure. 

His thrust when he snapped his hips up was anything but gentle. It was desperate — the rhythm between them. Of all people, she had to share this feeling of ecstasy with an unavailable man. His nails were sharp in her waist when she took control, rolling her hips this time instead of pushing and pulling herself off of his body. One of her hands let go of his shoulder to hold the stair rail while he nibbled her neck. 

It was then she remembered that they were both probably marking each other. 

How could she be so careless, not thinking about the risk of it all? These marks on his body were evidence. The product of their secret coitus—

"Fuck, you're amazing," he grunted in her ear, not even caring about everything. 

Oh well, his consequences to face she guessed, unless he decided to mention her name when he had to explain himself. In which case... 

"Your pussy is fucking magnificent, Rey,” he rasped. “I don't think I can last long." 

One of his hands wandered around her body until it found her center, rubbing her clit in circular motion with his thumb. Oh, _that was it._ The cherry on top. 

"I'm gonna come," she moaned, feeling the orgasm building up inside her. Here alone, he was going to make her come twice. 

"Do it," he coaxed. 

And so she did. 

* * *

Well, make that three times then. 

With Charlie, it would never be enough. He picked her up and carried her inside with his trousers still wrapped around his ankles. Padding across the wooden wooden panel floor. Where he worked. 

It was a vast space that reminded her of her dancing studio, surrounded by ceiling-to-floor windows that let the sunlight in where they faced the building across the street. But that was all she could observe because he couldn't stop kissing her. She also couldn’t care for a tour right now. 

This might be too risky (riskier than marking his body?) with how exposed they were. People knew them here in Brooklyn but Charlie really wanted to fall down the rabbit hole. 

She had to be the voice of conscience here. "Charlie, people could see us," she hissed when he placed her with her back on the fucking _window,_ her legs locked around his hips. The cold glass against her skin made her shiver. "People that _know_ us. You know they talk. We’re in fucking Brooklyn, Charlie.” 

"Well, I couldn't find it in me to care," he said casually. "This is New York. No one cares." 

"Ch—" 

He veered his hips forward. Fuck, why did that have to feel good. "Let them see,” he said, punctuating his words by his thrust. “You're a _masterpiece._ People should see what I'm doing to you. The way your face contorts when you're on the verge of climax. Your pretty flushed cheeks, your parted lips, the way your brows are knitted together.” Of course he was pointing out the details with his goddamn attention to detail. “Not only your cheeks redden. Your neck. Your chest. I _live_ for those details.”

Now her cheeks reddened like he just described. “Charlie…” 

“I don't usually share but I wouldn’t mind showing you off, baby,” he murmured, his eyes hooded when he stared at her. “Showing people what’s mine.”

She whimpered, rolling her hips. Fuck, she _was_ his. She was his all the way. "But technically you’re not mine,” she argued and regretted crushing this fantasy where they pretended that they _were_ each other’s. She turned her head to the side, not able to look at him right now. “If you're single, I don't give a fuck. But it's... we can't risk this. Your marriage." 

"I've already screwed it up, haven't I?" He angled her chin with his thumb and index fingers until she looked at him. "You don't think that I know that you're a dirty whore who craves for trouble?” Her breath hitched. “You live for that fear of getting caught, the fact that you're doing me, a married man. You _want_ to show it to everyone. Admit it.”

Oh god, she thought and realised that he had a point. Every time they fucked, they did it in places where people could have caught them. The bathroom, under the same roof where his family was. A hotel. She let him sext her while she was having dinner with her mother too, knowing how that thrilled her. The fact that there was a chance that he was having dinner with his family when he texted her those lewd texts. 

He _knew_ she was a fucking whore. What he might not know was that she was only a whore for him, contrary to popular beliefs. 

She dug her nails in his chest. Painting him with more scars. "We _can't_ do it here,” she gritted out, summoning some willpower although it was difficult when she was around him. Her moral compass was always broken when it came to him. 

"But doesn't this feel... _good,_ Rey?" he dared, his eyes glimmered with mischief. Her name on his lips really stripped off every ounce of self control in her. "We're a secret and we're doing this here." He licked her lower lip. “Imagine if someone we know sees yours tits bouncing, breath fogging the glass while I take you from behind. Seeing that you’re doing bad things with _me.”_

Okay, that was admittedly hot. She let out a soft groan. "But I could never show my face around this city anymore,” she whined.

"Do you really care about that?" he whispered in her ear. “You never care about any of that shit.”

Fuck this cocky asshole. "No more talking." She tugged his head and angled her head to kiss him roughly, instantly sticking her tongue inside his mouth while her fingers gripped his hair. The sound he made in the kiss ignited something inside her. 

When they pulled away each other, he had that stupid grin on his face. A victorious kind. It was crooked and it displayed his cute teeth and fuck, she needed him inside her right n— 

Fast as a lightning, he mercilessly put her down until her feet met the ground and turned her around so she was facing the whole Brooklyn. Cabs and traffics and stairs towards the underground subway and people she didn’t give a fuck about.

When she slightly tilted her head with her palms on the glass window, she met his reflection behind her. His brows furrowed together in concentration as he palmed himself while his other hand coated her whole pussy with her juice. 

He mauled her ass before he hauled her hips to the back so she could bend lower and spread her legs wider. 

"Stay there," he grunted before he kneeled behind her. She was slightly confused, wondering what he was going to do next when she felt his tongue on her—her asshole. 

She gasped in surprise, turning her head to glance at him. Just her ass. Nowhere near her clit or her slit. He really _was_ teasing her but she had no idea how sensitive that hole felt. It was filthy, no one had ever done this to her. 

"Been dreaming about this ass for sometime, sweetheart,” he growled. He circled his tongue around the little hole. "Can't wait 'til I finally put my cock in this tight hole." 

Did he not care about hygiene? He didn’t even wait for her to douche that area. 

Desperate for him to touch her where she needed it, she begged him. "Charlie, stop teasing me and fuck me, finger me, play with my clit. I want to come, please.”

"Greedy little thing." He clicked his tongue, spreading her cheeks open for him. "What makes you think you deserve to come again?” His tongue flicked to lick her anus again. “You've been a bad girl. Telling me you don't want to do anything with me then begging me for my cock." He bit her asscheek while she leaned the crown of her head on the window. "You're insatiable, woman." 

She sobbed a little, curling her toes in anticipation. "Charlie, please." 

"This ass is mine, you hear me?" When he plunged the tip of his tongue in her hole, she mewled loudly. It was good. 

But she needed him to touch somewhere else too. Her ass could wait.

"Fuck me and I'm yours," she promised in the moment of defiance. Craving so much for some ecstasy. Surely he knew it was a spur of a moment of kind of thing? 

He paused, his nose nestling between her asscheeks. "Mine?" 

She made a throaty noise, letting out a soft _mmhmm._

"You already said you're mine,” she told him, gasping when he tongued her hole again. Fuck, she needed him, she needed him, she needed him. “And you know I'm yours." 

Not hers _entirely._ He had to know that. 

"Promise you won't leave or ask me to leave?" he asked tentatively, sounding vulnerable. She almost didn't hear that correctly before his words registered inside her. 

"C-Charlie," she murmured. 

"Promise me." 

"You have to promise too,” she told him, biting her lip.

He was quiet at first before he said, "I don't need to. I'm already tethered to you." 

There were a lot of things she wanted to say. But he had the upper hand here. Her orgasm was up to him at this point and her head was clouded with intense need. Conversation like this shouldn't happen during sex. 

"I won't ask to..." What was the word for breaking up a booty call thing? Ending it? But she settled on, "I won't leave you." 

Satisfied with her answer, he straightened himself up and situated his cock along her entrance. He fisted her hair and tugged her head until she faced the mirror. Watching her through the glass window, he finally entered her in one brutal thrust. 

Sweet holy of all fucks. She whined out loud, tears welling up her eyes. 

Behind her, he groaned in pleasure and relief. He leaned closer to her, moving her hair out of the way so he could kiss her neck. Nibbling. Sucking. Biting. His hand searched for her clit so he could pinch it while penetrating her. 

This motherfucker was right, it was exciting to be fucked here. Being showed off, showing her that she really belonged to him at this point. 

The thrill was intensified knowing that they were supposed to be a secret and sneaking around yet here they were, fucking while on top of the city where maybe 5 percent of the population knew them. 

While his other hand was busy with her clit, his other hand slid up towards her breast. Moulding her there. "You're a dirty fucking whore," he seethed, fucking her harder. His filthy words turned her on even more. "You _enjoy_ letting people see you bare and naked, huh?" 

Her warm breath created a fog, an indentation, on the glass. She couldn't find it in her to speak, only able to groan. She was only able to nod, admitting that she did like it. A little _too_ much. They were risking their dirty little secret.

Maybe a part of her wanted everything to blow. 

The sounds of their skin slapping each other filled the room. She loved how rough he was with her. He could take whatever he wanted with her. Pain somehow made her feel so much more alive. 

"This is our city now, Rey." He trailed his hand that was on her breast higher now, wrapping it around her nape instead. He drew her head until her back met his chest. His nose brushed against her hair, near her ear. "We're claiming this city.” Now he let go of her nape and reached for her hand on the window, looping his fingers between hers. “Conquering it." 

Her eyes watered when she felt her orgasm flickering inside her. So close. She was almost there. 

"Whenever you think about Brooklyn, I want you to think about me," he murmured, making her whimper. "My sweet baby." 

"I'm- I'm close," she hiccuped. 

"You can do it, baby," he prodded. "Daddy believes in you." 

The gentle praises made her come so hard that she almost forgot her surroundings. She had never felt so spoiled and yet so ruined. 

"That's my baby,” he praised, his words seeping inside her like warm honey. 

* * *

When they were done, she was quick to slip on her pants and her shoes, smoothing her shirt. God, she was sore. That was good. This might be a good arrangement for them, especially for her own selfish reason. Completely no strings since he was married, nothing anchoring her. No commitment. 

It was perfect, if she may say so. 

He was still half dressed, staring at her while leaning against the window. 

"That was a good one," she said, her knees slightly wobbling. Well, shit, Good fuck really did that. 

She was about to leave when he pulled her hand, twirling her around until she faced him. 

Which caught her off guard. 

His arms wrapped around her hips before he leaned down to kiss her. It was like he couldn't get enough of her. Or he was touch deprived. How could this man be so deprived of touch? If he were hers, she would hold him everyday—

_Stop that,_ she thought to herself. 

She reciprocated his kiss only briefly. It was just a kiss but it felt personal. She laughed, pulling away from him. "Didn't know we were doing a goodbye kiss." 

He softly hummed and captured her lips again, coaxing her tongue with his. 

A moan emitted her throat before she forced herself to remember where she was right now. "Look, Charlie," she murmured, breaking off the kiss. "That thing I said that I wouldn't leave? It was a spur of a moment kind of thing, right?" 

His expression shifted from relaxed to tensed. "W-What do you mean?" he asked. 

"If one of us falls in love," she began, taking a deep breath, "I think it's better if we just end it. This is—this is just an affair."

His lips parted and his chin slightly.... wobbled? He looked drunk when he stared at her, though there wasn't any taste of spirit on his tongue. Just him and a hint of some cigarette that she caught in her mouth. 

"Of course," he finally said, his nose rubbed against hers. "Shame to think of a world without your pussy, though." 

That took her breath away when he kissed her again. He really was in the mood for a lot of kissing today. 

"Good," she murmured against his lips, closing her eyes. 

It would be her loss too when one day she could finally brace herself to let him go. Which was why this thing between them had to be brief before one of them fell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve reached here, congratulations! (Unless you skip towards here...)  
> Hope I didn’t disappoint. If you like it, let me know so I know I _sort of_ did a good job here in the, ahem, smut department.
> 
> Talk to me in the comment section (positive thoughts only because I’m still improving myself here hehehe) <3


	7. Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _All I’m saying is if you don’t love me no more, then_
> 
> _Lie, lie._
> 
> _Lie, lie._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to see something of Rey’s past. 
> 
> Rey is an open book so I’m actually excited to keep unlocking her history and who she is. I’m here to write the porn but I also want y’all to get to know my girl a little 👉🏼👈🏼 There’s still some dirty talk here though because... well, I warned you in the tags. 
> 
> But plot is still lacking, just porn and a _lil_ feels (maybeeeee) and angst. Hehehe. It’s impossible when two unattainable people found each other and there isn’t a single ounce of angst, wouldn’t it?

When she saw a familiar person at the grocery story in aisle 12 while checking which tomatoes were ripe, she was about to flee. 

Out of all places, she just had to see the last person she wanted to see — in _New Jersey._ What was someone from the Upper West Side doing here? This was fucking New Jersey. She was only here because Armie's studio was around here (which was stupid) and she was buying some last minute cherry tomatoes and herbs. 

She was this close to escape when Nicole turned around and cocked her brows. "Rey?"

Ah shit. This wasn't what she wanted to feel but here she was—dying from deep guilt the moment she faced Nicole. Funny that during the time she was busy fucking Charlie, Nicole barely crossed her mind. Her moral compass suddenly turned north the moment the wife was right in front of her. 

"Hi," she said, trying to be as casual as possible with a calm smile. "Fancy seeing you here." 

"You too," Nicole replied. God, she really was such a short woman, which made her seem more adorable around Charlie. "You here alone?” Which probably meant, _Where's your mum?_

Rey nodded, pursing her lips together while sweat beaded her temples. She checked out the cherry tomatoes and grabbed one packet without thinking. She actually _was_ planning on buying cherry tomatoes. "Yeah. I'm just here to run a few errands. Mama and I are planning to make beef bolognese." 

"That sounds great," Nicole said almost distractedly, eyeing the tomatoes. "Her cooking is the best." 

"The best, yeah." _What to say. What. To. Say._ "She's passed down a lot of her recipes to me." 

"That’s great," Nicole said with a little laugh. "I really suck at cooking, most of the time. My—uh, Charlie usually does the cooking but I’m trying to make him and Henry dinner tonight. I asked your mom for some recipes but yeah, the outcome is usually not as good.”

Rey’s chest ached all of the sudden. Nicole was trying while Charlie went behind her back. And she was the villain here, the homewrecker. 

Nicole smiled. “You should count yourself as lucky. You know, you cook and you’re pretty.”

That just sounded weird coming from her. Was she suspecting anything? "Have you seen yourself? You're... look at you." She wanted to say, _'You have bigger boobs than me! I envy your body!'_ but refrained herself. 

Was Charlie seriously making both her and Nicole doubt themselves? 

"Oh god. Pfft." She shook her head and snorted. "My haircut is not the best right now." She gestured to her short blonde hair. 

"Not everyone pulls off the pixie cut,” she said genuinely. “I think you pull that off quite nicely, which says a lot."

That made Nicole smile widely, touching her bangs. "Really?" she asked, looking so pleased. Like the compliment meant that much coming from her. "I have to maintain the length, you know. Being a mother now, you don't have time to style your hair and all that. This is more convenient." 

"Which salon do you go to?" Rey asked, just to be nice. 

Nicole let out a small giggle. "I... I actually trim my own hair," she said with a little shrug. 

See, that was talent there. A useful skill as a wife, Rey guessed. "No way,” Rey exclaimed. “Really?" 

The petite woman nodded hurriedly. "Yeah. I do it with my family too. Henry, uh..." She sounded glum as she said, "Charlie." Rey tried not to overthink that. 

She bet the whole family were close. She realised what was that ache. A pang of guilt. "Oh, you cut their hair too?" she asked, her heart was beating more rapidly now. Charlie's hair was getting longer though, last time she saw him. Even had stubbles and all that. "I—I can never cut my own hair, let alone other people's." 

"Cutting other people's hair is so much easier than cutting your own hair actually," Nicole stated. 

"Makes sense," Rey said, nodding. "That's pretty neat. Saves a lot. Salons are just so expensive, even just for a simple haircut."

"Right?" Nicole agreed with her eyes wide, like _'Oh my god yes!'_ kind of thing. 

Rey nodded again, smiling. Nicole was too nice to her. Sometimes she just wished this woman could be a little more of a bitch as Rey would feel less guilty but at the end of the day, she was wrong. She shouldn’t be involved with a married man. 

Rey was about to give a polite excuse to end the conversation when Nicole spoke up again. Probably to say hi to her mum. 

But what came out of her mouth caught her off guard. "We should go for brunch together."

Momentary panic entered Rey. _Brunch?_ Brunch was fancy. Only either for dates with a long term partner or birthdays with your girlfriends. Not with someone whose son you used to babysit and now you were fucking her husband. 

Not that Nicole knew about the latter, _maybe._

_Fuck._ Nicole suspected something, did she? Women. They always knew. Like that time her ex cheated on her and she just _knew,_ even without snooping around his phone. Didn't even try to spy on him. All she said was, _"So, how've you been?"_ and she just got the notion. Turned out, she was right. _Shit._ Bad idea. 

She should politely decline the invitation. Or just laugh it off, slipping in, “Oh, yeah, maybe.” Something that didn’t sound like a yes. 

"Brunch sounds great!" Rey blurted out instead and screamed on the inside. 

Shit, now she wished the ground swallowed her whole self. 

The tiny woman with the nice body (boobs and ass, literal hourglass) just smiled. "Great!” Nicole exclaimed, her eyes glinting.

"Grrrreat," Rey drawled out, a little too excitedly. 

Fuck's sake.

* * *

When she arrived at the dance studio that Armie that she had been using for a couple of times, she looked around the empty space. The potential. That she might land a couple of students and she got to pass down her passion to them. Maybe she should agree to work for him if he trusted her that much to teach a class. 

She looked at the mirrors, seeing multiple reflections of her. Snapping fingers. Waving. Like an insane person. This was her dream. Dropping her gym bag on the floor, she started standing on a tiptoe. Then twirled. 

The feeling was quite indescribable to say. What she could say was that she felt whole when she danced. She hopped across the room and spun 360 degree before she landed gracefully. Good. There was that.

She went back to her gym bag and took out her speaker. Using her phone that was connected on bluetooth, she pressed shuffle on her Spotify playlist. _Oops I Did It Again._ A perfect song she had always practiced the choreography just like in the music video ever since she was a kid. 

While the song wasn't hers and she was used to the classic choreography, the best thing about dancing was the steps she constructed according to not only the beat, but the mood. Every sway of her hips, every hops she did, every twirl, every high kick, there was a story she had in her mind. 

It was art. It was therapy. Her only way of expressing herself and relieving her tension. A good distraction. It was... her. 

Yes, she was more of a ballerina than... this. She started becoming more liberal with her moves, shaking every single part of her body while bobbing her head, channeling Ann-Margret. The sexiest thing about Ann-Margret was the liberation in the way she moved, the confidence she had in her choreograph, and of course her legs. Rey vowed to be more like her and someday, build that inner confidence. 

For now, she was just faking til she made it. That confidence. 

This was a time she could connect with her, er, sensual touch. She tried to do her own choreography instead of what was in the music video. 

If she had a choice to redo the dance, what would she do?

If she was communicating with Charlie through this dance, what would she do? Since she sucked at expressing herself through words.

_"Oops, you think I'm in love."_ She glided the floor to the side while rolling her body. She felt lightweight, in a good way. _"That I'm sent from above."_ Her hands lifted up above her head and did the dancing move that made her seem like she was taking off this innocent facade, but made it sexier. At least, she _hoped_ so. _"I'm not that innocent."_ She ended with a split and let out a tired huff of sigh. 

Yeah, seemed about right. 

Her phone buzzed. She checked the screen to see it was her mother that was calling her, so she answered it. "Hey, Mama." 

" _Where are you right now?_ " her mother demanded.

"New Jersey," she replied, catching her breath. "What's up?" 

" _Just want to know where you are, that's it. You're at the dance studio?_ " 

"Yep. You know it." 

" _Armie doesn't have a dance studio that is not in New Jersey? Seems a little... far?_ " 

"Not _that_ far, mum," she said with a laugh. "I think it's good to be away from New York. Besides, there's a lot of kids here." 

" _Yeah, but most artsy artists are from New York._ " 

She shook her head at her mother’s concern. "I'll be fine. I hope. This is the nicest Armie has." 

" _If you say so_." 

"I _do_ say so." 

She could just hear her mother clicking her tongue at her, which made her smile. " _Are you ready to be a dance instructor, though?_ " 

"More like a dance teacher... I think." She sighed. And she was supposed to teach a group of kids? "I think I am. I'm bringing you that paycheque." 

" _And then you'll move out?_ " 

"Mama!" No, she would just go back to the UK. Her studies weren’t even over yet. 

Her mother just laughed on the other line. " _Fine fine. Now that you're having a job, pay me while staying with me. You're an adult now._ " 

"Will do, of course." 

" _You better. Now go keep on dancing, love._ " 

"Love you." 

" _Paycheque then I'll say I love you back._ " 

"Mama,” she whined. 

And then her mum hung up. Rey snorted in disbelief, really feeling the love there. 

She continued dancing. _You're All I Need to Get By_ by Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell to maybe comfort herself. She began her choreography step by step, trial and error. Dancing really sparked fire inside her. By the time the _"dedicate my life to you"_ part came on, she suddenly paused. 

This song was romantic as fuck. It had always made her happy but at this moment... she stood frozen and stared at herself. Shit. Maybe she _did_ want someone she'd need to get by, as needy as that sounded. Well, oh. 

She blamed the fucking hormones.

Never had she felt so alone like she was feeling right now. The sudden realisation that she might end up alone really hit her like a fucking train. She wanted what this song was describing. This love. The way they felt for each other. As much as she was basically a commitment-phobe person, she admittedly had created a playlist in her Apple Music that she wanted to play for her wedding. Her wedding.

_Ha!_ A day that would never come. She was a joke. A clown. 

All of the sudden, she didn't have the spark to dance anymore. 

-

"You look... different," her mother said, squinting at her. They were sitting on the couch while folding the laundry and watching Locke Key together. "Did something happen?"

Like fucking your former upstairs neighbour who was married and had a kid? Nope, nothing happened at all. Other than getting used to a new dancing studio, obviously. Also, oh! The fact she was starting to crave for something that she had been avoiding like a plague. 

Love.

Commitment. 

But the thing was, she was so used to shagging someone without expecting anything from them. Now the only one who managed to change her mind was someone unattainable and couldn't give her what she wanted. 

Hell, even _she_ couldn't give whatever the fuck he wanted. Whatever that was. Someone who wouldn’t expect anything from him, maybe. No strings, that was what she herself said. 

So yeah, quite overwhelming.

She had to talk to him. Maybe break it off. Okay, she wasn't that strong. Okay, she had no idea. She really should cut it off. Fuck. 

Her mother seemed to notice based on her concerned expression. 

"Sorry," Rey said. "Just some jitters. I just told Armie I would teach his class so now I really hope I can land some students. I really want to do this."

"Of course you can," her mother said, surprised that she had any doubts at all. "You've been dancing since before you could walk." 

A part of her wanted to tear up at how her mum suddenly believed in her. Dancing was the few times when they both could bond over, the few times when they weren't arguing. 

"Okay, how is that possible?" Rey asked, amused. "Or are you just quoting ABBA?" 

Her mum looked at her like she was impressed. "I'm surprised you listen to ABBA. That's my childhood, honey." 

"I know it's your childhood. How could you not know I listen to ABBA? I _love_ ABBA." 

"Yeah, but you seem like the type to listen to... what's his name? Justin... Timberlake? Bible?" 

Maybe she meant Bieber, but whatever. But her mum was such a terrible liar though because she was only in her late 20s and early to kid 30s in the 90s, she _had_ to know who Justin Timberlake was. 

"You could listen to all types of music,” she mumbled. “I don't have to stick to one thing. Also, it's Taylor Swift that I like." Rey tried not to feel offended that her mum didn't know anything about her, even though she knew what her mum's favourite song was. _Close To You_ by Carpenters. 

Her mum dismissed that. "By the way, did your friend tell you?" 

"Who?" 

"Finn." It felt like her heart just stopped. "He's getting married." 

"He... is?" she asked, swallowing a lump in her throat. 

Even her mother seemed to think that was odd, judging by her look. "Yeah. Next month." 

"Next month?" The next two words she uttered were so heavy on her tongue to say. "To whom?"

"Yeah, to... Poe Dameron." Her mother gave her an odd look, like Rey had just grown two heads. 

Her eyes grew wide. "Poe... my teacher?" 

She nodded. 

What the fuck. That explained his apologetic look at the party, like he wanted to say something to her. He never even posted anything about Poe on his Instagram. It was funny thinking back during her whole ass chapter of her life when Finn was her first serious boyfriend. But he was so sweet to her and most of the guys in her life were jerks. 

Including her own father who cheated on her mother and left them. 

Oh. Shit. She hated both of them, hated that bitch who took her father away from her mother so much that she was becoming them. 

Finn hadn’t even broken up with her yet when he and his boyfriend at the time, Danny, walked in Rose's apartment when she hosted a simple graduation party with their hands intertwined. Earlier that night, she told him she wasn't sure if she could make it to the party because she had to attend dinner at her grandparents’ house. Her mother had let her skip the dinner if she wanted to go to that party so much so she arrived at the party earlier than Finn. 

The humiliation still felt like a fresh wound, remembering how her blood rocketed up to the top of her head as she watched her boyfriend holding another guy's hand. 

Everyone looked at her when they saw that, sympathies in their eyes. But Rey was a woman with pride. She smiled at Finn, which stupefied him. 

_"It's so nice you guys are so civil with each other even after breaking up,"_ Jannah had said beside Rey while Rey was silently fuming. 

"They didn't break up," Rose murmured in shock, almost stating it like she couldn't believe it too. Like she was pointing it out in her mind but accidentally saying it out loud. 

Jannah's brows were furrowed together as she said, "He told me they broke up a couple of weeks ago." 

That was what made her blood boil. That he just—he just assumed and didn’t even wait until he... moved on. She tried racking her brain, wondering when exactly did their relationship end. Maybe she was drunk when Finn broke up with her. Sometimes whenever she had some of those canned alcoholic drinks with a hint of cranberries that she stole from the refrigerator, her mind would fog up but she still seemed sane. 

Although usually she could remember what happened once she sobered up. 

A couple of weeks before the party, they were cuddling on the couch while watching TV. She kissed his jaw but he made a move to dismiss her. So she pulled away, respecting him. A week before the party, he kissed her and smiled down at her in the hallway before they entered the classroom. 

When did it all go wrong? When exactly did he break up with her?

"That's nice,” Rey bit out, pushing away the bitter memories. 

It was quite evident that her mother forgot she and Finn dated. That, or she tried not to bring it up for fear that might hurt her. 

"Did they invite me?" Rey hesitantly asked, paying no attention to the clothes she was folding. 

"Honey, why wouldn't they invite you?" Mama gasped in disbelief. 

Okay, so she must have _really_ forgotten her history with Finn. It was ancient, anyway. Understandable. 

"Uh. Nothing. Just that we haven't talked for a long time, that's all." 

"Nonsense! Weren't Finn and you used to be best buddies? Hanging out on the couch together. Listening to the music together while gossiping? You think I didn't know that?" 

Fuck. The whole time she had been so oblivious that Finn and her always had platonic energy together, which was why even her mother couldn't detect their relationship. It had _always_ been one-sided. 

Wow, that felt like a cold splash of water to her face.

"We just grew apart," Rey murmured sullenly. "It happens." 

"Well, they also invited you. They even handed me their wedding card with your name on it. Your name and mine. It's in our mail drawer." 

Her name too, huh. They really had the intention to invite her. Did they think it was a good idea to invite an ex? Who was she kidding? She wasn't that intimidating, especially when Finn never even was interested in her after all. 

Few clothes left, her mother spoke again. "I'm going out tonight." 

Rey turned her head to face her. "Like... tonight?" At eight in the evening? On a weekend?

The older Johnson just shrugged. "I promised a friend to meet up for dinner." 

"A friend?" she teased suggestively. 

Her mother scorned. "I'm an adult, I can go out if I want to, Rey." Okay, jeez. "It's just Nicole." 

"Nicole?" She really heard a lot of Nicoles these days. Saw her yesterday too. A wake up call, probably. 

"Yes. Nicole. Now will you please get off my back?" 

Rey just snorted. "Fine." Yeah, those two were close but she had no idea they were the kind of close buddies who went out for dinner together. 

As soon as they were done folding the laundry and keeping their own clothes in their own rooms, Rey went out and walked to the dresser at the foyer where the mail drawer was. She opened it with extra care and picked up the first envelope. 

_Rey Johnson & Jodie Johnson _

Hm. Not even the "Johnsons" or something, but their names _specifically._ She opened the envelope and slipped up the card. It was a simple beige card with beautiful fonts and designs. There was even a poem or passage of proverbs or some shit about love and all that. They were fucking extra. 

**You are cordially invited to**

**the wedding of**

**POE DAMERON**

**& **

**FINN STORM**

**At ST. TROOPER CHURCH**

They even had a cute little bitmoji kind of shit below their names. 

Gross. 

And fucking adorable. 

Barf. 

When Rey heard her mother’s bedroom door being opened, she quickly kept the wedding invitation card back in the envelope and kept it in the drawer, pushing it close quickly before she walked towards the kitchen, finding something to drink. 

"I'll be back before midnight!" her mother shouted, even though this apartment was so small, they could hear each other fine. 

"Okay!" Rey shouted back. Habit.

The moment her mother went out, Rey walked towards her bedroom and shut the door locked. She checked her phone that was charging on the nightstand to see a message from one Charlie Barber. 

Except she changed the contact name to _Daddy 💦._

Yeah, that might have been too risky though. But only if people checked her messages. And even if she didn't save it as that, it would still be suspicious because of all their lewd text messages. She even archived them. 

Still not helping. 

Point was, she had to hide her phone at all cost. 

She read his message that was sent an hour ago. 

> **Hey baby. What have you been up to today?**

And just like that, she rubbed her thighs together. Just by him calling her baby. What was wrong with her? She wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to him right now. She unplugged the charger and sat down in her bed, her thumbs were ready to type. So she typed back. 

> **today was great actually.**
> 
> **i checked out the dance studio that i will**
> 
> **work at and be a fucking dance instructor!!**
> 
> **or just zumba. idk. but i'm excited!!!!**

Before she could send, she had a second thought. This message was too long. They were just fuck buddies. She didn't know if he literally wanted to know what she was up to. So she erased the message and typed again. 

> **oh, nothing much. just thinking about**
> 
> **you and your mouth on me.**

Shit. Sounded too dirty. Surely they were capable of communicating without the dirty talks. She changed her mind again, erasing and typing. 

> **why do you want to know?**
> 
> **does someone miss me? 😏**

Was that too vague? She was about to erase the whole thing when she accidentally pressed send. And now she just had to wait. 

Dating fucking sucked. 

Although they weren’t dating. Okay, _texting_ sucked. 

Now she was feeling all wary as she anticipated his reply. It was too childish, wasn't it? 

What the fuck was she thinking? 

She was about to text him something else that could take back what she said like “What are you doing?” when her phone pinged. 

> **Of course I miss you, Rey baby.**

She smiled at her screen before the self deprecation slapped her in the face. Thinking about Nicole's face just yesterday and knowing that she had already hurt that poor woman without her knowing it yet. 

Unless Nicole had already known and was currently plotting a deliberate plan to destroy her, which she welcomed. 

But... 

It wasn’t healthy to paint an innocent woman as the villain. She was doing something wrong, she didn’t have to justify her action. If Nicole wanted to destroy her, she _should_ do that. This was Rey’s hell to pay. 

Her conscience blurred again, the images in her mind was almost like a montage now as she thought about how he pounded her and made her come and the sweet nothings he whispered in her ears and his hands and his mouth and his tongue and his massive—

Suddenly she heard the Facetime ringtone and she looked to see Daddy 💦, er— Charlie was calling. Of course. Nicole had left to see her mother so maybe he guessed that she was alone. 

This fucking bitch, his booty phone was a fucking iPhone? Not a burner phone? Did this bitch know he could easily get hacked here, even if he used some made up email for his iCloud? 

_This is a fucking affair, Rey, not a crime movie._

She wasn’t looking presentable right now. No makeup. Wearing a hoodie. 

But didn’t he still fuck her in this state last week? 

Fuck it. She answered his call looking like a disaster. 

When the video call finally showed his face, Rey cursed at herself. Charlie looked so fucking illegal. Wearing a plaid shirt while his hair was a mess like he ran his fingers through it a bunch of times. Knowing him, it was _highly_ possible.

Also, why the fuck was he still wearing a shirt around this hour? _Damn, you’re at home, take it off, Daddy._

"Why are you calling?" she asked. No hi or anything. 

" _Fucking look at you_ ," was all he said. " _You're beautiful. Where are you? I can't see shit. Just you_."

She tried to suppress her blush. This man really said she was beautiful followed by he couldn’t see shit. She felt like that Oprah meme right now, _‘So what is the truth?’_ "I'm at home. You?" 

" _Me too._ " He showed his surroundings. Looked like a library behind him. " _I'm in my office. Turn on the light, baby._ ”

In his office. Ha. So... grown up. "Can't people... hear you?" Like… Henry? She stood up and walked towards the light switch. Let him see her in all her glory. 

She locked the door first before she switched on the light. 

Charlie didn’t seem that disgusted at her. " _Soundproof_ ," he simply said. Which wasn't really convincing to her. " _I'm all yours. Fuck, baby, there you are. You’re gorgeous_.” 

All hers. No one hated her more than herself at this point. She blushed as she hopped on the bed and went under the covers. "Why are you calling me right now, Charlie?" 

" _I just... I..._ " he stammered.

"Say it. Spit it out." She quite enjoyed torturing himself this way. 

" _Fuck, Rey, I want to see you,_ " he cajoled lowly.

"You're looking at me right now.” Of course she knew what he was talking about. But teasing wouldn’t hurt. 

" _You know what I mean, baby,_ " he whined. 

"How do you want to see me, sir?" she asked innocently. 

" _Top_ ," he demanded. " _Take off your top. I wanna see what you have underneath there._ " 

This pervert. She placed the phone on her pillow so she could show him as she pulled up her hoodie over her head to show that she was wearing nothing underneath. As a special effect, she even took out her scrunchies so her hair was down. 

Which caused Charlie to curse at the sight. 

She smiled sweetly at him. "Your turn, old man." 

He'd just started unbuttoning his plaid shirt when she immediately stopped him. The plaid fucking stayed. 

"You know what? I changed my mind." 

His brows rose inquisitively. 

"I like your plaid shirt too much," she said. "You look so...." She licked her lips, deciding how to put this in words. _"Daddy."_

Even through the low quality camera because of video call, she could still see his cheeks flushed. Look at that, she managed to render Charlie Barber stuttering. " _Y-You like this, huh_ ,” he said quietly.

She laughed a little. "Mmhmm. I like it a lot." 

" _S-So w-what do you— what do want me to do?_ " he asked nervously. It was amazing to see him all timid for once. 

" _I want you to touch yourself,_ ” she commanded, enjoying being in charge for once. 

He whimpered. This Alpha male really fucking _whimpered._ " _Baby_..." 

"Do it," she beckoned. 

There was a rustling sound of his palm over his pants, probably unbuttoning his pants. She heard the sound of zip before she could hear another rustling sound and... a slow stroke. Slow Stroke. 

Ha. If she had a band she would name it Slow Stroke. 

_Focus, Rey._

Stroking soon sounded like slapping. She just stared at this man stroking himself while looking at her sternly with his teeth gritted. His chest was heaving before her. 

This was already hot but she wanted more. She was getting greedy. "Show me," she murmured, her voice breaking a little. "Let me see it. Let me see your cock." 

He gulped. He fucking gulped. She couldn't help feeling all giddy about it. The effect she had on him. 

He used his free hand to adjust where he wanted to place his phone. She could see now that his background was a little different earlier although it still looked like he was still in his office. He probably placed the phone on the bookshelf now, moving it around until she could him from waist to top. 

Now she could see his cock, all red and jutted and almost blue at the end, wrapped around his massive hand. 

"Do you like it?" she taunted. "Do you like touching yourself while I'm looking at you?" 

He groaned as he nodded. " _So much._ " 

"Why?" 

" _Why what?_ " he asked breathlessly. 

"Why do you like it?" she demanded. 

There was more determination from the way he stroked himself as he tried to speak. His mouth parted but no words came out. Until... " _Because you're hot. You're sexy. And this... this is all for you. You're all I think about._ " Those words almost rushed out of his mouth like a blubbering mess. 

Good enough. She smiled, satisfied with his answer. 

" _You_ ,” he said breathlessly. 

She pointed at herself. "Me what?" 

" _You. Tell me. Tell me if you—if you—_ " He groaned, tossing his head back. 

"If I enjoy looking at you?" she guessed. 

He nodded vigorously, looking at her again. The slapping sound was getting louder and louder. She had fucked the man a couple of times yet why was she getting all flustered just from hearing and watching him pleasure himself? 

Her lower lip rolled between her teeth. "I would be lying if I say no." 

" _Say it._ " His stroke was getting faster, sloppier. 

"Say what?" 

He cussed. " _Say that you like this,_ ” he begged. “ _That you like torturing me like this. That you like my cock._ " 

"I _love_ this," she emphasised, swallowing. "I love torturing you like this. I love your cock." 

He moaned out like a dying animal, low on his throat. " _Rey_ ," he wailed. " _Please_." 

"Please?" 

" _I want to come with you,_ " he panted. 

Her eyes darted on her bedroom door, trying to listen intently whether her mother was back yet. Didn't seem so. She flipped the duvet to the side and slowly moved her hand down to slide inside her pants, searching for her clit under her panties. She couldn’t show her cunt but she hoped he could hear her "Okay." 

" _That's it_ ," he commented while he pumped his cock. " _Touch yourself. Rub your clit._ " How was doing this on the phone felt more debauched than in person? 

"Hnngh." She tilted her head to the back as she circled her clit.

" _I should be tasting you right now,_ " he purred. " _Do you know how pent up I am right now? Not being able to touch you?_ "

"I wish your mouth is on me right now," she cried out, rubbing ferociously.

" _Soon, baby. Very, very soon._ " He groaned. " _Oh god, I'm so close, sweetheart. Are you close?_ " 

"Mmhmm," she breathed out desperately. "I can feel it." 

" _I can see it too,_ " he said, licking his lips. " _Pinch it, baby. Put your middle finger inside._ "

How did he know she wasn’t pinching her clit right? She did as she was told and exhaled in relief when she felt the pleasure getting more intensified. He really knew her so well. "Oh, I—I feel it!" 

" _Keep going, baby, you're such a good girl for me._ " 

“The best,” she mewled. 

" _Now come like a good girl you are._ " 

And she felt it, the Earth shattering orgasm. She screamed out his name, just coming and coming. 

His voice implied that he was coming too, sending a sense of jubilee in her. He was grunting and crying out before there was a momentary pause as he came. Followed by a shuddering, _“Fuck!”_

They both tried to catch their breaths together. 

" _You have no idea how glad I am to see my baby so happy,_ " he purred. 

"You've treated me so well, sir." She was still panting, which was weird because she usually had better stamina than this. 

He grinned, pushing his hair to the back. His hair always seemed to grow longer every time she saw him. " _I'm gonna make it up to you when I see you again._ " 

There was no doubt that he would. 

Yeah, she could never end this thing between them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? I learned how to cut my own hair and am kicking ass at it soooo... I’m coming to end your career, Nicole Barber (Evans? According to what she signed on the divorce paper in Marriage Story).


	8. Heaven In Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Sittin' on the counter in your kitchen_
> 
> _Can you hear my heartbeat fucking kickin'?_
> 
> _Your eyes light up 'cause you best believe that I got something up my sleeve_
> 
> _I walk my talk, no time for wishful thinking_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s my birthday so I’m delivering this smutty and fluff chapter. Enjoy! 
> 
> To those who hate insta love, don’t worry. Angst will come soon 🥰🥰
> 
> **cw: food mentions**

_ "Nicole and Henry are in LA. It's just me." _

It had been almost two weeks since she had seen Charlie. They had been doing more phone stuff, a lot. 

A  _ lot,  _ really. 

Her inbox messages were full of their sweet nothings and dirty words that should not be seen by anyone that she knew,  _ especially _ her mum. 

But it was all different without the real thing — Charlie himself. His voice was helpful but she still needed  _ him. _ Sure, she had her toy. But it didn't quite fill her the way she wanted to be stuffed. 

Now that she started teaching dance class, she was a little too busy to see him. For now, there were students aged between 5 and 13 in her class so far and she loved it. They were all so lovely and sweet and just wanted to dance. 

Their parents were lovely too, although the dads were… er. Some of the dads had been attempting to flirt with her subtly. 

Before this, she would've flirted back. But now, she wasn't sure why but she just shrugged them off, as if she was an unavailable woman. She kept convincing herself that she was just trying to be professional. She wasn’t catching feelings or anything. 

It wasn’t just her that was busy. Charlie was also busy with the opening night of his play that was going to be soon. 

Walking had just been her clenching and unclenching her thighs and just doing Kegels throughout the Charlie drought. He called her a lot, of course, especially at night. While she kept trying to ask him to touch himself and tell her what to do, he always asked her,  _ "How's your day? How's your class going on?" _

Shit like that. 

Sometimes he would text,  _ "Have you eaten?"  _ like a considerate boyf— er, man. The worse ones would be in mornings when he would text her good morning and if she slept well. 

Maybe it was just his habit to be considerate since he was both a husband and a father. Yes, the cheating part wasn’t the considerate behaviour but  _ still. _

Any other guy, she would have instantly blocked them for getting too attached. But Charlie didn’t come off as clingy though since he only texted her an appropriate number of times and he let her miss him. She found herself  _ initiating _ the texts at times when he hadn't texted that day, just to check in, to which he replied about half an hour later and told her what had been going on like there was a problem with the lights or the stage and that he was free to talk to her now. He didn’t avoid talking to her on purpose. 

Their texting routine changed from,  _ "Have you been misbehaving, my little whore?"  _ and  _ "Let me see your cock"  _ to  _ "Good morning, sweetheart" _ and her replying with  _ "Good morning to you too, Daddy." _

Oops. 

She had just taken a shower after sweating her ass off when teaching her students when he called her. Her mind began to swirl the moment she registered what he just said. Was he going to say what she was thinking? 

He could just be telling her that his family were in LA so they could have phone sex. 

"What are you saying?" she asked, wanting him to be the one to say it. 

_ "I want you to come over." _

Of course she was nervous. This would be the first time they were having their clandestine meeting at his house (that party didn't count, she thought it would be a one time thing). 

Fucking the man where his wife also lived was... quite insensitive? Yeah, quite ironic to say that since she was the one fucking a married man yet she drew the line at fucking in their bed or even their house. 

But that was the rule of cheating, wasn’t it? 

_ Never do it on the marital bed. Never hang out with the partner of the person you’re cheating with. Never do it at their home or anywhere that involves the partner of the person you’re cheating with.  _

It was common sense. 

"Charlie, I don't know," she drawled on the phone, walking towards her closet to get dressed. 

There was a sigh.  _ "Too weird? _ " 

"A little..." But she did want to see him though. She hated to admit it but she missed him.

_ "What if you come over just for a drink?" _ he suggested, dropping his octaves to emphasise some double meaning there. 

She blew out her breath. "It's weird.  _ She _ lives there too. I-I can’t—I just..." she trailed off, biting her lip. 

There was a brief pause between them. "Okay,” he finally said. “Alright. But can I still meet you? I miss you, baby." 

She blushed, grabbing a mini black dress. In case she was really meeting him today, she didn’t want anything that would make it difficult for him to fuck her. She wanted to give him easy access — a short skirt or a dress that he could easily flip before he entered her. That meant no underwear too. 

It had been too long since she had his dick up inside her. She didn’t want to waste anytime, she just needed him.  _ That _ was how desperate she was. 

"You miss me. Really." 

_ "A lot," _ his deep rumbling voice reverberated through the phone, sending tingles right to her core.  _ “And I want to fuck you in bed again this time. Gonna really take my time with you, show you how much I miss you.”  _

_ Why _ did he have to affect her this way?

She mulled over a response before she decided, what the hell. "Well,  _ you _ could come over,” she suggested nervously. So that she didn’t have to put on anything, open the door while she was naked. 

_ "What?" _

"Yeah,” she said before she scrunched up her nose. Unsure if this was a better idea. “My mum... she's not here."

_ "Rey. That's weirder." _

He got a point. 

"It is, isn't it?" she sighed. 

_ "Too weird,” _ he said with a laugh. 

Few broken rules wouldn’t hurt, right? There were a lot of rooms in that gigantic apartment, they could just fuck on the floor in his office. Anywhere that his wife barely spent her time at. She was just too horny, okay. "I'll be there." 

She could hear him smiling.  _ "That's my girl." _

Her chest swelled with pride at the compliment. She  _ was _ his girl. 

* * *

Maybe it didn't help much to wear black shades and a scarf she wrapped around her head, tying under her chin like she was Grace Kelly or something. It was even more suspicious to dress up this way, wasn't it? Whatever. She was here now. 

The moment she pushed the button to Charlie’s apartment outside the apartment, it was immediately opened. She faced Wexley, the apartment doorman. Yes, she still remembered him. 

"Evening, Miss Johnson," Wexley said with a grin. He had that face like he knew it all. 

The fact that he knew her name made her iffy. Maybe the veil and shades gave it away. It must be obvious that she was about to fuck a married man in his damn apartment that he shared with his wife and son from how weird her outfit was. 

Black shades and a fucking scarf? 

_ Nice job, Rey. Pat on the back. _

"Mr. Barber is expecting you,” Wexley said.

Did Charlie pay for his silence? Or was he just loyal to everyone? But if he were loyal, he would have to talk to Nicole about this? 

_ Rey, stop thinking. _

She let Wexley lead her to the elevator and press the button for her, shaking off her reverie.

* * *

"Why hello there, little Miss Audrey Hepburn," Charlie teased when he took in her outfit, impatiently yanking her inside his apartment. Didn’t even let her breathe for a second. 

She rolled her eyes, closing the door behind her with her foot. She took off her scarf and shades at the foyer, letting her hair cascaded down her black coat. Her hair was getting too long now. 

After she put down the veil and the shades on the dresser in front of the door, she took off her coat while Charlie watched. His eyes roaming over her body, they twinkled when he saw her minidress. 

He folded the scarf nicely on the dresser, showing how neat he was. “Give me your coat,” he instructed. 

She frowned, handing it to him. 

Instead of hanging it on the rack, he just placed it nicely on the bench where people sat on to put on their shoes. He probably didn’t want to crumple it. “Your perfume might stain if we hang it,” he explained. 

“Ah,” she said, amused. That was smart. 

He led her to his kitchen, which was when she realised that she hadn’t been here. Well, she hadn’t been anywhere really when she came here the first time. She was busy spending her time in the bathroom sucking his dick. 

But she barely paid attention to the kitchen — too busy gaping at Charlie. It was illegal how good he looked holding a bottle of beer while leaning against the refrigerator while wearing a maroon sweater. He didn’t even offer a bottle for her. 

The fact that he was around the same width as the double doored refrigerator and taller than it made her feel some type of a way. 

Maybe he noticed that she had been giving him a kind of look that was only reserved for him because he commanded her to approach him with just his eyes. 

And Rey, she'd do anything for this man at this point. So she crossed the room towards him. 

He touched her chin with his hand that wasn't holding the beer, pulling her lower lip down with his thumb. Then he basically fed her his beer, letting the bitter taste touch her tongue. 

That explained why he didn’t offer her beer. He wanted to feed her himself. 

She swallowed it, never breaking his eye contact as she licked her lips. 

The corner of his lips tugged a little like he was smiling.  _ Almost. _ He leaned down and kissed her, instantly shoving his tongue inside her mouth. She felt his hand moving down from her chin to around her neck while he devoured her. Her hands gripped his sweater as she pushed him against the refrigerator, pressing her whole body to him. 

"No one knows I'm here?" she breathed out, peering up at him. 

A smirk formed on his lips. "No,” he murmured and she could taste the beer in his breath. He put the bottle down on the sink countertop next to him. “And no one has to know." 

Those words spurred her on. At this point, she just wanted to see what was under his clothes already. She would follow him to the depth of the world. 

With so little effort, he lifted her up and placed her on the island counter like she weighed nothing. "You know, this is where I eat most of the time," he said darkly, sliding his scalding  hand along her thigh as he stood between her parted knees. 

“Oh yeah?” she taunted. 

He flipped her skirt impatiently, causing her to grip the countertop to support herself. When he cupped her bare cunt that was completely drenched, he seemed really pleased. Since she hadn’t been touched by him in what felt like ages, she shuddered from his touch. 

"You little  _ whore,” _ he remarked, teasing her slit. “You come here with no panties? Letting anyone smell you when this pussy is mine?" 

"I've been thinking about you the whole week," she panted. Her conscience was thrown out of the window the moment she laid her eyes on him. Those rules about not fucking anywhere  _ she _ used like the kitchen, all forgotten. 

His caramel eyes twinkled when they stared at her. "No wonder you're so wet. Sorry Daddy has kept you waiting, sweetheart." 

Why did that sound so arousing? Everything he said was sexy. 

He bent lower and gingerly kissed the inside of her thighs. Every single touch burned her skin. 

"I want your cock, Charlie," she pleaded desperately, curling her toes.

"Good things come to those who wait, baby." His nose nuzzled on her clit. God, yes. "Can you be good for me?" 

She arched her back and moaned. "Please. I'll be good to you, sir, please." 

He grinned. "No," he casually said. 

Her breath hitched. "But sir, please. I haven't been stuffed in two weeks!" 

"You've been a bad girl, walking around wearing a skirt that barely covers your ass and going commando,” he chides. 

With that, he straightened himself up and pulled her hips towards him, situating herself by turning her around and bending her over the counter. Now she had her forearms on the counter with Charlie's thighs touching the back of hers. 

He started moulding her bottom. His hands alone can make up for the size of her ass, it was insane. "This peachy ass belongs to me,” he growled. But then he leaned closer to her and she felt his breath on her ear, speaking in her ear softly. "If you're not okay with this, you could tell me. Yell red or something.”

Right. Consent was good. "Okay," she whispered back. 

He retreated back, his hand was still on her ass. "Count them, Rey baby." Holding her left hip with his left hand, his right hand met her right cheek that produced a loud snapping sound. Echoing the whole apartment. 

She let out a gasp, thoroughly enjoying it. "One, daddy," she sputtered out before she forgot

Next smack was on her left cheek. Her pelvis hurt when it was pressed on his counter but she didn't care. She fucking loved it. 

"Two, daddy," she squeaked breathily. 

"Still good?" he asked. 

She nodded eagerly. She wished he would stop being so considerate and just used her. 

"Good." Then he gave her another smack on the back of her right thigh now, harder than the first two. 

"Three, daddy," she let out. 

Left thigh. 

"Four, daddy." 

Then he rubbed her ass and her thighs in a soothing manner. "One last smack unless you act like a brat again." 

She choked up. A part of her wanted to rebel against him just so he would spank her more but then again, she was sexually frustrated. 

Before she could prepare herself, he swatted between her thighs, right on her cunt. Very, very,  _ very _ hard. Like he mustered all his energy on that last smack with that giant paw he called his hand. 

"F-five, daddy," she gasped out, her eyes widening.

He soothed her skin by palming her ass while peppering kisses along her shoulders and neck. "You were amazing, sweetheart," he rasped. "I'm so proud of you." 

The praise made her smile, her chest blooming with pride. 

Without any warning, he tugged her towards him and spun her around until she faced him so he could lift her up and place her on his counter. He was still fully clothed while he tweaked her tits. 

"C-Charlie, please," she pleaded. "I need you to fuck me."

"Well, dinner first," he teased, putting his mouth on the skin around the inside of her thighs. It tickled slightly because of his growing stubbles. 

Her toes curled in anticipation, waiting for his mouth to be where she really wanted. 

When he finally did, she could just hear the angels sing. She was still a bit sore from his spankings but this just heightened the sensations of his lips on her clit. She felt the tip of his finger traced along her opening as he began sucking her clit enthusiastically. His tongue then started circling it while he teased the labia with his finger. 

A loud moan escaped her lips when he plunged his finger inside her while he ate her out like a dehydrated man. She bucked her hips towards him, feeling the good kind of lightheaded. As he kept sucking on her, he crooked his finger inside her until she was a writhing mess. 

She felt spoiled and this was all so soft and she wanted to stay like this forever. 

"Do you... want to stay?" he asked sheepishly, smoothing her hair away from her face after he made her come. "You know, after we... fuck? Because I want that. I want you to stay. We could watch something on TV."

She felt high on serotonin. Still trapped in his arms, she put herself down and let her feet touch the ground. "I'd like that." 

That grin on his face was both beautiful and heartbreaking. 

* * *

"I have to confess something," he said while she was sitting on his lap on the single sofa in his room, the room where it happened. 

That bathroom was basically their holy ground. 

This was probably his sanctuary for reading or watching that mini mounted TV on that wall. Out of all rooms in this gigantic house,  _ this _ was where he slept? This room looked more like a guest room than a master bedroom. 

She tried not to overthink it as they watched Community together. 

"What is it?" she nervously asked. She didn't mind that he was talking because she had watched the whole show countless times, though she wished he paid attention to it. It was an amazing show.

"I remember you,” he confessed, stammering. “I mean—not as my  _ babysitter." _ His cheeks reddened when she turned her head to look at him. "But a couple of years before that night. Before Henry's birthday party, before the—the spilled wine moment.” Her cheeks heated at the memory. “I—I recognised you from my, uh, Ted talk." 

His Ted talk? The one from years ago? She recalled being genuinely surprised when he was invited as one of the speakers. The only reason she attended the seminar that had nothing to do with her was to blow off one of the classes that she hated most, mainly because there was this miserable professor that taught the class. She wasn't even involved with theatre arts but she crashed the seminar anyway. 

"What—What do you mean?" she sputtered. 

"I was a speaker for a Ted talk in London,” he explained, as if she didn’t know that. “Um, I gave a speech about—about performing arts. I'm not sure if you remember." 

"Of course I remember,” she admitted softly. “My university sponsored students from my course and I didn't know you would be one of the guests until I received the brochures. But the fact that—you too? You remember too?" 

He absentmindedly kissed her shoulder like it was his habit. "I—I did. I didn't know who you were—didn't remember you as my neighbour?” He nuzzled his nose against her neck. “But I recall that I couldn't stop glancing at you. I tried to make eye contact with everyone but I was mostly focused on you. You were the only one who—who  _ laughed _ at every single joke I intended.”

Wow, she didn’t expect this at all. It was a pleasant surprise but still a surprise that she needed to absorb first. What were the chances that the man she had been attracted to her whole life had been attracted to her even before she offered a blowjob? No wonder he went along with it.

“And you looked so pretty sitting at the back, paying attention to every word I said,” he murmured. 

"O—Oh?" she croaked out.

She  _ did _ recall laughing at his jokes. He had this magnetising aura, this presence that made her focus on every single thing he said, although she was a bit distracted by his mouth, his voice, and his…  _ handsomeness. _ The fact that he managed to be goofy while at the same time he knew when to be serious. 

Part of her was hoping he didn’t see her sitting at the back, but another part of her that she wouldn’t admit kind of wanted him to recognise her.

"I wanted—I wanted to stay back and talk to you but I had a—I  _ have _ a wife,” he hurriedly corrected himself although past tense applied too. He sounded pretty defensive there, or maybe she was reading into this too much. “I had a family at home. I couldn't just pick up a college student. I mean—" He cleared his throat, displeased with his choice of words but she wasn’t offended. "So imagine my surprise when you were at my house for the party. When Nicole told me that you're... Rey.  _ The _ Rey.”

Could he feel how loud her heart was pounding right now? 

“I knew it wasn't divine intervention,” he said, letting out a huff of bitter laughter. “It was a—it was a curse. Or a reminder that I'm...  _ unavailable _ because out of everyone, I was—am attracted to someone off-limits. Someone whose mom is close to my family.”

"Shit,” she said. It sort of felt like karma. Or a… test. A test to see how strong were their temptations. "Wow." 

"Yeah," he murmured, his mouth pressed against her neck. It was like he couldn't stop touching her, even when he barely noticed it. His nose buried in her hair while she just leaned into his touch. "No one makes me feel this way the way you do." 

"Horny?" she teased. 

He pinched her thigh. "Brat."

She grinned, taking his hand that was on her arm and interlacing their fingers together. "You love it when I'm bratty with you."

Tentatively, his hand that was on her lap rubbed along the inside of her thighs before it reached its destination. The clothed part she was most sensitive with. She was just wearing his t-shirt with no undies and now he rubbed his shirt along her wetness. His stroke was lazy but it affected her greatly. 

"I love everything about you," he murmured, nibbling her neck. "But I will still punish you for that." 

Shivers ran down her spine at how low his voice sounded. When he slowly slipped his fingers under his shirt that she was wearing, she hummed in delight when he rubbed her clit. Her head leaned back on her shoulder while she bucked her hips so he applied the pressure of his fingers on her bud of pleasure. She felt his other hand behind her, between their bodies, as he pushed his trousers down until his cock nudged on the small of her back. 

When he entered her folds while she was still sitting on his lap, watching the Greendale students playing paintball on Community, she mewled. Using the armrest, she pushed and lifted herself in and out of him, letting him stretch her open. 

"Fuck," she breathed out.

From this position, he easily hit her right on  _ that _ spot. His hand gripped her thigh when she pulled herself up and sank herself down his cock. 

Now that some of the weight on their shoulders had lifted off, now that they had a bit heart to heart, this felt more... intimate. 

She felt closer to him than ever. Which wasn’t supposed to happen.

Terrifying. 

The warmth of his breath tickled her ear as he murmured, "You're made for this, aren't you, baby?" Hearing his praise made her chest flutter in delight. She would do anything to please him. Anything. His lips brushed against that sensitive spot on her neck, below her ear. "Your pussy is made for my cock. You love it, do you? You love my cock." 

She nodded eagerly, letting out an  _ 'aah' _ when he bucked his hips, pushing himself inside her hard. "I do,” she whimpered when she found her voice to speak. “I love it." Her hand went up behind her, holding on his neck. She slid her hand higher to where his thick hair was. 

"You're so small, my baby," he rasped. "Yet you can take me easily." 

"Mmhmm," she let out before she gulped. Her back arched slightly when she felt his palm on her chest under his t-shirt. 

Netflix was already playing the next episode because she could faintly hear the theme song. Very faintly because their ragged breaths and moans and the slapping sounds of their skins were deafening according to her ears. Her other hand, the one that was not tugging his hair was on his knee with her nails digging into the jeans. 

The fact that she was still wearing his shirt while he still had his clothes on really spurred her on. They weren’t even facing each other or being skin to skin yet it already felt intimate enough.

When he tweaked her nipples using his hand that had been on her thigh, she reacted with her whole body. She let out a sound that seemed to only reserve just for him. 

"God, you sound so fucking beautiful, darling," he said hoarsely, still circling her clit when he bucked his hips to push himself inside her. Darling. Huh. That was new. "You're beautiful." His lips caressed her neck. "My beautiful darling girl." 

Tears welled her eyes when she heard that. The way he said it sounded as if he was claiming her. 

Maybe she wanted that. She  _ wanted _ to be his. 

She cried out when he fucked her even harder, his fingers never leaving her clit. 

Charlie cursed behind her. "I could feel it," he groaned, sounding pleased. "You're so close, aren't you? The way your pussy is clenching me..." He thrusted inside her relentlessly. His teeth grazed her skin.  _ "Come."  _

It was weird, how her body was happy to obey his word. Her body reacted in its own way yet the moment he said  _ 'come', _ she fell apart in his lap and she saw stars in her eyes. It felt like her soul had just left her body and ascended up to the seventh heaven.

_ That _ was an out of body experience. 

Charlie kept going relentlessly, chasing his own pleasure. She let him use her body. She would let him do anything to her body after that heavenly sensation he gave her. 

* * *

He let her make herself at home and help herself with whatever she wanted. Food. TV. Shower. Some clothes (his, of course. She would be insane if she used, well,  _ hers. _ The woman they weren't discussing… yet). She did ask if there was any food that was reserved for  _ her  _ to which Charlie only answered,  _ "the green juice, maybe." _

Hm. 

She opened the cabinet, looking for something simple like ramen. When Charlie noticed her reaching for the spicy chicken ramen somewhere at the back, he instantly pushed it farther so she couldn’t reach it.

It wasn’t fair that he was a fucking tower. 

"That's not healthy, baby," he chastised. No more  _ 'darling'? _ Maybe she was starting to like it. Darling.

She looked at him, amused by him and his  _ dad-like _ behaviour. 

He was only wearing his briefs while she wore his boxer that she had to tie around her waist and his t-shirt that was too big for her. She was completely drowned in it. 

"What, am I not allowed to?" she dared. 

"You  _ are, _ of course," he said with a snort, "I’m not gonna dictate what you can or can’t eat. But since I'm here… well, I'm a great cook, you know?" 

She could feel the pinch on her chest as she recalled what Nicole said. About Charlie being a great cook. She shrugged it off with a laugh, telling him, "You told me I could help myself." 

"Thought you just wanted snacks, like cereals or something,” he mumbled. “I don't know." 

"Well, you've sucked out all of my energy,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Now I'm starving, thanks to you. But ramen is technically a type of snack, right?" 

He just narrowed his eyes at her before he kissed the tip of her nose, taking her by surprise. "I'm cooking you something,” he decided. “How do you feel about bucatini carbonara?" 

"I only understand carbonara but I’ll take it," she answered with her most serious tone. 

With a huge grin, he said, "You're about to be wowed. You're not allergic to dairy or something right?" 

Oh god. She was a  _ bit _ lactose intolerant but he seemed so excited about his pasta. So she hesitantly shook her head. 

"Perfect," he chirped. "Could you help me? Just get some eggs. Eight eggs." 

Well, that sounded like a lot. Were they doing pasta from scratch? But then she saw him taking out a packet of pasta (rigatoni, she assumed) from the cabinet. He also took out salt, a bottle of ground black pepper, and a couple of bottles of garnishes that she couldn't see the labels because his hands were fucking huge. 

He had three bottles of garnishes in  _ one _ fucking hand. How the fuck? 

Once she had taken out eight eggs and placed them on the countertop, he went to the refrigerator as well and took a quarter pound of meat. "Pancetta," he explained. He also took out some colourful peppercorns. Green and pink. Her mouth was already watering. 

While he did his thing (separating egg yolks from egg white, cutting the pancetta into cubes), she went and boiled the rigatoni. 

It all felt too... domestic. 

_ Food after sex is normal, Rey, _ she chided herself. 

While the rigatoni was currently being boiled, she walked up to him. He was cutting the peppercorns skilfully in equal parts, which impressed her. Did he go to some culinary school or something? 

He breathed out a smile when her arms wrapped around his torso. God, he smelled so good when she dug her nose in his spine. .

"Hi," she greeted, planting a kiss on his back.

"Hi," he echoed. "What are you doing?" 

"I don't know, I'm always magnetised by people with food." 

He guffawed at that. "You're silly." 

She just hummed in delight. "Maybe." Then her hand came in contact with his bulge, which caused his breath to hitch. 

"Rey, what are you doing?" he repeated, this time more enunciated. “I have a knife in my hand.”

Now  _ that _ made her laugh. "I want to make you come,” she said. “On my palm or my mouth, I really don't care." 

He sighed, dropping the knife from his hand. "Not very sanitary, you know?" 

She lightly rubbed his bulge and squeezed it just so. "Well then I'll just make you come in my mouth." 

In a flash, he turned around and lifted her up with one arm. "You're driving me crazy, you know?" He kissed her, inserting his tongue inside her mouth. 

"Is that a yes?" she gasped. 

"Let me feed you first, you insatiable woman." 

"You could feed me with your c—" 

He gave her a warning with his look, making her shut up. When he turned back around to go back to what he was doing, she grinned. She loved learning more about him.

In this case, she learned that he didn't like to make a mess out of his kitchen. (Although they  _ did _ fuck right here earlier this morning. He must have lost control. Her impact.)

* * *

"Charlie," she spoke up halfway through her meal.

He was already finished with his food and was just waiting for her to finish. She watched him gulp his wine. 

"Yes, baby?" he said after he put down the glass. 

She hesitated a little. "What did you mean when you said that no one made you feel the way I made you feel?" 

His face seemed to sink at her question, reluctant to answer that. He inhaled slowly and deeply, averting her eyes. "Hmm?"

She frowned. "You heard me.”

He finally looked at her, his throat bobbing. She waited as he mulled over his answer. "You make me feel... good,” he said. “That's it. Yeah.”

It sounded like there was more to that. She knew there was something hanging on the tip of his tongue there. 

She blinked up at him. "That's it?" she coaxed. Her voice was calm. Soft. 

He nodded. "That's it." 

"Feel good, as in?" she goaded. 

Oh god. She was giving him a hard time, was she? He seemed pressured already, blowing out his breath. 

"Just... good,” he said curtly. His eyes seemed so genuine when he looked at her. “Like everything is going to be alright." 

That shut her up. She looked down at her food. It really  _ was _ delicious, like she had already told him after moaning out loud. 

"I couldn't promise that," she finally uttered under her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make my birthday by commenting down below or wish me on Twitter 🤣🤣 which is @CH4RLIEBARBERS


	9. Strange Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And everybody wants to know 'bout how it felt to hear you scream,_
> 
> _They know you walk like you're a god, they can't believe I made you weak_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa. This is the longest I’ve left you guys. A lot of things have been happening.
> 
> But do you guys even miss our Charlie and Rey here? :’) I was on a beach vacation. (Don’t worry. I was cautious and the beach was basically isolated.) 
> 
> So here’s Rey with her besties and more exhibitionism because that’s my kinkkkkk.
> 
> Love you guys 💖 (apologies for the typos. when i wrote it, especially the dancing scene, it was really quick)

Maybe she should just retake her next semester or just fucking drop out because she never wanted the break to end. There was no way she could leave him — okay, her mother. 

She meant her _mother,_ although she did leave her before. Still, she was ageing and she was reluctant to leave her. 

Yeah, she had to cut her bullshit. She actually meant _him._

It was just that... it would be very stupid of her to drop everything for a fucking fling. Even if he were single, she wouldn't date him, anyway. Because every time she did fall for someone, she could be very _jealous_ so she couldn’t possibly date him. He was gorgeous and he had a fucking wife. She would be really possessive, wanting him all for herself. 

It wasn't worth being hurt anyway even though _liked_ pain.

But if she could still avoid it, she would. Self care, she guessed.

Yes, she was technically hurting other parties too, but if everyone remained oblivious, no one could get hurt. He would go back to his wife, she would go back to Oxford and never come back. She already planned where she wanted to work there. They seemed interested to take her as an intern next year, in London not Oxford. (Surprise! She actually _did_ some planning.)

Then, if she got lucky, they would hire her permanently. It was all a good plan. She might have been the impulsive kind of person but she got it all figured out. Who said you couldn't have fun while planning your future? She still had a year to graduate. 

Besides, she had a backup plan. If being a lawyer didn't work, guess she had to pursue art major or something. Attending Armie’s dance academy and then maybe she would just open her own dance studio like Armie did. Even if it took time.

From where she could see, she had a lot of options to pick from. 

If it weren't for her mother that reminded her about her studies, she would have still lived in daydream. Still blissfully ignorant. 

"I thought I'd miss Oxford," she said while she was accompanying her mother at the mall. They had just caught that new Marvel movie in cinema and now they were eating frozen yogurts in silence. "I didn't even _want_ to come here and now I never want to leave." 

Her mother looked at her with a suspicious look. "Did you find someone here that makes you want to stay?" 

Rey just snorted at that, shoving a spoonful of the raspberry yogurt in her mouth. "I found two jobs that are more interesting than what I did there." 

"Two?" 

It was around a couple of days ago when she saw this old diner near Broadway that was looking for employees that could sing and dance. It sounded silly but she felt like applying to work there. If she stayed, she would work there, maybe. 

She hoped that place wouldn't suck her passion for singing and dancing though. Hobbies were supposed to be something you would do in your leisure time, not something with schedules and nagging bosses. That took away the beauty. 

But the job paid well, though. 

Funny how she was a law student and yet she was just looking for jobs related to arts. She could have just looked for some law firms that would accept her as the paralegal or mail girl or some shit. She would do that once she went back to the UK. Carpe diem! 

Her mother sighed when she told about the diner job. "I let you go there so you could be a lawyer, not _this.”_

Yeah, this was the reason staying in New York would have been a terrible idea. If she went to law school here, or maybe in fucking Yale, she would have never graduated maybe. Too many distractions. 

"I'm on a break!” she exclaimed. “And I just want to be able to pay you back for letting me live with you for the time being." 

"Pay me back once you work at those hotshot law firms." 

Rey just shook her head at her mother. "I'm just broadening my horizon here, Mama." 

Since her mother had that mother instinct, she knew exactly what was going on. "You're almost giving up on your studies, aren't you?" 

Rey scoffed. "I still get 4.0 for every semester.” These few years of trying to maintain that GPA really took a toll on her. Red Bull had been her best friend. “I just couldn't see law as my career these days, that's it." Call it a quarter mid life crisis. 

Thankfully, her mother let it pass.

"Also, um..." she trailed off, clearing her throat. "I'm going out tonight with a couple of girls at a bar.” Or was it a club? “Just with Rose and Kaydel. And Armitage." 

"Armitage?" her mother asked, her eyes wide opened. "He agreed?" 

"I know, it's hilarious." 

Her mother just clicked her tongue before she smiled sadly. "You've been going out so much these days." 

"I've been gone for sometime,” she mumbled, shrugging. “A lot of catch up." She was telling the truth, though. She _was_ going out with Rose and Kaydel this time. Her trusted best friends, people who stuck by her through thick and thin. Her ride or die. 

* * *

She opted for an emerald long sleeved sequin mini dress that she got from Net-a-Porter because according to Rose, green brought out her eyes. She even applied smokey green eye makeup with a hint of gold. Her growing hair was curled so it looked short again and bouncy. 

Rey really did miss having some girls night out, especially with the best girls she had ever known. The most supportive and beautiful tiny women. She had invited Jannah (making her feel less giant around two five foot one ladies) but Jannah couldn't make it. 

Grabbing her crossbody small purse, she emerged from her room, hoping her mother wouldn't comment on the length of the dress. 

Thankfully, her mother didn't say anything. She seemed exhausted too, so that was probably why. Rey really hoped she was okay and that she had taken as many rests as she could. 

"I'm going now, okay?" she announced. 

Her mother just nodded, smiling. "Have fun." 

"Don't wait up!" 

Before her mother could say anything, Rey was already out of the door. She waited until she was at the lobby of her apartment to take out her phone to text her friends that she was outside since they were picking her up. But then she saw that she had received a text from Charlie. 

Sometimes she wondered why she hadn't slept with anyone else yet ever ever since she started sleeping with him. Why hadn’t she gone to a bar for the sake of meeting someone to fuck? It wasn't like they were... _exclusive._

> **Hey, it's Friday night. You're going out?**

Did he want to... hang out with her? She texted a quick reply. 

> **Yeah, with a couple of girlfriends.**

She wasn't sure why she had to tell him that. It was completely unnecessary. 

> **Oh, that's nice. Hope you have fun, baby.**

Something tugged in her chest. A wrenching kind of feeling. 

It just felt like they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Okay, that sounded gross. Lovers? Ew. 

How would you draw the line between fuck buddies and _lovers._ Something non-committal but at the same time, exclusive. Partners sounded like they were two women dating. No offence to the sapphics though, since she herself was bisexual. She couldn't really label it. 

It would be amusing, though. Someone like her dating someone like him. Two unavailable people fucking. She had to laugh. 

At the same time, reading his text made him sound a little bit like he was her dad. Sure, she called him _daddy,_ but that ain't the same thing. 

This was all kinds of messed up. 

She finally texted both Kaydel and Rose, staying close to where there were a couple of people to make her feel safer. 

Apparently those two were already here, parking a bit far away. When she spotted Rose's red car, she couldn't help but squeal out loud as Rose rolled her window down. They looked so beautiful that she wanted to cry. Rose with her red lipstick and sparkly pink eyeshadow, Kaydel with her heavy eyeliner. 

"Oh my god, you guys," Rey cried out, grabbing both of their hands from the window before she giddily hopped in the backseat.

"See, I have taste," Rose said, doing the _‘okay’_ gesture. "Green is your fucking colour. I'm hella speechless, yo." 

Kaydel laughed. "It's true, you're snatching. Who allowed you to look so gorgeous?" 

"Who allowed _you_ both to look so bomb as fuck?" Rey retorted, feeling her chest swell with pride. 

"I really fucking miss you, Rey," Kaydel said, grabbing Rey's hand and giving it a little squeeze. "So, who's coming again? Something Hugs?" 

"Yes, Hux! It's Armie but he prefers being called Hux. His name is actually Armitage, so be nice, guys. His parents cursed him with that name, the least we could do is pitying him." 

Kaydel and Rose snorted, shaking their heads. 

"Oh my god," Rose spoke up. "Did you—you know about... Finn and—and—?" 

Instead of Rey, it was Kaydel that groaned. "I've been thirsting for Mr. Dameron for _years_ and Finn just bagged him up? Goddamn, how?" 

"I know," Rey said, her whole mood just evaporated. She did suspect that they were kind of close when they were in high school but she would never have thought that it was something serious. 

"Did he invite you to the wedding though?" Kaydel asked Rey in a hushed voice. "He kinda owed you that after what he did to you back then." 

Rey just smiled. "Yeah, he did. It was a long time ago. It's... It was a whole different chapter of my life." 

* * *

The moment Armie set eyes on Rose for Rey to witness it all, she just saw sparks flying between those two. Armie really went from grumpy cat-looking man to a puppy. A fucking lovesick puppy. Rey saw all thoughts flew out of his brain when he looked at Rose. 

He was completely tongue tied. 

"Dammit, Rey, now I'm feeling extra single," Kaydel hissed, seeing what Rey was seeing. 

"Hi," Rose chirped, grinning. "I'm Rose." 

"Uh..." Armie stammered, swallowing. 

"Hux," Rey spoke for him. "This is Hux." 

"Mmhmm," was all he could muster, his face was flushed red.

She knew this was supposed to be a sort of girls night out, but she really didn't expect there would be romance blossoming here. Because of that, she didn't mind telling Kaydel that there was a woman sitting on the bar over there that had been checking her out the whole night. 

Of course, as a wingwoman, Rey went and approached the tall platinum blonde woman. Rey wouldn’t be surprised if this was a model. 

"Hi," she greeted. "I'm Rey. That cutie over there is my friend, Kaydel." 

The woman seemed very interested. "I'm Gwen." They shook hands. "So, do I get a shot with her? Is she interested?" 

_"Very,"_ Rey said with a grin. She turned to look at Kaydel and saw her blushing. "She has a soft spot for tall women." 

Somehow, even while both Rose and Kaydel were hitting up with their dates, they still danced together since that was the plan. So the three of them gulped down their drinks and hit the dance floors, moving to the rhythm of Dua Lipa's song. She didn't exactly know the _name_ of the song, she only recognised Dua's voice. 

While they were in their own bubbles, grazing asses against each other, she froze when she recognised that broad back. He was drinking some scotch or something, slumping in his seat. 

Was it a coincidence or... of course he wasn't stalking her here. This place was pretty close to the place he worked at. 

"Rey?" Rose asked when Rey had completely stopped dancing. "You okay, babe?" 

"Um, yeah," she answered, her throat was dry all of the sudden. "It's, um... that's Charlie." 

"Charlie?" Kaydel asked. 

"Barber?" Rose pondered with a frown. 

Rey slowly nodded. "Can you guys promise not to judge if I tell you guys something?" 

Kaydel was the first to gasp. "You've been sleeping with him!”

Rey looked at her with horrified eyes. "Fuck." 

"Is it true? And did you... invite him here?" Rose, who was the calm one here, inquired her. 

"Yes and no,” she mumbled. “I didn't invite him. It's all a coincidence." 

"Are you gonna talk to him?" Kaydel asked. 

"Are you guys not judging me?" Rey said, chewing her lip. 

Rose and Kaydel seemed amused. "We're not _encouraging_ it," Kaydel stated. 

"But we also know you've been thirsting for him your whole life and that we can't exactly stop you from doing whatever you want," Rose said hurriedly.

Why was she feeling like crying all of the sudden? Fuck, tears already welled up her eyes. "What did I do to deserve you both?" she moaned.

"I mean, you did just increase our chances of getting some," Rose said with a grin. 

Now that was gross because, well, Armie. "I'm gonna go over there now,” she told both of them.

As she padded across the wooden floor, her thoughts were just, _‘Please alone, please be alone, please be alone.’_

"Charlie?" she said. 

When he turned to face her, he stilled. Only his eyes moved, roaming from her head to toe (his eyes lingered on her legs and her chest).

"R-Rey," he stammered. "Holy... shit. You look—you look so..." He gulped, unable to look away from her body. 

_He_ looked so beautiful too in his blue dress shirt that he tucked in his dark blue trousers. 

"You like it?" she teased, twirling around and swaying her ass a little. 

He really made her feel wanted. Ached. Desperate for. He knew how to express his adoration. Feeding her ego.

His hand slightly twitched on the bar like he wanted to touch her, but he curled his hand into a fist instead. "You're out with your friends, right?" he asked gingerly. 

She knew what he was thinking. "Well, they're cool,” she answered with a shrug. 

Slowly, very _agonisingly_ slowly, he gazed up at her and their eyes met. "Did you..." He did the thing with his mouth like he always did as he trailed off, licking the inside of his mouth and rolling his lower lip, "tell them about—about me?" 

She wasn't sure if he was angry because while he had so many emotions from his voice, his face was unreadable right now. All she could detect was anxiousness. "J-Just one of them,” she said. “But now, well, another two already knew when I told them I wanted to say hi to you so now, uh, three of them know." God, why was she nervous? "Are you... mad?" 

His face softened immediately, his hands reaching out to take both of her hands. Tugging her to him. "Of course not, baby,” he assured her earnestly. “I could _never_ be mad at you." 

That made her sigh with relief, her shoulders starting to relax. She wasn't sure _why_ she was so worried. Or so relieved. "You couldn't?” she taunted. “Even when I'm being a brat?"

He clicked his tongue as he let go one of her hands and stroked her chin with his thumb. "That's my favourite." 

She snorted, leaning into his palm when he cupped her jaw.

"It feels so real,” he murmured, “now that some people know about us." 

She frowned. "Real?" she echoed. 

"Us," he simply explained, stroking her cheek. "It always feels just like a dream before this. But now..." He shook his head, smiling. "It's nice." 

That was weird of him. But she shrugged it off. "You want to dance... _daddy?"_

His eyes darkened. "You call me that again and I'll drag you to the bathroom and fuck you there." 

Somehow, that made her laugh. All that dancing and sweating had dissipated her drunkenness, so she cheekily stole Charlie's whiskey. 

“Come on,” she said, leading him towards the dance floor after he'd taken his own gulp of his whiskey too. She may have pulled him too harshly because he almost stumbled in his seat. 

Most people had their feet dangling in the air when they sat on a barstool yet it was like a normal chair for his long legs. It was a fucking turn-on. 

They were playing some lo-fi songs now. The bar was a small crowded place so it wasn’t exactly a place to dance. Especially not for a big man like Charlie. She should have gone to some clubs but then she wouldn’t bump into him. It might be difficult for this big refrigerator to sashay through the crowd. 

He seemed so out of place and awkward at first, rolling his sleeves up, so Rey tried loosening him up. Letting him get used to it. Holding both of his hands and lifting both of them up, she started swaying her hips and let her body move like an untwisted rope. He moved at an awkward, minimal pace. 

Suddenly the song changed to an older one, _What A Man._ That ought to turn up his synapse. The song really lifted her adrenaline up high like an ecstasy. She knew she had to lead him first so she turned around and placed his hands on her hips while she weaved side to side against his front, her head following the direction. 

His hands started gripping her tighter while moving along with her. Good, he finally got the hang of it. She turned to face him and felt her body overtaken by the cadency of the song that seemed to affect not only the beat of her heart, but also her movement. Her feet found themselves lifting up and down. Too jazzed up.

When Charlie was looser, he _really_ let loose. His hair swayed back and forth as he hopped and danced with her, their faces kept coming up close, mingling their breaths. 

She knew Rose and Kaydel would have so many questions but she also knew they would understand. They would still reprimand her and stuff but they wouldn't tell. Plus, how could she let go of this? 

Charlie's face brightened up like the sun when he grinned at her under the neon light. His cheeks were so flushed too from the dance and his eyes were almost dancing with laughter. It made her mind buzz with joy and her heart felt so full.

It was so gradual as they slowed down their dancing when her hazy thoughts became clearer. Just a bit. 

Everything else in the bar was blurred and black and white. He was the only limelight in her eyes, so distinct and... colourful. The bright and warm kind. She felt like she just had an epiphany about him. 

Charlie Barber was the most beautiful man she had ever laid eyes on. 

And now she was in trouble. 

Deep, _deep_ trouble. 

* * *

"Do you... want to meet my friends?" she asked, harbouring a glimmer of hope. "Or do you want to go back to where you sat earlier? Because I have to go back to them for a while. Catching up and stuff." 

He still looked so dazed, his eyes glinting almost mischievously. "You think I should?" he slurred, furrowing his brows. So adorable. 

"It's up to you," she replied with a shrug. 

"Do you want to come home with—with me?” he asked with a pout. “Afterwards?" 

Her brows knitted together. _"They're_ still in LA?" His family seemed to leave him alone a lot. Of course that was probably his choice but it was getting suspicious. 

His throat bobbed. "Um, y—yeah."

"We'll see,” she said with a smile, shaking off her suspicions. "So you want to meet them? They know you, actually. They came to the party. Kaydel is there too." 

Fear displayed on his face. "You trust them?" 

"With all my heart." She meant it. 

Apparently her words were enough because he nodded, lacing their fingers together. Hand holding was always too intimate for her but she let him. She led him towards Rose, Armie and Kaydel who were cozying with Gwen as well. 

Rose was the first to spot them, cocking her brows when she saw their intertwined fingers.

"Hi guys," Rey said, blushing for some reason. This was all weird. 

"Hiiii," Rose chirped. 

That was when Kaydel turned from Gwen to look at Rey. 

"Um, you guys know Charlie," Rey said awkwardly. "Except Armie. Armie, this is—"

"So _you're_ the guy who's married?" Armie blurted out. 

They were all dead silent after that. If Charlie weren't here, she would have palmed her face right now. 

"Yes," Charlie answered politely, offering his free hand to Armie. (Thankfully she was holding his left hand, huh. The one with his, uh, wedding ring.) "Charlie Barber." 

"Armitage Hux," Armie said with a nod.

"I never got to say that I really enjoyed the party, Mr. Barber," Rose chimed in, lightening things up. 

"Same, same," Kaydel conceded with a nod. 

"Um, that's—that's nice," Charlie said, glancing at both Kaydel and Rose. His eyes were smiling but his lips weren't. Like he wished he was anywhere else but here. "I'm glad you guys enjoyed it." 

It was adorable to see how _massive_ he was compared to Kaydel and Rose, height _and_ width. 

"Hi, I'm Gwen Phasma," Gwen said, including herself in the conversation by fluttering her hand into a small wave. 

Charlie simply nodded. "Nice to meet you, Gwen." Then he frowned, looking like something just dawned on him. "Wait, Armitage Hux?” He turned to Armie. 

“You're the dancer, right? Correct me if I’m wrong but do you own a dance studio and have your own dance school?”

That seemed to take Armie by surprise. It caught _her_ off guard too. Right, of course a man like Charlie would know someone like Armie. 

“Yeah,” Armie simply said.

Charlie just tapped his mouth with a little frown. "I’m not sure if I should ask but do you have some dancers I could hire as the choreographer for my new play? My best dancer quit." 

"Yes," Armie deadpanned. "Rey." 

Her eyes widened, perplexed. That was when Charlie turned to look at her. "You dance?" he asked, surprised. 

Well, she actually preferred to keep a lot of her personal things like her hobbies to be a secret around him or else it all felt like they were way beyond physical. 

"Ah, yeah," she admitted through gritted teeth. "I... do. Um, dance."

"So... do you want to—to work with me?" Charlie asked expectantly. 

That would complicate the fuck out of what they had going on. She quickly glanced at her friends (and Gwen). "Um, guys, I'm gonna... go with Charlie, okay?”

"You're going home?" Armie asked. 

"No," she said hurriedly. Everyone looked at her oddly. She quickly corrected herself. "I mean, I'm not sure yet. Mm. I'll- I'll let you know. Er, I'll text you guys." 

"Okay," Kaydel grinned knowingly. 

Rey went to kiss everyone's cheek (and awkwardly shook Gwen's hand), pulling her hand from Charlie’s hand to loop her arm around his. 

They walked towards the coat room. It was nice that this bar had a coat room. They gave their own tickets to the girl at the counter and immediately put on their coats. 

The cold wind of the night immediately swept her face once they went out. "I'm sorry about Armie,” she said with a laugh. “He's just... he has a big mouth." 

"It‘s fine, Rey," he said, amused. "You never told me you dance." 

"Well, we don't—we don't really talk to or _about_ each other much." 

"I told you about the talk I had in your uni," he pointed out. 

"That's different," she protested, feeling really chilly right now. She pulled her coat tighter. 

He crossed his arms. "How is it different?" 

"It's about our history, not about our own personal lives." She wasn't sure why she was so defensive. "My passion is my personal life. The police won't ask me about _'Oh, what do you like to do during free time?'_ but they'd tell me if they recognised me anywhere."

"Oh, so I'm a cop?" he asked, raising his brows. 

"You know what I mean!" she argued.

"I _do_ know what you mean,” he said. It was more irritating that he still seemed all cool about it. Making her feel like she was the dramatic one here. “You're saying that I'm, what, just a stranger that fucks you often." 

She let out an exasperated sigh. "You're _not_ a stranger to me,” she groaned, letting out a heavy exhale. “Look, I never really _asked_ you about your relationship with Nicole! Well, not _much._ I don't fucking question it. That's the beauty of what we have. It's..." She racked through her head, finding an appropriate word. "It's simple. It's... an escape. No questions asked. No worries. No... no _nothing._ So can we just... drop it?" 

He bit the inside of his cheek, looking dissatisfied. "So working with me is off the table?" 

It would probably be a bad idea for them to see each other a lot. Although having him as her employer sounded very hot. "Yes," she said softly. “Besides, I’m—I’m not staying, you know that. I’m not going back to college.” Across the fucking country. 

"Okay." He nodded, his jaw clenching tight. "But can I just... ask you to compromise something?"

Didn't sound like a good idea but she nodded anyway. "Depends on what it is." 

"Can we just... you know, share a little bit of our lives?” he suggested. “Like how's your day and what you do for work, things like that. Not too specific if you don’t want that. Something general like your likes and dislikes, something that you would share on social media or whatever. You don’t really mind all those texts I send you whenever I ask how’s your day, do you?

It was pretty hard to refuse him. "Fine. I don’t mind. But you can't force some information out of me." 

"Okay, that's fair." His eyes softened. He was too good for her. He was probably too tired to fight. So was she. "So, what do you want to do right now? Go home or... to my place?" 

She tugged his shirt towards the side of the building, in the dark alleyway. Pushing him to the wall, she stood on her toes to kiss him even with her heels. 

His response was automatic, probably because they were so used to this now. Kissing. Yet her stomach still flipped every time. He tasted like whiskey and a little hint of cigarettes. His hand was nicely wrapped around her neck as he gently bit her lower lip. She could feel his other hand on her ass, giving her ass a little squeeze. 

"You almost sent me to cardiac arrest with this dress, you know?" he grunted. 

Her head was tilted as he kissed her neck. His comment and his little kisses really made her lightheaded. She was really glad that he could switch back to how he was before their weird arguments. 

"Then you fucking called me _daddy_ right in there,” he huffed while she tried to catch her breath. “Were you sent to torture me, little tease?" He was nibbling her throat now. "And your little ass on my dick. You _like_ making me feel that way in a sea of people, huh?" 

A small whimper escaped her lips when he suddenly spun them around so that _she_ was the one whose back was against the dirty bricked wall. Literally no fucks were given about that. She just wanted him inside her. 

It was as if he read her mind because he started hiking her dress up and rubbed her clit against her panties. 

He chuckled darkly. "Fuck, you're so wet already.”

She started undoing his trousers and pulled him out of his briefs almost impatiently. All the energy spent on arguing pent up into sexual desires. 

Pushing the gusset her panties to the side, he entered her in one long thrust, making her gasp. 

In this dark alleyway, he drove into her hard, like he was thinking about something that made him pissed. He drove into her like _she_ pissed him off, and he was trying to prove something. She wasn't sure what he was trying to prove but he could keep being mad at her because this felt so, _so_ good. 

"Yes, right there," she sobbed. "Fuck, I feel so full. You fill me so well." 

He cursed in the crook of her neck. "Yeah? No one else, baby?" 

She shook her head, biting his shoulder. "Just you. Only you." 

Lifting both of her legs to wrap them around his hips, he thrusted his hips again and again until they both shuddered. "I'm almost there," he panted. "Please tell me you're close, baby. Come with me, Rey." 

There was no way she could deny him. She cried out his name when she reached her peak, feeling him spilling his seed inside just a few seconds later. 

Even after he had emptied himself inside her, he still slowly thrusted along her folds, refusing to let go. 

When he finally did, she convinced him to leave. Sending him off with a goodbye kiss. 

Her friends had suspicions written on their faces when she returned to them but they just stayed quiet, minus the meaningful glances towards her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> The smut is shorter here in case you guys got tired of Rey getting dicked down every minute 🤪
> 
> Also, for those in the Glee community like I am and is mourning for the loss of our amazing, vocal powerhouse Naya Rivera, I’m free to talk on Twitter (stated in previous chapter’s end notes). Hit me hard when she was gone right on my birthday. Rest in power, Naya ❤️


	10. Borrowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm sorry darling, I know he's yours_
> 
> _I know you make him breakfast and fit between his arms_
> 
> _Tonight I'm borrowing your perfect man_
> 
> _I'm borrowing your broken love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the 100 kudos, guys! 
> 
> For this chapter’s song, we are honouring Halsey’s song that she wrote at 15. This song is so perfect for these babies. And we’re introducing a new guest in this chapter in honour of Rian Johnson and The Last Jedi!
> 
> Also, I apologise for the abundance of conversations in this chapter. I only just added the last few sentences (about Red). A long ass chapter and it’s not 90% smut? Blasphemous! But I hope it helps seeing what kind of relationship Charlie and Rey have here! And a lil development on behalf of Rey.

It would be a bad idea to smoke before she started teaching… a bunch of kids. 

But she did that anyway. She was more of an occasional smoker, only lighting her cigarette when she was stressed out or when the social called for it. It was kind of a milestone actually because up until around two years ago, she would finish a packet a day. She tried to stop, believe her when she said she tried. 

She glanced at her watch to see she had twenty minutes until the class began. Enough for her to take some breath mints and maybe change her attire so she would smell less like smoke. Some students' parents liked to arrive early so she wouldn't take that chance. 

Dropping the cigarette stick to the ground and crushing it with her foot, she went inside the building. Suddenly she felt giddy that she was going to take up some students. She couldn't wait to get to know them and help them find joys in dancing. That was how it began for her. 

She had this teacher who was the equivalent of Miss Honey from Matilda whose class inspired little Rey. Her mum sent her to a ballet class to see if she would be interested (she was also sent to swimming class but she hated that. Not being in the water, just  _ swimming. _ She did like being under the water though.) 

But the moment her former teacher, Cherry Baker started talking passionately about dancing before she started teaching, Rey was immediately in love with the art. Now she hoped she would be able to inspire her students too the way Miss Cherry did. 

While waiting for the students to arrive, she started stretching first, placing her right foot on the bar handle. She then did the other leg, looking at herself in the mirror. That was when she noticed a new student coming in. She almost forgot that two new students would be joining today, meaning she was going to have to keep the class simple today so these students could catch up. This little girl must be one of them since they weren’t that familiar to her.

Rey immediately put down her foot and approached the little kid and who she  _ assumed _ was her dad. "Hi," she greeted with a smile. "Are you here for the class?" 

The dad, who seemed around the same age as Charlie (was there a moment when she wasn't thinking about him?) gaped at her weirdly. But his kid was adorable though with her little purple tutus. 

She squatted down to greet the shy little kid who seemed around four years old. "Hello," she said, offering her hand. "I'm Rey." 

The kid hesitantly lifted her hand that she hid behind her to shake Rey's hand. 

The dad finally found his words, asking his kid to tell Rey her name. 

The little girl finally mustered up her courage, murmuring. "Lucy." 

She remembered now, one of the names in the list of students that would enrol. Lucy Starck. "Nice to meet you, Lucy,” Rey chirped with a smile.

"I'm—I'm Noah Starck," the dad — or guardian — introduced himself. "Um, her uncle." 

"Oh," Rey simply said, still squatting. "Well, the class is going to be around two hours. You could wait here and watch," Although she  _ wouldn't _ recommend that, "or you can pick Lucy up later. She's safe with me.”

"Maybe you could just give me your number and I'll call you when I can pick her up?" he offered. 

"Why, are you going to be late?" she asked him, almost in an accusatory tone.

He seemed tongue tied and nervously shook his head. "Oh no, no. Um, okay, the class is two hours long right? I'll... I can just grab coffee nearby." 

She nodded. "Perfect." Then she turned to the little girl, standing up and waved her hand in a beckoning gesture to Lucy. "You can come with me, sweetheart." 

Lucy finally let go of her uncle's hand and followed her. It was nice that she could easily gain kids' trust. Though that sort of sounded like she was being predatory. 

She swore she could be trusted though. 

Later on, more and more students arrived with their guardians. She loved that there were boys too in her class. Dancing was for everyone and she vowed to plant the idea that dancing was one of the best art into these kids' heads, maybe telling them about Armie too. 

At the beginning, the kids would be accompanied by both parents but these days, these kids were always dropped off by their mothers. 

When she finally ended the class, she could see Charlie was already waiting for her right outside of the class. He had asked her if she was free today so she told him she would be free after her class finished at two in the afternoon. She had told him he could come fifteen minutes past two but apparently he was punctual because when she checked her phone, it was exactly two fifteen sharp. 

Charlie scowled as Noah — who was the last guardian to leave the class — walked past him after seeing he had spent too long talking to her even though he was only supposed to pick his niece up. 

"That guy is into you," Charlie seethed when Noah left. 

She snorted at him before she greeted him with a kiss on the lips like it was the most natural thing. "So what?” she mused. “He's allowed to." 

Charlie pulled away from the kiss, retreating back to glower at her. "Yeah, but you're m—”

"I'm...?" she dared.  _ Thought so,  _ she thought when he went quiet, exhaling through his nostrils. "So why do you want to see me today?" Of course the only reason he wanted to see her was to fuck while his wife was absent. She should have rephrased her question with,  _ 'Where do we fuck today?' _

"Thought I want to... take you lunch," he said sheepishly. He looked so good in his suit over a plaid shirt underneath that he tucked in his trousers. It looked so 2005 though. She would laugh at him if he didn't pull it off so well. "At this nice diner."

She frowned, tilting her head to the side. "Out in the open?”

"New York might seem small but it's a pretty big world," he said pointedly. "Come on, please. I really want to buy you lunch. Maybe someday we can grab dinner at some fancy restaurant next." 

What the fuck did he mean by  _ someday? _

This relationship — okay,  _ affair _ — had dragged kind of too far but she tried to tell herself that two people could fuck and have lunch without being in a relationship. But that would mean they were friends but she could never see him as a friend. Ever.

He took her hand, intertwining their fingers together. 

She drew in a deep breath before she nodded. "Fine,” she sighed. “But you are getting out of your clothes afterwards."

He grinned, pecking her cheek. "Deal." 

She looked down at her outfit. Black quarter sleeved shirt with pantyhose. "I'm going to change first,” she said. “Could you lock that door?"

Amusement was written on his face. "But you already look nice," he said with a casual shrug. "I'll just lend you my jacket and you would still look nice." 

_ Ha-ha, Charlie Barber the fashion expert, everybody. _ "Don't be ridiculous,” she piped out. “Besides, I stink." She didn't break a sweat  _ much _ but better safe than sorry. "Now go lock the door." 

He smirked at her. "Aye-aye, ma'am."

"I can't believe I'm getting out of my clothes already before we could grab lunch," she muttered under her breath, pulling her shirt up over her head. She heard him laugh as he locked the door. When he turned to look at her, she feigned a gasp as she covered her chest. "Look away, pervert!”

He rolled his eyes. "I've seen you naked countless of times. It's not like we're exes." 

Good to know that he would still keep his boundaries after breaking up with someone. 

"Yeah but I know that we won't ever leave if you see me naked now," she remarked. 

He squinted at her before he let out a huff. "You got a point." He turned to look at the window while she cackled. 

She quickly changed into what she had, black sweater tucked in a checkered mini skirt. There was no way she could wear pants after hours of pantyhose. 

\- 

They took a cab ride to this diner that served fried chickens on pancakes in Elm Park. Charlie hopped off the cab first after paying the cab driver and offered his hand to her to help her out of the cab. 

Even after she had gotten out of the cab with his help, he was still holding her hand. Never mind, the diner was right there so  _ no probs, no probs. _ She realised that this was her first time seeing the absence of his wedding ring around his finger. Even when they were fucking, he never took it off.

Maybe it was in his wallet or something. He was just being subtle. She tried not to get her hopes up.

It wasn’t good for her either if he got a divorce, unless it was for his sake because they would never,  _ ever _ be together for a number of reasons.

They sat in the corner round booth where they had more privacy. They were actually lucky to find a seat here since the place was crowded, probably a popular place that had been featured on Buzzfeed or something. 

He scooted a bit close to her as they checked out the menu. Obviously they both ordered the fried chicken pancakes since that was the specialty. He ordered a beer while she ordered Diet Coke for herself. 

"So, how’s the dance class going on?" he asked, propping his elbow on the table and staring at her like he was interested.

She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, nervous to be out with him in public. "It was nice. Took some time for me to loosen those kids up but they're—they're fast learners."

"Yeah?" he asked, cocking his brows.

"Yeah,” she replied with a smile. “One of them actually reminds me of myself. Ambitious and so competitive." She laughed quietly, shaking her head when she thought about one of her students, Kaidan. "So pure." 

_ "You're _ ambitious and competitive?" he sputtered out, surprised. "I couldn't envision that. You just seem so, I don’t know,  _ relaxed _ whenever I see you. Composed.”

Funny he said that when in bed, she could be very intense with the whole choking thing. "Oh no, I can be  _ very _ tense,” she emphasised. 

He smiled at her. "This is nice." 

"What?"

Then he leaned closer to her. "Getting to know you," he murmured.

Her face heated up and she silently breathed a sigh of relief when their drinks arrived right on time. "Thank you," she offered to the waitress, sipping her drink through the straw.

Even after making out and doing more than that with him, having him so close to her like this and just talking made it difficult for her to breathe. How was he affecting her this much?

"So how are you competitive?” he asked, his eyes twinkling. “Give me an example." 

She was about to speak when she felt his hand on her thigh. Her heart pounded like crazy. "When I play board games or anything, I can get so loud screaming whenever I'm winning or something,” she reminisced, surprised by how composed she sounded because she was sure she was trembling. “Then when I was a kid, like around five years old, I remember getting all triumphed whenever my classmates couldn't read, which was so wrong. I thought knowing how to read made me smarter than everyone which is not true, of course.

Charlie nodded, absorbing her words as he took a sip of his beer.

“I would, like, read out loud in class with my clear punctuation,” she told him, shaking her head. “Everyone  _ hated _ me in that class because I was so obnoxious. When there was this girl who could read, I remember thinking she was my archenemy or something.” A chuckle escaped Charlie’s mouth when she said that. “I always raised my hand up really quick so she wouldn't volunteer to read first. It was so petty but I was like, twelve."

"Props to your parents though,” he mused. “I remember finding it really difficult to teach Henry how to read. He could be really stubborn.”

Sometimes she forgot he was a dad. 

His thumb grazed her thigh. "It's only when he turned nine that he was finally able to read." 

"Maybe he's a genius in something else, like art," she pointed out. "Everyone's brain works differently. Not being able to comprehend words doesn’t make a kid dumb.”

He gazed at her almost lovingly, making her feel some type of way. "He's pretty great at drawing,” he said with a shrug. “You should check out his sketches. I framed them and pu

"I can imagine," she said, smiling. "Besides, he likes Monopoly so there is a possibility that you're raising a future accountant."

He laughed, nodding. "Probably. He always excels in Math."

Their food arrived and they started diving into it, meaning that his hand had already left her thigh to focus on his meal. She already missed it.

"So," he broke the silence as he swallowed down his food, "I have a question." 

"Yes?" 

"I thought you're studying law?" 

Genuinely, she was surprised that he'd remembered that. Did Nicole mention that? He wouldn't dare ask about her, would he?

"Yeah," she casually answered before she took another forkful of her meal. 

"Are you multitasking?" he inquired curiously, sipping his drink. "You know, I could hit up some of the people I know. I have friends who are doing criminal law, and—and divorce too.” He cleared his throat. “One of them is pretty much a big deal. But that also means he's  _ really _ tough, he makes people cry a lot." 

"Oh, that's—that's nice of you to offer," she demurred. "But it's okay, it’s gonna be a long way until I graduate anyway. In a year.” She swallowed. A lot of things could happen in a year. “I'm going back to Oxford um, soon." 

Suddenly the air felt different. Heavy. Full of tension and an awkward silence as he became awfully quiet. It wasn’t awkward, per say. Something equally painful, but it wasn’t awkwardness. 

"Oh," he uttered, his face shifted into something more crestfallen. "Right, I forgot. That you're..." His throat bobbed. "That you're not studying here. In... New York. Or America." He tittered awkwardly, concealing his real emotion. The grip he had on the utensils seemed so tight from how white his knuckles were. That showed enough. 

Even if she wasn’t going back, they still had an expiration date between them.

He seemed to lose his appetite, like he wasn’t anticipating for this thing between them to end. His eyes were staring blankly at his food before him. If she was being honest, it kind of hurt her to see how upset he seemed.

Driven by the spur of the moment, she placed her hand on his. It was apparent — the size difference between their hands. She lifted it and kissed each of his knuckles.

He inhaled sharply. His hand imperceptibly cupped her jaw, tugging her lower lip with his thumb. Things escalated from there when she wrapped her lips around his thumb and sucked it , peering up at him. 

A sense of jubilant surged in her when she saw a hint of smile at the corner of his mouth. The look he gave her screamed trouble.

If she didn't know any better, she would assume this was his way of asking her to stay. 

But of course, she did know better. 

"Could you be a good girl for me?" he rasped, plunging his index and middle fingers in her mouth so she would suck it before he dropped his hand to her lap.

She felt a knot in her lower abdomen and tingle between her legs as she nodded. If he wouldn't put his hand in her skirt right now, she would combust. But it wasn't appropriate. They were in a diner where there were still people here.

He was probably going to ask her to be a good girl for him for now before he would take her somewhere later and fuck her senseless. They were eating, anyway, there was no way he would do something to her  _ here. _ She was still famished and her food was almost finished— 

His hand crawled towards her center before he cupped her crotch, making her choke. It would be easy for him to slip in his hand because of her accessible mini skirt. 

She took a ragged breath through her nose as she composed herself, sipping her Coke to quench her dry throat. No one was watching, hopefully. The place was full of people, no one would suspect a thing. 

“Oh fuck,” she gasped, tipping her head back when she felt it. She closed her eyes as the tip of his finger casually circled around her little bud of nerve over her undergarment. She gripped the table, biting her lip as a silent moan escaped her throat. Her fingers combed through her hair as she faked a headache in case someone could see them and suspected something.

While his hand was on her, his other hand just offhandedly lifted his glass of beer as he imbibed it casually. "Such a nice girl for me," he muttered with the glass rim on his lips. "Yet such a whore too, wanting to be fucked in front of all these people." 

She bit her lip and let out an _ "oh" _ when his hand dipped inside her underwear, stroking her clit even faster. Her whole body grew hotter. 

"Be quiet for me, baby," he rumbled, smirking. "Look at you. Your cheeks are fucking pink. So pretty for me." 

The compliment sent a rush of pride all over her. She always loved it when she was able to make a man proud like she was Donna Reed or something but some men deserved rights. Men who were able to make her pant when they entered a single digit inside her folds like Charlie was doing right now. Her utensils made a loud sound on the plate when she jerked. 

"Didn't I tell you to be quiet, sweetheart?" he hummed cockily, sliding his finger in and out. 

She put down both the fork and knife and shoved her knuckles in her mouth, biting it hard. It was a torture not being able to make some noise. She made a slow effort of bucking her hips to meet his thrust, desperate to come already so they could get the fuck out of here. 

But the bastard just irritated her by slowing his movement. After some time, he finally granted her mercy when he entered another finger, crooking his fingers fast. "There you go," he coaxed. "Nice and quiet for me and you get to come." 

"Y-yes," she sputtered as her head spun and her thighs twitched. There was something exciting about being fucked in a place full of people who had no — or  _ some _ — idea of what they were doing. They might have picked up some hints if they paid attention to her face and the way her chest moved. 

Her whole body started convulsing and  _ fuck _ she was so close and she knew he felt it, felt how close she was from the way her count pulsed— 

Finally her orgasm was rippled out of her, quick and silent even though he really rocked her defenceless body. She had to take some time to recover, her breath simmering down. 

She could feel him retracting his fingers out of her before he slipped his hand out of her skirt. 

He took one of the napkins and wiped his fingers with it before he kept it inside the pocket of his jacket, rendering her speechless. 

She could see that he was tenting his trousers and she really wanted to help with that. But they had spent too much time here and she needed to clean up the seat. His situation could still be taken care of later. 

As soon as it was time to pay for the food, she was quick to take out her purse and pay for their lunch. "Your hand is dirty," she said with a shrug. 

"I literally just came back from the restroom and already cleaned my hands," he protested. 

She ignored him, not waiting for him as she exited the diner. Her hand extended out as she hailed a cab when she felt fingers interlacing between hers. She frowned in confusion when she was pulled towards Charlie who was still holding her hand. “What, where are we going?” she asked. “What, did you book another hotel reservation or something for us to fuck?”

He never let go of her hand as he led her down the street, amusement was written all over his face. "No, we’re just going to take a stroll now." 

"Charlie," she hissed, looking around the place. "Aren't you afraid that someone we know might see us together? In a fucking broad daylight?" 

He just shrugged in response, holding her hand tighter. "I don't care." 

Well,  _ she _ cared. But then she sighed and gave up, walking alongside him. If he wanted to die, then who was she to stop him? "You're a madman." 

The asshole just simply chuckled, like she was ridiculous for being cautious. "It's just a walk, Rey. Where do you want to go?" 

_ Somewhere fucking private, _ she thought with a huff. 

But then her eyes stumbled upon the familiar record shop that looked like it had seen a lot of good and bad days. Must have been there since at least in the 70s. She used to go there a lot as a young teenager ever since she got lost (never,  _ ever _ fall asleep in the subway again) and walked in there to borrow their phone just to let her mother know where she was.

Perhaps walking down the memory lane sounded like a good idea now. Shetugged Charlie’s hand and led him to that shop across the street. 

“Wait, I used to work there,” he said, pointing at the furniture shop beside the record shop. 

“Really?” she asked, peering at the shop and imagining Charlie working there.

“It was ages ago. Um, I was... sixteen.” 

It was hard to picture Charlie Barber as a teenager. “What year was that?” she pondered.

“1999,” he murmured.

Fuck. She was two. 

The smell of the record shop really brought her back to her sixteen-year-old self, sniffling and so afraid to go home now because it was getting too late. Afraid her mother would scold her when she came home. She didn't think Mama would call the fucking cops. 

But then again, she did get distracted by the place. She was supposed to use their phone.

With one hand still being gripped by Charlie, she used her other hand to browse through the vinyl records. Bowie, Queen, George Harrison, Pink Floyd. She smiled when she remembered that she could afford these now on her own, no longer terrified to ask her mother if she could get these.

"You come here a lot?" he asked, looking at her. 

"Well, when I was younger," she replied with a shrug, taking out a Carole King record. 

She remembered longing for the Tapestry record but she didn't even own any record player. She managed to also snatch Otis Redding's The Soul Album and Taylor Swift’s Red just for the hell of it since it was lying there randomly, reminding her to ask whether Charlie was a fan of her favourite singer. 

"Let's listen to these in the sound booth,” she suggested with a grin, not waiting for his answer as she dragged his hand. 

At the back was where the sound booth was. She slid the curtain open and walked inside where there was a vinyl record player, a CD player, and a couple of headphones. This place was too cramped, especially for a gigantic man like him. It could barely fit the two of them together so they were standing a little too close to each other, their faces merely inches apart. 

She handed one of the headphones to Charlie and hung hers around her neck. Taking out the Tapestry record first, she placed the vinyl gently on the turntable. She began to lower the tonearm of the needle until the record started spinning.

Lifting the headphones up to her ears, she heard the tempo of  _ I Feel The Earth Moved _ .

When she looked up, Charlie was already staring at her in awe. She grinned up at him and started swaying her shoulders, mini dancing to the beat since she couldn’t move much in here. He chuckled, although she could barely hear that with the headphones around her head. Her head was spinning a little and she wasn’t sure whether that was because of his strong cologne or… something else that she couldn’t quite comprehend.

When  _ So Far Away _ was on next, they just listened to it quietly. He smiled at her, she smiled at him back while lip synced to it. They never tore their eyes off each other as they kept listening. She wasn't sure if it was the proximity or the song, but all her feelings just piled up. 

Happy, sad, longing, pining, desperation. 

Everything.

After three songs, she let out an exhale as she looked away from him. She swallowed the lump in her throat, finally taking out the vinyl and keeping it in the jacket. She grabbed the Red vinyl and took it out, placing it on the turntable. “Well, Charlie Barber,” she said in a teasing tone. “Do you know who Taylor Swift is?” 

His brows furrowed together. “Henry mentioned her when his friends were talking about her. Singer, right?” 

Okay, when he asked her if he knew Taylor Swift, she was kidding so she didn’t expect this. What an old man. Only knowing someone from his eleven-year-old son. 

“Yeah, a singer,” she answered before she squinted at him. “Don’t tell me you have never heard any of her songs.” 

He cocked a brow, looking like he was fighting back a smile. “I feel pressured. Am I supposed to?” 

A little  _ bit. _ She might be trying not to tell him much about herself but she felt like showing this little side of her could also tell her what kind of person  _ he _ was. A snob? Someone with an open mind? Good taste in music? She was sort of hitting two birds with one stone here. 

Not that she needed to know what kind of person exactly he was since this relationship wasn’t serious  _ anyway. _

She pinched his abs in response to his question, making him yelp. “You are such an old man,” she gasped playfully while he chuckled. “Surely you  _ have _ heard of her songs, maybe from the radio? In a cab? There is no way you have never heard of  _ I Knew You Were Trouble? Blank Space? Shake It Off?”  _

He tried to grasp his hips, doing the dad pose that he always did but the place was too cramped that he could only cross his arms together. “Maybe? I don’t really pay attention.” 

“Well, today, you are about to be educated,” she said with a smirk. She started playing the record and State of Grace came on.  _ Now _ she was feeling really nostalgic. As soon as Taylor Swift’s voice started echoing the walls, Rey felt like she was home again.

Since she was supposedly introducing him a masterpiece, her eyes were glued on him the whole time. Hoping for some reaction. He was expressionless at first before his brows rose when Taylor started belting out the chorus. 

He just hummed. “That’s a lot of words. I thought singers these days repeat the same words for the catchy tune?” 

She stifled a laugh and feigned a disappointed look.  _ “You _ are a snob. But then again, I’m not surprised.” 

He made a face at her before he kept listening. Throughout the song, he kept staring at her that at some point, she was worried there might be something on her face. But he kept smiling, even when she frowned at him. 

When the song ended, he just nodded. “So, she’s your favourite artist?” he asked. “You keep smiling like you’re in love.” 

She beamed. “Well, she does occupy half of my life.” 

“Half?” 

“A decade now,” she explained.

Charlie just smiled at her, his eyes were shining. “Noted.”

Noted? What did he mean? 

But when 22 started, she got distracted. “Okay, please tell me you have heard of this song or else you’re an alien from another planet,” she begged him.

He sighed when  _ ‘Loving him was like driving a new Maserati down the dead end street’ _ line came on. It didn’t look like he recognised the song at all. “I live under the rock, baby,” he said with a sigh.

“You’re a theatre guy!” she exclaimed.

That caused him to chuckle. “I’m sorry!” It was cute but she had no idea what kind of person had never heard of Taylor so now she was determined to find out this guy’s history. 

She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a grandpa,” she chided.

He stuck his tongue out, as if he was trying to prove that he was not, in fact, a grandpa. “So, are you twenty two yet?” he teased.

She wasn’t sure if she was offended or flattered by that. “Yes I am, thank you very much,” she said with her chin up.

“You celebrated with this song?” he questioned in a genuine tone.

She searched for a hint of mockery in his tone. None.

“You’re damn right I did,” she said proudly. “After years of waiting for my twenty second year just so I can feel a little special.”

His eyes narrowed at her. “What do you mean? You  _ are _ special.” 

She scrunched her nose up. “You sound like a dad.” 

He smirked. “Don’t say that like it doesn’t turn you on.” 

Damn it, this man was really making her feel flustered while listening to 22. “Ooh, it’s my favourite song after this.” Well,  _ one _ of them.

For her,  _ Treacherous _ felt like she was sitting by the fireplace with a checkered blanket covering her body and hot chocolate in her hands for some reason. 

It probably was a terrible idea to introduce this album to a man that she might not see again the moment this whole thing ended since he was never hers. Once she would listen to this album again at some point when they were already over, she would only remember this moment. Being in a small room with Taylor Swift’s voice echoing the walls. This would be her memory now. 

Great, she was basically ruining Red now.

“Rey?” he spoke up, quelling her reverie.

“Hmm?” she mumbled.

“Are you lost in your Taylor Swift world?” he asked, the area around his eyes crinkling. “You seem distracted.”

”Oh,” she whispered, grinning. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He inhaled deeply, smiling. “I can see why you like this song. It’s great. I like it.” 

Her chest swelled up with happiness. She didn’t know why this mattered so much. Was it Taylor? Or was it Charlie that made this all matter? “You do?” she gushed. 

His eyes lit up as he nodded. “Yeah. I do.” 

“Wait til you listen to  _ All Too Well.” _

Which earned her a laugh coming from him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed Stomeroni to Noah because I’m not sure about that name, guys 😂 
> 
> So I changed it using Noah Segan’s name. I would have actually used Joseph Gordon Levitt’s character but Noah’s character is more... human. Hehe. 
> 
> Real talk tho I love Halsey but damn now I regret not using Taylor Swift’s music for this fic because illicit affair and august feel like they’re reserved just for our Charlie and Rey here. We both used clandestine for our art hehe. Taylor, are you reading this? 
> 
> Haha jk. Unless? 
> 
> But the new album is so good, guys omg. I urge you guys to stream folklore.


	11. Roman Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And we know that we're headstrong_
> 
> _And our heart's gone_
> 
> _And the timing's never right_
> 
> _But for now let's get away_
> 
> _On a Roman holiday_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, guys. I’m a SUCKER for fluff. Here’s the promised second karaoke scene 🤪
> 
> And we’re finally meeting the Marriage Story fam! 
> 
> Also, I hope this isn’t a bad timing to post a new chapter. If there’s anything in this fic that needs to be tagged, do tell me ❤️

Something caught her eyes as she looked to the side. A window where she could see a bar inside. It looked like a new bar — but then again, New York was always changing. She was pretty sure this place used to be a clothing store. 

It looked like one of those artsy bars with a stage at the center of the room. But it wasn’t one of those karaoke bars that went with Armie the other day, this seemed classier. The place was brighter, with mellow lighting. Instead of a DJ, it was a man playing the piano. Was the stage open for everyone or was it for a band? Unless there were nights where the stage was open for people to use for fun.

She found herself pushing the door open, her mind was dancing with curiosity. She was instantly drawn to the decorations of the place. Portraits of famous singers from every era (she smiled when she saw Selena Quintanilla and Aaliyah). Displays of records and awards where they have framed and hung on the walls.

The sounds of her heels filled the walls around her because of how quiet everyone sounded even when they were chattering, minus some of the tables that were laughing and sharing their stories over drinks. It wasn’t a dead place, people were just talking in a hushed tone. 

When she spotted a server near the entrance door, she walked up to him. "Are people allowed to sing on that floor? Or is it just for... the singers?" 

"Oh, we don't hire any singer, Miss," he answered, eyes glinting at her. "Only when people invite the singers for celebrations or whatever important occasion, really. Our boss would invite some singers too sometimes. There are a lot of singers that are regulars here. Mainly Broadway stars."

Her stomach somersaulted in excitement. "So I can sing?" she asked, containing her giddiness inside. 

"Why, of course,” he said. “It’s the afternoon, no volunteers yet. You don't have to wait for your turn. What song do you want to sing?" 

"Is there... _Glitter in the Air?_ By P!nk?" she asked. 

"I will ask the band,” he said with a wink. “That’s the beauty of this place. Instead of a karaoke machine, you could ask the band to play whatever song you want in whatever key. You could take a seat or stand here and wait for our cue. May I take your order though?" 

This was all so fascinating. She wasn’t sure what key complemented her voice. "Thank you so much. I'll just have a Long Island." 

He nodded at her before he walked off to talk to the band. 

Taking a seat near the stage, she rubbed her arm gingerly and waited. Maybe she should try to be at least a bit tipsy before singing. This whole place was kinda intimidating. But tipsy or not, she enjoyed singing anywhere even though her voice needed more practice. Which was why she settled for dancing. People told her that her voice was tolerable though so... that was something. 

The hem of her skirt hiked up a little when she sat even though she was still wearing her coat. She didn't care though as she crossed her legs. 

The man earlier gestured her cue when he nodded, to which she stood up. Right as she stood up, her drink arrived, so she took a sip first before she walked up to the stage. The melody began while she stood in front of the mic, biting her lip nervously. 

Karaoke alone. That was one thing she never did. It was always with someone. They didn’t have to sing with her, they could just be her moral support.

”What key?” the piano man asked.

”Um... just play normally.” Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

Just the sound of the piano at the beginning took her back to her happy days, soothing her a little. Her heart was thumping on her chest. This song was a huge part of her teenage life. She used to just isolate herself in her room and just transport herself into that song. That song was like a hot cup of tea with biscuits. 

_"Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?_

_Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?”_

She barely needed to look at the lyrics. She didn't even realise that she closed her eyes through some of the parts. 

The moment it was the chorus, she gripped the mic tighter as she sang a tad louder while the piano man behind her kept up. She had to sing from her stomach. 

_“It's only half past the point of oblivion_

_The hourglass on the table_

_The walk before the run_

_The breath before the kiss_

_And the fear before the flames_

_Have you ever felt this way?”_

Her voice cracked a little when she saw Charlie Barber entering the place and smiling at the loud group of people sitting in a booth and greeting them. 

Fuck.

He never heard her singing yet, did he? 

She gulped almost audibly, clearing her throat as she continued singing since she was here now — on the stage, with the piano man playing the song prettily. 

_“La la la la la la la la.”_

And that was when he looked up with his face scrunched, like he heard something familiar. The difference between her voice when she was singing and talking wasn’t so distinct, but he still looked like he recognised her voice. 

His head turned to look at the source of the voice. His lips parted and his brows knitted slightly when his eyes settled on her. 

_“There you are, sitting in the garden—”_

She smiled a little, her eyes were watering. She tried not to let his gaze deter her singing. No, she wanted him to keep watching. 

_“Clutching my coffee—”_

There was confusion and sadness on his face as he pursed his lips. 

She took a deep breath as she sang the next part, holding her note. 

_“Calling me sugar.”_

When she belted out the note, she surprised herself. How was she able to hold her voice while smiling and almost crying. 

Her mind must have been playing a trick on her because the way he was staring at her, dumbfounded and... something else. The corner of his mouth almost turned upwards. 

_“You called me sugar.”_

The worst part was that now he was smiling back at her, his eyes twinkling. 

Was she falling a tiny bit in love? 

She thought he was really beautiful. She always thought so, but today felt quite different.

Usually she always thought of what was underneath his pants. But right now, her breathing grew ragged as all these emotions surged inside her. Just thinking how beautiful he was that it hurt, it _really_ hurt. 

He didn't even sit down yet. Just stood there and stared at her. His Adam's apple bobbed down as his face softened. 

_Please stop looking at me like that,_ her reverie murmured. _Don't lead me down on that road._

Oh god, she was on the verge of tears. Was she turning into Rachel Berry? The worst thing to do would be the buzzkill in a bar. 

She took a little breath and looked away from him. The next part was more softer, the closing part. She was terrified. Not sure what exactly was she scared of. But all she knew was that there was fear inside her, but not of him. Of herself. She felt that she might be falling. 

For a fucking married man that she planned to only fuck. 

All of the sudden all she heard was white noise of applauses. Just applauses. The place wasn't that crowded but the applauses felt so loud to her, ringing in her eyes. Charlie’s group almost roared like they were her biggest fan. 

What if they knew? 

She smiled slightly and thanked the piano man before she walked off the stage. She sat down and sipped her tea, dismissing him. He was with his friends. 

She wasn't one to make trouble. 

As soon as she took out her phone from her purse, she felt a comforting touch on the small of her back, causing her to jump in surprise. She tilted her head, knowing full well that it was Charlie. He was the only one who could make her feel this way. 

He gave her that crooked smile that made him look so youthful, his hand lingered on her back.

"What are you doing here?" she asked raspily. She took another sip of her drink.

"Come with me," he beckoned gently. "Let me introduce you to my friends." 

"Oh," was her initial response. "I'm not sure if that's appropriate." 

"Please," he whispered. 

Who could say no to that? 

She stood up and before she knew it, he was quick to grab her drink. Maybe so no one could spike it? With his free hand, he gingerly placed it on her elbow. Almost intimately.

This sounded like a stupid idea. 

"Hey guys," he said, grinning from ear to ear. "This is Rey. She's my...” he paused as he searched for words before he settled with, “old neighbour. Used to take care of Henry." To convince everyone that he wasn't sleeping with her, he patted her on the head like a kid, putting her in an awkward position. 

"Hi," she said with what she hoped was a sincere smile. 

Everyone in the booth stared at her, unsure how to react. She recognised one person: Frank. Everyone knew Frank. He was smirking like he knew something. 

Then Charlie went on to introduce each of his friends to her while she tried to memorise everyone’s name. The woman that was practically sneering at her was Mary Ann. The ones that seemed the most friendly were Donna and Beth. The rest of them were casual about it. 

"It's nice meeting all of you," Rey said with a smile, still standing. "Do you all work for Charlie?" 

"Oh yes, doll, we do," Frank said with a grin. "And as a fellow someone that has also worked with this old chap here, I bet you also know he's a _fantastic_ boss."

"Kiss ass," Donna muttered. 

Rey just nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear. "He is pretty wonderful." And now her body started heating up. "You guys always hang around here?" 

"It's our favourite spot, really," Donna replied politely. "You have a really beautiful voice up there, _doesn't_ she, Charlie?" 

Her face was now a thousand degree. "That's.... thank you,” Rey said. 

"You really do," Charlie murmured in her hair, like it was only for her to hear. The goosebump felt like thousand needles pricking her skin. 

"Are you here alone?" Frank asked. 

She blinked. "Uh, yeah. I was just back from this dance studio. I passed by and saw this place. Thought I might try." 

"It is a nice setup for one to sing at," Beth, one of the actresses conceded. "Makes you feel like you're an actual singer." 

"You know, Charlie also regularly sings around here," Frank said teasingly.

"He does?" she asked, taken by surprise. She looked up at him. "You sing?" 

Charlie's skin from face to neck turned crimson. 

"He sang _Being Alive_ just a week ago, actually," Frank kept going. 

"That's enough now, Frank," Charlie warned through gritted teeth. 

_Being Alive?_ Wasn't that a song about marriage not being as great as the expectation was? She tried to convince herself that maybe he just liked it. It was a popular song. 

A _really_ popular song. It was considered too common if she ever considered auditioning for art and theatre school.

Now she was just really curious to hear him sing. That song, while it was common, was pretty difficult to sing. The only way people could sing it right was with this deep emotion that included loneliness and somehow realisation. Sondheim really did that. 

"You dance?" Jasmine, one of the actors asked. 

"Um, yeah," she answered sheepishly. She could feel Charlie's eyes on her. 

"You should take a seat, sweetie," Donna beckoned. "You're standing too long while we're talking to you." 

Mary Ann's head snapped at Donna, scowling. Rey took it as a hostility and that she was unwelcome. 

"Oh no, that's fine," she politely dismissed. "I don't mean to intrude." 

"No, I want you to join us, please," Charlie finally spoke up. 

She suppressed her sigh. "Well, if you guys don't mind." 

"Not at all," Frank emphasised, which Charlie hissed at. 

Everyone scooted closed to each other to give space to Rey, which made her feel bad. Charlie took a seat beside Frank and basically tugged her to sit closer to him. 

He rested his hand on her thigh under the table and she couldn't help but fear for prying eyes that would know what he was doing. A married man should not put their hand on a woman that wasn't his wife's thigh, no matter how affectionate he was. 

Unless everyone on this table knew. 

* * *

"Oh god, it was really embarrassing," Beth said with a laugh, her face was as red as her lipstick she donned today. "But she was a sweetheart, she didn't kick me out or anything." 

"I've lived here for so long and I've never met a celebrity, other than Woody Allen," Mary Ann interjected. "This is New York, I live here for a decade and not once did I even see Lena Dunham, who's said to be _everywhere."_

"That woman is despicable," Jasmine cursed. 

"I quite agree with that," Rey said quietly, smiling. 

"What about you, b— Rey?" Charlie asked, almost slipped up that word she was very familiar with. "Have you ever met any celebrity?" 

"Um... a few," she said shyly. "I once crossed paths with Kelly Bishop, and I could relate to Donna on how embarrassing it was, really." 

"What happened?" Donna asked, her eyes sparked with interest. 

Rey let out a small laugh, brushing her hair to the side. Now everyone was staring at her. "I mean I loved her in Dirty Dancing and obviously Gilmore Girls and I... oh my god, that starstruck moment. I just gaped at her like," She made a face of how she remembered she did when she encountered the legend, eyes wide and mouth parted, "and-and I don't know what happened. I just... reached out and wanted to hug her and she had this freaked out look. So... I just—stretched my arms like I was yawning and then I thought, oh no, yawning in front of _the_ Kelly Bishop?”

She tried to be as animated as possible to get everyone’s attention. She continued, "But then she just asked me if I was okay and I..." Rey started blushing deeper. "I cried? I mean, no one really asks me if I'm okay all the time because I have a good poker face but there she was, that tiny woman, just went and asked, 'Are you okay?' and I started sobbing—" She grimaced, taking a huge gulp of her drink while most of the people at the table laughed, except for Mary Ann. She realised that she accidentally took Charlie’s whiskey. “Oh god, I’m so sorry,” she told him even though they shared drinks all the time. 

He just smiled, shaking his head. “Go on.

With a gulp, she continued. “And, well, she looked sort of _uncomfortable_ but also sympathetic but she did gently pat me on the shoulder before her security tried to take me away. But, um, I just hugged him so that she didn't think I want to hug her because I adore her, but more like, you know, I'm a big hugger and all that." 

And there was more laughter erupted, which sort of made her feel slightly better about telling that god forsaken story. She still thought about it until now. 

"Wh-What did the security do after that?" Charlie asked carefully. 

"He didn't hug me back," she replied with a laugh. "He just _stood_ there, waiting for it to be over. Everyone was super uncomfortable there. I don't think I could meet another celebrity now." 

"Wow, sounds like you, Barber," Frank pointed with a guffaw. "You're not a hugger type too." 

"He's not?" Rey asked, genuinely surprised. 

"He is _affectionate,"_ Donna said. "But all he does is just kiss our foreheads as his type of greeting but he doesn't really hug. When people hug him, he just pats them on the back really awkwardly." 

"Okay, guys, let's stop talking about me now," Charlie warned with his rosy cheeks. 

Rey just intertwined their fingers together and squeezed his hand. His whole body instantly relaxed. 

* * *

They hailed a cab and decided to share one. When the driver asked where they wanted to go, Charlie immediately squeezed her hand. "Come home with me,” he murmured.

She looked up at him, baffled. "What?" 

"Please," he pleaded with his eyes. Then he whispered in her ear. "There's no one there. They're in LA." 

After glancing at the driver, she swallowed. "Okay," she murmured. 

With a big smile, Charlie told the driver his address. They kept holding hands throughout the journey to the Upper West Side.

All Rey thought about was how much she couldn't wait to kiss him. She thought about _Glitter in the Air_ again. 

> _Have you ever wished for an endless night?_
> 
> _Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight_
> 
> _Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself_
> 
> _Will it ever get better than tonight?_

Her smile never left her face for a while. 

"Thank you," he said, planting a kiss on her temple. 

"For going home with you?" she teased. 

"For today," he replied, rubbing her arm with his warm hand. "You were wonderful with them, my friends. I think they like you." 

Her body felt like it was on fire to hear his compliment. She blushed way too much today. But she really didn't see any point of her getting along with them when she and Charlie weren't exactly exclusive. "They were really wonderful too. You... you must be a great boss.”

“You _were_ my employee once upon a time ago,” he reminded her. But he barely remembered that.

She let out a small laugh. “Although..." She wasn't sure if she should hold her tongue about Mary. Why couldn’t she just shut the fuck up?

"What is it?" he asked with concern expression on his face. Why did this matter so much to him? It wasn't like they would last forever. This was just... an affair. 

"Well, Mary Ann doesn't seem too fond of me," she blurted out. Fuck. 

He sighed but still gave her a reassured smile. "Oh, don't worry about her. She's always like that. But you... you were _great_ and you have nothing to worry about." He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. 

Somehow she wasn't convinced. But, never mind. It wasn't like she was going to hang out with them again. Maybe. If shit hit the fan, it was a consequence for her to take. 

She did ask for it by still being with him. 

"They don't... they don't know about us, do they?" she asked, peering up at him. 

He swiped his lips using his free hand’s thumb and shook his head. "No," he said sadly. 

Why did he sound so disappointed? 

Did he _want_ them to know? 

* * *

When they arrived at his apartment, they took things slowly as they walked towards the elevator. She remembered the doorman, Wexley and was about to let go of his hand but he just held her hand tightly, like he would never let go. Wexley didn't seem to react in a weird way when he saw them, probably really used to Rey being here. She was surprised he hadn’t told Nicole yet.

Wexley just tipped his head and said, "Good evening, Mr. Barber," as he opened the elevator for them. 

"Good evening to you too, Wexley," Charlie replied as he headed inside. "Thank you." 

Wexley simply nodded. 

The elevator ride felt like it lasted for hours. She kept curling and uncurling her toes in anticipation, waiting for the elevator to reach his floor. She was aware that her palm was beginning to sweat in his hand but he didn't look like he minded. 

Why was she so anxious and antsy all of the sudden? 

After an eternity, they arrived on his floor. Wexley held the door open for them, which she quietly thanked him for. They walked down to the very end of the hallway where the door to his apartment was. 

He started unlocking the door and as he turned the doorknob, he pulled her in for a kiss while opening the door for both of them. She heard his door shut behind them as they kept kissing. 

This kiss was a little different. It was a kind of kiss that swept her off her feet. A kind of kiss reserved for a... couple. A lingering one because as she broke off the kiss, she could still feel the tingling on her lips. 

She bit her lip, looking up at him.

He chuckled when he looked down at her sneakers. At her rainbow socks. "Those are adorable. And... honestly, hot." 

She rolled her lip between her teeth, stifling a grin. "Yeah?" 

His fingers trailed down her skirt to her bare thighs. "So, _so_ hot." He beckoned her to walk closer towards him. "Dance with me.”

She smiled at the cheesiness of it all. "But there's no music," she teased. 

He just frowned at her with an amused look and just placed his hands around her hips. He started humming something in her ear even though she could just take her phone and play something on Spotify. 

This was good enough though.

Soon she started recognising what song it was. _Something_ by The Beatles. 

They started swaying around his living room and she realised that maybe... this was going to be painful. She got too comfortable with him. She nestled her cheek against his chest, closing her eyes. 

"Rey?" he spoke. 

"Hm?" she answered. 

There was a pause between them. A heavy pause. She felt like she knew what that pause was. Like he was about say those three words. Eight letters. 

She hoped he wouldn't. She hoped he'd just let it linger in the air. 

After a while, he sighed before she felt his lips on her head. "Never mind," he said, making her feel relieved. 

* * *

"Ooh, a piano," Rey squealed delightedly as she ran her hand around the slick black grand piano, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and her rainbow socks after she rode him on his spinning chair in his office. Not even a shirt. These tits gotta breathe. 

That was how she rode him just now. Only in her socks while he watched her intently. 

"You know how to play it?" he asked. 

She shook her head with a sad pout. "Do you?" 

He let out a small laugh. "Well... a bit." 

"I don't think just a bit," she teased. 

Giving her a pointed look, he gave in and sat down on the bench. "Okay," he sighed. "I'm going to start playing and if you know, you sing it."

She bit her lip. "What about you, Mr. Broadway Hotshot?" 

He laughed. "I'll sing a little." 

She took a deep breath and sat next to him. He started hitting the keys and she recognised it after a couple of notes.

A song that always brought her to the sea. Because, well, that was literally what the song was about. 

When he nodded for her to start, she did. _"Sittin' in the mornin' sun. I'll be sittin' when the evenin' comes."_ He grinned at her, encouraging her to keep singing while he played the piano. _"I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay. Watchin' the tide, roll away. I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay. Wastin' time."_

The whole time she was singing, he just smiled, staring at her back and forth from the piano. She felt so... content. Full. Her head leaned on his muscled shoulder as she kept singing. 

"Beautiful," he commented.

She snorted at him. "You sing with me now." 

He shook his head. "I don't want to hurt your ears." 

In response, she nudged on his shoulder with hers. (Okay, she was only able to nudge on his arm because of how long his torso was.) "Come on, big guy,” she huffed. “You already heard my embarrassing voice.” 

He frowned at her. “What? I’m obsessed with your voice now.”

“Charlie,” she whined. 

With a laugh, he finally obeyed. _"I left my home in Georgia,"_ he sang loudly, attempting to impersonate Otis Redding’s iconic raspy voice. She giggled at him. _"And headed for the Frisco Bay. 'Cause I've had nothin' to live for. And it looked like nothin's gonna come my way...."_

She sang along with him, occasionally leaning her head on his shoulder. 

_"So I'm just gon’ sittin' on the dock of the bay. Watchin' the tide roll away. I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay, wastin' time."_

The pain in her chest occurred again as she stared at his beautiful smile. He really smiled with his whole face — eyes crinkling, nose scrunching, dimples showing. She didn't think she would ever forget this sight. 

Soon they just started taking the song lighter, competing on who could impersonate Otis Redding's voice the best. They even competed who could whistle better at the end of the song before they shared a laugh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our girl Rey finally found her karaoke partner 🥰


	12. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Would you bleed for me?_
> 
> _Lick it off my lips like you needed me?_
> 
> _Would you sit me on a couch?_
> 
> _With your fingers in my mouth?_
> 
> _You look so cool when you're reading me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a filthy smut, muah 😘 
> 
> Tags are updated!

Guess she was basically making good of her promise to please him and serve him because her mouth was currently stuffed with his cock in the middle of his office while he was... _occupied._

Looking around the room, the bookshelf and some trophies, her face heated up when she remembered that time he FaceTime her and made her come so hard. So this was the place. 

It had either been a few minutes or a few hours since she had been in his apartment, she was never sure whenever she spent time with him. She had helped herself with a glass of water while Charlie was on the phone with someone in his office while smoking his cigarette with the window opened. It made it riskier that the window was opened even though they were out of the outsiders' view. 

The cigarette would _only_ be in his hand around her when he was frustrated. It was quite attractive actually so she just kept staring at him.

He was fuming about the costumes and unhappy actors or something. He seemed so serious, frowning and gently speaking to someone on the line. She could tell that he was fuming. His soft tone couldn't lie to her. He looked up at her with an apologetic look on his face, making her smile. 

Poor busy man. She went and approached him, putting her glass down on his desk. He instantly snatched a coaster that he had hanging around on his desk and placed the glass on it, the cancer stick still in his mouth. She raised her brows, taking note of his tidiness.

"No, I get it, Donna," he gritted out, really emphasising the 'get' that the ‘t’ sounded like _tuh._

The anger in his voice already made her wet. Her tongue swiped along her lower lip as she watched him. 

He was wearing glasses today. She didn't know he wore glasses but fuck, it really did numbers on her. 

"Then fucking tell him that. Jesus." With an annoyed huff, he slightly pulled his chair to the back and turned to her, patting on his lap like he was some king. Okay then. 

She had then situated herself on his thick thigh, brushing his hair with her fingers. That seemed to calm him down because his eyes were closed and his ragged breathing was steadier now, smiling a little. 

But then the moment was cut short because he was seething again. She did it again, enjoying the silky texture of his hair. The pad of her thumb slowly brushed along the temple of his glasses while his brows were furrowed together. 

Emboldened, she took the cigarette away from his hand and placed the stick between her lips, taking a drag of it with her eyes closed. He gaped at her in disbelief when she opened her eyes again, squinting in disapproval as she inhaled it and blew the smoke on his face. 

Hmm, this tasted so much different than the packet that she always bought. Hers was cheaper so it just tasted like ash while this brand tasted like a certain spice and maybe a little bit of cardamom. So _this_ was why he always smelled like cardamom. 

"Yeah, I'm still here," he said to the other line. "The fitting is not that tight, right? You've already adjusted it _three_ times." He was still watching her blowing smokes on his face while his tongue was slightly tipped out. 

She should try his scotch with this cigarette so she poured the bottle of his favourite scotch and poured it in his glass, taking a sip. 

Wow, was _this_ how fancy tasted like? 

He shook his head at her disapprovingly, making her grin. Since he asked for it, she pulled the stick out and put it between his mouth. When he was about to close his mouth, she pulled it out again and slipped it in between her lips instead. He gave her a warning look, meaning that spankings were due. 

Good.

The call seemed to take forever so maybe she should just use this time to make it up to him. When she probed the stick to his mouth again, he looked at her in doubt. She almost laughed. He finally gave in and parted his lips, sucking whatever spice was in the stick. 

Then she slid down his lap to get on her knees. 

So here she was, full of enthusiasm as her tongue darted along his length. She could tell that he was having a, _ahem,_ hard time concentrating on the call now. Maybe her other purpose of doing this was to get his attention on her. She really was fucking greedy. 

It was also a perfect revenge after the stunt he pulled at the diner the other day. After doing this for sometime, she had grown accustomed to his taste and his size. The latter was still a struggle but she might have been better at it than the first time? She definitely used less teeth now and more tongue and throat. 

"Shit..." he muttered. Then he sighed, nodding. His eyes fluttered but not quite closed. "Yes. Sorry, accidentally—uh... cut my finger." 

If her mouth wasn't so busy, she would have snorted at that. She bobbed her head along his shaft with ease, humming softly that served the purpose of a type of vibration. 

Pretty sure Donna could hear his jagged breath as he breathed through his nose. 

She took a little break and pressed open mouth kisses on both of his balls, causing his knees to jerk. It hurt a little since her cheeks brushed against his thigh. She went back to his length. 

His hand reached behind her back, stroking her hair gently. Trying to keep in control since he was speaking to his employee. "Okay, just-just do everything. Anything you can. We all-we all—" He sputtered a little, letting out a quiet sound of pleasure as his dick twitched in her mouth. "We all count on you, Donna." He didn't say goodbye when she saw him hung up on her, throwing his phone somewhere on the floor. 

Fucking rich asshole. She should ask him to buy her a phone. 

"Christ, just like that, Rey," he goaded. Those glasses made him even more intimidating. More attractive. 

When he soon manhandled her by twisting her hair in his fist and controlling the pattern of her movement, she gurgled on his cock but kept going. 

He finally shut his eyes, parting his lips and letting her fucking take him in. "Yes, take it, baby. Come on. Good girl." 

Those praises encouraged her to take him even deeper, hitting the roof of her throat every time, burying her nose in his trimmed hair. She slightly gagged but she loved the way he forced her head on him, really fisting her hair. 

"Yes, Rey," he cried out, twitching inside her. "Rey, please, let me—can I—" 

She hoped her enthusiasm said enough, to tell him that he could do anything on her. Even if she had no idea what he wanted. 

With that, he pulled her off his cock by latching her hair to the back. He loosened his grip on her hair to hold her jaw, his thumb dragging her lower lip down. The way he looked at her when she met his eye contact, sticking her tongue out a little. 

He took himself in his hand and pointed the tip on his target before he spurted right on her tongue, watching it drizzle slightly down her chin. She licked where she could reach, knowing full well how utterly fucked she looked right now. A fucking mess. Fucking dirty too. 

This came from the man that had just instantly put a coaster under her glass. She knew he was still holding on and contemplating where he should come on next. She helped him out, straightening her knees and arching her back. 

A quiet sound came out of his throat as he painted her whole chest with his thick rope of spends. 

He pulled her head down again and gently shoved himself inside her, fucking her mouth. Two thrusts later, she found herself swallowing the whole bitter taste of him. 

"Shit," he muttered under his breath, lulling his head after he was done. "You're... incredible." When he looked at her, he smiled a little. "You look a bit like a cinnamon roll." 

This man seriously thought about food while she was in this state? 

* * *

When he asked her if she could stay, as in overnight, while fucking her in the shower stall (he was supposed to clean her up), she surprised herself when she said yes. The word just escaped her lips without thinking. 

They were still in his shower and the hot water was still cascading around them. His brows lifted in surprise, as surprised as she was. 

"R-Really?" he asked, his voice wavered slightly. His ears peeked out of his hair since it was soaked. 

She shut her eyes while her hair was still covered with foam of shampoo, shrugging. It was a risky option, though. But she decided that she just couldn't care. She wanted more time with him. She could just tell her mother that she would crash at Rose's apartment because she was too drunk and she needed to catch up with her friend. 

"How long are they going to be in LA?" she asked. 

Charlie's face fell when she mentioned his... family. "I actually have to tell you something." 

All of the sudden, it felt as if her blood ran north, to her brain. She felt her stomach flutter in anticipation to hear what he had to say. Fuck, was she seriously holding out hope? She wouldn't even commit to a relationship. 

But with Charlie… maybe she would. 

He spun her around and rinsed her hair. The way he massaged her scalp was so calming. She wanted this forever. "I... have to go to LA this weekend," he confessed, pecking her shoulder. "Just for the weekend." 

Why would she care about how long he would stay there? 

"You have some important matters to deal with there?" she asked hesitantly. The next words rushed out of her mouth as she turned around to face him, "Not that you have a reason to tell me. You don't-you don't have to, it's up to you." 

The corner of his mouth slightly tugged up. "It's — I don't know — kind of urgent." He sighed, like the idea of having to go to LA made him miserable. "If you ask me, I would rather just stay here." 

The shower gel smelled like him when she began squeezing it out onto her palm. Like fresh laundry. Jasmine and a bit of a spiced kind of smell. She rubbed her palms together and started scrubbing his shoulders first, down to his hairy chest. 

"You're a New Yorker through and through,” she said, smiling.

This city was his. The whole thing about him was that he pretty much screamed New York. Even the New York sun always seemed to favour him. It was his sophistication, his impatience, though he was way too massive for New York sometimes. 

He let out a soft chuckle, lifting his arms after she asked him to, letting her scrub around his arms including his armpits. He yelped a little, tickled by her touch. 

"Yeah,” he sighed. 

Her chest suddenly tightened. What if... what would happen when he came back here? What if he... never came back? The way she could see it, Nicole kept going to LA that she wouldn't be surprised if they were thinking about moving there. Her job as the notch on his bedpost whenever his wife was absent would end. 

"Turn around,” she beckoned.

And he did so she could scrub his back now. His beautiful back. Broad and muscled, with dimples. 

But then, how could they give up such a nice place like this? Still, she got it. This place was so spacious, it could easily make them feel alone. 

Using the shower head, she let it cascade over the foam. He turned around again so she could cover his front. 

"Now your turn,” he said suggestively. “I know I already rinsed your body but with how sticky my cum is..." 

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm not done yet." She ran her hands down his pecs to his abs to his pelvis. His body really was sculpted like Adonis. The water trickled down his thighs to his feet. Giving him a teasing smile, she palmed his balls, which made him clench his jaw. "I'm surprised you're still hard." 

"Rey, I'm thirty six,” he deadpanned. “You make it sound like I already need Viagra." 

She grinned widely, continuing her strokes. 

"If you do that, we will never get cleaned up, little one," he warned. 

The effect she had on him made her squirm. "Sorry." Then she tiptoed and pressed her lips on his. "Or not." 

Even while they were making out, he still managed to clean her up by wrapping his hands around her neck and palming her tits, shower foam in his hands. He paid extra care to her chest before his hands travelled south. Right when she clenched from anticipating for his hand to touch where she was most sensitive, he circled his arms around her instead and squeezed her ass. 

Fucking tease. 

* * *

Was she being too loud? Would his neighbours know what he was doing here? What they were doing? 

But he didn't ask her to shut up, instead he just encouraged it more as he rocked his hips forward, her thighs locked around his waist. She was still sore from him lapping on her pussy (yes, again) earlier, tilting her head back in the pillow while his hand was on her throat. 

She had just made a mess of his face after riding his mouth when he tongued her with the right amount of eagerness and pliability. It was _his_ turn to look so debauched with his plump, wet lips as she stared at his glistening lips.

"Fuck, look at the way your tits bounce," he panted, rotating his hips into circular motion, hitting that spot inside her. "You like my cock, baby?" 

She sobbed as she nodded, shutting her eyes tight. 

His hair hung on his brows as he impaled himself inside her, splitting her in half. "Ah, you do," he said gutturally. "You like your daddy's cock. You're taking it so well like a good girl you are." 

"I am.," she preened, shuddering under him. “I am your good girl.” She balled the sheet in her fist while her other hand was clutching his bicep where he had his hand on her neck. 

"I know you are, my little slut." His hand smoothed out her hair out of her sweaty face so gently even though the way he thrusted his hips was anything but gentle. 

The sound of their skins slapping each other echoing every inch of his room, making her cheeks flush. It was such a lewd sound, ringing in her ears. 

He went back to putting his hand on her neck while his other hand was squeezing her thigh. "Fuck, you feel so much tighter like this. Touch yourself for me, Rey. Do it. Come on, my good girl."

Obeying his order, she let go of his arm to slide her hand down her stomach, towards her clit with her index and middle fingers, circling it. She could feel him sliding himself in and out of her on the tip of her fingers. Like this, she could feel her soul soar. 

"Can I be on top now, please, daddy?" she pleaded. 

She could just see the gears spinning in his brain when he slowed down his thrusts, contemplating whether he should give her what she wanted since he liked control. "After you come," he decided at last. 

The oxygen entered her throat in the shape of a gasp. "Are you going to make me come again after that?" she asked in wonder, masking her fear. "Because I don't think I could anymore, Charlie. I... I can't." 

The way his face reddened at her, displeased by her lack of courage. He snapped his hips harder, drawing an embarrassing high pitched noise out of her. "I know you can, sweet thing," he cajoled. "You're my good girl, aren't you?" 

All doubts in her eradicated, replaced by her alacrity to please him. It sounded biologically impossible, but if anyone could make this happen, it was him. His nails delved into her skin on her thigh while he fucked her, meeting her g-spot every time. She could feel the heat in her lower abdomen. 

"S-so c-close," she slurred, all thoughts wiped out of her mind while she pressed her fingers on her bud of nerve. 

"I can feel it," he crooned, contented with her. "You're really _gripping_ me. You want to come now, Rey? You want to be on top of me so much?" 

Her back arched up, almost ripping his sheet off his mattress. She was a quivering mess under him when she came all over his cock, screaming out his name. That was all she remembered from her fogged brain. Not even her name. She barely had any energy in her anymore but fuck, she wanted to ride him. Make him come so hard, he'd forget his own name too. 

With that as her motivation, she scraped that tiny bit of her energy to roll him to the side so she could crawl on top of him. 

Apparently Charlie was kind of... understanding, or _very_ controlling, gripping her hips and guiding her on top of him so she didn't have to do much even though she was supposed to be riding him. Her hands were on his pecs, admiring his beauty and massiveness like this. He had that smirk on his face, really enjoying the view. Her tits, probably. 

"Can I ask you something?" she asked hesitantly, still rocking her hips. 

His eyes widened. _"Now?"_

"Yeah." 

He sat up using his arm, positioning both of them until she was just sitting in his lap while he wrapped his arms around her. "Okay. Tell me." 

She brushed his hair behind his ear to nibble on it. These big ears that he loved to hide. "If you accidentally wake up first, or you can't sleep..." She gasped a little when he hit her in that spot. "Would you fuck me?" 

His face contorted into a confused look. "You mean..." 

"While I sleep? I could be..." She gulped. "A heavy sleeper. But I wouldn't mind if you use my body." Since he always had stamina for this. Whenever he woke up, he always woke up very aroused. 

With fewer more thrusts, he spilled his spends inside her instead of waiting for her. "Fuck, baby, you turned me on so much that I came in you,” he grunted.

She rolled her lower lip between her teeth. "Is that a yes?" 

Flipping them both, he fucked her harder until all she saw was white. "Is that a good enough yes for you?" 

Her body felt so light, like it was floating in the air. She felt so high from the elation. 

"But only if you're sure," he emphasised, still inside her even after they both reached their peak. 

"So, so sure," she murmured, closing her lips between his lower lip. 

* * *

Cuddling after sex (after he made her come so many times in one night she couldn’t count anymore) with him was... would she say weird? But in an inviting way. 

Heat bloomed in her stomach to see how fixated his eyes were on her while she rested her chin on his chest, really showing his adoration. It was probably because she did let him paint the lower half of her face and her whole chest with his cum. Not because he thought she was beautiful or something. 

You know, the kind of beautiful that sent butterflies in your stomach every time you looked at them, the kind of beautiful that made your chest ache so much like it was pricked by a bunch of tiny needles even though your heart was pounding. The kind of beautiful where the whole world just suddenly stopped in motion and faded into black because you could only see that person. 

Fuck. Where did that come from? 

She immediately pushed herself off of him and fell beside him in his arm, frowning. 

"What is it?" he asked, caressing her arm delicately with his fingers. It felt so good, it really did. 

Being in his arms was alarming because... it was like coming home. He even let his lips linger on her head. It all felt so real. 

She swallowed a lump in her throat that she didn't realise was there. "No, nothing," she lied, staring at the ceiling while her chest was thumping. "Nothing that concerns you." 

Suddenly warm tears trickled down her cheek. 

Oh shit. It was probably hormones. She should check her period calendar. But her period had just finished two weeks ago... 

"Go to sleep, sweetheart," Charlie murmured in her hair. 

It was just an order from him. Or a request. A simple sentence. But all worries in her body started deteriorating as she drifted off, welcoming darkness in her mind. It could all wait tomorrow. 

While her soul was half inside her body, half going out to go to some dream land, she heard something. She wasn't sure if it was real but she heard it. 

_"I think I love you."_

* * *

It was in the middle of the night when she felt something tingly. Wet. Warm. Still in her half conscious state, she blinked a little and furrowed her brows to see thick hair between her thighs and hands clawing on her hip and thigh. 

He looked up, his face all moist. "I'm sorry, baby, I couldn't resist you. I'm going- I'm going to stop—" 

She shut him up by burying her fingers in his hair, pulling him to continue his business as she bucked her hips. She felt like she was dreaming, so taken over by sleep while she felt her pussy tingling and wet. She dreamed of the woods, walking along the trails before she felt like she was pushed against the trunk of the tree while feeling stripes of something along her cunt. She remembered coming.

* * *

Warm. 

That was her first thought when she slowly gained her consciousness. Had she been sleeping? Because that was the best sleep she ever had. 

She blinked a bit to remember where she was, adjusting to the light. This had gotten to be the best thing to wake up to when she saw that she was facing Charlie, feeling as if her soul had just escaped her body. 

The morning light from the window behind her slanted on his face and she thought how pretty he looked right now. She never noticed his beautiful lashes. She'd always known that he had a lot of beauty marks but right now, she noticed that he had a lot more than what she'd always noticed. 

It felt like a religious experience to just lie here with him. He looked so concentrated in his sleep, probably dreaming because of the way his brow furrowed together and his lips pouted. 

She wanted to kiss those lips but she was afraid he might wake up. So she refrained herself, slowly untangling their legs together and pulling the sheets away from her and more to him. 

But his hold tightened on her hip.

It was kind of funny that they were cuddling in his bed even in the morning, as if they weren't just a torrid affair. She traced the hard plane of his chest while he played with her hair. Someone was awake. She smiled when his brows furrowed together and his eyes squeezed shut, blinking a little. 

"Good morning, sweetheart," he groaned. Here she thought he was more of a morning person. 

Hearing it much clearer when they weren't in a state of lust, the word _sweetheart_ just suddenly felt heavy in her. She realised how much she _liked_ being called sweetheart. Baby was great too but ‘sweetheart’ was just so... intimate. 

She started thinking about something. Something that she shouldn’t probably ask.

"What do you..." she trailed off, unsure if she should ask away. Probably too early to ruin a day. "What do you call... _her?"_

His breath hitched as he hesitated. "Honey," he murmured. "Especially when I'm pissed. It just sounds really sarcastic." 

She ignored the bitter tone in his voice. This was the first time they actually really discussed her — _Nicole._ She hummed in curiosity. 

Yesterday felt like a dream. A... fantasy. 

And mentioning his wife definitely shattered that fantasy a little. 

But she still held on to a little bit more of the fantasy. The little pieces that were still there. 

_Then_ she should leave. Leave like how she did with all her one-night stands. Although this wasn't just once, this wasn't even the first. 

When she made a move to pull away from him so she could brush her teeth or something, he protested by locking her in his arm. "No,” he grumbled. “Stay." 

Such a baby. "I have to go,” she murmured. “I'll just head to the bathroom. Do you have any extra toothbrushes?" 

"I do, but you can do that later."

Her eyes rolled to the back while she sighed. "Haven't you gotten enough of me?" 

The exhale he let out of his nose warmed the crown of her head while he moved his chin. Shaking his head. "Never."

Bliss. That was the feeling. "Did you... what time did you sleep last night?" 

"Late," he replied, smirking like he was keeping a secret. 

She squinted her eyes at him. "You fucked me, did you?" 

He hid his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling her skin. "With my tongue,” he hummed. “Did you have a nice dream?" 

The best.


	13. Forever... (is a long time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What am I thinking? What does this mean?_
> 
> _How could somebody ever love me?_
> 
> _Talk to your man, tell him he's got bad news coming_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally put the number of chapters! But that’s just an estimate. There might be more ugh. 
> 
> Sometimes just wanna delete this work but I won’t give up and I will finish this.

With her hair styled in pigtails, Harley Quinn style, she could feel Charlie scrutinising her all day. It was as if he was drilling a hole into her with his eyes. "Okay. What is it?" she snapped right on the street after ignoring it all morning. They were on the way to her gym, per his request. He was supposed to fly to LA tomorrow and here he was, asking where she wanted to go and wanting to tag along. 

He froze in surprise at the sound of her harsh voice, although he was barely frightened by it. Almost unaffected. "Sorry, I'm just..." 

Finally it clicked as she figured out exactly why was he staring at her so much. "You have a schoolgirl kink or something? My pigtails awaken something in you?" 

_Busted_ , she thought when she saw his cheeks turned crimson.

"I—" The word died on his tongue as he bit back whatever the hell he wanted to say. Probably a justification of his kink. She smirked in victory. "You probably think I'm a creep from the sound of it."

Honestly, it wasn’t that surprising. Not that she was saying that she looked like a teenager but she didn't look twenty two either. Maybe... eighteen. Twenty two was a tricky age. It was a young age, but still an adult. Certainly more adult than eighteen. But surely he was attracted to her beyond her age and how big their size difference was.

Unless?

"Ah, so I was right?" she quipped. 

His brows scrunched together while he looked for some words to say. Something snarky, she guessed. "Maybe," was what he decided to say.

Yes, she was supposed to feel weirded out by it, but instead she laughed. It was just weird how she thought he was adorable at this moment. His shyness, sure. The way he just knew he was busted. But it was... kind of charming.

"You're right, it does sound creepy,” she teased. 

"There's an explanation somewhere..." he trailed off, rubbing his nape. 

She waited with her arms crossed, stopping on the sidewalk. Sort of challenging him.

His face just turned a darker few shades of red. "I'm not- I'm not a pedophile, obviously. I just... it's kind of a..." 

"Fetish?" she teased. Judging from how he reacted whenever she called him daddy. 

Pressing his lips together, he inhaled sharply. "Well, on an adult woman, okay. Just to- to put it out there. I mean, Rey, you're... adorable."

"Sure," she retorted and continued walking. 

He winced, walking closely behind her. "Rey..." 

"Whatever you say, freak," she sang. Then she further thought more of what he had just said. His choice of word was interesting. 'Adorable.' "Do you... Are you only attracted to me because I'm... young?"

His reply was quick. "No! I mean, well... no." 

The stutter made her doubtful. 

"You just have this... air of confidence about you. You... you intimidate me."

"Sexually?" she asked jokingly. 

He looked up, squinting his eyes like he was in deep thinking. "Among all things. You make me..." Licking his lips as he paused, he continued, "nervous."

" _I_ make you nervous?" This huge man? This... assertive, composed man? 

"A lot, actually," he admitted, laughing nervously with his hands in his pockets.

Why did that sound remotely impossible? Guess she had an ounce of insecurity inside. "Yeah, right." 

"It's true," he emphasised, holding her arm so they could stop walking. She looked up at him. "And I really, um," He closed his eyes, exhaling through his mouth. "I like that about you." 

Damn him for affecting her this way. Making her smile. Her stomach somersaulted at his words. She wasn't sure if it was a confession or a bluff but it sounded almost sincere. "You are one smooth talker, Charlie Barber." 

* * *

If she had thought Charlie in plaid was hot, Charlie wearing glasses was hot, Charlie in sweater was hot, and Charlie in button down was hot, well... Seeing him in casual sportswear really made her want to jump him. She squirmed as she checked him out. Grey sleeveless shirt to showcase his biceps and black Adidas track pants. It was the casualness that made him look so... _young_. He really looked a decade younger, like some college roommate that oozed sex.

She really had to get her shit together because at this moment, she wanted him to dick her down right here in this gym. Thankfully she was wearing leggings instead of shorts so her slick wouldn't run down the inside of her thighs. 

But the terrible thing was that it felt sticky under the tight material. Kind of uncomfortable. 

"Alright, let's go," she chirped with her boxing gloves in her hands, hoping her voice wouldn't betray her. 

His eyes snapped up from her chest that was only covered by sports bra. So, she wasn't the only one getting all hot and bothered here, huh? He followed her towards where the punching bags were. 

The gym was sort of loud with upbeat songs playing all the time and she didn't mind that. Made every cell of her body encourage her to be energetic. It wasn't that fancy, but it served its purpose. The membership price was pretty cheap and that was all she needed.

Charlie held one of the punching bags for her, giving her that puppy eyed look behind the bag. He really thought he was so sleek, huh. 

She rolled her eyes at him and started throwing a punch on the bag. He cocked his brows, impressed by her punch.

_Yeah, that's right. Don't fucking mess with me._

She hit a couple more times and at one point, she almost made him stumble. Holy shit. 

"Damn, baby," he uttered, looking at her with pride, which really made her happy. "But then I'm not surprised, judging how you are in bed."

Heat bloomed in her. She shot him her middle finger and all he did was grin. _Bastard_. 

Apparently they were no longer alone when there was another figure beside them, using the other bag. Out of bags he could use, he used the one next to them. She ignored him and kept hitting while Charlie chanted a _'yes'_ for her like a cheerleader. 

Charlie Barber as a cheerleader? She wanted to see that. 

"Hey," someone greeted out of the blue. The man beside her. 

She frowned, ignoring him as she hit the bag. Charlie just looked at her distractedly because he got pushed by the bag again on the chest, making him cough. 

"You're good," the blond man said. 

With a hiss, she spat out, "Thanks." 

She shouldn’t have replied to him because now he thought it was encouragement to keep talking. 

"So, you come here a lot?" dude asked, kneeing the bag. Charlie just stood beside her and she wasn't sure if he was listening or not. But she heard him huff in annoyance so he probably was listening. 

"Occasionally, yeah," she replied, unsure why she did. Out of politeness.

The dude hummed as he nodded while she dismissed him. "Hey, you want to grab some drinks after this?" 

Charlie side eyed the man and she saw him basically heaving like he was stopping himself from doing something he would regret. She hoped he really refrained himself because this felt like it wouldn't end well. 

She cleared her throat, swiping some of her hair away from her forehead as she kept doing what she was doing. "I'm flattered, but, uh, I'm not interested." 

The blond let out a _'hmph',_ kicking the bag. "That's a shame." 

She licked her teeth and figured that she should move on from this place. Maybe go for that cycling equipment. 

"Just one drink?" the man asked again relentlessly. 

Her heart almost stopped breathing when Charlie let go of the bag and puffed out of his chest. "Hey, man, she said she's not interested." 

In that moment, it brought her back a sense of deja vu. It reminded her of that time Charlie protected her from the boy that stole her ice cream when she was a teenager. The way he came to her rescue. Only in this situation, she didn't need any rescuing. This guy wasn't stealing her anything. Just pissing her off. "Charlie, just drop it." 

"Well, he's being rude," Charlie hissed. He did that same face as he did a decade ago. It softened her heart a little, even though she should be pissed. "Can't you see I'm with her, asshole?" 

Witnessing this again right now, it was all for the wrong reasons which aggravated her. 

"You with him?" the blond asked, pretending like Charlie wasn't even here, making her blood boil with anger. This guy had some guts though because most people feared Charlie Barber. His broad shoulders, his tall height, his growling deep voice. Blond surfer dude was lanky and a little skinny with a confidence of a man Charlie's size. "Thought you're some gym trainer or shit." 

"I'm not so now you can get the fuck off," Charlie sneered and she saw his knuckles had turned white. It would be any minute until he was the one that threw some punches. He could easily beat the blond's ass. 

Yet the blond still put up a fight. "Or what?" 

Men. Always thinking violence was the answer.

"Babe, let's just go," she murmured to Charlie, feeling annoyed as hell. She ripped the boxing gloves out of her hands. 

"I can easily take your fucking skinny ass up for making advance at my girl," Charlie seethed at the blonde guy. 

"Charlie," she warned. 

"Jeez, chill, man," the blond guy said.

She wished he would just shut the fuck up. _Both_ of them. 

"Did I fucking stutter?" Charlie barked.

"Baby," she pressed, looking at him with a stern look. 

He finally looked at her and clenched his jaw, finally dropping it. But not before he tried to scare the blond with his massiveness. She rolled her eyes and tugging his shirt towards the locker room. Time to get the hell out of here. 

Guess she had to skip gym today.

* * *

"What the fuck were you thinking?" she snapped as they were out of the gym. They were walking silently on the street when she felt so pissed at the stunt he pulled earlier. 

Disbelief painted all over his face. He had the audacity to look offended. "That guy was making a pass at you. I defended your honour." 

It was so unfair how good he looked when he was angry and protective. But she was stronger than this. That they were doing this with the New York sun bathing them.

She gritted her teeth and stared up at him with her brows furrowed together. "I don’t _need_ someone defending my fucking honour. You think I'm not used to that shit?" 

"Are you—" His nose flared as he inhaled deeply. "Are you actually mad at me?" 

Her feet started walking when people started bumping into them. People in New York always walked so fast that it scared her. Usually she had to hold onto someone or force her feet to walk faster until she got lost. Until her legs felt like coming off. It was a terrible place to be pissed. It was a perfect place to run from an argument though. 

Charlie’s long legs easily caught up to her. “Rey,” he called out, rumbling. “Rey, come on.” 

She stopped walking and instead made a move to turn so she could face him with her entire body. Right here. On the pedestrian walk. "You weren't protecting me, you were protecting your fucking pride," she seethed. "You're acting like I'm yours. I mean, what the fuck, Charlie?" 

He gaped at her with his tensed jaw and some veins on his neck popping out. "That guy didn't fucking understand no is no, Rey." His pelvis sort of thrusted out while he puts his hands on his hips. "Someone has to learn." 

Without realising, she had started to raise her voice. "Fuck him, Charlie. Just, fuck him. Forget about him. I'm talking about you. What was that?"

Because she sounded so loud and she was basically making a scene, he lifted his pointer like he wanted to shut her up. She glowered at him, almost telling him with her eyes that if he wouldn't put down his finger, somebody was going to be very, very hurt. And that someone wouldn't be her.

"What the fuck do you mean?" he growled. "What's going on with you, Rey? What are you so pissed for? You want to sleep with that guy?" 

Her throat felt like it was closing in because she found herself unable to breathe. "You know what, let's just... let's just not do this right now." She turned away from him so they could move away from people passing by. People bumping into her. 

His hand wrapped around her elbow as he dragged her towards the dark alleyway. "No. We're going to do this now. What is bothering you so much?" 

"Well, it's not like nothing bothers you either," she muttered, pressing her palm on her temple. She averted his gaze. "You were ready to attack the poor man." 

A scoff escaped his mouth. "Hey, you said so yourself. Let's forget about that douche. Tell me what is up your ass?" 

She sniffled, her eyes focusing on the trashcan. "It's nothing." 

"Bullshit. Come on. Spit the fuck out." 

"It's fucking _nothing_ , Charlie." 

His nostrils flared in anger. He still kept his voice calm instead of shouting, even though she could still hear the tremors. "I'm not dropping this until you tell me what's wrong. Please." 

It was hard to breathe at the moment and she wasn't sure why. She kept quiet. 

"Alright, then I'll try recapping some stuff," he said so casually, which was more terrifying than if he just... shouted at her. He didn't sound angry but she could tell by his face. "A minute ago, you said I'm acting like you're mine in that angry tone. Is that what pisses you off? Being treated like a girlfriend?" 

She laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "A girlfriend? Don't try to fool me like it's not a pride thing," she snapped, pushing his button. "You hate that someone is trying to play with your shiny toy." It was weird to describe herself as 'shiny' but hey, self worth. 

There it was. Fury in his eyes. She anticipated for him to raise his voice at her, yell at her. He bared his teeth, grasping his hip. Any moment now. And then he might explode.

"Shiny toy?" he asked through gritted teeth, still not shouting. "You think I see you as a shiny toy?" 

She tilted her chin up challengingly, showing that she was not weak. "I am, aren't I?" she spat, fuming. "And you like to keep me as the notch on your bed for you to use anytime. Just admit it instead of portraying a hero rescuing a damsel in distress." 

He placed his hand on his mouth, like he was planning an attack. It was like a ticking bomb as she braced herself. "You're—" He choked, chewing the inside of his mouth. "Do you really think that lowly of me? Of yourself?" He clicked his tongue, like he was scolding her. 

Well, she refused to be treated like a child. 

"You think I'm tying you down." He chuckled darkly, looking down at his expensive sneakers. "Have you been fucking anyone else since we started sleeping with each other? You know you could. So have you?” 

Her lips parted but nothing came out. Just panting. 

"Have you?" he asked again. 

"No," she admitted shakily. "No one else." 

It seemed like he made his point. "Guess what? Me too." Not even...?

She swallowed a lump in her throat, refusing to look at him. "Is that why you're sleeping with me? You need someone to warm your bed. Whenever your wife goes, you need me to open my legs for you. Right?” She was challenging him, she knew that. She was dragging herself too. 

"Jesus Christ, Rey," he gnarled. She watched him fishing for something in his pocket. A box of cigarettes. It was a black coloured box. Of course it was. He pulled out one of them and put it between his mouth, flicking his lighter a couple of times in anger. 

“Do you think I’m a slut that wants to sleep with him even though I just thought you were incredibly stupid for picking a fight with an asshole? Just because I’ve only been sleeping with you, doesn’t make me less of a slut. Because…” _Because you’re not mine. You have never been mine_. _You’re someone else’s._

Something flashed in his face as he put down the cigarette. They were lucky no one was here. “You are _not_ a slut, Rey. Not to me. I dragged you with me.” 

It was how sincere he sounded when he said it that made her want to believe it. 

“Rey. Say it. That you’re not a slut.” 

She heaved a breath. “It’s not like I’m offended with that term. It’s not a derogatory term to me. I like sex. Is that wrong? I _like_ how you fuck me. I said yes. I went down on you. I texted you. I...” She couldn’t tell him how she was so blinded by her silly crush for him that had been lasting for a decade.

His face softened, exhaling. “But you’re still not a slut either. Say it with me.”

It was the the gentleness in his tone that made her want to cry. She knew she would miss him a lot. Anything that came out of his mouth, she would believe it. “I’m not a slut,” she mumbled, though it wasn’t quite true. 

“You’re not. You’re my sweetheart.” 

Fuck him for making her feel this way. “I’m not your sweetheart, Charlie,” she snapped. “It’s just sex.” 

That was when he put the cigarette in his mouth, lighting it a couple of times since he kept failing in frustration. She snatched the lighter from his hand and lit it for him before she pulled the cigarette box out of his back pocket, taking one for herself. She read it and cocked her brows because this was some strong stuff. Djarum Black. It costed like $40 and she wouldn’t spend that much on a box or else she would have gone broke in a week because of how much she smoked. 

It did relieve her stress when she took a drag of it though. She had to do this. 

"Face it,” she said, blowing out the smoke out of her mouth. “We've been dragging this — _whatever_ this is between us — for too long."

She was picking a fight and she bet he didn't even sign up for this. He was going to tell her it was over. Being a side whore, she was supposed to just keep her mouth shut, right? He was with her probably because his wife always argued with her and now she was doing the exact thing his wife was probably doing with him that made him come to her. 

The smoke that escaped their mouths fanned her face and she inhaled the spice scent. She knew this scent would haunt her one day when she would think about him in the future.

"You want to put a stop to this," he said like it was a statement instead of a question. 

All she had to do was say yes yet her tongue felt heavy. _Come on, Rey. Say something._ Plus, he was looking at her expectantly.

"There is no reason to drag this out,” she decided.

He was quiet for a minute, looking like he was in deep thought. Processing. She counted each second of the silence he was taking inside her head. _One, two, three_...

After sixteen seconds, he spoke up. "I'll give you one." 

Her heart stopped beating, looking up at him. 

"I don't _want_ to.”

She gaped at him before she let out a bitter laugh. "You're fucking kidding me." 

"I meant it when I said I'm already tethered to you," he murmured with quivering lips. It felt like centuries ago when he said that. "Because I love you."

The tension that filled the air was heavy when he uttered those words out loud. The sentence could never be unsaid now that it was out in the air. Those words somehow pierced like a dagger to her heart. She did the unthinkable. She laughed. She laughed and laughed until tears sprung in her eyes.

He frowned, staring at her. "What's so funny?" 

God, she wasn’t sure. It was ridiculous. The idea of someone loving her. 

"Because you just gave me an exact reason why we should end this,” she said instead, wiping the tears on the corner of her eyes. “We've agreed from the start that if either of us falls in love, we have to end it."

This whole conversation was a fucking rollercoaster. 

That look on his face was the scariest that she had seen. The look of disbelief and anger. A little hatred too. When he lifted his hand, she flinched, thinking he might hurt her to which he seemed so offended. He should be offended. What was she thinking? That he might lay a hand on her? 

The hand went to his head as he tugged his own hair angrily. "Fuck that. Fuck some rules. Feelings change, Rey. Do you think I would shower with some random women?" 

Boldness enfolded her, whether it was caused by pain or realisation but she said what she had to say.

“Well, you _shouldn’t_ ,” she emphasised, not missing the irony. It did take two to tango. 

Now he was the one that flinched. “You were there too.” 

She knew that, fuck. "Like it or not, we have an expiration date for this," she said. Now that one of them—or maybe both— fell in love, it had to end. It was the rule.

She knew exactly what she had to do for the sake of both of them. She _had_ to do this. It was the right decision. 

The silence was killing her. 

"You know I'm right,” she murmured. Tears brimmed on her eyes. "You should go to LA. Settle things. Or whatever. It's not... it's not right for me to be somehow involved. You’re right. I was there. What the fuck was I _thinking_?” 

Now it seemed like he almost cried too. But he didn't. 

"I shouldn't be in your life," she whispered, almost reaching out to his cheek. But her hand stayed where it was. "Everything is already so messy because I'm intruding. Henry needs the two of you together." This was more painful than she thought. She hated doing this but it had to be done. She had to be brave. So did he. 

His jaw went slack. 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. _How does someone end an affair?_

She swallowed. "I just need you to know that you have been so good to me—" 

"Go," he interjected like a stab to her heart. 

For a moment, it felt like her heart just stopped beating. "Charlie..." she whispered.

"You don't want to see me anymore?" His voice was heavy. Constrained. "Then go. Don't try to soften the blow. You want to go, then go. I don't fucking care." 

She wiped the tears away from her cheek, her hands almost inched closer to reach for his. But she clenched her fist. "Okay,” she said staggeringly.

If she didn’t go now, she would break down right in front of him. 

The moment she made a move to leave, he spoke up. "You're wrong, you know?" he said, looking at her. His eyes were glistening — sad, but mostly angry. "But if this is what you want, I respect that. For now." The last two words felt like a promise. A threat. 

Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she was right. She still knew they went too far in this... affair. Her feet were quick to lift their own, walking away from what was probably the best and the worst thing that had ever been... hers?

What would you call something that had never been hers but still gave her a sense of belonging? 

_Borrowing,_ maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at either of my baby<33 
> 
> And please be nice to me (about whether the argument makes sense or not.)


	14. I HATE EVERYBODY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Well then why can't I go home without somebody?_
> 
> _And really I could fall in love with anybody_
> 
> _Who don't want me, so I just keep saying_
> 
> _I hate everybody_
> 
> _But maybe I, maybe I don't_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **cw: recreational drug use**
> 
> I was actually thinking about adding a Charlie’s POV chapter titled Dominic’s Interlude buuuut I don’t want to spoil too much hehehe. 
> 
> Also, thank you to y’all who start reading this omg I love you guys???? This mainly goes out to [Mena](https://twitter.com/ddaisyridleyy) who are forcing people to read my shit hahahaha. 
> 
> I love you guys 💖  
> Y’all make me want to write more. 
> 
> Btw, Rey and her gang smoke weed in this chapter, just saying.

Getting high in Bedford Stuyvesant really took her back to high school. Only this time, she got to see Armitage Hux in his suit and tie in this ghetto neighbourhood. He kept coughing and scrunching up his face while Rose casually lit her weed. The moment Rey told her that she had broken off with Charlie, Rose thought karaoke would make her feel good. 

It didn't. She couldn't even sing happy songs. She couldn't even sing some of her favourite songs because most of them were horny. And she knew she would be under a dry spell now. So she sang _Unbreak My Heart_ instead. 

The look on Rose's, Jannah's and Kaydel's faces said a lot. The way they winced and seemed so in pain. Three days after the karaoke and two weeks after the "breakup", Rose invited her out to Bed Stuy, a place she hadn't stepped into for half a decade. 

"I'm sorry, babe," Rose offered as Rey downed her bottle of liquor, feeling the burning taste in her throat. She felt lighter now that she had ranted, after a few days of just sulking. "It's... probably for the best." 

All she felt right now was emptiness. It had been a couple of weeks since... that day. She didn't cry when she went home. Just acted like everything was normal. She went to dinner with her mother. Stared at the ceiling and had some hard time trying to sleep. Danced the next day. Walked around Brooklyn. Rose just knew from the way she texted.

Rey blew out her breath. "Yeah. Sure." 

"This is probably a bad time to ask, but... are you going to Finn's wedding next month?" she asked. "He kept bothering me with RSVP. Fuck, this is good stuff." She gestured to the joint. 

"Oh, I forgot about that," Armie chimed in, trying to include himself in the conversation. Right. He was here. She almost forgot. 

"That's next month?" Rey asked, genuinely lost track of time. She started poking the tip of her rolled joint (yes, she always came prepared) with the plug of her earphones and lighting it up. The indica strains instantly mellowed her brain, calming her down. 

"Yeah," Rose said with an apologetic look. 

"Just what I need. Letting go of what is probably the best dick I will ever have in me and having to go to my ex's wedding! Hurrah, hurrah!" 

"If you don't want to go..." Rose trailed off.

Ha, she wished. If it hadn't been for the cannabis, she would have snorted loudly right now. Instead, she sighed with her mouth. "Can't. I've already RSVP'd actually." She took another puff, shutting her eyes and leaning her head against the dirty wall. "Hey Armie, don't you want to have some?" 

Armie winced. "No thanks. My beer is enough." Truly drink. Like a pussy. 

"Your loss," she sang. 

"Why the fuck did you RSVP in the first place?" Armie asked in annoyance. 

Opening her eyes, she scoffed. "Bitch, do you even know me? I always RSVP thinking I might luck out and get a date during that time." 

"It's not like you're allowed to bring Charlie either," Armie muttered, really testing her patience. At the mention of his name, she started feeling less numb. Just a pinch in her chest, nothing else. But that was how it all started usually, right? 

Rey held out her pointed finger to him. "Ah, ta, ta, ta. Just... shh, my friend. Shut. Up. Now, what's this?" She pointed at both of them, abruptly changing the subject. "Are you both dating? What's up with you two?" 

Both of them blushed. Rose smiled while Armie bit the inside of his cheek while swigging his can of Truly. Another pinch in her chest. Only this time, it felt twisted. It really, really hurt. 

"I'll take that as a yes." On some other day, she might be elated at this pairing. Her two best friends—dating each other. But right now, she was miserable, although being high with her friends lessened the misery. Seeing how touchy touchy Rose and Armie were just nauseated her. 

Because she wanted that too. She brought the weed into her mouth and inhaled deeper until her eyes started watering. Charlie hadn't texted her for days after that... day. Of course he didn't. Of course he wouldn't. She had said it herself, that they shouldn't see each other anymore. 

She _laughed_ when he said he loved her. How cruel was she? People were right when they said she was a heartless bitch. 

But it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. It hurt like a bitch. Her laugh… that was a stupid way to put up a facade. But then he started texting her again around last week. Saying he knew she didn’t mean it. And that he missed her. Since it was in due time, she finally did what she should have done a long time ago last night. Blocking his number. Not delete. Just... block. Hence why she never got his texts. 

What if he did...? 

_No, Rey._

She knew she probably should delete his number too. Who knew what she would do when she got drunk. 

Or high, like now. Right now, she had a couple of ideas to get over him. 

1) Fuck someone else's brains out until all traces of him disappeared. Which would be impossible because there was no way other men could make her come as many times as Charlie did. In one night. He was the kind of person that she knew she would come back on her knees for him because of his dick alone. And the way he treated her. And just… him. He was her dream man. 

2) Go for therapy. Which sounded like a joke. But that was probably necessary. Not just because of Charlie, but because of a lot of her issues. 

3) Fly back to the UK and just... bury herself with studies. Which shouldn't be an option because she didn't want that. 

4) Just focus on her arts. 

Or 5) Keep drinking, keep getting high, keep sleeping, keep eating. 

Both option two and option four sounded like the most rational ones but right now, she just focused on option 5. 

"You know," Rose's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. "We should do the normal kind of way of getting over your breakup or whatever you call it. Watch some romcoms and eat some ice creams. Just you, me, Kaydel, and finally Jannah, we haven't seen her in ages." 

She groaned. "No thanks." 

"Or, since Finn's wedding is coming up, we'll just focus on that?" Armie offered. 

Rose threw him a death glare, smacking his arm. "Did you forget who Finn is?"

Rey rolled her eyes. "He's history, Rose. I don't care anymore. I'm down for weddings. Free boozes. Maybe some hookups." Or did she really need that? She could just take this time to be alone. Maybe one last hookup before she could learn to be alone? And then go for therapy, she guessed. 

She had to do some shopping. It was an ex's wedding, she had to look hot. As in, hot as _hell._ Popping. It would be nice to steal the spotlight, show those people who had gone to the same high school as her that this wedding was a no biggie. 

The cold breeze made her click her teeth together. Not only her inside was numb, it seemed like her outside too. 

"I'm not sure if you want to know, but..." Rose rested her head on Armie's shoulder. "Finn made me the maid of honour. Well, he calls me the bro of honour."

Didn't he have a lot of dudebros as friends? And he decided to steal _her_ girl? Rose was supposed to be _her_ maid of honour... which was stupid because it wasn't like she would be married in the future. But that flicker of dream was nice to grasp onto. 

But, she was still hoping that she could be Rose's maid of honour although she wasn't sure if she could be trusted with that. No one really trusted her with anyone honestly. It sucked. Rose was the perfect maid of honour. Her attention to detail, her discipline and impeccable taste was perfect if you wanted a great wedding. Plus, she had humour where everyone would understand and find funny, perfect to give a toast. 

Meanwhile people could trust Rey with... stealing women's men. But she could throw a hell of a party? Okay, who was she lying? She was better at ruining a hell of a party with how much of a buzzkill she was. 

But they could still get weed from her. That was good enough. Sometimes when weddings felt insufferable, or booze wasn’t allowed, at least she got some in her purse. 

* * *

When she was at her apartment's doorstep, she sniffed herself, hoping her mum wouldn't notice that she was still kind of high. She already went out to this diner with Rose and Armie and finished both pancakes and a burger in twenty minutes. When you were high, everything tasted so divine. She ate pancakes and burgers all the time but in her high state, the maple syrup of the pancake tasted like God made it himself for her and the fluffy pancake melted right on her tongue. The meat of the burger tasted so moist with grease and the buns were oh so sweet. 

If anyone wanted to indulge in something so heavenly, she would suggest they do it while they were high. But getting high in Bed Stuy was nothing like getting high in the bathroom when the windows were all closed and just let the smoke drown her and whoever she was high with. After she was done with that, she always managed to write a hell of essays and got A for them. 

Usually Rose, Kaydel, and Jannah were the most fun to be high with. Jannah would spit out some philosophy facts and Kaydel would wonder shit like " _What do you think clouds taste like? Are they like cotton candy?_ " 

For Rey, she would always feel like she just realised something when she was high. " _Omg I just realised... that we might be living in the dystopian world from the perspective of, you know, the dystopian world that we think of, because the way they live is so different from how we live._ " Then Rose would ask, " _Are you saying there are two worlds? Or do they live on other planets like Jupiter or shit?_ " 

The minds of them. She would never discuss those things when she was sober. 

She sat down next to her mother on the couch, watching some baking shows on TV. "Are you going to shop for something to go to Finn's wedding?" she asked, waiting to see if her mother could sniff anything. There was a cake on the coffee table. 

"I'm sorry, Rey, but I don't want to come to the wedding," Mama whined, completely unaware that her daughter was just high. "It's your friend's wedding and I don't feel like going. I don't know many people there."

Damn, how was she supposed to go without her emotional support mother? "But... free food. And you liked Finn." She reached for the cake. It was brown and it looked nice, like a sponge cake. "Who gave this? Did you make it?"

"Oh, Nicole gave it." 

As if it was a poison, Rey pulled her hand away casually. Eating this would be like killing someone and taking their food away. 

"Rey... I really don't feel like partying. The only wedding I want to attend at this point is yours." 

She snorted. Mama would have to wait ages for that. Maybe never. "I can't just go alone,” she mumbled.

Her mother smirked suggestively. "Then _find_ a date. I just want to stay home, drinking wine, catching up on some Property Brothers episodes." 

Of course this was a ploy for her so she could find a boyfriend or something. Her mother. A master manipulator. "If you don't come with me, I'll just have some wedding hookup. With a stranger." 

Her mother rolled her eyes. "You're an adult, you can face your own consequences. I let you go to the UK by yourself, I'm starting to like having my own alone time." So funny. When she got accepted, her mother threw a fit because she would have to go far away. Apparently going far away sort of repaired their relationship. Probably because they got less sick of each other. 

Rey pouted, standing up so she could go to her room. "You're really good at using that guilt card that mothers like to use."

Mama snickered. "Look, I'll just accompany you for your shopping. I have some stuffs to buy at the mall, anyway." 

She beamed. Mama's opinion was just what she needed. "Okay. Tomorrow!" 

* * *

When she entered her room, it was as if all her emotions just shattered together at once. All emotions mixing together that at first numbed her now started to... _explode_ , overwhelming her. His words rang in her ears. She started shedding a tear, to which she quickly caught it on her fingers. 

Thinking about him in the hindsight. 

How exactly did all these feelings come crashing through? By pressing shuffle on her Spotify playlist to blast on the Bluetooth speaker. If her dad couldn't even stay for her, how could anyone else?

When she checked her notifications, she saw a couple of texts from... one person. She forgot that she had both of his numbers and forgot to block the other number of his. The main one. Man really was being bold for texting her with his other phone. Wouldn't he be worried someone would see these texts? Sure, delete was an option... 

> **Please don't shut me out.**
> 
> **I'm sorry, baby.**
> 
> **I miss you.**

She closed her eyes, feeling so drained. She fucking missed him but she couldn’t keep doing this to him. So she ignored those texts and the missed calls. Thirtee missed calls from him in the past week. She wasn't sure whether she missed him or she just hated the idea of being alone again. Sometimes she wished she could just hate him easily. That she could just hate everybody so she wouldn't be tied with this... feeling. 

This feeling of getting too attached to someone. 

Since she was in need for a change, she opened the drawer of the vanity table, took out the scissors and a comb. She sat down, facing the mirror. It wasn't a drastic change, she was only getting soft bangs. A little bit 60s-70s style maybe. When she wanted to look good for the wedding, she meant it. 

Taking only the front section of her hair, just little bits, she snipped half of the length, reaching her nose. Even though her sight was slightly blurry because of the tears, she was sort of satisfied with how this layered her face, making her huge forehead look smaller. She chopped off more at the middle until it reached her brows. For the side of the hair, she cut it sideways. Layering it. She looked at the strands of the hair on the dresser and the floor. 

Even though it was just bangs, she sort of looked different. She blow dried her hair to curl it a little. Staring at herself in the mirror, with her red nose and sparkling eyes, she cocked her brows. She was ready to face the music. She didn't want to cry over this crap.

She made a mental note to dye her hair later. Red. Blonde. She wasn’t sure yet. Or maybe just chop her hair off, French bob style. 

Suddenly she was worried. What if her urge to cut her hair was because her brain was still under the influence of cannabis? Then once she became boring again, she would hate her badass haircut? She knew she would still remember this moment when the weed wore off. 

No way would she drive around for the whole week in case she had to take a urine test now. What situation would she have to be involved in in order for people to test her piss though? Other than, you know, yeast infection or clinical stuff like that. When would the cops want her to piss in a cup?

Her mother might be outside but she still turned the volume up on speaker when Party For One by Carly Rae Jepsen came on. One of these days, she had been listening to Carly a lot. Her perspective changed from 'that Call Me Maybe and I Really Like You girl' to 'damn, she's an icon' when she listened to her more. Run Away With Me did that. She had already put Lorde's Green Light as the next song to play. 

Women in pop really were something else. She was starting to appreciate these music after years of trying to be cool. Besides, cannabis made all songs sound really... heavenly. 

_Party For One_ made her realise that being alone wasn't a problem. Being lonely, sure. But there was nothing wrong with being alone. She was grateful for the time she had spent with the man of her dreams. Every single time she had spent with him had been flawless and enchanting but it was time for her to wake up. 

Semester break was almost over so she made a mental note to buy a one-way flight ticket back to the UK. She was thinking of going back next month. Or in two weeks. Armie would be pissed that she had to leave her students but she did warn him that this would all be temporary. Those kids had learned a lot and she had time to help them rehearse for Spring Show Time which would be next week. After the show, she could (unfortunately) leave those kids after telling Armie in advance to replace her. 

Truth to be told, she wasn’t ready to leave. But at the same time, this place had started to feel less like home. 

* * *

Apparently, he was back in New York with his family because she saw him outside of a school, probably waiting for Henry. He was by himself, leaning against the brick wall while taking drags of his cigarette. She could just smell the cigarette. The spice. 

Air left her lungs when she watched him. He was so beautiful. 

He still had _some_ facial hair and it seemed to grow longer than the 5 o’clock shadow. Now he had moustache and a lil bit thicker beard. There was a bit of distance between them so she could lurk at him. From her view, he gave her the impression that he was in deep concentration, staring off into the distance. At times, he fumbled for his phone in his pocket to check something on the screen. The time, maybe. Or notifications since he kept checking every minute, putting it back in his pocket. 

Well, he was waiting for his son to come out of the school. Obviously he was checking the time.

Sometimes she wondered if he was thinking about her the way she was thinking about him all the time. He was so into his world because he wasn't even aware of his surroundings. That someone was watching him. And there was a dog scrubbing its ear really close to Charlie's sneakers. But he paid no attention.

Part of her wanted to just run across the street and press her lips on his. But there were people around. Plus, she broke it off between them. And she was so fucking mean to him. So many reasons why she shouldn't. 

A smile tugged on her lips when students started walking out of the school. He didn't notice that Henry was there at first before Henry had that annoyed face, shaking his dad's arm. Charlie was immediately snapped back into reality, an apology written on his face. He ruffled his son's hair with a grin. He held out his hand to Henry, but Henry just brushed it off. 

Ouch. That… hurt. Charlie tried to play it off cool but she saw the hurt in his eyes. 

Her heart sank when she saw a mob of blonde hair. Nicole. Fuck. She seemed like she was in a rush as she ran to her son, kissing his head before she placed her hand on her son’s nape as the three of them walked together. 

Like a family. They were a _family_. Rey was just the intruder. 

With a heavy heart, she walked away too, glancing at them one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: You’re all cordially invited to Poe Dameron and Finn Storm’s wedding 😏


	15. Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _There's no use crying about it_
> 
> _There's no use crying about it_
> 
> _There's no use crying about it_
> 
> _There's no use crying about it_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can all thank [Michelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessedreylo) for this update 🤩 
> 
> Also, her fics are golden.

She decided that she was going to wing it and go to the wedding alone. Maybe find a date there. She shared a ride with Kaydel, Gwen, Jannah, and Tallie in Kaydel's Lexus, sitting between Jannah and Tallie. She would join Rose and Armie but being in a car full of women sounded like a better idea. 

"Your hair looks banging," Jannah cooed. 

That feeling when someone noticed your new haircut and they validated you for that. She instantly smiled and patted her bangs. "Yeah? You think so? I cut it myself." When she sobered up, she realised what a mess it looked so she trimmed it a little. 

"Yeah, we do," Tallie concurred, looking at her with heart eyes. "You cut it yourself? It frames your face nicely. That hair really suits you. Blonde suits you too."

Rey blushed, feeling a sense of pride. "Thank you." Oh yeah, she decided to go blonde. Blonde girls were more fun, as people said. The sunflower colour of her hair looked good on her slightly paler skin now. "I really thought I made a mistake. I've never been blonde before." 

"You look great with any hair, babe," Kaydel said with a wink from the rear mirror. 

She only brought the dry cleaning bag consisting of her dress since she would change there, in Rose's room. Yes, Rose got a room since she was the maid of honour. It was nice how close they were.

_Fuck you, Finn_. She was still holding a grudge for that. Stealing Rose from her. 

The place that Poe and Finn were getting married was on the mountain, in Catskill, surrounded by orchids and lawns. It was this rustic farmhouse from the 1790s or some shit. She knew that because Rose showed her the picture and Rey also did a quick Google of the venue. The place was very homely, kind of cozy. It was very... Finn. 

When they arrived at the farmhouse, it was a bit different than what she found in Google only because of the sky. It seemed like it was almost raining. She only brought a coat. Guess she had to deal with it, only staying inside. Rose was already there with Armie, greeting them at the front door in their casual wear while Kaydel parked her car beside a red Porsche. 

"Rey, you could change in my room," Rose said. "It's on the second floor to the right, the third door. You'll know. But you don't have to change immediately. We could just grab some drinks in the bar first after you put your dress in my room. Treat yourself with some great malt scotch." Then Rose eyed her new haircut. "Rey Johnson, you really like taking risks the night before your ex's wedding, huh." 

Rey grinned. 

"You're lucky you still look good," Rose reprimanded. "Also, I forgot to tell you that..." 

"That?" Rey asked. 

Rose shook her head. "Nothing. Uh, you'll see. Just promise me you still believe I'm a good friend when the night is over." 

This girl was scaring her. "Rose. Just tell me." 

"It's not important! You're going to look nice tonight, right?" 

Rey squinted at her best friend. "Why are you asking?" Her eyes widened. "Oh god. Someone I hate is coming tonight? It better not be my dad. I don't want to do those Lifetime reunions shit at a wedding.

Rose snorted. "It's not your dad."

"Is it... one of my exes? Oh no, is it Teedo? That guy has been stalking me since middle school—" 

"It's not Teedo!" Rose grimaced. "Oh, is your mother coming? Are you here by yourself or she drives herself?" 

"No, just by myself."

Rose frowned, figuring something out. Then she lit up, like a lightbulb just appeared on top of her head. "There's this guy. I think you'll like him, he's pretty tall."

Sometimes Rey wanted to murder her friend. "Rose, I know I said I wanted a hook up, but I changed my mind. I have to learn to be by myself." 

"It still doesn't hurt for me to seat you beside some hot guy, right?" Rose offered. "Just... one last time?" 

"Armie, tell your girlfriend that her matchmaking skill sucks." 

"I am not getting involved, ladies," Armie said. 

Now she was starting to realise the downside of her two best friends dating. They would take each other's side since they were each other's priorities now. Dear god. 

"Remember when you played matchmaker and introduced me to a guy that turned out to be a Republican and worshipped Nixon?" she mused.

Rose's face reddened. "He seemed so nice! He had a cute dog!" 

Armie looked at his girlfriend and had that cringe face. "Oh honey, Rey does have a point there not to trust you." 

"It's just _one_ guy!" Rose cried out. "What about—"

"You also introduced me to a guy who had the hots for _you_ and only agreed to date me because he wanted to get to know you better,” Rey pointed out. 

Armie grimaced and shook his head. "Jeez." 

"Just one more chance, please," Rose pouted, giving her those puppy eyes. 

Since she couldn’t say no to that face, she sighed and nodded. "Fine. Where did you meet him anyway?" 

"He works with me at Resistance. He's a great guy and he's a Democrat, I promise!" 

"I trust you," Rey said with a small smile. Anyone who worked at Resistance were mainly part of the Democratic party since it was a government company. 

The first thing she set eyes on as soon as she entered was an oil painting of a beautiful woman on the wall on the left of the hallway. She already knew this place would be full of antiques. Or the owner was a hoarder. Or a vampire. A time traveller maybe. Anything was possible. The green patterned carpet really complemented the wooden floor and there were few more paintings on the wall. Mainly of women. She scrunched her nose up. 

There were already people checking in the place, mostly family members. No acquaintance at sight yet, just her best friends. She wondered if her classmates who had class with Mr. Dameron (weird to call him that when he was about to marry her... ex) were invited. Finn's classmates would be present, probably. She started to realise this was sort of going to be a reunion. But Rose said Finn wanted intimacy. Just few people. 

Which was why Rey was surprised she got invited. 

Her heart leaped when she saw Mrs. Storm, Finn's mother. Mrs. Storm remembered her? Because she seemed like she was squinting and had that look of realisation.

"Rey!" Mrs. Storm exclaimed. 

On the inside, Rey was deeply flattered that the woman recognised her — she was _blonde_ now. She crossed the room towards the middle aged woman, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek. "Hi, Mrs. Storm." Back when she and Finn were friends (and then dated), she used to call her Iye.

Apparently she still preferred that. "Hush now. I'm still your Iye." 

Rey just grinned, her chest swelling with happiness. "Okay, Iye. How are you?" She was so glad that Iye still looked happy at her son's wedding to a man. "You still look the same like when I was sixteen."

Iye just smiled lovingly. She and Finn both had the same kind eyes. "Don't lie. Arranging wedding is so exhausting. The fact that Finn wants to do his wedding here instead of the church nearby. But you'd do anything for your son." 

"Well, it's a beautiful place." 

" _You_ look beautiful, Rey. You're going to break so many hearts." 

But she still got her heart broken by her son. "Sounds like a normal Wednesday to me,” she joked. 

Iye slapped her arm lightly, shaking her head. "I'm so glad you made it." 

Rey smiled sheepishly. "Me too. I'm just here for the food." 

Iye clicked her tongue, which made Rey laugh. Soon after, she went upstairs to where Rose's room was supposedly and placed her dress carefully on the bed. 

* * *

Apparently there wasn't much problem with who Rose decided to pair her up with because she recognised him. And so did he when his eyes lit up. They still had time before the wedding so they could still grab drinks.

"Miss Johnson," he breathed out, his brows cocked up. "Thank god I agreed with Rose to let her decide who'll be my date to the wedding." 

She beamed. "Mr. Starck," she simply replied. "Who said it's a date? We're only going to sit together." 

Just like that, his face turned crimson. "Right. Sorry. I got... too carried away. Excited, I guess." He forced a smile. 

That made her laugh. "Where's... your niece?" 

"She's with her parents," he answered, inserting his hands in his pockets. "They're finally back and basically forced me to get out of their house so I can find the future mother of my own children." 

"Let me guess. You're miserable."

Noah chuckled. "Well, less now." 

"Oh, good, you guys know each other!" Rose cheered. "See, I'm getting better at this, am I not?" 

Rey pursed her lips at her, not sure what to answer to that. She couldn't just say, ' _Good job, Rose!_ ' right in front of him. Couldn't stroke his ego just yet. "As long as you're registered as a Democrat?" she asked cheekily. 

He looked genuinely surprised at that question. "Yeah, I am," he replied with a grin. "Shall I buy you a drink?" 

Well, why not? She nodded and walked alongside him towards the bar. She needed this night. A night to push _him_ away from her thoughts. She was leaving soon so it would be nice to have one last fuck here. Or at least just... a wonderful night. 

"I'll have a whiskey and..." He glanced over at her. 

"Chardonnay," she said to the bartender. They both took a seat on the barstools. "So, are you close with Rose? No offence but I... I've never heard of you from her." 

He rubbed the nape of his neck. "None taken. She talks about you a lot though. Nonstop." That made her smile. "I didn't put two and two together that Rose's Rey and Miss Rey Johnson are the same person." 

"My name is not exactly unique," she teased with a giggle.

His cheeks reddened. "Dumb moment." 

Maybe this wasn't so bad. Maybe she could go through this wedding weekend. 

"Well, you know Rose is Leia Organa's assistant and I’m the manager so our paths always cross inevitably." 

She nodded, sipping her drink. "Guess she probably tolerates you or else she'd talk shit about you. Did she talk shit about me?" 

"Only the good ones." He winked. 

Maybe this was good. She had to give him a chance. Rose trusted him. At least he was, well, _single_. No complications, in case the sex turned out to be more. Or maybe there would be no sex. Just them dating, period. Maybe she was changing her mind about dating...

No. She had to go away. She _wanted_ to go away. She needed to. Tonight was just about having fun. Dating can wait. She can wait. Until she was properly ready. 

"Just... can I ask you a question?" he asked nervously. "I only mean well with this... question. I'm just a bit curious." 

"Shoot." 

"I, um... When I walked out of your class, there's this guy that threw dagger looks at me?" Oh, fuck. Of course this would come up at some point. Of course there was always a reminder of him. The ghost of him. "Are you and him...?" Dating? Broken up? Would he be a problem? She wasn't sure exactly what his question was. 

But she knew what he needed to hear. "He's, um..." She shivered a little. "He's no one." That had to be the biggest lie she had ever uttered out. 

There was a look of relief plastered on his face. "Right. So I have nothing to be worried about?" 

She hesitantly shook her head. "Um. Nope." She flashed him a smile. 

* * *

She decided on a backless red spaghetti strap silk dress that shaped her ass nicely, which was the whole point. She was surprised her mum agreed with her about this dress because it was just... so revealing. Since she wanted to show a little bit of skin and backless wasn't enough, she styled her hair into a low bun, letting the bangs frame her face. The dress even showed a little bit of her side boobs. She hoped the weekend plan succeeded. Just having fun.

Her skin had only tinted moisturiser, cream bronzer and blush to look more natural, letting her freckles show clearly. With a little bit of earth tone on her eyelid and a hell of a lot of waterproof mascara to elongate her lashes, she finished the look with red lipstick that was almost the same shade as her dress. Hopefully she wouldn't smudge her mascara when she cried her eyes out at her ex's wedding. 

As a proud Leo, she felt like a queen on the inside, wishing she channeled that Princess Diana in her Revenge dress energy. She knew it was unfair and she wasn't planning to take away the grooms' thunder. Her dress was simple. It was just her great mood. The confidence. If something ruined it, she might just throw hands. 

But then again, who said she deserved a nice time, really? When she had been sleeping with another woman's man — a _lot_ of times. Would it be fair of her to ask God to give this chance to her since she had already ended the relationship anyway? 

That made her sound selfish and she wasn't even a religious person.

Noah gaped at her with his mouth slightly opened, seeing her coming down to the lobby to meet him. His brows rose up, trying to be respectful enough not to look at her chest. He did glance at her high heels though since he probably had no idea where to look without acting like a creep. "Hi," he stuttered. He cleaned up nicely too in his suit. 

While this wasn't the guy she wanted to impress, he was close enough though because Charlie wouldn't be here anyway. "Hi," she said back, grinning at him. "Shall we?" 

"We-We shall,” he stammered before offering his arm to her and she gladly accepted, holding the crook of his elbow while they walked towards the wedding ceremony. 

The way the place was arranged was... beautiful. They did it outside on the backyard, facing the mountains and valleys. The arch was white, consisted of autumn leaves. There were around two dozens of chairs placed nicely and half of them had already been filled. A garden wedding. How fitting. 

At least she wasn't so late. Not late enough to make a memorable entrance. Everyone in the garden was sipping champagnes while chattering with each other since they had sometime before the grooms were scheduled to walk on the aisle. She froze when she saw familiar faces. Heart stopped. Face paled. 

There they were, Charlie and Nicole Barber, talking to other guests. Was this... was this what Rose implied? Air rushed out of her lungs as she gaped at him. He looked so good. So, so fucking good in his well fitted suit. His one hand was in the pocket while the other was holding a glass of champagne. His hair seemed shorter, but still long enough to cover his ears that she liked to nip on. He was clean shaven too, which she was slightly disappointed with. 

So. If his hair were shorter and he was clean shaven, then their relationship must have been repaired. Nicole might be back in New York more.

She really was just the notch on his bedpost while his wife was absent. 

Her grip on Noah's arm tightened. 

"Are you okay?" he asked in a hushed tone. 

She gulped and nodded. "Yeah. Just... such a nice setup." 

The corner of his mouth tugged a little as he took two champagne glasses for both of them. Charlie still hadn't noticed her as she beelined towards the corner, trying her best not to look at the Barbers.

Now she was anticipating for more arrivals because this place felt so empty and her stomach was churning. They were so close to each other yet so, so far. 

"This is a beautiful place," Noah said. "Do you come up here a lot? Um, Catskill?” 

She almost snorted. Why the hell would she come to Upstate? There was nothing for her here. "Not really. Do you?" 

"Sometimes," he replied but she was barely listening. "My family has a cabin here somewhere..." and then she stopped listening, fighting her urge to turn her head. 

Just her luck because a priest who was possibly the one to officiate the wedding walked towards them. "Hello," the old priest said. 

Why the fuck did she have to make conversation? She was only here for free drinks. Not free drinks plus conversations. Where were her friends? Why was the priest here? 

"Evening, Father," Noah greeted, even tipping his head slightly. 

With little energy, she turned to the priest and gave him a lazy smile. "Hello to you too." 

"Are you both friends of Mr. Storm and Mr. Dameron?" he asked casually with his fancy outfit. 

"Acquaintance," Noah replied. 

"Poe used to be my high school teacher and Finn and I used to date in high school," she answered politely. She had so many drinks today. "Oh, Finn and I were in Poe's class together too. In _high school_." 

The priest's right eye slightly twitched. "Huh." His throat bobbed under the white collar. "Interesting. Sounds like my high school experience, eh?" 

She winced as she tried to laugh at his joke to no avail. Noah's face was as red as a tomato. Was he embarrassed? Did he not expect that? They had just met and he was probably thinking of bailing her. Honestly, there was no single fuck for her to give. "So, uh, Father. Since you're here, you support gay marriage, do you?" 

The priest nodded. What was his name again... she remembered seeing his name outside. Luke something. "I do. It's not the first time I've officiated marriages between two same gendered people." 

"How wonderful to hear that it isn't the first." 

"If I didn't take a vow of chastity, I do believe that I myself am a fellow homosexual as well." 

Noah spluttered on his drink while Rey nodded, impressed. "Oh, great to know that." 

"And yet I'm a devout Christian," he said, his blue eyes glinted. His blue eyes matched Noah's, but she very much preferred a certain pair of beautiful honey eyes that mostly looked caramel-ish. _Golden_ by Harry Styles was probably about his eyes. "I believe I'm here for a purpose. That my heart is open to my religion. It's beautiful, isn't it?" 

Just like that, Rey felt her mood was getting better. Father Luke Skydriver or whatever his name was excused himself to talk to the other guests. She turned to her date. "That was nice, wasn't it?" 

Noah nodded, smiling. His eyes almost settled on her chest before he averted his gaze, looking at the trees and the sky. "Did I tell you how pretty you look right now?" 

Nice to be validated. He didn't verbally say it but his eyes said so. "No, you didn't," she teased. That was the time her traitorous body decided to betray her as she turned her head. Just like that, her eyes met his. Apparently he had been watching based on how quick she met his eyes. Heat bloomed on her cheeks as she shifted her attention to her date. "But thank you. You don't look so bad yourself." 

He chuckled, looking down at his shoes. "Thanks." 

As soon as all her thoughts flew out of her mind, she placed her hand on his, catching him off guard. "I'm really glad you came." 

His eyes darkened, watching her lips. "I'm really glad too," he murmured, intertwining their fingers together. 

Her phone suddenly vibrated in her purse so she took it out, in case it was an emergency. Finn freaking out, or maybe Rose. Maybe her mum wanted to check on her. 

But it wasn't. It was from his main number that she still hadn't blocked. 

> **You look really beautiful.**

Shit, now she was blushing. Why the fuck would she blush over such a stupid text from him? She looked up to see Charlie's eyes roaming over her body. Another text came in.

> **Actually, scratch that. You look stunning and sexy.**

God, she hated him. She _hated_ him so much. 

Hated that she could never hate him. Ever. 

When the wedding band arrived, she took a seat, along with everyone else. She didn't realise Charlie was nearby when his thumb brushed against her hand while he pretended like he didn't notice her. That one simple graze of thumb caused a burning effect on her. 

She distracted himself from the thought of him as she watched her best friend, her Rose walking along the aisle while Armie had his phone in his hand on his lap to record her while his eyes focused on her. Goddammit, she wanted what they had. Poe was already waiting under the arch with Father... something Sky, in a black suit. 

Finn looked so good in his white outfit with patterns that represented Nigeria, grinning from ear to ear.

While everyone watched the happy couple smiling in front of each other, she felt a pair of eyes watching her. 

* * *

Everyone clapped and cheered after Finn and Poe kissed and officially became husbands. They looked at the audience and grinned widely before they looked at each other like there was no one else but them. Rose glanced briefly at Rey, giving her an inquisitive look to ask whether she was okay with Noah. Rey just smiled and shrugged with one shoulder. 

They were all starting to stand up to go to the reception. Since she sat in the second row, she waited until the line cleared before she left her chair. Apparently the Barbers had the same idea, sitting in the fourth row on the other side. That was the time when suddenly her heel completely dug into the puddle, making her stumble. 

Not only did Noah immediately stop to help her, but she saw Charlie almost rushed towards her with an alert look before he froze. She noticed that Nicole frowned at her husband, which made Rey feel the secondhand embarrassment. Everyone else acted normal by reacting with their faces, only Charlie had that reflex reaction. 

"You okay?" Noah asked. Her chest ached seeing pain displaying on Charlie's face. He looked at her, as if he was asking, “ _You okay?_ ” 

She pulled her heel out of the puddle by steadying onto Noah's arm. "Yeah," she forced out, swallowing a lump in her throat. "I didn't — I didn't see it."

Looking above, she hoped to God that Nicole didn't suspect anything. But she had a feeling she did.

She was taken by surprise when someone grabbed her arm while Noah remained oblivious. 

"Your daddy couldn't stop staring at your ass since you came in," Kaydel murmured in Rey's ear. 

Thank fuck it was just Kaydel. Her daddy? Was her dad here? Wait, her daddy was checking her ass out — _oh_. She meant—she meant _Charlie_.

"You scared me shitless," Rey hissed. "Also, why wouldn't he stare at my ass when I look this hot? I _demand_ presence." 

Kaydel just cackled, lightly slapping her ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way I wrote like 3-4 chapters for the wedding ALONE. I’m not sorry. 
> 
> And sorry to Noah Segan for making his character this way. Honestly, Noah is pretty loveable. I also wanna say Noah Segan liked my tweet yup. We’re best friends now.


	16. Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Cause I've done some things that I can't speak_
> 
> _And I tried to wash you away, but you just won't leave_
> 
> _So won't you take a breath and dive in deep?_
> 
> _'Cause I came here so you'd come for me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wedding is still on, folks! 💘💘

Apparently Noah and Nicole knew each other from college because Nicole all of the sudden came up to our table after more people joined Finn and Poe on the dance floor to say hi to Rey and... "Starck? Stomerani Starck?" 

Noah looked genuinely surprised before realisation seemed to dawn on his face. "Nicole Evans! You were in Group B, right? Andrew Wood?" He turned to Rey. "We went to the same acting school together." 

"You're an actor?" she asked. 

"Well, I used to, but I'm more comfortable behind scenes, writing scripts. Part time now since you know where I work." 

It was honestly interesting how she was surrounded by artists. "Yeah, I do." She glanced at both him and Nicole. "Also... Stomeroni?" she teased. 

"He liked to stomp and eat pepperoni," Nicole explained, amused. 

Meanwhile, Charlie was still sitting at his table, drinking an expensive scotch, probably. He gave her a small smile and she couldn't help but smile back. A little, while Nicole and Noah started catching up.

When Charlie stood up and approached her, she was slightly caught off guard, looking up at him. He was so, so, so tall. Her brows rose when he introduced himself to Noah. Like he was jealous. Probably because his wife seemed so comfortable with Noah. "Hi. Charlie Barber." 

Noah looked confused at first. Oh god. He recognised Charlie from the class— 

"Honey, this is Noah," Nicole said with a huge smile. "I told you just now. We were classmates." 

Her husband just nodded. Unaffected. 

"Oh, uh, this is..." Nicole seemed at loss of words, figuring out how to introduce her husband. 

"Her husband," Rey interjected, almost harshly. Um. Awks. 

"Charlie," he introduced himself, shaking her date's hand. 

Charlie and Nicole looked at each other and gave this look to each other that Rey couldn't quite fathom. "Uh, honey..." When Charlie said that, it reminded her of the time he told her how sarcastic and bitter ' _honey_ ' sounded. "Can I ask Rey to dance with me while you two... catch up?" He even looked at Noah, as if asking for permission. If someone were to ask her date to dance, she would want them to ask for permission too. 

"Yeah, go ahead!" Nicole answered, ushering them away. "I'm gonna sit here with this guy."

Noah snorted at being called ' _this guy_.' 

"So, what do you say?" Charlie asked her, his eyes creeping in deep into her soul. "Do you want to dance?" 

As Charlie extended his hand towards her, she hesitated a little. Thinking of their history. Wouldn't people suspect a thing once they dance together, maybe having silent communication? Would they even have silent communication? Maybe she was more worried about herself. She might not be able to control herself around him. Sucking a deep breath, she stood up and placed her hand on top of his, letting his engulf hers.

Was it even necessary to let him hold her hand to lead to the dance floor? They could just walk side by side. She turned to look at Nicole but Nicole was currently an active participant of conversation with her date. Completely ignorant of her surroundings. So Rey turned to Charlie again and found that she was completely facing him now that they were on the dance floor.

The band was playing _Wildest Dreams_ by Taylor Swift, which was just fucking terrific. It was like Taylor was speaking to her, like a fucking guardian angel. Or devil. (She didn't mind either. It was Taylor fucking Swift.) Charlie's hand crept on the small of her bare back, so close to her ass. Their bodies were blocked by other people dancing here from their dates' view to not really raise suspicion but still... She stilled under his touch as he pulled her closer, proving how familiar they were with each other. 

It just sucked how his touch really hit home. How it burned her. 

Like a leader he was, he wrapped his hand around her left wrist and placed her hand on his shoulder before he took her right hand in his left. Slowly swaying them together. Actually leading the dance. Unlike that time they were at the bar. A smile tugged on her lips as she realised that they were dancing to Taylor's heartbeat. Why would Finn and Poe use this song for their wedding? They could use more romantic songs. Goddammit. 

Finally she stopped stiffening and moved a little, tucking her chin on his shoulder. It was manageable with her heels. She could feel his warm breath on her ear. This song made her realise that maybe this dance could be their proper goodbye. She wanted him to remember her like this. In her red dress. Her red lips. It excited her how almost no one in this room of crowd knew what they had done in private. 

Because he knew her so much, his hold on her back tightened. "What are you thinking about?" he murmured in her ear. "Don't think I don't have any part of you memorised. You were thinking of something that turns you on." She shivered in his touch. "Want to share?" 

"No," she bit out, nuzzling her nose on his shoulder before she realised they were 1) in public and 2) over. "You're so full of yourself. Did you forget that whatever between us is finished?" 

His pinky slightly brushed on her ass, making her gulp. "I got that message clear when you stopped answering my calls and texts." His tone remained composed as he stared down at her. "You really have the prettiest eyes." 

Damn him. Now her cheeks burn, she was sure they were as red as her lips and dress. 

"You really do," he murmured, just staring at her eyes. Then she felt his hand tug her blonde lock a little. "I love your new hair. You look good with any hair colour, hmm?" 

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks. What's up with the compliment game?" 

"Just taking my time appreciating you."

Gah, damn him again. 

"I miss you." 

Her breath hitched. He texted that a couple of times. But hearing it in person after ages... Truth to be told, so did she. "Good to know," she countered. 

A gasp escaped her lips when he pulled her even closer until there was no space left between them. She could feel him harden against her lower abdomen, so close to where she ached for him. "Still got that bratty mouth, hmm?" he asked so lowly. "Got no one to shut it for you?" 

No one that mattered. She would only act bratty for him. It was all reserved just for this man. It was no longer _Wildest Dreams_ , but _Can't Help Falling In Love._ Was there any wedding she had attended that didn't play this song? Not that she could recall.

“Got no one to be a brat for you?" she retorted _almost_ playfully. 

"Smart ass," he muttered.

When his hand trailed lower, she let go of his shoulder to position his hand higher before she put her hand back on his shoulder. 

"Keep your hands to yourself," she warned, pulling back to glare at him.

Bad idea because now all she saw was his beautiful face that she missed kissing very, very much. Those plump lips would be nice for her to stain her red lipstick on. 

He just smirked, eyes darkened. "You look really beautiful tonight in this dress, baby." The nickname sent a rush of arousal in her. "I think it'll be nice on the floor too since the only hot thing that makes this dress sexy is because the one who's wearing it is sexy." 

Her cheeks heated, nearing him to hide her flushed face on his shoulder. "You really can't help yourself, do you?" she said. Her nose caught a whiff of his cologne that smelled a little bit like woodsmoke, her mouth watering. Pheromones really existed because all she wanted now was to have his weight crushing her in bed while they both wear nothing. She missed this scent, she missed these arms, missed everything about this.

His voice was low and raspy as he whispered. "Not when I'm around you. Especially now." 

"Asshole," she muttered.

Just to be extra cautious, she tried looking for Noah and Nicole. She spun her and Charlie around so her eyes were able to wander to where the Barber’s seats were, looking over Charlie’s shoulder. When she spotted them, they didn't seem like they cared. A lot of years to catch up, probably.

His chuckle vibrated her entire body as well since he held her so closely.

Then he was quiet again, like he was in deep thought. She wasn’t looking at him but she knew him too well, especially from how slow his heartbeat was now, she knew he was thinking about something. Contemplating.

"Run away with me," he blurted out after his laughter died in his throat. 

It took her a moment to register his words. She retreated back as she frowned at him, searching for a sign that he was joking. "Uh-huh,” she said with a small laugh, hoping he was joking. “Sure." 

"I'm _serious_ ," he emphasised, gripping her hips harder. 

She bit her lip, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "You're joking. That, or you're insane."

"Ever since you've been gone, I couldn't stop thinking about you,” he murmured. She looked around, in case they were surrounded by familiar faces that might hear this nonsense. “Everywhere I go, you're there. I can't look at my bathroom or fucking pasta without thinking about you."

"You don't miss me, you just miss someone warming your bed,” she hissed although her heart was beginning to beat faster and faster. 

"And you don't think I could find someone else?" he dared. 

Cocky son of a bitch. She glowered up at him. Did anyone hear them? See the tension between them right now? Of course not. The world didn't revolve around her. 

"Tell me you're not in love with me too," he pleaded, his voice soft and desperate. "I know you're feeling the same way." 

Her eyes welled up so she blinked it away, looking at anywhere but him. "We _can't_ ,” she bit out. 

"Why not?" 

She inhaled sharply, her lower lip beginning to tremble. "I'm going back to the UK. And I won't come back. I've bought a ticket and I'm leaving this Sunday." 

He stilled. 

"My classes are starting.” She cocked her head to the side as she peered up at him. “But even after I graduate, I won't come back, Charlie,” she promised. “I don't want to." 

His breath hitched. "What about your mom?" he asked softly.

Her chest ached. She and her mother were getting closer lately. It would be a shame to waste that. But she knew the reason why their relationship was repaired was because she went away. This was good. "I can still call." 

"It's not the same, Rey, she's approaching 60,” he countered. “You're her only daughter."

"Don't fucking use the guilt card," she snapped. "She can come with me." 

"This is her home." 

"You don't fucking _know_ that." She pursed her lips together. "She's retiring and all she needs right now is me. No matter where I go, she'll follow me.” 

His nose flared as he inhaled sharply. She dared him with her eyes to give her more excuse to stay. “She’s been living here her whole life. Do you really think she wants to leave?” 

“Yes,” she gritted. 

For a moment, he was quiet and she thought she was winning. That there was no more excuse that he could give. But then… "Stay,” he murmured, looking into her eyes. His grip on her tightened, making her gasp softly. “For me." 

Her eyes burned as she felt tears welling up. "This is going nowhere,” she said, swallowing. 

"I'm leaving her for you," he begged, his voice wavering. "Tonight, I'm packing up my bags and I'll leave." 

"And leave Henry?" she asked. 

It seemed like she hit a nerve there. She didn't even want him to choose between her and his son. As someone whose father left her, she didn't want Henry to face the same fate too. While Charlie was probably a terrible husband, she knew he was a better father than her own father. 

"That's what I thought," she muttered under her breath. 

"Can I just... ask one thing, please?" he asked, desperation straining his voice.

"What?" 

He bit the inside of his cheek. "Just run away with me for only tonight,” he murmured for only her to hear. “Spend the night with me one last time. Please. Let's just get out of here and after that, I'll send you back home. I promise." 

What was his angle here? Was he going to try to use the whole night to convince her to stay? Because nothing could change her mind at this point. 

" _Please_ ,” he begged. 

She knew the answer should be no but she was still torn, especially while she was staring at him, at earnest he seemed. Those puppy eyes, that desperate quiver in his voice. She blew out her breath. “Tonight? How about... _her_?" she asked, looking at the person she mentioned who was engaging fully in her conversation with her date. 

"Don't worry about it," he assured her. Somehow she trusted him. "Tonight. At one o’clock. Midnight. I'll be outside." 

"And if I don't come?" 

He smiled at her. A sad smile. "I'll take my chances. I'll wait the whole night." 

With a peck on her temple, he finally released her to go back to his table. She froze in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by people dancing. She only had hours to decide but it felt so few. 

"May I have this dance?" 

She turned and faced the groom himself. "Finn," she breathed out, smiling. Her chest ached a little but he looked so happy, making her happy too. Shouldn't she despise when her ex was happier than her? The ex that cheated? "Of course you may." She placed each of her hands on his shoulder and bicep while he wrapped his arm around her waist. 

"I'm really glad you made it, Rey," he rasped out. "I'm really sorry for all the shit I put you through." 

"It was a long time ago," she said with a laugh. "I really didn't expect you and Mr. D had a thing in school." 

"Completely consensual, I promise. I was already eighteen and he never took advantage of me." 

She sighed and nodded. "I believe you." She _had_ to. "You two seem happy. I mean, it has been years since we graduated high school. What took him so long?" 

Now he was the one that laughed. "Rocky start. On and off. We dated other people for sometime before I realised he's the one." 

Her cheek rested on his shoulder. "Lucky. You found the one." 

"How about you?" he asked softly. "Also, didn't you have a thing for Mr. Barber all throughout middle school and high school? You two seemed cozy, dancing with each other for three fucking songs. People were whispering." 

She snorted. Had it really been three songs? "He was just... being nice. Just a dance. A formality." 

"I don't know. I wouldn't ask a girl who used to babysit my son to dance with me at a wedding." 

"Shut up," Rey replied, her whole body suddenly felt all scorching hot. "It's just a dance. His wife and my date are old friends so we let them catch up."

"Hey, I'm not judging," he teased. "I married my Calculus teacher. I'd be the last person to judge." 

She sighed. "Were people really whispering?" 

"No comment," Finn answered with a smirk. "Also, Mitaka has been staring at you all night." 

She didn't even know Mitaka was here as she grimaced. "He can't leave me alone, huh." 

Finn laughed, kissing her temple. "It's your power, babe. That's why I'm the dumbest guy on the planet."

Probably. But people only liked her for a good time, not a relationship so Finn was being smart here. 

"But to be really truthful... you're the only girl I've ever fallen in love with,” he confessed, smiling genuinely. “You weren't my first girlfriend, you know. That guy just came in to my life when I was dating you. It wasn't your fault. You know that?" 

She inhaled a deep breath, closing her eyes. It was still the worst timing because she was involved. But the thought was still somewhat comforting. 

"I actually _was_ in love with you," he murmured, his tone all heavy with sincerity. "Even in high school, you were such a great girlfriend." 

That put a little smile on her lips as she almost choked up. It could be a lie, it could be true but that was her old self. "I appreciate that," she replied softly. "I love you. I really am genuinely happy for you, you know that?" 

She could feel him smiling in her hair. "I do, babe. And I love you too. So, so much. Despite what you think about yourself, you're an angel. No matter what you're doing, I know you still have a pure heart. You do whatever the hell you like to do no matter what and I admire that." 

God, if only he knew. Sometimes she really missed this guy. Not as a boyfriend. But as a best friend. She kissed his cheek and told him, "Congratulations, Peanut," with a smile before she went back to Noah. He was finally alone, just watching her from a distance. "Hi there."

His brows rose up at her. "You're really popular today. I haven't even got to dance with you yet." 

Grazing her teeth against her lower lip, she offered him her hand. "Then let's dance now, handsome." 

As he took her hand, she could feel someone's eyes on her. Charlie was staring with a clenched jaw. He looked scary to some people — but not her. Since she was younger, she always thought him being intimidating was hot. That he was the Beast only she could tame. 

She decided to ignore it as she let Noah hold her while they rocked their bodies together slowly. He was being very respectful, keeping his hands on her hips. Not on her skin. Or her ass. His touch was very light too. 

Maybe if she dated him, things would be less complicated. He could give her that. He was single, just a family man who liked to play with his sister's kids, and talked good things about his parents. It was obvious that he wanted to settle down and have kids.

Finn's words made her feel light.

"Did you have a nice catching up session with Nicole?" she asked. 

"I did," he conceded, his cheek caressing her hair. "We were sort of partners in crime in school. She was like a big sister, being the one that said good things about me around girls that came to my dorm." When he heard what he was saying, he cleared his throat. She could see the embarrassment on his face, like he regretted everything. "Doesn't sound appropriate to talk about other girls when I'm dancing with one of the most beautiful women I ever laid my eyes on."

She let out a laugh, shaking her head at him. "I don't mind at all."

"Yeah..." He chuckled sheepishly. "It's college. Ages ago. I'm a different person now." 

All she did was hum, continuously swaying to the rhythm. 

"You know, I recall she was engaged to someone else from our school," he said with a frown. "Then suddenly she's married to a different man, some hotshot Broadway director and they have a kid together. I haven't seen her since. It's him, right?" 

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess." 

"You seem close with him," he carefully said, lifting his brows up. She shouldn't have danced with Charlie. People were asking questions now. "Is he the one... from your class? The one who threw a dagger look at me?" 

Since she was a terrible liar (which was surprising how long her affair lasted with Charlie), she simply let out a simple, ' _pfft_.' "Of course not," she denied with a high pitched voice. "Cha—Er, Mr. Barber and Mrs. Barber used to be my neighbour. I took care of their kid." How many times did she have to give the same answer to the same question? "They're just very nice people. Paid a generous amount too. Um... yeah."

Also, she almost masturbated in their bathroom when Henry already slept and she knew he wouldn't wake up anytime soon. That was some... weird time. 

"You were fine calling her Nicole just now," Noah pointed out, his eyes danced with amusement. 

"Nope, I was trying to sound grown up," she joked. "It's pretty foreign on my tongue. Believe me." 

"Well, you do call me Mr. Starck. How old are you anyway?" 

"You also called me Miss Johnson because I'm Lucy's teacher," she pointed out. "I'm twenty two, thank you for asking. I assume it's because I look like a teenager?"

He chuckled. "You just look young, that's it."

"Because you're old," she teased. 

"Excuse me, I'm only older by less than a decade," he argued. "Nicole is slightly older when she attended the acting school."

She just grinned. "Less than a decade?" 

"Yeah. Thirty. But you're right, I am kinda old compared to you," he sighed. "But I've been enjoying hanging out with you. I don't feel that old." 

"Aww," she cooed, smiling. "But I will remind you how old you are later." 

"There's a later?"

She let out a soft exhale, resting her chin on his shoulder. He didn't feel like Charlie. Didn't smell like Charlie. Which was too bad. "Maybe." 

"So, Rey, will you go back to the city tonight? Do you have a ride?"

That made her pause. She didn't exactly have a ride, unless she went back with Kaydel. Rose was able to stay for the night here but she would be with Armie. She had to think of her options. "I... I do. Have a ride." Not that she had made up her mind. She just... wanted some options. And she didn't think she could handle a long drive with Noah. 

His face fell but he composed himself quick. "Oh. But I'm really hoping I could see you again. You know, so I could take you out on a proper date." 

She peeked up at him through her lashes. "You're asking me out?" 

He let out a laugh. "Yeah. I am." 

Unfortunately... she was leaving. He seemed too nice for her to hurt. Shit. She might be a heartless, stoned cold bitch but she wouldn't hurt nice guys. That's why she would never go out with them. _Ah shit._ "Why don't you give me your number when the night is over and I'll call you?" 

At first he squinted his eyes at her, seemingly doubting her before he gradually nodded, holding her close. Looking over his shoulder, a pair of pretty brown eyes followed her every move, possessiveness was clear in them. He was currently dancing with his... wife. His hands were on her arms like it was a fucking prom. Though his body was moving along with Nicole, his eyes never stopped looking at her.

It made her stomach flip and her throat constrict. 

* * *

She couldn't believe she agreed to this. But she always kept her promise. Pinky promise was a serious matter. If she had promised something, even with temptations, you bet she would keep her words. So if she said she didn't like Selena Gomez, no matter how tempted she could be to stan her, she would keep on disliking her. Just an example. 

At least she had her liquid of luck. "Hello, everyone," she said on the microphone while Poe leaned his head on Finn's shoulder, watching her on the stage. "I don't think I could beat Rose's heartfelt speech." Everyone shed tears during Rose's speech. How she adored Finn since they were kids and she felt like how she had grown up with him. That he turned out to be a great man. (He did.) How great of a teacher Poe was, inspiring her to be the best version of herself. She made several jokes too, obviously. It was nice. "But thank god I'm not here to give a speech." 

Finn and Rose grinned knowingly while Poe's brows shot up in surprise and anticipation. 

"This is for Finn and Mr. D."

One of the band members offered her their guitar like she had requested.

She started strumming it. " _My love was as cruel as the city. Everyone looked worse in the light._ " At first, she tried only looking at the grooms. She did. She smiled at them, gesturing this was for them and them only. She did glance at her friends and she even cocked her brows at them. But then her traitorous eyes met his, the man she would risk it all for, and he smiled. The kind of smile that looked like he was proud. “ _I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you._ ” In that moment, the whole room dimmed and there was one spotlight and it was on him. 

By the end of the song, thankfully, everyone was smiling with tears on their faces. Especially the grooms. She grinned, feeling how full her heart was at that moment. _Is this how Taylor Swift feels on the stage?_ she thought. 

"Peanut," Finn cried out, pulling her in to hug her as tight as he could. The hug felt like it lasted for years as she buried her nose in his shoulder. "That was amazing. Thank you. I love you so, so, so, so much." 

She sniffled, smiling widely. "I love you too, babe." 

"Could you do one more song?" he pleaded. "Please? So we all could dance?" 

All she did was jabbing him on the rib, making him yelp. But she couldn't say no. Which was a terrible idea because alcohol mixed with happiness most of the time equalled to horny for her. 

By the end of the night, she ended up being fucked from behind while still wearing her dress, cum dripping down her thighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Finn with all my heart, okay ❤️  
> Also I was sort of inspired by Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jensen when I wrote this chapter hehe.


	17. Eyes Closed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you_
> 
> _But he'll never stay, they never do_
> 
> _Now if I keep my eyes closed he feels just like you_
> 
> _But you've been replaced_
> 
> _I'm face to face with someone new_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Yes, we’re still at the wedding.  
> I’m going to try my best to keep updating as often as possible, depending on how much I’ve written. Thank you so much for still reading this, especially those who have been here from the beginning 💖 
> 
> To the new readers, hi!

There must be an article somewhere that stated wedding hookups were fine, as long as they weren't with your ex. _Ex_ was a broad term. It could be about literally anyone. Ex-lovers, ex-husbands, ex-friends, ex-friends with benefits. And Rey understood it perfectly and she vowed to try not to make that kind of mistake. Most of her exes were... questionable. Thank god the only ex in this wedding was, er, the groom.

Point being, none of her ex here were available — not _exactly_. So even if she was tempted, she wouldn’t hook up with an ex, she hoped. 

Her lips were pressed on Noah's, pliant and polite. His hands squeezed on her hips, yet he was still careful. Careful not to touch anywhere that might cross the uncharted territory. 

But it felt like he was holding on to something. He was kind of stiff. Was he nervous? She wasn't sure what to think. His lips were... okay. But she was quite aroused from the drinking and the dancing so at least she was able to enjoy it. 

Her hand trailed along the buttons of his shirt before it settled on his abs. Trying to find something underneath the shirt. A little rock hard there. He worked out. 

"Rey," he spoke against her mouth. "You're drunk."

That was probably the reason why he was careful in his movement. "You're very observant, Mr. Starck," she murmured, pushing up against the wall and caging him. She might be smaller than him but she was strong. "But I'm only tipsy. I can still remember this. I'm still conscious." 

Doubt displayed all over his face but he still let her nip his neck. In her mind, she wasn't kissing him. But someone else. This man's hair wasn't as thick as him. Wasn't as long as him. Wasn't as broad as him. Didn't have lips as full as him. It just sucked but she had to fucking deal with it because all good ( _good?_ ) things always came to end. 

Maybe if she just kept closing her eyes, she could start projecting Noah into Charlie. Maybe. She always moved on _eventually_. "What do you want me to do?" she asked. "Suck you dry? Want to fuck me from behind? What do you want? I'll let you do whatever." 

"Um, Rey... not here," he said in a constrained voice, his touch still so tentative that she wished he would just… rip her dress off now. 

She looked up at him. They were at the back of the building where they were hidden by the plants. Okay, not an exhibitionist but she could deal with that. "Okay. Your car then?" 

There was still that pained look on his face but he agreed. 

"So... where's your car?" she asked. 

"It's close." He gestured his silver car on the corner to the right, near the orchard.

While they kissed in the backseat of his car, all she felt was ache. You know how you're about to die and you see the visions of your flashback before your eyes? Well, it was like that, except with just Charlie. She saw Charlie, the way he looked at her, the way he smiled at her, the way he squinted or frowned at her whenever she acted bratty towards him, the way his brows furrowed together whenever he was in concentration, or how he loved to grip his hips, where his belt was, while his stomach jotted a little. 

Or how the light slanted on his face in the morning while his eyes were closed so peacefully while his hair beautifully spread on his pillow. How his lips pouted sometimes when he was thinking or when he was acting cute. 

And of course she could remember all the details of him pounding into her, stretching until she felt like she was being split in half. His movement was rough but his touches were soft. Stroking her hair, kissing every inch of her skin. Those months left a permanent mark on her. 

She felt empty as Noah kept peppering kisses on her skin, clawing his chest with her manicured fingers. His heartbeat was pounding into her hand like he was nervous. If she had done more good things in life than the bad ones, she would be falling in love with him instead of Charlie. But the Universe wanted to slap her on the face. 

Her hands went lower to undo his belt. "Do you want to do this?" she asked. "Do you want to fuck me?" He might be a man but not every straight man wanted to have sex with her. Consent was still key here. 

With wild eyes gazing up at her, he nodded. "I-I mean, yeah, but... are you sure? Is it just going to be a hookup because I really want to take you out." 

How sweet. "It's a wedding. A hookup is an inevitable thing. Can we get to the fucking part?" 

"Okay," he murmured. 

"How do you want to do this?" His trousers were undone now. "Cowgirl? Do you want me to get on all fours?" Her long legs might be a struggle but... 

"Yeah, the-the latter." 

She got off his lap while he also made a move, taking some time to shift their positions. His hands trembled as they touched her hips. For a moment, they stayed there while she frowned. What was he doing? 

After sometime, his hands left her body and she heard the zipper sound of his trousers. This was it. She was going to clear Charlie's touches on her, although not _every_ touch since he had been everywhere. Every inch of her skin had been marked by his hands, his mouth, his tongue. 

“Oh,” she gasped out at some point. 

* * *

"Where were you?" Rose asked.

Looked like the party wasn't over yet when she got back with Noah beside her. He looked so debauched with his messy hair even after he fixed it and his wrinkled shirt. 

"Um, getting drunk," Rey said. Which was partly true. She rubbed her thighs together and smoothed down her dress. 

Rose seemed doubtful but she let it slide. Though not before she gave her a look telling Rey to tell her everything later. Rey just winked, a way to say gotchu. 

They went back to their table while Rose was called to take pictures with the grooms. It seemed like Charlie — and, yeah, his wife — were still here, following her movement. There was something in his eyes that she recognised so well. He gave that look when she was talking to the guy in the gym. He gave that look when she was talking to Noah. That same look he gave her when she made a mess out of his office for fun. A disapproving look.

It was honestly turning her on. 

"Look, Rey..." Noah trailed off. 

She turned to her date. 

"Thank you," he said genuinely. His eyes said enough. "For... yeah. I just..." 

She placed her hand on his, smiling. "There's nothing to thank me for. It was... nice.”

He brought his hand to his lips. She was about to draw her hands away when her eyes caught Charlie's. Shit. He had those eyes again. The possessive, serial killer eyes. His mouth was pursed together while his jaw was clenched tightly. 

It was doing something to her, alright. She let Noah hold her hand for a little longer. 

* * *

Soon, the banquet hall was starting to seem bigger when people were leaving, one by one. Noah kept checking his watch, probably thinking that it was getting late. Even around this hour, she knew New York would still have a lot of cars since it was a weekend. It was dangerous to drive late at night when sleep was slowly taking over your body. 

"I might be staying here longer," she told him even though she was lying. "You should probably go now. It's getting late." 

He seemed guilty to leave her. "I _could_ stay." 

"It's okay," she convinced him, smiling at him. "Come on. I'll walk you to your car." 

"There's... no need for that. I could walk on my own." 

She attempted her best puppy eyed look until he gave in. That made her smile in satisfactory. When he stood up, he offered her his hand, to which she accepted. "Let's say goodbye to the grooms and Rose and Armie first." 

When Rose saw them approaching, she dissociated herself from a conversation she was having with a group of people Rey barely recalled. "You're leaving?" she asked. 

"Oh, just..." She was about to say she was staying but the clock stated that was midnight. Just an hour left until... Until what? It wasn't like she actually wanted to meet him afterwards. "Yeah." 

"Just me," Noah interjected. "Rey is staying." 

Ah shit. Rose cocked her brows at her, like she knew something. Kaydel and Jannah were still here so she had a backup ride. "Thank you for coming, Noah," Rose said. 

"You guys are leaving?" Armie asked. Before Noah could say anything, she breathed a sigh of relief when Armie kept going. "Well, maybe I'll see you guys later, yeah? I might run into you when I pick Rose up at her work." 

Noah just chuckled and nodded. "Probably." 

After Noah thanked Finn and Poe for having him, he retrieved his coat and let her accompany him outside, feeling the wind brushing her face.

"I had a... I had a great time today. With you." 

She bit her lip to stop herself from smiling. "I'm sorry for... going all crazy to you in the car." 

He let out a low, throaty laugh. "No, it was... nice. I’m just... I’m hoping to take you out someday soon. On a date. And maybe we could... get a little intimate after..." He laughed again. Nervously. "Maybe the third date. Or fifth. Is the third date too soon?" 

Fuck, he was such a gentleman, which made all of this even more complicated. Going on dates first would be pretty nice. "We shall see," she joked, facing him and barely looking at him. The guilt was eating her up. "I, uh... I'd like that. I think. I don't know." 

His face fell, but he composed himself really quickly. "Well, let me know. I already gave you my number." Without touching her or holding her anywhere, he lowered his head and leaned close to her. As if he was asking for permission. She breathed in and anticipated for his lips, though they never met where she expected. Instead, they planted on her cheek. 

Which was... _weird_ , she guessed. It was refreshing how vanilla this all was. Was it refreshing though? She craved for something else. 

When he pulled away with his hands in his pockets, he turned his body from her. Walking towards his car. And in that moment, she knew she would never see him again. She wasn’t even going to teach at his niece’s dancing class either. He didn’t know this but this was a goodbye. This would be, _hopefully_ , the last time they see each other. 

"That was just fucking romantic." 

She jumped at the sound of that voice she knew all too well. When she turned around, she saw him, leaning against the wall of the building with a cigarette between his lips and his fingers. "How long have you been here?" she gasped. 

"When he gave that pathetic kiss on your cheek," he answered nonchalantly, drawing the stick out of his mouth after taking a drag of it. She watched the smoke coming out of his mouth and his nose. "Way too pathetic. A kiss on the cheek? Like old pals."

She tried not to let his words affect her. She pulled her shoulders to the back and tilted her chin up. "He's a _gentleman_." 

The dark laugh that escaped his lips was nothing like the friendly laugh that Noah did just now. This sent shivers down her spine. Made her head spin. Made her toes curl.

"Ah, but you're not looking for a gentleman, are you, Rey?" he challenged with a hint of smirk on the corner of his mouth. "You like it when people challenge you. You don't like the sweet kind of gentleman that you would bring to your mother kind of guy. You want someone that works you fucking hard. That would make a mess out of you." 

Images of him taking her that first time at the hotel room coursed her mind. There had been many amazing sex after that but that was their first time and he already showed that side of him. She also remembered some soft side of him as he kissed her shoulder while spooning her after giving her six orgasms in one night. She balled up her hand into a fist. "Being an asshole won't make me come back to you." 

"Being an asshole is _exactly_ how I got you,” he said darkly. “You _like_ that I'm unattainable. You love it when I teased you in that train while still wearing the wedding ring." He was wearing it right now. "You love being showed off when I fuck you in public. I'm an asshole in all those situations but you would be lying if you told me you didn’t love it." 

Her cunt clenched at his words. He was right. She was being a hypocrite. But she had to... she had to be strong.

Apparently he wasn't finished yet. "You would like it, would you?” he asked playfully. “If I just take you right here and fuck you where anyone could walk by and see us." 

The walls of her cunt tightened together. Even though it was cold and it was almost raining, she felt hot all over. "Don't," she hissed. He was torturing her, fuck. 

"Have you thought about what you're going to do later?" he asked nonchalantly. 

"Definitely not _you_ ," she snapped. 

That made him snicker. "We'll see, baby." He flicked the cigarette and threw it in the dumpster near them. He winked at her. "Anything can happen."

After he uttered those words, he left her outside as he headed back to the reception. 

* * *

That massive asshole was right. Anything could happen. 

It started with Finn and Poe. It was finally the time for them to leave the reception and Poe jokingly carried Finn bridal style. Her brows perked up to see how strong her former teacher was, able to carry equally strong Finn in his arms. Finn made Poe put him down as he dragged his former-student-now-husband upstairs, waving at the crowd. Rey thought they were really adorable together. 

Were they going to fuck? With all these people downstairs? Well, she would fuck someone in the bathroom right now but no one really would know where or what she was up to. Finn and Poe were the center of attention. Rey moved on from them.

To her right, she watched Kaydel looking slightly sad, probably from seeing how hot Poe was for being able to carry Finn. She leaned on Gwen's chest, standing between the platinum blonde's thighs at the bar while Gwen was sitting down. Their height difference was just so nice. 

"Another," she beckoned the bartender. It was like he knew because he had already prepared the bottle of chardonnay in his hand to pour in her glass. She and the bartender, Dan, were already acquainted with each other because of how much she drank. "Thank you, my good man, Dan." 

At the table across the dance floor, Charlie was talking to Nicole while she seemed bored, playing with her phone. He was starting to look frustrated, but quickly relaxed when he saw Rey was watching, pretending like everything was okay between them. Rey couldn't find it in herself to care as she sipped her drink. 

Then to her left, she saw Armie and Rose being all cozy with each other, eyes shining at each other like two lovesick puppies. Armie kept brushing Rose's hair with his hand while Rose was holding on to his lapel. 

This was her punishment for being a whore. Sure, she was a commitment-phobe, but she would kill to be less lonely tonight. Maybe just a kiss in the bathroom.

What was up with her and bathrooms? 

She felt cold all of the sudden. It was probably cold here. She ran her fingers through her hair, looking at her heels.

"Hey." 

She sighed and turned to the third guy that had approached him since Noah left. Maybe she should go for it this time. The loneliness was starting to take its toll on her. "Hi," she weakly said to him, almost sighing from exhaustion. 

"Alone?" he asked. He was nice looking in his tux and bowtie. Brown hair. Green eyes. All that. 

"For now," she replied with a shrug. 

The answer seemed to give some sort of hope to him. But that wasn't what she meant. She wasn't flirting. But since he already had the idea, she'd let him. "Is your date coming back?" 

"No," she said, faking a smile. "It's because I won't put out tonight." She was lying, but she was hoping that would drive him away. "I'm still waiting for my test result to come out."

"Oh," he said. But then he looked at her from head to toe like, ' _maybe it won't be so bad_ ', making her scoff and walk away to her left towards Rose and Armie. 

"Room key. Please?" she pleaded. 

Rose looked concerned while Armie just made a face. "But Rey, it's a wedding and I want to fuck my girlfriend," he whined, causing Rose to slap his chest. 

"You guys seem fine just giving each other googly eyes," she muttered. "Look. It'll be awhile. I just need some rest. And if you guys are coming back, just text me!" 

As Armie tried to protest, Rose simply took out the room card and handed it to Rey. "Here you go, babe." 

Taking the key card, she smirked at her ginger friend. "Sorry, man. My girl would do anything for me." 

"It's true though," Rose said. "I'm a sucker for Rey." 

Rey grinned victoriously at Armie before hugging and kissing Rose's cheek. "Have fun, you two." 

"You're not going to have sex in our bed, right?" Armie asked with narrowed eyes, looking at her suspiciously after she kissed his cheek. 

"I'm _not_. No man or woman here is worthy." 

Hoping no one was watching, she stole one champagne bottle from the bar. 

* * *

She either had hit rock bottom, or she had just levelled up. Because she was finally, finally spending this long time alone instead of going home with any man. That was an achievement right? 

But it sucked though. It really did. It sucked being alone with her mind, wondering if anyone could ever love her. If she could ever love anyone. She was meant to have the same fate as her mother, minus the kids. 

Kids and her? Funny. She would be a fucking terrible mother. 

She downed the bottle of champagne, feeling the spritz on her tongue and her throat. 

Looking around, everything screamed romantic even in a guest room and not the honeymoon suite. Rose petals on bed. Bottle of champagne in ice. Candles all around the room. She was careful not to ruin the petals, so she just sat on a chair by the window that faced the entrance and where the cars were parked. 

Downing some more champagne in her mouth, her brows knitted in confusion when she saw something. Someone. Her nosy ass squinted and leaned so close, her nose almost touched the glass. 

Charlie and Nicole were near their car, chattering but not quite engaged in the conversation. Nicole had her arms crossed, not looking at the husband at all. Charlie had his hands in his pocket, his jaw clenched tight. 

But they seemed... civil though. It didn't look like they were arguing or something. Just... absentminded. 

This was a violation. She immediately slid the curtain closed, fighting the urge to take another peek. He should go back to her. They were a beautiful couple. The clock on the nightstand said that it was 1.05AM. Shit. 

Her mind replayed all the time she had spent with Charlie. If he were single, would she have slept with him? She knew he would make her happy. Fuck, she knew that. She knew they would even have a room in this beautiful house and he would make her come all night after the wedding. They would drive back home together where people would see them and thought it was normal because they were both single. Because they belonged to each other. 

But she was his and he was hers when they were alone with no prying eyes. Just during those times. 

Would Rose (and Armie) be pissed if she smoked in their room? Maybe by opening the window? 

Just a little peek. She slid the curtain by an inch and saw that the Barbers car was gone.

He left. 

She thought she should let him go for good this time. The moment she would hop on the flight this Wednesday, he would be a history to her. 

Maybe not tonight. Maybe she _did_ want to cling onto him just a minute.

Still, he had already left. She only realised she wanted him only when it was too late. 

But he didn’t wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re kinda close to the end, folks. KINDA. There will be an epilogue, I think? I’ve written the second to last chapter but not the event leading up to the second last chapter yet ahaha. 
> 
> I’m pretty excited to finally finish this! I never thought it’s possible for me to finish a multi chapter fic lmao. But I’ve come this far and it’s all because of your support and encouragement for still reading and commenting. I love you a lot. I do. 
> 
> Rey and Charlie will get their happy ending. They just need to earn it first.


	18. Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _All we do is drive,_
> 
> _All we do is think about the feelings that we hide,_
> 
>  _All we do is sit in silence, waiting for a sign,_
> 
> _Sick and full of pride,_
> 
> _All we do is drive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little side note: Drive is my favourite Halsey song. Tag is updated!

After returning the room keycard back to Armie and Rose, she looked around to find Jannah, Tallie, Gwen and Kaydel. She felt relieved when she saw they were still here, drinking their sorrows away. Meaning that she still had her ride. Tallie however was not with them, but with a dude at the bar at the corner, far away from where Rey was sitting. They were licking salt on each other's wrist and downing tequila together. Good for her. 

It was appropriate that the moment she arrived at the bar, Dan had already prepared a drink for her. "You're the Dan. Er, man. You're the man. But I think I've had enough." 

Dan looked genuinely surprised but he didn't say anything. Just offered her a sympathetic look before he went back to work. He didn't gather the chardonnay he had made for her though. Just let it sit there. 

She walked towards the girls, apparently walking into a hot debate between Jannah and Kaydel while Gwen acted like the judge or the middle party— _fuck_ if she knew. "Hey guys," she greeted, sitting in Jannah's lap and nuzzling her cheek on Jannah’s head like a kitten. "What are you guys arguing about?" 

"About which one of them is the top and which one of them is the bottom," Jannah admitted. "Like, I know that Poe is older but it doesn't necessarily mean he's the top." 

"Ugh, he's totally a top!" Kaydel, the number 1 Poe stan, said. "We all know that even though Finn acts like a badass, he likes being the bottom. Did you see the way Poe carried Finn?" 

"Finn _did_ protest!" Jannah argued. 

"Because he was embarrassed," Kaydel retorted, rolling her eyes. 

"I do not need to be in this conversation about my ex's sex life," Rey joked, even though she couldn't give a fuck. "But y'all don't think they're switches?" 

"Yes, but there's always a _slight_ ratio," Jannah explained. 

Rey just laughed, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry about these people, Gwen," she teased, feigning a sigh. 

"Oh, I'm used to it," Gwen lamented jokingly. 

"How long are we gonna be here?" Rey asked out of curiosity. 

"Maybe... until two?" Kaydel suggested. "I'm definitely not going home anytime soon." 

"I protest, obviously," Gwen said with a wink, placing her hand on Kay's thigh. 

Ugh, she felt so lonely. 

* * *

It was raining when she took a drag of one more stick of cigarette outside. The place smelled like asphalt mixed with her perfume. Rain made her feel a little more lonely. The only thing she needed now was a sad soundtrack. When she looked at the time on her phone, it was thirty minutes past one. 

Dropping the stick on the floor and crushing it with her heel, she turned and was about to go back to the reception when she hit something solid. Or rather, that something hit her. 

Her first thought was _"what the fuck"_ when something wrapped around her neck. Was that… an arm? This was how she was going to die, wasn't it. Why wasn't she screaming yet — it was like she had just admitted her fate. This was the day she was going to die. On her ex's wedding day. And it was raining. What could be more pathetic?

"Were you about to bail on me?" a deep voice murmured in her ear, his breath hot on her ear. Her nose instantly caught a whiff of that cardamom scent. 

She let out a relieved sigh as she turned around, though she still managed to glare at him.

His arms were crossed in an intimidating manner, perking one brow up. 

Seeing him again somehow made her heart beat again, as if she had stopped breathing for a moment. Which of course was ridiculous. But it was how she was feeling, looking up at him and feeling relief washing over her body. Not because she was alive, but because… he was here. He didn't — He didn't leave. He _waited_.

"I... I thought you left," she squeaked. Why was she squeaking? "Your car. Um. It's gone." 

"Yeah, Nicole took it," he explained casually, his tone was almost lazy. His suit was unbuttoned and his tie was loosened. 

"She... she went home?” she stammered. “Alone?" 

"Yeah." 

"Then how are _you_ going home?" 

He smirked. "I'll manage." 

"Why-uh... Wha—" She gulped, finding words to say. "Wer..."

He tried to solve the puzzles together. "Why? What happened? Were you two arguing? Are those the questions you're trying to ask?" 

"Something like that." _Exactly_ that.

He looked into her eyes, as if he was searching for something. Then he peeled his eyes away from her, looking at the watch on his wrist. A shiny thing. "Did you plan on agreeing to meet me?" he asked, not answering her. "Or did I just... catch you at the right time?"

"I don't — _know_ what I wanted," she confessed. "I don't know what I want." 

When he approached closer to her, she flinched a little. She could smell his strong cologne. His shampoo. A little hint of cigarette. All musky and spiced. "Are you sure?" he quipped. 

"Yeah," she rasped. 

He was so close now. So, so close. He didn't touch her, but his face was inching close to her. "You told me you're leaving right? You're leaving New York for good?" 

She closed her eyes, not daring to show some vulnerability. "Yeah,” she repeated. All words in the old dictionary were gone from her mind now, except ‘yeah’. 

"Well, I hate the way we ended,” he said with a shrug. “You need a proper send off." 

Huh? 

"I don't want the last memory you have of me is our argument." His breath fanned her mouth but he wouldn't touch her. "I'm still mad at you. I told you I loved you." 

"And you were stupid for that." 

He licked his lips, staring at her mouth. "I was. But you _laughed_ at me.” 

Why were her eyes fluttering shut right now? Did she _want_ him to kiss her? "I'm sorry, you know,” she murmured as she sought his lips.

"For laughing when I professed my love for you?" he asked, his breath fanning her lips.

Touché. It stung, like a slap on her face. "For everything,” she said, biting her lip. “For dragging it — us — out way too long." 

"You don't have to." He stared at her mouth yet he stayed where he was. Fucker. "Be sorry, I meant. We both got carried away.”

She took a staggered breath as the rain continued splattering around them.

“And you don’t—you don’t have to apologise for ending it,” he said gently. “You were being smart to end it, even when it felt... too late. Ending it that way so you could build walls between us." 

"Not at this moment, though," she replied glumly. 

"What?" he asked, the confusion was apparent. 

Shit, the rain was getting heavier that some droplets on the ground splashed onto their bodies. Yet she had zero fucks to give. "I'm not being smart right now,” she mumbled. It would be unfair for her to break down the walls when—when she knew it was going to be even more difficult to build it up again. 

The corner of his lips tugged into an amused smile. "Why?" 

"Because,” she answered tersely. 

He looked at her expectantly. "Because?" he probed. 

When she made a move to kiss him, he backed away to the wall, causing her to gasp in disbelief. It took sometime for her to process what just happened. That hurt her pride a little and now she wanted nothing but the ground to swallow her whole right now. 

"I... I'm not — I'm not _strong_ enough, Rey,” he forced out. He seemed so furious, mostly at himself. "If I do this, I wouldn't be able to let you go."

_Then don't let me go,_ she thought. _Hold on to me._

Her lips quivered slightly. She had never felt so... so... confused. He was like this drug to her that she kept reaching for and she was relapsing right now. The drink she had clouded her mind a little, blurring the line between right and wrong. But she was still somewhat... sane. Sort of sober. She could still remember tomorrow.

"Charlie...” she whispered. It sounded like a plea when his name escaped her mouth. 

He crossed his arms, looking so grimly with his slacked jaw, his flared nostrils, and his glare. He looked like he had a terrible night. 

"I..." she broke off. The word died on her throat.

"What," he urged, his face beamed with hope. 

"I want to." 

"You want to… what?" he prodded, staring at her unwaveringly. “Tell me. Please.” 

He was really testing her, huh. But that strain in his please ached her a little. 

Closing her eyes and exhaling deeply, she took in a breath again. "I _want_ to run away with you,” she finally said before she stared up at him. 

That finally gave him some reaction as his expression softened. "Rey, you're... you're drunk." 

Oh god, she was so cold now. Her dress was too thin and a bit soaked now. But her head? Her head was clear. The alcohol had simmered down a little.

"No, I know what I want,” she argued. “It's you."

When she saw he was gone, she knew that she didn’t want to let him go just yet. 

Key word: _yet_. 

The relief on his face went unnoticed. He looked into both her eyes, his throat bobbing as he breathed raggedly. Like he was contemplating his life decisions. She understood though because one night of relapse — even in the name of goodbye — might either go wrong or be exactly what they needed to _move on_. 

Finally he leaned down and kissed her, letting the air enter her lungs again. It was like her soul returned to her body when his lips devoured hers and his arms wrapped around her body, warming her up a little. It was so unfair how it felt like they fit like two pieces of a puzzle.

She was so weak, so dependable on him but she didn't care. She was home.

For a little while. 

She didn't realise she was crying until she felt her eyes burning and warm liquid trickling down her cheeks. She was a fucking clown, breaking things off with him but relieved when he kissed her again. 

He didn't even question it when he pulled back and looked at her, looking at her through hooded eyes. His thumb brushed the tears off her cheek while his own eyes were glistening too. 

"But I have to warn you," she said when she remembered something. "I'm running with you for just _one_ night. Tonight will be the last night, okay? I just want you one last time but if you think it’s a bad idea—” 

“That’s more than enough for me,” he interjected, staring at her lips. "I'll take one night if I get to have a taste of you again. For one last time."

That was so cheesy, so she laughed even though her chest hurt. Since when did he become Romeo? She wouldn’t be surprised if he had done Romeo and Juliet for his play. But there was a little bit of truth there. She would take it, that one last taste of him. 

"Promise you won't run tonight?" he pleaded. "You can leave in the morning — preferably the afternoon. But... let me savour you for tonight. Please. Tonight is just to get things out of our system.”

At that moment she realised that they were just two weak people. She wasn't sure if any of them was going to be strong later. Her heart was drumming against her chest after hearing that last sentence. Reminded her of their first time at the hotel.

“I promise,” she said — no hesitation found in her tone. 

Her breath hitched when he held out a hand to her. Sort of the, _'This is it, baby. You can back down anytime'_ kind of gesture. She gazed up at him. He looked so hopeful, so heartbreakingly beautiful.

Every voice of her conscience flew out of the window as she took his hand, letting him lead her anywhere. 

But then she stilled, remembering something. She dropped his hand. "Wait.”

His head whipped towards her, concerned written all over his face. "What's wrong?" 

"Let me—Let me text my ride first." She gave him an apologetic smile, taking out her phone from her purse. "Sorry, they might be worried where I am." 

She didn't miss the relief on his face. "Yeah, of course." 

After texting the group chat (and convincing them not to be worried), she turned on **Do Not Disturb.** "Okay, done,” she said, keeping her phone in her purse and looking up at him with a smile. 

Now she wondered, if Nicole took the car, where would they go then? How were they going anywhere? 

With her rosy cheeks and red lips and his suit and tie, they walked hand in hand. They were soaking wet but they didn't care. At least, she didn’t. It was oddly funny how she trusted him as she followed him. Just being around him already made her feel safe. She had never been so sure like she was right now. 

He obviously didn't know that because he turned to her and asked, "Are you sure?" The wet hair drove her insane. Reminded her of the shower they took together. Except now he was in a suit, which made him look even hotter. 

She nodded fervently and smiled at him. "Absolutely." 

This time, he was the one that laced their fingers together. No one saw them walking hand in hand in the rain. At least, that was what she thought. She knew she would feel eyes on them if there were.

It was now or never. 

She froze when he led her to the red Porsche next to Kaydel's car. "Is this... yours?" she asked. 

"Oh, uh... yeah,” he said nervously. “I rented it." 

"You... _rented_ it.”

"You probably have a lot of questions." 

So many swirling around her brain right now. "It doesn't matter," she muttered. Every second was too precious and she didn't want to waste a single time not fucking him. Touching him. Tasting him. "It's the last night. Better make it count." 

Charlie opened the door for her and she hopped inside the convertible, her heartbeat thudding in her ears. The smell of new car and the new leather tickled her nose.

She wished they had a driver so she could straight away claw him right now. 

Patience, Rey. 

"So where are we going?" she asked after she watched him taking off his suit and placed it carefully on the headrest before he sat in the car and closed the door. 

He turned the heater on and started pulling out of the driveway. "Anywhere,” he answered. “Out of here. Out of everyone's view." 

She drew a shaky breath, rubbing her thighs together. "Okay."

It was so embarrassing how desperate she was right now. Telling him to go away but the moment he was near her, she felt a burning rage of arousal inside. Everything fucking irritated her. Her dress was made out of satin but it felt so rough and coarse. There was an itch in her scalps too. Everywhere, actually. All over her body. Shit, what the fuck. She needed him, she needed him to fucking take her. Throughout her antsy movement of her thighs, she realised how wet she was now. 

The click of his tongue made her jump for some reason. It sounded almost like he was mocking her. "Oh, sweetheart. Missing my cock already, aren't you?" 

Shudder ran through her veins. She didn't want him to win this easily. 

"So pent up for me?" he asked, like an asshole. She loved watching him drive. All focused and relaxed. "You need your daddy?"

"Keep driving or I swear to god," she seethed, taking off her heels. 

"You could just ask for my fingers,” he said, dropping a couple of octaves. 

Her nipples pebbled from the lowness of his voice. 

"That's why your slit is that high, hm?" he taunted, his hands were still gripping the steering wheel even though they were on an empty highway with no curves or slopes. "So I could easily slip my hand under your — what do you call it — _knickers_?" 

A soft sob escaped her lips. "Charlie." 

Then he placed his warm palm on her thigh, spanning it whole. Shit, it felt like coming home, just having his hand around her thigh. She sobbed when his hand wandered around her bare pelvis.

He feigned a gasp when he discovered what he was seeking. "Oh what is this I feel here? No... knickers?" 

Son of a bitch. Her eyes were hot with tears at this point. 

"What is it, sweetheart?" he goaded, rubbing his palm along her bare thigh now, teasing the slit of her dress. "What do you need?"

"Y-You. Your fingers." 

"Where?” he prodded. “Speak up, baby." 

"Between my thighs,” she murmured. “On my clit. In my cunt." 

"Good girl. Not so hard to tell me what you want, hmm? Say please." 

She preened. "P-Please." 

He pulled her thigh towards him so that her legs parted for him, creeping his hand between her thighs. "You're shaking, baby. So needy for Daddy?" 

Her eyes closed. "Very, Daddy." 

Upon hearing that, he rumbled deep in satisfaction, but still didn't touch her cunt. She didn't even wear anything underneath but he just stroked her skin annoyingly. "My poor slut and her needy, aching cunt." 

Fuck. "Daddy, please,” she begged. 

"Don't you deserve to be punished?" he asked, humming in wonder. 

She arched her back in her seat, worrying her lower lip. 

"What do you think?" he asked. 

"You could punish me later," she pleaded. "I need you so badly." 

"You think you deserve your orgasm? After fucking that jackass?"

The way he said 'jackass' was so... dad-ish of him. Like an old man chasing off the newsboys that dropped his newspaper on his door. "Why does it matter?" she huffed. 

His hand left her thigh and instead gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. "Oh, it matters a ton since I need to make you pay for it." 

She moaned. Please, she needed that. "Are you not going to touch me?" 

"Is that a demand?" he challenged. 

"Yes,” she gritted, rubbing her thighs together. Needing some friction right _there_. God, she was so slicked, probably seeping his leather seat. 

A chuckle escaped his lips. The sarcastic kind, like he wasn’t pleased at all and he was already planning how exactly was he going to torture her. How else was he going to torment her when this already hurt? "So bold now, aren't you?"

She scoffed, circling her hips while clenching her cunt. "Well, if you're not going to do something, then I'll just have to do this by myself." She reached down to her crotch when he slapped her hand. 

"Brat,” he chided. 

"I'm _dying_ ,” she whined. “Please—” 

It was all quick as the word died on her tongue, when tugged her thigh apart so her cunt was bare for him before she heard the loud slapping sound. 

Her jaw dropped, finally feeling the sensation between her thighs. Did he just—Did he just... slap her pussy? "What—" 

"This pussy is mine, you hear me?" he cut her off sharply. "Brat." 

It was the way that she almost came when he slapped her pussy that surprised her. She was _that_ sensitive.

"Please," she breathed out, her mind so clouded with lust. She didn't care if she was going to sound desperate or needy. She _was_ fucking desperate and needy. "Wanna fuck so bad, so, so bad, Daddy, please. I want your mouth on me. I want to suck your cock. I want to be stuffed full of your big, fat cock. I want to be filled with your cum. It's okay if I have to earn my orgasm as long as your cock is in my mouth, _please_ , Daddy.”

"Jesus, Rey, fuck." He slapped her cunt again, making her jump. 

"Please, please, please, Daddy," she cried out, rolling her eyes to the back because of how turned on she was. "Do it again, please." 

That was when he put his hand back on the steering wheel, making her squirm. She needed his hand on her again, even by slapping. "I'm driving, sweetheart." 

"Then stop somewhere so we could just fuck in here," she pleaded. 

"Rey." She saw his trousers straining a little. 

"I'm gonna suck you off now then,” she decided. “You're a multitasker, aren't you? The road is pretty empty?"

It was also raining, which was pretty dangerous but she needed him. 

He softly moaned. "Baby, please." 

She panted. "Please, do it? Please, no?"

Instead of verbally answering her, he curled her hair at the back of her head, fisting until her eyes were levelled with his crotch. Her mouth started watering at the sight so she licked her lips like she was about to feast. She was shaking as she undid his trousers and whipped out his shaft out of his briefs. This beautiful, veiny, velvety cock. 

It was glistening and a little blue-ish mixed with pink, just the way she loved. The veins were jutting out for her to trace her finger with. His pre cum was already beading on the tip, so she caught it on her tongue, making a little sound in her throat. 

He clicked his tongue. "You really miss Daddy's fat cock, hmm? You're not going to think about him, aren't you? Just me?" 

There were a lot of things his tone indicated. Desperation, insecurity, and possessiveness. She stroked his length slowly, warming him up. Making him ready. "Just you, Daddy. Only you."

He hummed in satisfaction, running his fingers through her hair in a soothing manner. "That's right, baby girl." She heard leather sound of the steering wheel from how hard he was gripping it when she licked a stripe of his cock. "Oh, baby." 

She went for it, opening her mouth to take him in. But it took only a second before he drew her head from his crotch. "What the fuck?" she gasped. 

"Not yet, fuck." He quickly zipped himself up with one hand. "I can't. Just... not yet." 

"What do you mean not yet?" she whined. 

He placed his palm on her bare thigh, calming her down. "It's raining and I don't think I could... focus on the road if I have your pretty mouth wrapped around my cock. Do you know how much I've missed you?" 

There it was again. The embarrassment of getting rejected... again. She bit her lip in frustration, tapping her foot almost impatiently. 

"Baby, talk to me," he murmured. "Are you mad?" 

She let out a small laugh out of nervousness. "No, of course not." 

"You know that I know you too well, right?" 

That was exactly what she loathed. She sucked a breath when his pinkie teased her pubic area instead of where she wanted. "Charlie," she groaned, still feeling the sting from his slap just now. "Will you stop with the teasing? I get it now, I'm suffering." 

He smirked. "Are you now?" 

"Yes!" she cried out, hitting her head on the headrest of the seat. "Feel how wet I am for you. Just you." 

And so he did. He only flicked her dripping labia with his finger before he sucked it in his mouth. He moaned. "Fuck, I miss your sweet pussy." 

Her head was dizzy as fuck. "Now, would you fuck me with your fingers?" she begged softly. "Please?" She knew him the way he knew her too. 

At first she thought he was going to keep taunting her, just paying attention to the road with slacked jaw as they were still in the woods, when he started cupping her cunt. Just cupping. His hand was cold compared to her warm cunt. 

She panted, waiting for him to play with her clit now. "Daddy, please." 

He glanced at her briefly before he paid his attention to the road, leaning back in his seat. God, he looked so hot while driving. So relaxed, so composed. She loved his arm too, holding out to grip the steering wheel. "Since you said please," he taunted with a smirk before he used his middle finger to flick her clit. 

"Oh," she sobbed, so swollen and sensitive from needing him too long. 

"So turned on already?" he asked in fascination, rubbing her clit in circular motion. It was honestly amazing how his hands were softer than hers. Her hands were rough and calloused while his was — even with veiny arms — really smooth. 

She hummed in delight, listening to the raindrops making a machete sound on the window and the roof of the car. The only she needed now was some songs by The Neighbourhood and she would die happily. 

Now she wished they were in England so that the driver seat was on the left and his left hand could insert her cunt while he still had a wedding ring on. She saw that he was wearing it again tonight. It spurred her on for some reason, that they were doing something bad here. Fucking her with his fingers until his wedding band was all splattered wet from her juice. 

With his index on the bundle of nerve, he used his middle finger to trace her labia, teasing her a moment longer. She was about to beg when he eased his middle finger in her entrance, making her gasp. "Fuck," she moaned, though it was just one finger. It had been too long, way too long since he touched her. She longed for him too much that she could come like this. "Please."

"Fuck, I miss your tight pussy," he rasped. "Even with how many times you've taken my fat cock, you're still so fucking tight." 

She hiccuped and nodded, spreading her legs wider. Her brain was completely fogged up right now, as fogged up as the windows in this Porsche. All she could muster was, "Yes." One of her hand was gripping the car handle on the roof while her other hand was just fisting the leather seat. 

His finger slid all the way inside, hugged by the walls of her cunt. It was just one. Just one finger. His index had already left her clit, now it was on her pubic bone. "So wet and nice for me." He pumped his finger in and out of her cunt. 

She nodded meekly, a sweaty mess at this point. "Daddy, please." 

When his index joined his middle finger in her cunt, he stepped on the pedal and drove faster, giving her that adrenaline rush that even affected her cunt. Her stomach was already coiled with hunger, and now he added with the 120 miles per hour like she was on a roller coaster.

"Ah, fuck, baby," she whined as he kept sliding in and out, opening her eyes to see the road and the way he was driving. It was hotter to watch him, seeing his mouth tugged into a lopsided smirk. He seemed so pleased, pleasuring her this good. And she? She was preening. 

"Fuck yourself on Daddy's fingers," he beckoned, even crooking his fingers in her walls, hitting that spot. She was already so close, her face all sweaty and her eyes sprung with tears. She thrusted her hips up, still holding onto the safety handle, meeting the rhythm of his fingers. He was going so fast, both his fingers and the car, and she was all lightheaded.

Maybe a bit dizzy too. 

He stole a glance at her before looking at the road again, still fingering her. They were still on an empty road surrounded by the trees, the city was nowhere in their sight yet. She wondered where he was taking her. When he said he wanted her to run away with him, he meant it because she had no idea where they were now. They were definitely away from the mountain now, but this wasn't towards the city. 

But she found herself that she didn't care. It was just the two of them away from everyone that didn't matter. 

"Come on, baby," he urged, coaxing an orgasm out of her. "Come for me."

Holding onto his bicep, she did what she was told. The only thing she was good at. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the 6k hits guys! I am in awe. I am grateful. 
> 
> I hope it’s not a lot to ask but if you haven’t hit the kudos button yet and you enjoy this fic, please please please leave a kudos. The ratio feels a little uneven. 🥺♥️  
> It would mean a lot to me. 
> 
> I love you!


	19. Now or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I want you to love me now, now, now, now, now, now,_
> 
> _Now or never._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just 6k words of smut. Nothing else.  
> Except maybeeeee fluff.
> 
> Also beware of updated tags. Breeding kink, spankings, wedding ring kink 🙈  
> Please check previous chapter in case you missed the notification because this chapter is sort of the continuation. ♥️

From the window on Charlie's side, she saw an airport outside, meaning they were sort of out of the woods now. She looked to the right and read the sign on the side of the road. "We're in Massachusetts?" she asked. She just realised she didn't even read the signs, she was too busy being fucked. 

The rain had finally stopped. Now the road was no longer empty as she saw more cars were around. Not a lot though since it was night time. She looked around from inside the car, though nothing was exactly clear because of the dark. Shit. What time even was it? She checked the time to see it was almost three in the morning. Fuck.

Now she was worried if Charlie was tired from driving. They might not be able to fuck later, instead maybe they would go to sleep. If it were up to her, she didn't want to sleep. She could sleep later. Tonight, she just wanted to keep her eyes open and just watch Charlie. Want to kiss every inch of his skin and have him inside her. 

"We're going to Hartford," he told her, leaning back in his seat. His hand was still on her thigh. 

"Hartford," she murmured. Connecticut. Well, it wasn't that far from the city. The Uber ride might be a little costly though if she wanted to sneak out in the morning instead of waiting for him to drive her back. "Are you tired, baby?" 

It was a habit to just call him the terms of endearment. Baby. Daddy. My love. Darling. 

He smiled softly at her, though his eyes did seem tired. "No, sweetheart. Not at all." 

Well, if he said so. She didn't exactly believe him but she had to take his word. She reached for his hand — even though it was just in her cunt when she came — and laced their fingers together.

_ Hartford, it is. _

* * *

"Baby?" 

She stirred a little, frowning. It was dark. Why was it dark? It wasn't until she blinked a little that she realised she had just fallen asleep. When did she even fall asleep? She yawned and stretched like a cat before she cleared her throat. Her hand reached to her mouth to check whether she had just drooled or not. Nope. Good. 

"We're here?" she slurred. She cringed at her aftertaste after sleeping. 

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered gently, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. That was when she saw that they never released each other's hands, even when she was sleeping.

She looked out the window to see a nice, rustic kind of red coloured building. She squinted to read the sign. The Goodwin. This did not seem like the kind of hotel two people would spend only one night in. Charlie was just that loaded. There was a bellman waiting to greet them even around this hour. She turned to Charlie. 

That was when she remembered something. "Fuck. I forgot to take my stuff from the other hotel. My coat, my clothes..." 

"Do you want to borrow my suit?" he offered, yanking the suit off the head of his seat. "Might get cold." 

"Oh, it's okay—" 

"Come on, take it," he insisted, amused. 

With a grateful smile, she nodded. "Okay." Now she had to let go of his hand with a heavy reluctance so she could put on her heels. 

He got out of the car first and jogged towards her side with the suit in his hand. He opened the door for her and put on his suit around her when she got out, so thick of his cologne that she caught a whiff of. It was so warm too — his suit. He was simply wearing his white dress shirt and loose tie as he handed his car key to the valet.

They walked towards the lobby, hand in hand, smelling like asphalt, alcohol, cum, and a mix of their perfume and cologne. She ran her fingers through her hair a little, already a bit dry but still a little damp after she was soaking wet from the Storm-Dameron's wedding thanks to this man. She couldn't believe she was blonde now. 

She held onto his arm when they were at the reception counter while Charlie was checking in. She just nuzzled her cheek along his shirt before she forgot that she had makeup on. When she checked his shirt, she was surprised to see the tinted moisturiser didn't even stain. Unless it was already gone now after all the rain and sweats. So she went back to nuzzling, listening to his  _ 'one night, please'  _ and  _ 'yes, Studio King is fine'. _

He fished for his wallet in his back pocket and paid for the room through a debit card. 

At least, from what she could see. She didn't care, really. 

The receptionist then handed him two room key cards and the receipt in an envelope. He said a quick  _ 'thanks' _ at the receptionist before he smiled at her. "Let's go, darling." 

She almost squealed giddily as she let go of his arm so that she could hold his hand. Darling was back. He sounded so nice when he said it in his slight New Yorker accent. She wasn't sure why. She somehow felt more little when he called her darling than a baby girl. 

He led her to where the elevator was. This hotel was really nice, all shiny and primitive. 

When they stepped in the elevator, he didn't quickly kiss her like the first time. He pushed the button and just gazed at her, his honey eyes gleaming. It was a heated kind of look. He even had that wolfish grin on his face. 

"What?" she asked, worrying her lip. 

But he didn't answer. Just shaking his head. He was looking at her like he knew something. What did he know? 

The elevator made a ding sound. He gestured for her to go out first though he never let go of her hand. "To the right," he said after reading the sign. "Right at the corner." 

"Alright," she teased, swinging their hands together like a little kid. He didn't seem to mind either, just smirking. As they arrived in front of their door, she watched with amusement when he struggled a little to unlock the door. His hands seemed shaky too. 

So, someone was eager, huh? 

The door was finally unlocked with a click, which he opened for her. She stepped in first while he turned on the light. Her brows cocked up when she took in the room. This was...  _ beautiful.  _ Was this somewhat a ploy for him to make her stay just one more night? Because there was no way she would leave this room. It was spacious and there was a fireplace too. A fucking fireplace. 

The view wasn't that nice, it was just a building next to this hotel (she thought, though it was too dark to make out) but she didn't mind. She wanted to live here. Fuck Charlie and his loaded cash. 

She turned around to see that he was just staring at her with his hands in his pockets, smiling at her. "You look really beautiful in my suit." 

Her cheeks heated up as she placed her purse on the pantry counter, careful not to drop the glasses they placed there. "Do I, really?" she taunted, even turning around for him.

The smile on his face widened, eye crinkles and deep dimples and all. "Very beautiful, my darling girl." 

There it was again. Darling. "What about this?" She dropped his suit on the floor, knowing how much he hated that. 

He squinted at her, gripping his hips now. So dad-like. "Don't make me ask you to pick it up,” he warned. 

"Do you want me to pick it up?" she taunted. 

"Go on." 

Carefully, in her heels, she bent down, making sure he could see her ass from behind. God, she loved teasing him so much. After picking it up, she peeked at him from her shoulder as she straightened herself up, smiling when she saw his scowl. She felt powerful like this. Being able to drive a man insane. Especially a man like Charlie. She slid the closet door open and threw it inside. 

He did  _ not _ look pleased. 

"Are you angry, daddy?" she asked in her feigned helpless tone, blinking a couple of times. 

He crossed the room to get to her and wrapped his arm around her small waist, breathing heavily on her face. "You're a huge trouble, aren't you?" he rasped, heaving as he gave her a once over. His eyes gazed from her head to toe, lingering on her chest and her heels. 

"As if you don't like it," she retorted, grinning at him. 

His nose flared as he looked like he was debating whether to kiss her or teach her a lesson. He could always do both with his level of creativity there. His breathing faltered as his expression softened. She really was going to miss him. 

"There's nothing I don't like about you," he murmured, his eyes hooded from looking down at her. "I know you're going to be the death of me." 

Not only did she feel the butterflies in her stomach, but she felt them in her chest too when he said it. The tingles went from her head to her pussy. With her heels, she didn't have a problem closing the gap between them. She closed her eyes as her lips were closed between his upper lip. It was pliant at first, just little kisses. 

But then he cupped her jaw and deepened the kiss, even opening his mouth and just  _ devouring _ her, she found herself moaning in his kiss. It was just a kiss, yet it electrified her body. She clutched his shirt, crumpling it like she didn't care. 

There was no concept of time and gravity while they were kissing because she wasn't even aware that she was walking backwards while he was leading her to the bed. She was fumbling for his button (oh, she definitely noticed that his trousers were so tailored that he didn't need a belt) so she could unfasten it. 

His hands were so massive, they took the whole space of her bare back. She could feel him teasing the strap of her dress, but he didn't even try to pull it down. When she tried to help, he stopped her. 

"No," he mumbled against her lips. "I'm gonna fuck you in this dress. I'm gonna fuck you  _ every _ way for you to remember me by. I'm gonna fuck you at every corner of this room until you couldn't walk properly tomorrow and everyone is going to know that you just got fucked, that you're someone's slut, that you're  _ my _ slut. Aren't you?" 

She whimpered slightly as she nodded, her clit pulsing with every need. Even with how many times they had fucked, she wasn't sure if she had seen this side of him. Sure, he had always been sort of possessive, but this, with the degradation, she didn't think so. Usually he would praise her, calling her baby girl and my good girl. Yes, he did call her 'my little whore' and ‘dirty slut’ sometimes but this, though... 

Part of her sort of loved it.

"I'm going to make every second of our last night worth it," he promised, his voice all soft yet sharp. "I'm going to savour every minute, okay?" 

The anticipation was killing her now. She opened her eyes and nodded slowly. "Okay," she squeaked nervously while also excited at the same time. 

With his hands around her neck, he kissed her again, but more briefly this time. "Get in the bed, baby," he instructed. 

From this, she could actually compare how different he was from... Noah. While Noah was unsure and all nervous, Charlie was calm and composed, all demanding too. He was in control yet he wasn't afraid to get vulnerable and let her take control sometimes.

"Get on all four and hike your skirt up to your waist,” he instructed, Keep your heels on too.”

Something about being told what to do spurred her on. She did what she was told, still wearing her dress and heels since he never told her to take them off. She pulled the hem of her dress until she felt the air on her ass. 

Even after she did what she was told, he didn't approach her yet. So now she was just on all four, ass in the air while her dress was around her waist, anticipating the grizzly man to fuck her already. 

The bed shifted a little as he plopped on the mattress behind her. Kneeling, probably. Her heart drummed against her chest, anticipating his touch. She didn't mind anywhere. 

Her whole body jolted when she felt his hand on her right ass cheek, a gasp emitting her lips. 

_ "That _ is for teasing me in the car and making me uncomfortably hard,” he gritted out. Another hit on the left cheek. Her pussy was squelching now that she couldn’t take it. "That's for fucking that jackass." Right cheek, even harder now. "That's for not answering my texts and calls." 

The only pain she was feeling now was the pain of his words because the slaps made her wetter by each second. She had never been this turned on her whole life. "Oh fuck, Daddy." 

He swatted her left cheek. "This is for breaking my heart when I told you I loved you." 

"Ah," she moaned, her eyes stinging with tears. She clawed the bedsheet tightly. 

The last slap met her cunt and she came, her whole body shaking that she almost lost her balance. Fuck, she just  _ came. _

"This... is for torturing me the moment you came into my life,” he said, his voice beginning to stagger. 

His hands held her hips and hoisted her ass higher. 

Instead of his cock, she felt something... wet. Something warm. Something that flicked her cunt — oh god, his  _ tongue.  _ His mouth. She clutched the bedsheet when his tongue prodded her entrance. Oh fuck, he really just  _ went _ for it. He didn't waste a minute.

Using his thumbs, he pulled her ass cheeks to spread her open so he could dive in and really eat her out. His tongue flicked from her clit up to her labia, really relishing her until she writhed in the mattress, saliva dripping down to the sheet when she panted and moaned. His right thumb teased her anus while he ate her out, his fingers clawing her skin so good. 

"Oh shit," she gasped, tears brimmed her eyes. 

It was the way he really leashed on her like he was starving. When he prodded his tongue in the hole of her cunt, he made a reverberating sound. "Fucking tight, I swear to God," he rumbled. 

Her torso fell in the mattress as she buried her head in the softness of the sheet. Sobbing. "Fuck, I love your tongue so much, Daddy,” she whimpered. “I really do." 

He hummed like he was pleased, fucking her with his tongue. He used his left hand to tease her clit while his mouth kept sucking and sucking. Her stomach coiled in pleasure, so high on ecstasy. 

But the moment was cut short. When his mouth left her, she frowned, craning her head to look at him. She didn't even come yet— 

He fisted her hair and pulled her down, only her ass was up in the air now. Without a warning, he slipped two fingers in her pussy. 

"Ah, what the  _ fuck," _ she screamed at the sudden intrusion, rolling her eyes to the back. 

But he ignored her screams, crooking his fingers and just fucking her. He already had her body memorised from the way he was quick to find her g-spot. Something felt different and she couldn't place it. So drunk on pleasure. She slowly rocked her hips while he thrusted his fingers in and out. 

"Do you feel that?" he murmured, still fisting her hair. 

She said something but she didn't make sense. It just all sounded muffled. She was pretty sure she just said,  _ ‘Feel what?' _

He chuckled behind her. "You're soaking my wedding ring, baby." 

Her eyes widened, drooling even more. "What?" she asked, more solid and clear when he loosened his grip on her hair. 

Behind her, she heard him click his tongue. "You feel more snug now. I can feel you tighten around my fingers." His head was hovering her ear now as she felt his warm breath. "You like that, do you, baby? Doing bad things with me?" 

This really was a different side of Charlie. The more wild, untamed version of him. 

She whimpered, feeling both embarrassed and aroused at the same time. "Charlie," she whined. It really was there. The itch from the ring he was wearing deep inside her. 

"Yes, baby," he preened, nibbling her shoulder. "You're such a dirty slut for me. Such. A. Slut." He punctuated each word with every thrust of his fingers. 

"I am," she beseeched helplessly, so debauched and so ruined for this man. 

"Make my ring wetter, baby," he urged. "Ruin it. Break my vows with your cunt. I know you can do it.” Her whole body was burning from his  _ filthy _ words. “You're my good girl. You’re Daddy’s good girl,  _ are you?” _

She was a sweaty, drooling mess as she heaved erratically, eager to please him while he fucked her good with his fingers. Succumbing to him, submitting herself to him. She was going to give everything he wanted to him for this one night. 

"I'm gonna come, oh fuck, I'm gonna come,” she whined. 

He chuckled in her ear. "Do it, baby," he cajoled, luring the orgasm out of her by crooking his fingers. "Let go for me. Come for me. Come around my ring.”

Anything for him, fuck,  _ anything. _ Almost there as he kept thrusting his fingers. 

"I'm coming,” she sobbed. 

She jumped when he screamed,  _ "Come!"  _

The whole building must have heard her scream as she came undone, feeling her cum dripping down between her thighs. She limped down, all her energy had evaporated from her body.

After a while, he slipped his fingers out and he brought his hand to her mouth while his other hand yanked her head up by her hair. 

She propped herself up on her elbows for him, mustering up all her energy. 

"Suck it clean for me," he beckoned. She could see her juice slopping his shiny gold ring. Fuck, she did that. She just did that. "Suck." He started straddling her hips. 

So lost in her post orgasmic bliss, she opened her mouth and let him push his fingers into her mouth, her tongue swirling around his ring when she closed her mouth for him. It tasted metallic-ish and a little sweet mixing with her cum. She hummed around his fingers, so dazed and sated. 

"Keep sucking," he grunted as he lined his cock along her entrance. "Gonna fuck you now in your pretty dress, baby." 

"Mmkay," she mumbled, muffled by his fingers. She had never felt so debauched, so wanton, so dirty. He awakened this side of her by showing this side of him. 

He lubed his cock with her slick and she blushed to hear how wet it sounded. Her arms rested on the bed as her limbs were so weak at this point. Gripping her hips up and spreading her legs wide open, he pushed himself inside with a force, splitting her open. 

She moaned out loud, almost spitting out his hand the moment he bottomed out. 

It had been too long since he was inside her that she needed some time to adjust to his size because he was that big. 

His hand gripped her jaw really nicely as he stilled in her, not even moving. Her mouth made a  _ pop _ sound when he removed his fingers so he could wrap his hand around her nape, pushing her into the mattress. 

"Just stay still," he rasped, his voice all thick and gravel while he sank deep inside her. "Let me just— just—fuck, you're so warm inside. So tight and so  _ small.” _

All she could do was make a sound, lifting her head until only the crown of her head was on the bed so she could breathe a little. She squeezed her muscles in her cunt together, really hugging his length while it swelled against her walls. He was so massive that she only felt him, fully seated inside her. Nothing else. 

He finally started moving but not all the way out, haltingly at first. She needed more, she knew he could give her more. So what was he waiting for— 

"Oh!" she screamed when he snapped his hips really hard, her cunt fluttering around him as he pounded in and out her. "Oh fuck, Daddy. Fuck me, fuck! " 

His balls were slapping her clit so nicely, she wanted to die. 

He laughed sinisterly, biting his lip. "You feel so good, baby," he grunted, rolling his hips deliciously, the cadence coincided with the beat of her heart. "So fucking good. You're so beautiful. Just... holy shit, I love you." 

Now she was clamping his cock with her pussy, basking in those three words. No one had really told her they loved her and actually meant it. Sure, there had been some slip-ups from one night stands because of how good she fucked. But this... 

This was real. He actually loved her. 

She sobbed in pleasure. Part of her was relieved she wasn't looking at him right now or else she would have combusted. She would have burst into tears maybe. Or worse, she would say it back. It was already on the tip of her tongue. 

Fuck, she did love him, did she. She didn't think she could love anyone else the way she loved him. 

He angled his cock until all she felt was him. She held each side of the bed with both of her hands while he used her. He filled her up like no other. "You love it when I tell you I love you?" he groaned, his voice all thick with arousal. "I love you. Fuck, I can feel you hugging my cock whenever I say that. I love you, baby. _ I love you." _ He punctuated every word as he plunged inside her, the slapping sounds of their skin filling the walls around them.

Tears streamed down her face as she screamed, not even holding anything back anymore. Part of her sort of wanted to look at him. It would be a bad idea to look at him while he told he loved her but she wanted that. 

As if he read her mind, he lifted her up effortlessly and flipped her until she was on her back, barely pulling out of her. She sharply inhaled her breath when she looked at him — still fully clothed. 

There was something so erotic about fucking without being completely naked in bed. Like there was a sense of urgency that something as essential as taking off clothes was completely forgotten because he wanted to be inside her so badly. His shirt was all crumpled and his tie was sideways like a proof of how debauched they were. 

She wanted to catch the sweat beading on his forehead with her tongue. She tugged his tie down and hauled him towards her so that she could kiss him. 

Oh, how he kissed her with full intensity while picking up the pace of his thrust. He kissed her like he needed her to breathe. He kissed her like she was the only one that mattered. And she reciprocated that, giving him her all, all that she couldn’t even say it loud. She was hoping this action could speak enough, though she knew he wanted to hear her say it back. 

_ It’ll be too late, Rey. This is goodbye.  _

When they drew apart, he rested his forehead on hers and smiled. But the moment was brief because he pulled away further and hoisted her thigh so that she could bend her knee between their bodies. He was deeper this way when he thrusted inside her. 

"Fuck, baby," he panted. "You're fucking beautiful. I love you so much, God, I really fucking do." 

She preened from his praise, making noises reserved just for him. She had never been much of a screamer but tonight, she was. His name was on her lips most of the time,  _ Daddy _ when he pushed in deeper. 

"I—” she stammered. “I—" 

Why was it so difficult to say it? 

For a minute, there was hope glimmering on his face, watching her expectantly. "Yeah, baby?"

It pained her that she wasn’t able to give him what he wanted. She would give up anything for him, would let him use her in any way, but she wasn’t able to deliver him the three words he wanted to hear. He may not pressure her but she knew he longed for it. If the roles were reversed, she wouldn’t be this patient. 

It made her tear up for a moment. 

"I—" Her throat fucking hurt from the screaming. She sobbed out, "Ah, fuck, yes! Yes yes yes! Just like that.” 

He flexed his jaw, staring at her as he did as he was told. At times his eyes seemed to go lower, where her breasts were jiggling for him. 

"God, look at you," he murmured in fascination. "I can't believe you're here and you're..." He trailed off for a second, picking up his pace with determination and desperation. "And you're mine. " 

She sobbed even more, tilting her head and burying her face in the pillow while he snapped his hips relentlessly, the tempo of his thrust getting more sloppy. "Daddy, please!" she cried out. “Fuck me, I’m yours.”

His thumb nudged her bottom lip, parting her lips. "Stick your tongue out." 

Obviously she did what she was told, ready to suck his thumb. But he didn't insert his thumb inside her mouth. No, even better. 

Instead, he spat in her mouth, right on her tongue. It all happened almost in slow motion too in her head. She gaped at him, finding it hard to believe that just happened, their salivas mixing together on her tongue. They made out, they French kissed, it wasn’t that bad. But she loved how she felt used when he did that, like she was just a toy for him to play with. 

As she closed her mouth and swallowed his spit, she gazed into his eyes like she was challenging him. Telling him with her eyes to give her more of what he could offer. 

He smirked coyly at her, wrapping her thighs around his hips instead so he could be closer to her, causing her to groan when he went deeper inside her. He gave her a couple more drops of his spit to her mouth while she licked her lips and swallowed it. 

Her heels scraped over the tendon of his thighs. His mouth nibbled wherever he could reach—her throat, her jaw, her cheek, her mouth. Then her tits. She laughed a little to see him struggle a bit to take her nipple in his mouth because her thighs were locked around his hips, refusing to separate their skins on each other. 

She propped up on her elbow to lick from his chin up to his nose, Catwoman style, making him scrunch up his nose and narrow his eyes at her. 

"I'm gonna fucking come in you," he growled, rutting inside her. "Gonna fill my baby up with Daddy's cum. Do you want that, baby? Do you?" 

"Fuck yes!" she gasped out a little too eagerly, even her chest was in pain from how much the air was sucked out of her lungs. 

“Yeah?” he keened almost mockingly—which was hot, by the way. “You want to be stuffed with my cum, baby? Is that what you want?” 

She sobbed even more as she nodded, her stomach coiling from the intensity, Jed pussy had never been this overstimulated. “Y-Yes, yes!” she moaned, pulling him closer to her. “Daddy, please.”

“I’m going to fill you up all night, you hear me?” He was trembling on top of her now, losing more control in both his thrusts and his kisses. The thing she loved about having him on top of her was that he was so broad, covering her like a blanket. She felt warm and loved under him. “I’m going to fuck you this whole night until you can’t walk tomorrow. You’re gonna be  _ so _ full of me.” 

She nodded fervently, throwing her head to the back. “Fuck.” 

But he forced her to look at him, cupping her jaw and tugging her chin down. His eyes were wild as they stared at her. She felt like her soul was being stripped off layer by layer. 

“Promise me you’re going to keep my cum inside this little belly.” He placed his palm on he could feel his length in her stomach. Oh fuck, he was that big and she managed to accommodate that. “You’re going home today with no panties and you’ll just keep your thighs closed so my cum won’t drip out. Could you promise me that, my good girl?” 

God, he talked so much right now while she couldn’t even open her mouth without moaning and gasping. She could only afford to say one or two syllables because he was inside her and he was hitting her g-spot over and over. Tears never stopped streaming down her face and she kept breaking more sweat. 

“P-Promise,” she sobbed, digging her nails into his skin on his back. 

“Play with your clit for me,” he pleaded, his dark eyes glistening. His eyes were always golden but tonight, they were so black that she got sucked in them. 

Truthfully she didn’t even have to touch her clit to get there because he was fucking her so good. So fucking good, she was  _ ascending. _ But she wanted to do everything he told her so her hand reached down to where the nub was and her fingertip grazed against his cock that was currently pumping in and out her. 

The stimulation was too much between how swollen her bud of nerve was and how he was starting to make guttural sounds too. He wasn’t always loud but he was really grunting like an animal, some of his hair falling down on his face. She didn’t rub her clit too hard, too sensitive from everything about this. “Daddy, ‘m gonna come.” 

He looked at her with pride and—and—and  _ love _ as he smiled, though his face was starting to contort into something else too. She knew that face too well. He was about to come too. 

“Then come for me, baby girl,” he urged her. “I love you.” 

There was no telling where her mind went. But she knew she could see the stars exploding when she finally found her release, gripping his cock so tightly. It was different this time though. He seemed surprised too as he gasped, like he had just found Eureka but she was too sated, too busy coming. She felt like fainting as she panted, growing quiet. 

When he tried chasing his own climax, his guttural moans were getting louder as well, hitting the walls of the room. All she was able to do was watch him, feeling his cock pulse inside her. He soon followed after three quick thrusts, shooting her insides with his seeds. His mouth created an 'o' shape as he came and his eyes were barely opened. It felt like his orgasm lasted forever, he just kept coming, really filling her up. 

"Baby, did you feel that?" he asked as he plopped his whole weight on her body, not making a move to pull out. He was still unbelievably hard too inside her. 

"Hmm?" She was too dazed from the deep pleasure. 

"You just... you just squirted." 

As far as she was concerned, that had never happened before. Between the ring and the  _ 'I love you's, _ was she really surprised though? 

"You're so good to me," she mumbled, grinning dreamily. 

That made him smile so wide, those crinkles around his eyes were deepened. When he kissed her mouth, he laughed a little against her lips. It was a relieved kind of laugh. 

_ “You're _ so good to me too,” he murmured. “I wish we could have another night." 

She licked his lower lip. "That's why we can't end the night yet. Didn't you say you want to fuck me in every way?" 

He pulled back, frowning at her. "Aren't you tired?" he teased. 

"Are  _ you?" _ she retorted. 

He grinned, kissing the tip of her nose. "No, baby, never." 

It was the way his eyes went from dark to golden again, and the golden specks looked like rings because his pupils were dilated when they entered right in her soul. She traced his beauty marks and freckles on his face with her fingertips again, her chest blooming like it was growing flowers in there just from the way he was gazing at her. He was so beautiful, it hurt. She could never be sick of staring at him. 

“Kiss me again?” she demanded softly. 

Ask, and her wish shall be granted as he leaned down to capture her mouth. He smiled against her lips, making her smile too. There was no tongue here, just… a collision between two mouths, savouring each other. Her hand rested right where his heartbeat was, beating just for her. 

He made a move to pull out after to which she immediately protested. “I’m going to fuck you again anyway, sweetheart,” he said with a laugh, his lips still on hers, slowly pulling out. 

She whimpered as his cock was entirely out of her, some of their mixed fluids streaming down her thighs. He caught them with his fingers, slipping them inside her. Seeing how glistening his angry veiny cock was from their coitus drove her insane. 

Reaching towards his chest, she sat up with his help, tucking her feet under her calves. She started undoing each button of his shirt. 

"Well fuck me now then,” she whined. “I need to feel your skin on me." 

In a quick second, he threw her dress on the floor and let her be on top this time, straddling him and seating her on his cock. Now finally skin on skin now that they had taken off each other’s clothes. Her hands were on his pecs to steady herself as she rode him to oblivion while he helped her out by gripping her ass and guiding her hips along his shaft. 

The admiration in his eyes the whole time she was on top made her spiral and she knew that look would haunt her in the future. There was not an inch of doubt that that look was imprinted on her brain. He watched her like she was his altar and he was worshipping her. 

And she wanted him to keep watching her like that. 

Since he couldn’t lie down like a good boy for a long time, he sat up, never stopping. His arms were around her and her fingers were in his hair when he advanced his cock up inside her, biting her lower lip. She traced his moles with her fingertips while he kept angling his cock up. It was both rough and sweet. 

"I have a confession," she murmured when they were fully naked under the sheet in bed after he made her come so many times, she couldn't count. 

They got into bed after he fucked her in the bathroom in front of the mirror as he asked repeatedly  _ "Who’s fucking you?" _ while looking at her from the mirror and her chanting  _ “You, daddy, just you!” _ over and over. The echo of the bathroom walls was amazing, alright. She was sorry for whoever was staying next door. 

Her head was burrowed in the crook of his neck while her hand rested on his slightly hairy chest. She was so content, so satiated, so... happy. 

He hummed, the depth of his voice reverberated in her ear. "What is it, baby?" 

She tilted her head up and propped beside him, chin on his heartbeat. She loved feeling it thumping against her bone. "I didn't sleep with... with Noah." 

His brows furrowed together in confusion. "You didn't?" 

For some reason, she was a bit nervous. She wasn't even sure why she needed to tell him the truth. So what if he made an assumption that she was with another man? 

"No," she admitted. "He... He wanted more than a wedding hookup. Said that he wanted to take me out on a date first. And I was trying to get you out of my mind.” 

Instead of scoffing or making a smug face, he just sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear. "You do deserve that. You deserve to be taken out on a date instead of..." The word died on his tongue. 

She shook her head, smiling. "I wouldn't have it any other way, you know, Charlie? This thing with us? I love our story." 

His face softened, pulling her head closer by combing his fingers through her hair so he could kiss her forehead. "Go to sleep, sweetheart.” 

Looking at the clock on the nightstand, she was surprised to see it was almost eight in the morning. She hated to waste their time by sleeping but they needed some rest before they could drive back to New York. 

"Good night,” she said cheekily. “Or... good morning?" 

He chuckled, his lips on the crown of her head. She was about to drift off when she craned her neck to look at him again. 

“Charlie, I…” she broke off, her lips trembling. Why couldn’t she just say it? 

His eyes were hooded as they were gazing at her. “Shh, baby. I know.” His eyes crinkled for her. “I know.” 

There were two interpretations. Either it was his way of saying he understood her and wouldn’t pressure or… he  _ knew _ what she was about to say. 

Soon, she was lulled to sleep by the warmth of his body radiating hers and the sound of his calm breathing. 

She loved him.


	20. Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You were a vision in the morning when the light came through,_
> 
> _I know I’ve only felt religion when I’ve lied with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to sleeping Adam being the most beautiful thing. THE MOST.  
> And it’s also in honour of Getaway Car, sorta 😆

When her eyes fluttered a little, adjusting to the light slanted on her face, she rubbed them and finally opened them. Sunlight. Meaning it was already morning. What time was it? She reached for her phone, checking the time. It was already the afternoon. Huh. The room was foreign to her before she remembered that she was in a hotel room in Hartford and she was naked under the sheet. 

She yawned and stretched a little before glancing at her side. Charlie was still sleeping, looking so peaceful and content. She cupped his cheek and stroked his eye bag using her thumb. She mapped his moles and freckles that scattered around his face. God, he was so beautiful like this. So peaceful and content. It broke her heart a little that this would perhaps be the last time she would see him. At least, she hoped so. 

Tentatively, she leaned closer to capture his plump lips, savouring this a little longer before she knew she had to rip herself off of him. He stirred a little but he just sighed in his sleep, not awake yet. This was just a wonderful sight, honestly. If only she could wake up to this everyday. Playing with his hair for a moment, she smiled, her lips quivering from almost crying. She got off the bed and went into the bathroom, still naked, to wash her face and do her business. Brush her teeth too. She felt like showering but she needed to leave now. 

When she came out of the bathroom, he was still sleeping, snoring a little. She quietly put on her dress and combed her hair a little. The straps of her dress were so stretched out from when he pulled it down to kiss her tits last night, she had to hold the neckline of her dress so she wouldn’t face nip slip. She wanted to just stay here, never leave. But if she didn’t leave now, she knew she wouldn’t be strong enough to defy him when he would ask her to stay. 

One thing for sure. There was no way she could love anyone the way she loved this man. 

She saw his wallet on the nightstand, so she took it. There was a picture of Henry in the same compartment as where his ID was. He had a couple of bank cards too. She fished out $50, even surprised to see how much cash he kept in here. 

Grabbing the hotel pen and paper in the drawer, she wrote it down. 

> _Charlie,_
> 
> _I'm taking your 50 bucks because Uber is super expensive and this place is way too far from my apartment. Thank you! 🖤_
> 
> _P/S: Last night was unforgettable. It's printed in my soul forever. I'll always remember you. I wouldn't wonder if things had been different._
> 
> _I'm truly sorry._
> 
> _Yours forever, Rey_

She strode towards him again after slipping the note under his phone and wallet and sat on the bed, careful not to alert any movement. For a minute, she just stared at him, so reluctant to leave and let go. "I love you," she murmured in his ear and planted a kiss on his temple, her eyes brimmed with tears. God, she felt so... melodramatic. With a sigh, she finally hopped down the bed and grabbed her purse and heels, not even bothering to put them on. Just held them. 

As she held the door knob, she looked back at him one last time, smiling. 

And she left. 

* * *

When she arrived at her apartment, she finally turned on the notifications of her phone. 

Fifty eight unread messages from the group chat. Five missed called from her mother. Eight missed calls from Rose. Three from Kaydel. The messages that flooded her phone were mostly ' _where are you?_ ' and ' _are you sure you don't need a ride?_ ' Rose had also left a message that she would be coming home later today and she could pick up her clothes that she left tomorrow (today) at her apartment. 

Well, fuck. 

Her mother was sitting on the couch in front of the TV. For some reason, she was nervous. Scared of what might she say to her. She completely forgot to text her mother that she would spend a night somewhere else. Her expression was unreadable. No disappointment. No concern. No relief. Just… blank. She was starting to get anxious.

Hopefully Mama called Rose though. She knew Rose would have her back. 

"Hey," she said, dropping the key in the drawer in front of the door. Her dress was all crumpled but she was hoping her mother wouldn't suspect a thing though. She was the one who encouraged her to find a man at a wedding. Well, she did. Technically. 

Mama looked up at her. "Come and sit," she simply beckoned. 

With a gulp, she approached her mother, plopping on the couch beside her. She was in desperate need of a shower and sitting down sort of hurt from how sore her cunt was and her ass from his spanking. Jesus, he really bruised her cunt. She didn’t think she could fuck anyone or anything any time soon. "I'm sorry I came home late, I was—" 

"With Charlie." 

She did a double take. 

Her heart almost stopped beating. 

What? 

No. 

Maybe she misheard. There was no way her mum just uttered that. 

Her heart hammered against her ribcage afterwards, it went from frozen to fast. Blood ran cold inside and she was pretty sure she was completely white now. "Huh?" she managed to say but it sounded wavering. 

Mama still seemed casual though. She didn't look mad or pleased either. Just... nothing. "Nicole had some suspicions," she explained, looking away from her. "We have brunch a lot, you know that." 

"Yeah," she murmured, shaking on the couch. Sure, she knew she was asking for this. But the last person she wanted for someone to know about this was her mother. She was used to being a disappointment but this... 

This shouldn't happen. 

Part of her was listening to her mum, another part of her was just digesting this. Like, yes, she wasn’t always careful around Charlie. They weren’t being secretive when they were at the club. Anyone could see them. She met his colleagues. They fucked in public a lot. Against the window. The wall. Everywhere where the world could see them.

But the reality didn't catch up with her until someone she didn’t want to find out found out. Her mother and… Nicole. 

"I know they were coming to the party," Mama told her with a shrug. Why was she so calm about this? Her daughter had an affair with a married man. What was her mother planning? "Look, I know I should have been mad but..." She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I knew you've always had a crush on him." 

Her eyes started watering at this point. She wanted the ground to swallow her now. This was... this was embarrassing. Why did she— 

"But I didn't know he would reciprocate," Mama continued with a small laugh. “He knew you since you were a kid. That’s just fucked up. He’s always so kind to us.” 

"It was a silly crush," she found herself protesting. She wasn't sure why out of all the things she could say, that was what she chose to say. Like she was embarrassed of sleeping with him. 

She should be, right? He was—He was _married_. 

But Mama seemed unaffected. Just looking at the TV although she was barely paying any attention. The TV was playing some telenovela since it was the weekend. "Honey, he's married _and_ he has a son," she chided softly. She said it so gently, like her daughter was mental and she was scared of how she would react. 

When she said it like that, she couldn’t help but feeling embarrassed of herself. Of what people might say about her mother. "I know," she murmured. It was as if her fantasy had just collapsed and now she was back to reality. She was waking up. 

The tone in Mama's voice was mocking like she found all this really ridiculous. "I can't exactly scold you because you've been in love with him for so long." 

She palmed her face, hiding her shameful look as she sobbed. "Oh god." Had it been so obvious? All those years of her looking peeking at the window, waiting for Charlie to use the stairs. 

"Has he always been interested?" Mama asked, almost accusatively. "Since you were a child? Did he take advantage of you—" 

"No!" she snapped immediately, putting her hands down. "No, he never forced himself on me! He’s… so… He’s not that kind of man. He’s..." No, he had been nothing but... but... 

Well, he wasn't a gentleman but he could be. Every time they fucked, it was mainly because she asked him to. All he did was lose control and let her. But she wanted it. Every single time. He would ask nicely if he wanted but she demanded it. It was their dynamic. 

He _loved_ her. 

"Okay, sweetie, maybe you don't think so because of your crush on—" 

" _I_ threw myself on him," she cut her off defensively. "I—I _wanted_ him. He... he did say no at first but I... I pushed myself to him. Okay? I lo—” She grimaced when she almost said what she couldn’t even say to him to her own mother. “This is on both of us. I seduced him, okay? He’s just a man. Don’t make him sound like a fucking predator. I have my own mind too.” 

Now Mama just seemed sympathetic, making herself feel small. Her daughter was insane who forced herself on a married man, what could be more pathetic? She had always been used to the disappointment look but shame and pity? That had to be worse. "You could have _anyone_ else. Everyone wants you, sweetie, why him?” 

She clenched her jaw. "I know—" Of course she knew that. But no one could ever compare to Charlie Barber. Her knight in shining armour, her Beast, her... the king of her heart. Why him? Because he was Charlie fucking Barber. Beautiful and strong. 

Mama seemed careful when speaking, like she was approaching a wild animal. "But you always know what you want. And you always love a challenge." 

Now she closed her mouth, staring at her mum. She couldn't even argue on that, she was right. Her sight was blurred from her tears. Fuck, was she crying? "I love him," she murmured softly to herself that she could barely hear it. This was the first time she could say it out loud. 

Her mother tilted her head with pity in her eyes. "Honey.” She clicked her tongue. “You're not in love with him." 

How dare she make fun of her love for him? 

“I’m not a fucking kid anymore, Mama, I know how I feel about him,” she snapped, glaring at her mother. But then she exhaled, raking her hair with her fingers when she realised how defensive she sounded. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be, sweetie.” Mama reached out to take her hand on her lap but she crossed her arms instead, not wanting her mother to give her the kid’s glove. 

"Is Nicole mad?" she asked in a hushed tone before she felt like slapping herself. Of course the poor woman was mad. 

"It's not the first time he cheated." 

It was almost like she could hear it. The glass breaking. She did a double take, gaping at her mother. "No, you're... you're lying," she argued, mostly to herself. The memories of his words flashed before her eyes. Had it all been a lie? 

"Why would I, sweetie?" Mama asked, tilting her head. "Nicole herself told me. There have been so many times she has come crying to me. Believe me, I know that family more than you do." 

Somehow it felt impossible for her mother to know more about the Barbers than her. She had seen every side of Charlie. All the pillow talks, all the teasings, he was just a misunderstood man. No one knew him more than her.

Except... probably his wife. 

But sometimes it felt like even Nicole didn’t know her husband much. Well, not exactly like that. It just didn’t seem like Nicole actually _cared_ about Charlie. She took care of her husband but she never wanted to get to know him or… or talk to him. Every time he told her something, his shoulders always seemed less tense after he vented. Like he had been waiting to talk to someone.

Why was she still trying to hold on to this? Why was she still trying to justify him? 

Her heart crashed in a million pieces. She shouldn't be surprised about any of this. What was she thinking, that he would only risk it all just for her? Jokes on you, Rey! He was literally married. She felt like throwing up. God, she was an idiot. 

"They decided to take a second chance on each other," Mama explained. "They've always had problems in their marriage but for Henry, they thought they should try although the spark isn't there anymore. But it doesn't make it okay for him to go behind his wife's back. Again. Nicole was kind enough to give a second chance." 

Fuck, she couldn't bear to listen anymore. She refused to. 

"He cheated on her with their employee. Someone from the theatre company—" 

"I have to go," she interjected. She couldn't listen to this anymore. "I'm gonna... take a shower." She wanted to wash away every print of him on her skin. 

"Rey, you need to listen to this." 

Anger boiled within her as she started shaking. "I don't want to hear this bullshit anymore," she snapped, feeling her throat closing up. Yes, Charlie was a cheater but he wasn't... he wasn't a terrible man. He was a wonderful father. An attentive lover. A great employer. They weren’t even exclusive yet he was the best boyfriend she ever had. 

Boyfriend? 

"I know it hurts but he's married, you should have known it would hurt—" 

As much as she understood what her mother was trying to do, this wasn’t what she needed right now. She didn’t want any _‘you should have known’_ bullshit, she wanted… she wanted comfort, for fuck’s sake. She wanted a hug, a _‘it’s okay to love someone, at least you sort of took a leap even though you took it for the wrong person’_ bullshit. Fuck, she had no idea what she wanted. 

This was her fucking fault. The _one_ time she fell in love. What a fucking joke.

"I get it," she interjected and stood up. "Save your speech. I already feel like shit which is exactly what you want." 

"Sweetie." 

She walked towards her room and slammed the door shut. 

Fuck.

How many women had he been with while he was still with Nicole? How many women had he been with while he was having an affair with her? Had everything been a lie? 

She let her dress drop down her body as she snatched her towel. All the memories of last night came crashing back like a ghost. She had never felt so... 

Ashamed. Small. 

The worst part was that she believed everything he told her. She walked out of the bedroom and immediately went inside the bathroom, locking it. God, she was angry — but mostly at herself. She brought herself to this situation. Relationships were already messy so adding up the married factor? She asked for this. 

It was supposed to be just a fling, just a casual sex. She wasn't supposed to catch feelings. None of them were. 

She stepped in the shower when she felt that it was turning hot. The water prickled her skin, washing away all the memories from yesterday. All the sins. Who was she kidding? They would always be there, leaving indentations. 

Her tears kept streaming down her face, joining the shower droplets. She had to be the biggest idiot on the face of the Earth. For once she was in love. For once. 

And then _this_ happened. 

She thought about Nicole. Poor Nicole must be devastated and she was the cause of it. Her husband was an ass but Rey still contributed to it. She definitely ruined everything. 

And then she thought of sweet little Henry who didn't ask for any of this. 

Maybe she was glad she never met her dad. God knew how worse it would be if her dad was a bit like Charlie. But a part of her couldn't help but curious of whether her dad would offer his shoulder to cry on compared to her mother who only knew how to make her feel lower. 

Lower than she already felt. 

Scum of the earth. That was her. 

This was the hardest she had ever cried. It was the kind of cry where she felt her throat closing up. The kind of cry where it felt like someone was kicking her in the gut and then stepping on her chest, putting all their weight on her until she couldn’t breathe. That kind of crying. 

The moment she would leave this place later on, she would never look back. She wanted to start new. Leave everything behind. She had a chance to rebrand herself and fuck, she was anticipating for that. No one there knew what she had done here. 

Using the soap, she scrubbed her arm clean. A bit too roughly because she could see redness on her pale skin. Fuck Charlie Barber. Fuck her too. She sniffled more, scrubbing her neck now where he had kissed and nibbled. 

She could still smell the scent of his cologne and cigarette even on her own skin. She gritted her teeth in frustration, adding more and more soap on her skin and drowning herself in jasmine instead. Even if she could wash away his scent and marks, he would still haunt her. In her dreams. In her waking moments too. 

Fuck Charlie Barber.

Fuck her too. 

When she stepped out of the bathroom and headed to her bedroom, she was still in a towel when she called someone that might make her feel a bit better. She closed the door behind her. 

“ _Hello?_ ” 

“Am I bothering you? I know you’re supposed to be on honeymoon and I shouldn’t—” 

“ _No, peanut,_ ” Finn stopped her. “ _I’m good now. I can talk. What’s wrong? Are you crying?_ ” 

She sniffled, feeling like she couldn’t breathe. “Was I—Was I really a good girlfriend?” she asked pathetically. “I just…” It was just so hard to breathe. “I just need validation.” 

“ _Oh, babe. Yes, you were. I meant it. You’re an amazing person._ ” 

Fuck, there went the waterwork coming out of her eyes. Now she just couldn’t stop, she just kept crying. “You think that I’ll ever find someone deserving of my love? Do you think my love is worthy?” 

He didn’t hesitate when he answered, “ _Without a doubt, Rey. I was lucky to have you. Regardless of what you think about yourself, you have a big heart. I swear. I swear on my marriage with Poe._ ” 

She laughed a little, biting her lip. “Are you sure? It just feels like I’m never going to find someone. It’s hard for me to fall in love with someone but when I do… it’s always the wrong person, Finn.” She sucked a deep breath. “Maybe I’m not cut out for this. Maybe I… I’ll always end up alone.” 

There was a rustling sound where Finn was. It sounded like he was sitting down. “ _I_ know _you’ll find someone, babe,_ ” he reassured her. “ _Someone worthy of your love. Someone you love so much that you would die for them because that’s who you are. It takes time but you’re still young. Look at Taylor Swift. Listen to Red. She was like your age when Jake Gyllenhaal crushed her heart. Didn’t she lose her virginity to Jake?_ ” 

She snorted, shaking her head. Of course Finn would use Taylor as an example.

“ _Point is, she never stops loving someone. She never gets scared to fall. She picks herself up every single time and now I think she’s finally in love. You just… you can’t give up on love yet, Peanut. A world where Rey Johnson falls in love with someone and would die for that someone and that someone accepts her love and reciprocates her one of the kind love is a world no one is prepared to see because it’s going to be so fucking powerful_.”

And that was when she burst into tears again, her lips quivering like crazy. “I don’t want to be alone.” She knew she was surrounded by all these wonderful people but something was missing. What she needed was someone who… who she knew wouldn’t ever leave her, someone who put her first, someone she could grow old with. Friends were amazing but at the end of the day, they were going to meet someone and they weren't going to make time for her anymore. 

“ _You won’t be,_ ” he promised. “ _Look, I hate to give false hopes because I have no idea what’s gonna happen, but I fully one hundred percent believe that you’re going to fall in love with someone who’s worthy of your love._ ” 

But what if… what if that someone was… 

_No, Rey. Fucking snap out of it._ She wiped off her tears from her cheek but the tears just kept streaming down. How many times did she have to cry today? 

“ _You deserve someone who would run to the airport for you and chase the fucking airplane just to tell you they love you,_ ” Finn said and she could feel that he was smiling. “ _Or run across the country for you.” Not someone who juggled between her and his wife, she bet. “You know what I mean._ ” 

“Yeah,” she mumbled. 

“ _It’s going to happen,_ ” he promised. “ _I believe it._ ” 

She peeled off the skin on her lips without thinking. “But I… But I made another woman miserable. I slept with a married man. I don’t think I deserve any of that.”

“ _Oh, Rey_ …” This was when Finn was going to take back everything he just said. “ _I know you slept with Charlie Barber. Rose has a big mouth._ ” 

What? She frowned. “Rose _told_ you?”

He coughed. “ _Yeah, but just me, don’t worry. She just can’t shut up with me. But I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me._ ” 

Oh, fucking hell. Did the _whole_ entire world know about her and Charlie? 

“ _And I still stand by what I just said. I mean, nothing is black or white. Some areas are grey and in your case… God, I can’t believe I’m about to make another pop star reference. The heart wants what it wants._ ” 

Now she smiled, shaking her head at how silly he was. 

“ _You had a thing for the hot man since God knows when and he thought you’re hot. Can’t exactly blame you for falling._ ” 

“Yeah…” But she gave in to her emotions, she let herself fall. She could just ignore it. She could have thrown out his number. She could have—

This was all her fault. 

“ _Rey, I know you’re still unconvinced,_ ” he murmured. “ _I don’t know how to make you believe me. You need to cut yourself some slack, babe._ ” 

Again, did she deserve that? She deserved hell. 

“ _I just can’t believe he won’t leave his wife for you._ ” Finn scoffed. “ _You’re someone people would drop everything for. Husbands, wives, children, dogs._ ” 

That made her laugh. “Finn, please.” 

“ _No, I’m not kidding! If I were straighter than this…_ ” 

“Shut up, dork.” 

“ _I’m just saying! You’re beautiful, you’re funny, you’re smart, and you’re fucking talented too. You can’t get anymore perfect than this. And your ass though? What the fuck? Never seen a white woman with ass as fine as yours? And it’s natural too? Come on!_ ” She snorted at that. “ _Charlie Barber is an idiot. I mean, I’m not saying that Nicole is not any of those but… well, you’re better._ ” 

“Finn, don’t—don’t—just… ugh, stop gassing me up, okay? You don’t need to bring down another woman to gas me up when I slept with her husband. That’s just… that’s just messed up, man. Plus, her boobs are amazing. I’d risk it all for Nicole’s tits, I’m just saying.” 

He laughed. “ _Sorry. You’re right. Maybe they just… they just don’t have what you have with him. I still think he’s the biggest idiot in the world. The amount of people that would want to date you is… infinite._ ” 

“Seriously, expand my ego even more, thanks.”

“ _You know I always blurt out the truth. I have no fucking filter._ ” 

She grinned. “I know I told you this but…” She sighed. “I love you, Finn. Your words are exactly what I need right now.” 

“ _Of course, Peanut,_ ” he cooed. “ _I love you too. More than you know._ ” 

Thank god their dating history barely affected their love for each other. Sure, she was a bit mad at first and he kept avoiding her after that because of his guilt, but she was glad they made up now. Because they were really much better as friends. “So how is the honeymoon? I know you just got married but still… Also, I don’t need any detail of of the sex. I still see Mr. D as our teacher. How was your flight? You guys are in Hawaii, right?” 

They talked almost the whole day before she heard Poe whining in the background, asking Finn to come back to bed. There was no way she could be used to that. 

At the end of the phone call, she felt so much lighter. She could finally breathe, just a little.

She let some air in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry guys. ♥️ This is perhaps the most personal chapter for me because that’s definitely my mum lmaoooo. 
> 
> But I think you’ll get excited for the next chapter because—well I’m not spoiling anything.


	21. Dominic’s Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And if you're looking for signs then_
> 
> _You should know there's power in the words you're thinking_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m partly inspired by my parents’ conversations, partly inspired by my own head canon, partly inspired by what I wish my cheating ex had told me. 
> 
> Also, I didn’t really proofread so I’m sorry if there’s anything... yeah. 
> 
> We have a surprise POV, guys!
> 
> Mood board below made by my bestie, Mena. She also made [this one](https://twitter.com/ddaisyridleyy/status/1311156197718925312?s=21) for me ♥️
> 
> **tw // mention of alcoholic parents, absent parents, divorce**

When he woke up, the space beside him on the bed was cold. He blinked a couple of times, searching for a certain brunette-turned-blondie but she was gone. 

She left him alone in this room. But she did leave her scent on his skin. That apple scented shampoo that always drove him insane whenever he caught a whiff of it. As much as he was glad for the scent, he also wanted the real deal. 

Fuck, it wasn't just her shampoo. The whole room was reeked of sex — of their mixed fluids after how many times they had fucked last night. It had been so long since he was that wild and insatiable. Here he thought he had lost his stamina after all these years. 

Unsurprised though, considering it had been a couple of years since he had sex. And then this woman came into his life like magic. 

If only he could wake up next to her every morning. 

He felt so empty without her, wanting to seek her. As he fumbled for his phone, there was a paper underneath. A note. He smiled when he read it. He could hear her voice in these words. So he neatly folded it and kept it nicely in his wallet. Save for the rainy day. 

Was it pathetic of him to say that he had already missed her? He knew they made a promise that this would be the last time. But that wasn't his call either. It was hers. He had never felt this strongly for someone. She was on his mind all the time, even in his sleep. 

After some nice stretching, he hopped off the bed — butt naked — and went into the bathroom. Even after losing all his energy from last night, he felt... so alive somehow. He smiled to himself, reliving everything from last night. She never told him she loved him back but he could feel it in her movement and the way she looked into his eyes. He could see that she wanted to say it, that it was just at the tip of her tongue. He was sure of it. 

She loved him. 

And he loved her. 

That was all it took for him to feel energised. Like he was ready to face the music. Ready to slay any dragon for her. Ready for anything and everything. 

Sadly, he wasn't looking forward to catching up with the reality. He looked at the mirror and the memories of last night came back to him again. The lewd sounds she made, her pleas, the way she arched her back for him, how she responded to his touch, and the way she just... took it. Everything he gave, she took it with so much ferocity. She took and she took and he gave and he gave. 

Just like that, he was hard again. 

* * *

The Porsche wasn't rented, like he had told her. It was actually his. Finally he had something of his own under his name, and he wasn't sharing it with Nicole. He had always wanted a Porsche — call it a mid life crisis — and he finally got it. 

It was just a stupid car and he was happy, okay? And the car was finally christened when he made his girl come in the leather seat. He parked the car at the usual spot near the apartment, reserved just for him. When he hopped down the car, he played with the gold band around his ring finger. 

The symbol of promise meant nothing now. He barely took a vow. They got married at the City Council while she was heavily pregnant. They thought they were happy. They also thought they used the fucking protection when they had sex. 

He shook off the thought and smiled at Wexley as he opened the elevator for him. He was ready to face her wrath. This was on him. It was time to end this. He carried those thoughts as he walked out of the elevator and went towards the door to his apartment. 

This apartment that never felt home to him. Funny how it finally felt like home when Rey stood in the living room that second time she was here. His whole body ached at the thought of her again. 

"Hey buddy." He ruffled his son's hair, to which Henry scowled at him. It was unbelievable that his son had grown this tall. 11 years old. He teased him a little, still remembering teaching Henry how to ride a bike at merely 5 years old. Of course his little champ did it. 

Henry just drew something on his iPad on the couch while Charlie saw the laundry basket still in the living room, unfolded. As always. His heart pinched a little when he looked at the cream slacks somewhere in there. It really looked good as new. He never even sent it to the dry cleaning because... it was just too sacred. 

"Hey, kiddo," Charlie called out, crossing his arms. "Put down the iPad. Talk to me a bit. I haven't seen you in a while." 

Henry ignored him, drawing ferociously. It was some cartoon that his son was drawing from where he could see. That iPad was a gift from Sandra who liked to spoil her grandson so much. Charlie just wanted to slam the iPad on the wall sometimes because Henry never looked at him in the eye anymore ever since he got the iPad. He wouldn't, of course. 

"Henry," he repeated more sternly, thrusting his hands in his pockets. 

Finally Henry looked up from the screen. "What, Dad?" 

"Tell me what's going on with you. How's school?" 

Henry scowled, shaking his head. "It's shit." 

"Hey. Language." 

"You say _'fuck'_ all the time!" 

"I'm an adult,” he countered. 

His son scoffed. "I'm eleven, dad. Ah, jeez." 

He pursed his lips, unsure what to say. He found himself more careful around his son now, wanting to be on his good side again. "I know that, sweetheart. Hey. Why are you not talking to me?" 

"Mom said you're having an affair," he spat. 

Charlie's chest started aching. He hated to lie to his son. "She did?" he simply asked. 

"Yeah. Is that true, Dad?" 

Instead of denying, he tried forming some words that wouldn't make Henry resent him. "I would never hurt you on purpose." 

"Is that a yes?" 

Charlie shut his eyes, licking and chewing the inside of his cheek. How was he supposed to explain to his son that he was in love with someone else that was not his mother? "I have to talk to your mom." 

"Would you tell me who it is?" Henry asked, oddly calm about it all. 

He gulped, feeling like his heart was about to jump out through his mouth. "It wouldn't matter, Henry. It'll be okay." 

Henry didn't seem convinced. "Mom's not happy with you." 

That was something he didn't expect coming out of his son's mouth. "She told you?" 

Henry just shrugged. "I don't know, Dad." He paid attention to the iPad again, doodling with the Apple pencil. 

Charlie pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. So, she hadn't completely forgiven him like she said she was. He walked towards the master bedroom — where she slept in alone most of the time while he slept in the guest room downstairs — and opened the door. 

There she was, playing with her phone, doing God knows what. She glanced sharply at him. "Back so soon after fucking the mistress?" 

He refrained himself from rolling his eyes. Here he thought honesty was the answer. 

* * *

_"Nicole," he had said once upon a time ago when they were in LA, watching the TV on Sandra's couch. It was just a week ago. "I'm having an affair."_

_There wasn't a hint of surprise on her face. No, there was only annoyance as she scoffed at him. "So. You are able to tell the truth, huh?"_

_He winced a little, swigging his beer. "I'm sorry. You know that. But it's over._

_"Oh, so now I'm just supposed to automatically forgive you for, what, breaking up with your mistress?" she hissed. "You're not even going to tell me how many times you fucked her the way you did with the other bitch you work with?"_

_Well, he did deserve that. "I really fucked Mary Ann once, I swear to that."_

_"But not this one? You got a permanent whore now?"_

_He bared his teeth. "Don't fucking say that. She's... just don't."_

_That made her chuckle bitterly. "So you love her?" she asked._

_He didn't say anything. And they just sat there silently._

_After a while, she spoke up again. "It's pointless, Charlie."_

_"What is?"_

_"Getting a divorce. I mean, you confessed. That means you're sorry. And I'm tired. I'm tired of arguing."_

_"I'm tired, too," he said. But not just of arguing. Everything._

_She stood up, sniffling a little. Fuck. She was crying. Shit. "We'll talk later," she muttered as walked towards her own room._

_There was a loud sound of the door being snapped shut._

_The next day, she flew to LA again._

* * *

"What did you say to Henry?" he asked instead. "Why are you involving him? He doesn't need to know." 

She looked at him in disbelief. "Of course he needs to know. He needs to know all the shit that has been going on in this fucked up family." 

"Is it because your mother tells you everything she does?" he bit back. "Technically I was right, you are like your mother. Big mouthed and all that." 

There, he pushed her button there. She glared at him, like she wished she was murdering him with her eyes. And he felt nothing. All he felt was rage, probably because he was remembering how he was as a kid while his parents were arguing. He didn't want to get involved but obviously his mom dragged him into the problem, trash talked his dad and made him choose a side. 

Of course he took his mom's side, he had to. But he also saw his dad's struggle. His dad was a quiet man who always bottled up his feelings. Little Charlie only saw the pain in his mom because his mom was open — she let him see her cry, she ranted to him, she let him know how frustrating his dad was until he himself believed her. His dad was an alcoholic asshole and he chose to believe it. 

Being compared to his dad was not something he liked but right now, it made sense. It fucking made sense. Dad left him and his mom and that wasn't something he could forgive but he sort of understood now. 

He never thought he would see the day where he actually sympathised his father. 

"Haven't we gone through this before?" she asked. "I'm not gonna let you win by comparing me to my mother anymore. I'm not gonna repeat that stupid argument with you anymore." 

How did they end up like this? Where did it all go wrong between them? This went far beyond before their argument in that small house in LA. That argument was everything that had been pent up inside them for so long. Even when he was being honest about everything (pre Rey), even when he gave her that apartment so she could stay in New York, even then, he always did something wrong. There was always something that made her look at him in disgust. 

If she hated him so much, why did she want to give their marriage a try? If she hated him so much, why did still she want him to stay? Why couldn’t he do anything right? Henry couldn't possibly be the only factor if being with him hurt too much. 

It got to the point where he felt like he was suffocating. But he bet she felt even worse than him. He could see the hatred on her face every time she looked at him. 

He went from being the one to seem controlling from the outside world just because he was a perfectionist in his work to... trying to please her. He let her choose everything. He was the one who asked if they could work this out and he compromised to her, working extra hard beyond theatre just to afford the penthouse for her and Henry. The penthouse was a little selfish action for him. He only bought it so she would stay with Henry here with him. He let her choose the design of the house. It was fucking expensive, he had to take out some loans from the bank. 

All just so she could stay. 

But LA still called out to her. 

"Fine," he said, raking his hair with his fingers. "Just... Henry doesn't need to be involved. He's just... he's just a kid." 

"He's eleven," she said with a snort. "He can take it." 

Yes, she had her childhood trauma of her own but he wished she just at least understood there were some things you shouldn't tell your kids. Before her dad died, she still had a happy family. Her parents had no problem. Honesty was important to keep a happy family but this... 

This was talking shit, trying to get your son to be on your side. Fuck that.

He wished Rey were here. She didn't need to know, all he wanted was to hold her, that was it. Just holding her and he would feel slightly better. Just be able to nuzzle his nose in her hair that smelled a lot like green apple. 

So restless from the travel, he leaned against the doorframe and changed the topic. "How was the drive back?" 

She was just back from LA that night prior to the wedding and the last time they talked, he had just confessed that he had an affair. And then she just went, _"We're going to Finn's wedding"_ just like that. Of course he obeyed. 

And then all of the sudden, after they danced at the reception, she just went, "I'm going home. Alone." And then just left him, with their fucking car. 

He had to call Wexley to drive his to the wedding as a favour, paying him a load of cash for the cab to go back to the apartment when he arrived and more for his own private need. 

He couldn't catch up with his own fucking wife. He never knew how to understand her. She was just so fucking unpredictable at times.

"How did you drive back here?" she demanded instead of answering his question. Right. He never told her that he bought a car secretly. 

Fucking hell, they really were toxic with each other. 

"I have my ways," he answered her lazily. 

Her round green eyes flashed at him with fury. "I don't know what I was thinking. Making you dance with Rey." 

It was the way she said Rey's name that made him clench his fist in anger. She said it in so much bitterness, which was so wrong because that wasn't how you were supposed to say Rey Johnson's name. She was too good for this world even if she didn't believe it. He was the one who dragged her down with him. So selfish, wanting to keep her so bad. 

"How did you even find out? That it was her I was with?" 

She snorted. "Call it women's intuition." 

Fuck that. 

"I guess... I wanted to see for myself," she continued, smacking her thick lips together. He used to think her lips was one of the sexy things about her. Other than her green eyes, her raspy voice, her strength and, well, her tits, the shape of her lips was his favourite thing about her. "I want to see what you see in her. I mean, I definitely get it. She's beautiful. Intelligent. Young." 

He flinched at that. Mainly from how she put herself down. 

"And..." She laughed to herself, shaking her head. "I saw the way you two looked at each other. It was way beyond physical. Way beyond her making you laugh too." 

That wasn't his finest moment either, when he told her he was with Mary Ann because he had a laugh with her.

"You love her, don't you?" she asked, her expression softening now. "I saw the way you looked at her. She refused to look at you because she knew she wouldn't be able to hide how she feels about you." 

What was up with women and making their own assumptions? "Nicole," he finally spoke up. 

"You and I... I know we cared about each other. But if it weren't for Henry, we wouldn't be married, would we?" 

They went through this before. Why did they decide to give this relationship a second chance? Why did he keep begging her? Not even their son could save them. "No," he said with honesty. "No, we wouldn't." 

She licked her lips, shaking her head. "Living with you is like living a lie for me. I can't fucking stand you." 

Okay, maybe he deserved that as he grimaced in pain. 

"It's not even your fault. It's because I keep forcing myself to keep loving you that it turns into — into hatred." 

He inhaled a sharp breath, not able to listen any longer. "I get what you're saying."

"I wasn't that pissed that you were with Mary Ann that time," she admitted, shaking her head. "I was more frustrated that it was happening right under my nose. I mean, she worked for me too." 

"Yeah," he muttered. God. He was an ass. It was once and he was lonely but he was still an ass. 

Being with Rey though? That was beyond loneliness. 

He never asked to be saved. He had a fucking therapist. But she saved him anyway. 

"I didn't even give a fuck that you cheated on me, I was more mad that I didn't see it sooner." He watched as she reached for her glass of wine on the nightstand. Of course she had a glass of wine on the nightstand. This was Nicole, for fuck's sake. "But... Rey..."

It was like he had this knee jerk reaction every time her name was mentioned. He just wanted people to say her name with honour. 

"It isn't even about sex, right? With Rey?" she asked, her green eyes glistening as they stared into his. "You love her. God, you never looked at me the way you looked at her. If you looked at me that way, even once, I wouldn't have hated you so much." 

His temple started twitching. He had been the biggest ass in this entire world. He leaned his head on the doorway, wanting to leave but also wanting to finish this conversation before they became too bitter around each other. More bitter than they already were now. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I just... fuck. I'm..." 

Her lips quivered. "Just, I don't think you're a serial cheater, Charlie. I mean, you've been with two women since you've been with me but... At least you're not the picking up girls at the bar kind of cheater. This isn't me justifying your shitty behaviour by the way." 

Fair. 

"We were just so wrong for each other. I cared about you." 

"But not enough," he said with a bitter laugh. He got that. He was feeling the same way. 

"No, I did care about you enough," she corrected. "I just... I hate myself when I'm around you. And it's not you. It's not me either." 

"It's us." 

She nodded. "It's us. We should stop trying." 

He exhaled through his mouth. "I can't exactly argue with you there." 

She scoffed. "Because you have a girlfriend." 

"No, I lost her," he said nonchalantly. "So congrats. I'm alone again. She doesn't want to see me ever again." 

"Oh, please. You still have gotten more action than me." 

Part of him wanted to say that he only wanted Rey now. There was no one else. But he didn't want to offend her more. "I'm an ass." 

"Yes, you are." Even when she said it, she was smiling a little. She seemed... more relaxed now. Like everything had been said now. "You're not a serial cheater, aren't you, Charlie? I need to make sure. That girl stole my husband but it doesn't mean that she deserves the karma either." 

"No!" he quickly snapped. "Sorry." He cleared his throat and composed himself. "I mean, no. I'm... I... I won't ever do that to her..." He winced. That sounded so wrong on so many levels. So. Many. 

"You love her." 

He shut his eyes. Yes, he told her many times that he loved her. But to admit to his fucking wife that he was in love with another girl... That did not sound right. That did not sound right at all. He opened his eyes and looked at Nicole's left hand. She wasn't wearing her ring anymore. 

Yet he still was. 

The world really worked in a mysterious way. 

"I'm fine, you know, Charlie," she said nonchalantly. "It's time for us to go on separate ways anyway before we get too bitter with each other. Too bitter until we just hate each other. I think compassion is what need right now." 

He swallowed a lump in his throat, nodding. "But do you forgive me?" he asked, though it was unfair. "I probably don't deserve forgiveness but I just need to know." He knew she would still be able to act civil around him even when she hated him. 

A sad smile formed her lips. That was when he saw a teardrop running down her cheek. He was the cause of that. "I still care about you." That didn't exactly answer his question. 

"Do you want me to beg on my knees?" he quipped, thrusting his hands in his pockets. He would, actually. Beg on his knees. Not for her to take him. Not for her to accept his apology. But because he had hurt her too many times. 

She snorted. "That would be unnecessary."

"Because I do apologise, you know. For being an ass. For being... the worst husband in the world." 

"Do you mainly apologise for falling in love with her? Or for... everything?" 

He frowned at her. "For everything, of course. For not being present. For making you stay. For cheating. Being an asshole. I can't exactly apologise for falling in love.” He shut his eyes, shaking his head in regret. “That was... that was an accident. A moment of weakness. But I do apologise for surrendering to my feelings."

Now more tears ran down her cheeks, fuck. He was the worst piece of shit. "So you admit it?" she asked, her voice breaking. "You admit that you love her?" 

_Deep breaths, Charlie. Deep breaths._ He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a pulse there. "I'm sorry," was what he could muster. “I’ve tried my best to be the best husband for you. The best father to Henry. I’m sorry that it’s not enough. I really am.” 

She smiled sadly. "It's okay." She gulped again before clearing her throat. "I haven't touched you for three years. I can't exactly blame you." 

"No— no, please don't.... please don't put this on you, this is on me. I'm responsible for this." 

For a moment, they just stared at each other. For everything they went through, they just _looked_ at each other, all the things they wanted to say but couldn’t… all were uttered from their eyes. And he hated to see her cry, but he did that to her. 

She blew out her breath, pressing her lips together. “Come here. Sit with me.” 

Nervously, he did what he was told. Sitting on the foot of the bed, fumbling with the ring on his finger. He tried to push away the thought of her cunt, but it was difficult now. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot,” she said. “I haven’t been happy in a long time. I don’t know why I stayed. But I noticed, you know, I noticed you’ve been trying for me. For Henry.” 

And then she reached out to take his hand, taking him by surprise. He gulped. 

“Relationships are a two-way street. I should have tried too.” 

He frowned at her. “Tried what?” 

She smiled a little. “I should have tried to forgive you. To look past everything you did. To actually acknowledge that you’ve been trying. I mean, I did forgive you. But I couldn’t forget, I guess. I’ll always care about you. You’ve been an amazing father to Henry. And all I did was try to spite you. I never cut you some slack. It was in the past and I just…” 

“Yeah. Understandable.” 

Then she let go of his hand. “We’re just never right for each other.” 

“At some point, we were.” 

That made her laugh. A sad kind of laugh. “I, um... I had my slip-up,” she confessed. “Once." 

He blinked. "You—you did?" 

"Yeah," she bit out, shrugging and shaking her head. "It was at a wrap up party. Um... I hooked up with this guy once after we argued on Halloween night that year remember? When we—when we almost gotten a divorce." 

"Hmm," he murmured. When he found out she was checking his email. 

"Anyway, I—I saw him again during the wrap in LA and uh..." She closed her lips together. "Yeah." 

This might be unnecessary to ask but he had to know. "When?" he asked. 

"Last month," she answered, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

"That's why you keep going to LA?" 

"No!" she responded immediately. "No, of course not. I did that only once. Twice if you count the Halloween night, when I asked you about those emails. And... And I never called him. He gave me his number but I never—yeah." 

That time, he was already long gone with Rey. Already so deep in love with her. Just a few days before she broke up with him. "Did you do it to spite me?" he asked nervously. He wouldn't blame her if she did. 

"Mostly because I was horny," she answered truthfully. "And I sort of had some suspicions than you were cheating on me but that was only suspicions. I don't think I would spite you for a silly suspicion. That first time was definitely to spite you though. Definitely." 

"But not the second time?" he mused. 

She covered her face with her hands, shaking her head. "No." 

Oh my god. "You're flustered," he remarked. "You like this guy." 

She dropped her hands quickly. "What?" 

He chuckled as he stood up, looking down at his shoes with his hands in pockets. "You like him." 

"No, I don't," she protested a little too quickly. 

He smiled at her. "You're blushing, Nicole. I think you like him." He walked towards the door and leaned against the doorframe.

She stared at him in disbelief. "I don't." 

"You do," he argued. "I'm married to you for so long but I remember when you first liked me. You were flustered a lot." 

"I don't have a thing for him." Reaching for one of the pillows, she threw one at him. "Get out of here. I don't like him!" 

He just chuckled. The pillow barely even hit him. She was so bad at throwing stuff. "Whatever you say, honey." 

She scowled at him before he stepped out of her room and closed the door. At least... at least she was okay. He thought she seemed okay. He hoped so, actually. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how are we feeling about Charlie’s POV? 
> 
> Also, hi to the new readers! I’m so happy you’re here ♥️
> 
> To the old readers, thank you for sticking around. Love you lots.


	22. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I must’ve crossed a line, I must’ve lost my mind._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck it, a new update after only a couple of days 🤣
> 
> Mena made another [moodboard](https://twitter.com/ddaisyridleyy/status/1314771247746646022?s=21) for me. ♥️

It was a Sunday. 

It had been a week since that sacred day. 

Maybe he was an idiot that it took him this long to go up to her. He could have gone yesterday or well any day the whole week while he had the time. He would have more time with her. A week instead of just a night. But no. He finally made up his mind now, knowing she would board a flight today. But he had to let her know that he would be waiting for her. That she was it for him.

Usually he was confident she would come back to him. She _always_ came back to him. But he never received a single text or a call from her this week so he knew he had to take measures. Not about when her flight was leaving either. 

Meanwhile, he was never good at keeping his promise because he has been texting her nonstop. Asking how was she. Whether she needed help packing. If he could drive her to the airport. Shit like that. 

Every single text was ignored. No big deal. 

He waited until he finally filed a divorce from Nicole while she happily signed it. No lawyers this time. He let her have a choice — whether he wanted to go back to LA or not because it was unfair of him to ask her to stay. If LA was her calling, then who was he to stop her? Now he just had to wait for the divorce to be finalised. 

Instead of the train, he drove his new car because he barely had any patience now. He stepped on the pedal, along the Brooklyn Bridge. His heart was racing so fast, his mind went through different scenarios of what would happen when he got there. It was 8 in the morning and he was hoping she didn't get an early flight. 

What was he going to say the moment he saw her? He had told her he loved her countless times and yet she never stayed. Who was to say that she would change her mind? It wasn't that he wanted her to stay either, not yet. He wanted her to finish her studies. He wanted her to graduate and take that bar exam and be a kickass lawyer like she could. 

But he also wanted her to know that she had a choice after she graduated. That he would wait for her. There was no one else he wanted but her. She was all on his mind as he kept pushing the pedal. His old apartment building finally came into view. The place where the Johnson ladies still lived at. 

Heart still pounding against his chest, he parked the car close to the entrance, not giving a fuck if he could get a ticket for this. Turning off the engine, he immediately hopped down his car and slammed the door shut, locking the door with a remote where the Swiss Army knife keychain was dangling around. 

After so long, he was finally going to take a leap of faith. All his life, he had been a coward who was afraid of changes. 

Not today. Today, he was ready to change his life for her. 

Walking in the lobby of this building, he scrunched his nose up at the smell of this place. It really had been ages since he stepped into this place. At times, he still missed living here. It marked a special place in his heart because this was his first apartment when he moved to New York from Indiana. When he asked Nicole to move in, he never expected her to say yes. They had only dated for two weeks that time. He was young and stupid, who could blame him? 

Taking two flights of stairs at a time, he finally arrived on the, well, first floor. His hands were clammy with sweat when he knocked the door. He didn't even take his time thinking this through, he just fucking knocked it. Then he wiped his palms on his jeans, waiting for the door to open. 

In his mind expectation, it was Rey who opened it. She would be caught off guard, of course, but her face would slowly spread into a relieved smile, like she was glad he was here. He would have kissed her. Tears might be streaming down their faces. Maybe she would finally say she loved him back. He would have asked her to wait for him. Maybe he would ask her to bring him along. Henry was important in his life but unfortunately, so was this woman. 

But the reality was, Jodie was the one who opened it. Even with how many years they had been neighbours, Jodie still scared the shit out of him. He had no idea how Nicole was so close to her because Jodie really terrified him. A lot. Her glare alone made shudder in fear. She was a decent person and Rey was as pretty as her. 

But she was scary as fuck. 

"Charlie Barber," she spoke, bitterness seeped in her tone. Ah fuck. 

Fuck, why did he forget that Rey was living with her mother too? He would have taken more time to prepare himself. Maybe he could try to think of a lie. But he had no doubt at all that Nicole had told her about... about Rey and him.

"Hey, Jodie," he said with a nervous chuckle, rubbing his nape. He cleared his throat, crossing his arms together. "How, uh, how are you?"

But she could see through his bullshit. God, she was terrifying. A small woman, but scary. "I know you're looking for my daughter,” she said. 

He winced a little as he forced a smile. He should think of a lie on the spot. But he couldn't. "I am," he admitted. 

"Well, I was just back from the airport," she answered. "I just dropped her off. She's probably already on the flight." 

Blood rushed up his face as he realised he was too late. He couldn't call her either. He had tried using both of his phones and it turned out, she had already blocked both of his numbers. She completely cut off ties with him. "Ah," he said, swallowing a lump in his throat. "Did she, now." 

Jodie's eyes glared at him menacingly. Understandable. "Yes. So now you can scurry off and go back to your fucking wife. Maybe find other whores to warm your bed." 

What? Before Jodie could slam the door shut on his face, his hand came to stop. The loud slamming sound startled her. Now the tables had turned. She was the one who seemed terrified and he was the one who was pissed. "Your daughter is _not_ a whore." 

Her eyes widened at him. "I never implied that she's a whore. I meant that _you_ treat her like whore, someone you keep in your bed whenever your wife is absent. I refuse to let you treat her that way." 

He saw red. Rage took over his body as he pushed the door further until it was wide open. "Where the fuck is she?" he growled, all his fears slowly vanishing before he started roaring the love of his life's name out. "Rey? _Rey!_ Baby, are you here?" 

"What the hell are you trying to do?" Jodie cried out, her face paled. She seemed freaked out. Terrified. 

Meaning that she might be lying and Rey _was_ here. "Baby, please come out if you're here,” he pleaded. “I need to talk to you." 

"She _doesn't_ want to talk to you," Jodie snapped. "Get out before I call the police on you for intruding." 

But he wasn't listening. He was so desperate to see her. His ears were ringing. His heart was palpitating. Something was wrong and he needed to know what. Their last night was amazing. There was something more now, she was mad at him. He felt it in his gut.

"Baby, let me see you, please," he called her out again, his voice cracking while he was still gripping the door. He was standing on the threshold, not daring to step inside. He wanted Rey to come out herself instead of him barging in her bedroom. 

"I'm calling the police now," Jodie threatened, already fishing for her phone from the pocket of her pants. 

"Where is she?" he clamoured, tears stinging on his eyes. "Jodie, _please_ , let me see her. I need to see her. I will wait all day until I see her, I swear. I know she’s still in there.”

Jodie just glared at him, her nose flaring. "Get out of my fucking house or I swear to God. I will call the fucking police.”

Breathing raggedly, he finally loosened his grip of the door, tugging his hair roughly like he was about to yank it off. For some reason, he had a feeling that his girl was still here. In her room probably, blocking out the noise. The loud cry of his. He was trembling, his breathing cut short. 

If she really were here, then she really didn't want to see him that badly. But why? They were fine. Was she scared the way that he was, that if she saw him, she would break down and cry? Because he already felt like breaking down. Was she afraid that she drop everything for him? Because he was ready to risk it all for her. 

Questions swirled around his brain and he was dying for the answers. But he was shoved to the back and the slam of the door made him realise where he was right now. He ran his hands around his face, so close to screaming. So he left. He walked away. He walked down the stairs. And he stepped out the building, his eyes blinded by the bright sunlight. 

Fucking idiot. Fucking sunlight. Get the fuck out of his face. Jesus. 

He angrily opened the door to his car and hopped in with clenched jaw. Maybe he should wait at the fucking airport and pull an all-nighter there. Wander around until he could find her. As he was about to ignite the engine, his eyes decided to create an illusion. 

Because there, walking out of the building, was Rey herself. He kept blinking, expecting her to disappear to prove that he was dreaming but she was still there. There were so many times he saw her popping up out of nowhere but it was always an illusion. But not now. Because she was still there and she was carrying two suitcases. 

His feet were out of the car so quickly, time couldn't catch up. She still didn't see him as he strode towards her. So busy putting her suitcases in the trunk of the cab. She was so ready to leave, looking so beautiful. 

"Rey," he called her out. 

That was when she turned around, all colours wiped off her face when she saw him. Instead, her face was so white — either from fear or surprise. He hoped to God it was the latter. 

Instead of turning her whole body towards him, she just rushed towards the door. But he was quick to catch up with his long legs, holding a grip of her arm.

"Rey, baby, please," he pleaded. 

With a deep scowl, she drew her arm off his grip. "Why can't I get rid of you?” she hissed. “I have to go, Charlie. Meter is running." 

"I'll pay for the ride, you don't need to worry about that," he assured her nervously.

It was like a one eighty degree transformation, the way she was so furious at him compared to the look she gave him that last night they were together before she drifted off. If only she could tell him why she was so angry because he couldn't go on without hearing at least some explanation. Something he could reason with.

"Rey—"

It all happened in a flash. He wasn't sure. It felt like everything was happening really fast but at the same time, it was all a slow motion? But he could feel he blinked for a minute right after her hand made contact with his cheek, creating that _'SLAP!'_ sound. His hand shakily reached up to touch his cheek, feeling the sting of her slap. 

Okay. He probably deserved that. But he also wanted to know why too as he turned his head to look at her again. 

Her eyes were wild after she slapped him, staring at him angrily and heaving. But the one thing he was most fascinated by was that even with wild eyes, she also seemed... numb? So tired and sleepless. Usually when you're angry, tears might well up your eyes too. But not her. She just seemed fucking pissed. End of story. 

"You—You are an asshole,” she seethed. 

He took it with open heart. Just took her words. At least she was speaking to him. 

Breathing deep until her nose flared, she continued. "You are the _biggest_ jerk I've ever known. The most selfish asshole I've ever known." 

If he could have a penny for every time someone called him selfish, he would be even more loaded by now. He clenched and unclenched his fist, watching the clear loathing on her pretty face. 

"I _hate_ you so much," she croaked out, emotions starting to show. The hurt, the tears in the eyes, the broken voice. "Are you happy now? You got what you want." 

"What did I get?" he finally talked back. 

"You know, it's one thing to cheat on and lie to your wife,” she said, letting out a bitter laugh. “It's another thing to sleep with half of the city population." 

Now he was getting more and more confused. Maybe the slap made him hear things. 

"It's also another thing to lead me on and lie to me.” Then she tried mimicking his voice, he thought because she lowered her voice, “ _Ooh, I swear I'm not this kind of guy._ ” It made him smile a little. Just a little. “Fuck you!" 

His lips parted but no words came out. It wasn't that he never lied to her. He did lie only recently when he told her the car was rented. 

But that was it? 

Maybe it was a little bit of a lie when he told her he would leave everything for her when he begged her to run away with him. It was a little bit of a lie because the truth was, he was already ready to leave his wife, whether she wanted to run away with him or not. 

But then he pieced together a bit. He was pretty sure he said that to her. But people said that you remember what others told you more than what you told others. 

"Is everything that you've said to me a lie?" she demanded, her voice breaking a little. "Did you actually love me? Did you actually think I'm the only one?" 

What? "Everything I said is true," he argued. Even if he didn’t exactly have any idea what she could imply, he was sure he never really lied to her. "I _do_ love you." 

She knitted her brows together, seeming like she carefully searching for some words. "Why did you go back to her if you're just going to cheat? You never even told me you dated one of your employees. It's Mary Ann, was it?" 

_Oh._

Oh fuck. 

_Now_ he understood.

"Yes, it was—it was Mary Ann," he replied calmly, ready to tell her everything she wanted to know. "I had a... I had a one night stand with her. Three years ago. I meant it when I said I'm not this kind of guy, I stopped having sex with her after Nicole, after the brief divorce, I stopped everything. I literally practiced celibacy for _three_ fucking years, Rey, I never gave in to temptations for those three fucking years. I hadn’t even had sex with my own wife in the span of those three years.” 

She straightened her body and crossed her arms — supposedly in an intimidating manner. 

So he kept going, telling her everything, even the things prior to her. "I hadn't had sex with my wife for a year and I was... I was lonely. I had to sleep on the couch for a year. When I wanted to talk to her, she brushed me off. Mary Ann came to my house one night and we had—" He exhaled through his nose. "We had lot to drink. One thing led to another on that stupid couch... yeah. Nicole found out weeks later, that was when she filed for divorce. But I never went back to Mary Ann. Even when Nicole and I were divorced for a few months, I _never_ went back to her. It happened once. Just once. Not that it’s a justification because I still cheated even if it was once.I— I didn't _fuck_ anyone, not even my own wife... until you came along." 

Those emails of Mary Ann that Nicole read were just mostly her talking about his cock and he never replied back. It was mainly her reminding him how good the sex was that night and she never stopped thinking about it. The regret was like a splash of water on his face after they fucked. But still, he shouldn't have done it. He lost control and he shouldn't have done it. 

He shouldn’t have done it with Rey either. But she was like a drug to him. 

The moment he laid eyes on her right there in the lecture hall when he gave his speech, before her lips were even around his cock years later, he was already a goner. 

Rey just kept quiet with that cute frown. It frustrated him, not being able to know what was on her pretty mind. He was baring his whole soul just for her and he would do it again and again. This was him being vulnerable only for her. The word vomit was nothing but the truth. Anything she wanted to know, he would give it to her. 

"But then... Nicole and I reconciled. I begged her a second chance for the sake of Henry. I bought her a big apartment, I tried to do everything right. I let her choose the apartment, the interior design, everything. But it wasn't enough because the love is no longer there. I mean, we care about each other but..." He grimaced. "I didn't give a fuck about sex anymore. I have a family to tend. But then I was so pent up and you—you were so... you were so beautiful when you came into my life and... I've met a lot of beautiful girls, Rey, but you... It was like you cast a spell on me, prancing around in my apartment like at my son's birthday party. I never stopped thinking about you ever since I came to your university to give a speech. You came into my life like a dream." 

Her eyes were brimmed with tears now. But the anger was still there. But he wasn't lying, he would never lie to her. "Yeah, because I sucked your dick. I became your slut. That's all I have ever been. Just a sl—" 

It was quick as he flitted towards her, grabbing both of her arms and pressing her against the cab. When the driver opened his mouth, he just glowered at him to keep his mouth shut before he turned to her. Her breath hitched when he leaned closer, breathing on her lips, staring into her eyes. "Don't. Fucking. Say. That." 

The fear in her eyes went by fast. If he had blinked, he would have missed it. She glanced at his lips for a second, like she couldn't help it. "You've only been using me, have you?" she murmured. "Don’t lie to me. This has never been beyond physical.” 

He tipped her chin with his thumb and index, seething. "Everything I told you is real. Everything I feel about you, it's all true. I do have feelings for you. I do love you, baby, please believe me. I swear. Give me a bible, I could swear on that too. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you." 

Her throat bobbed while her lip quivered. She grabbed his wrist and yanked his hand off her chin. "Don't touch me," she snapped. 

"Hey, listen," he begged softly, reaching out before he put his hands down. He needed to refrain himself from touching her. But she also needed to keep hearing what he had to say. "You're not a slut, okay? I know I say it a lot during sex but that's just dirty talk, baby. I know you like getting anything that you set your mind on and I think that's really admirable. It's one of the things I love about you. Your determination and your fiery spirit. I really do love you." 

That one drop of tears ran down her cheek. Her expression slowly softened. He thought she was about to kiss him. But she just shoved his chest. "I have to catch a flight." 

Even if he had to let her ago, as long as she left knowing how he truly felt about her, that was more than enough. "And I will be waiting here. For you. Or who knows? I might come to you." 

She scoffed. "There is no way you're coming to Oxford." 

"I can be unpredictable when I want to, sweetheart." 

Blush crept up her cheeks but she still seem neutral, other than her blush. She straightened her shoulders as she looked up at him. "Just... don't, okay? We're through. I'm not coming back. I told you that.” 

But he did not want to let her go. He couldn't. He needed her to believe him. That he loved her. That he loved so much. 

"Say goodbye to Henry," she said with a small smile. Then she surprised him when she stood on a tiptoe to plant a kiss on his cheek, making this all even more painful. It was just a quick peck, like she was ripping off a bandaid, but it left a permanent mark on him. "And goodbye to you too." She opened the door to get in the cab.

"Wait!" 

She turned around to see he had already fished out his wallet to hand her a hundred dollar bill. "For the ride." 

Snatching it, she quickly climbed in the car, refusing to even look at him. When she slammed the door shut, he saw her massaging her own head in frustration. He prayed to God that she believed every word he had uttered because he would never rest until she did. 

It felt like there was a heavy sack sitting on his chest as he watched the cab drove off until it disappeared from his sight. She was gone. Today, he made a new vow. His mind swirled around with all the ideas of how to make this right. He needed to fix his shit, he needed to get help, he needed to be the kind of man she deserved. 

He would do anything for her. That was his vow. As much as he wanted to chase her down, he had to get his shit together first. But he would wait for her, even forever. 

Even if she never came back, he would go to her. He would run across the country just to be with her. 

Because she was his endgame.

But first, he had to heal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re almost to the finishing line.


	23. Still Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I know that I've done some wrong_
> 
> _But I'm trying to make it right ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry to those of you who hate time jumps 🥺
> 
> Also we’re back to Rey’s POV!

_Ten months later_

Her heart almost leaped when she saw that her thesis was done. Technically she was done. She was finished. She passed the bar, she went through her internship, and she was done with her thesis, meaning that she had finished her studies. 

Sure, now there was just the graduation ceremony but that was just the formality. Because technically she was free (sort of because now she needed to get a job) from law school. 

Tears welled up her eyes as she hugged her boyfriend’s arms around his neck. "Oh my god, it's over." 

He chuckled in the crook of her neck. "You did it, baby." 

She laughed and nodded. "God, I did it. I really did it and I'm so happy." Those years of prepping for exams and memorising shit hurt her fucking brain and it was finally over. 

They pulled apart and Jude smiled at her, tipping her nose. Jude was her classmate for two semesters before he asked her out for some drinks at the bar. He was cute. Curly brown hair and blue eyes. They bonded over movies and how miserable studying was. He graduated earlier than her though, just a couple of months ago. 

And now it was her turn. 

Being with Jude was... easy. There was barely any drama. They had been together for five months and so far, it was okay. He was Irish and his parents adored her. Her mum hadn't met him yet but from the phone call, Mama seemed pleased. Maybe because at least he was, um, single. And a fellow law student too. Well, law graduate now.

Prior to their relationship, she focused mostly on healing herself. She had therapy, she focused on her dancing and studies, she learned to love herself. She stopped having one-night stands when she realised that all those sex was just to fill her loneliness. Now she focused on being around positive people and friends.

When Jude came around, she knew she was ready to date. He was what she needed. Charming, dorky, cute, single. 

Turned out, relationships weren't _that_ bad. She could be a great girlfriend if she wanted to, just like what Finn said, even without having sex. So she took a leap of faith and accepted his offer to go out with him. So far she wasn't bored with him yet, mostly because now that he had a job at a firm in London, he had to travel back to forth through the train every weekend to see her. And she also tried to make an effort to come see him anytime she could. 

That was what couples would do, right? No sneaking around? No secret hotel adventures? 

But even when she had met his parents (it wasn't planned, they were visiting him and she happened to be in his dorm. Then they invited her for tea.), they still hadn't had sex yet. They made out. A lot. At times with his shirt off and she was only in a bra. But whenever he tried to even touch her boobs, she stopped him every time. 

She wasn't sure why. Probably from all the stress she was under — buried under assignments after assignments. Usually sex calmed her down yet she was more comfortable using her toys than an actual dick. But he had always been so respectful. Giving her space. 

He was... _perfect_ , she guessed. 

"I'm going to make a reservation at Banana Tree tomorrow night," he said excitedly. 

"Oh?" she squeaked, blinking her relieved tears away. Most of the time, in this relationship, she was the one to make the decision and he simply went along. If she told him she never wanted to be in his apartment, he would say okay. He wouldn't argue with that. Every time they wanted to go out to eat, she picked the restaurant most of the time. 

Which was why she appreciated tonight. He finally picked the restaurant for them to for dinner. 

"Yeah, to celebrate you, silly," he teased, sitting cross legged across her in the living room of her dorm. They hung out in her dorm more than his own apartment. "You're a lawyer now." 

All she was able to react was a small laugh, wiping her tears. She was a lawyer now. A solicitor. "Yeah, um, let's do that. I'm so proud of you, you picked the restaurant for once." 

He just chuckled, leaning down to kiss her. "Everyone said it's great and I've always wanted to go there. Tomorrow night is perfect, right?" 

She smiled widely, nodding. "Of course." 

* * *

The dinner went okay, she guessed. He was chivalrous as always, opening the car door for her and pulling the chair for her in the restaurant. They talked about where she was going to work the whole dinner. 

"You could work at the same firm as me?" he offered. 

She snorted, sipping her wine. "Working with my boyfriend doesn't sound like a great idea." 

He frowned. "Why not?" 

She looked at him like he had just grown another head. "You're kidding, right? I mean, it'll get exhausting for you to see me almost 24 hours a day. You basically live in my dorm because of how much time you spend there. Maybe it's better to separate our work life and our personal life." 

"But I'll never get tired of seeing your beautiful face," he argued. 

Sometimes he could be too cheesy for her liking. It wasn't that she didn't like it but she wished he could... tone _down_ just a little. It could get suffocating if he did this all the time even when they were having some serious debate. "Just... let me expand more of my choices, okay? I want to keep some options to myself. I got called by two law firms actually. And the firm where I did my training also called me back. So it's all great, babe, it's cool." 

"That's great!" he chirped. "You haven't even graduated yet and firms are begging to have you work for them. See? You're amazing." 

But his support meant a lot though. She did appreciate that. So she smiled a little, picking up some lettuce in her salad and shoving it in her mouth. "Thanks," she bit out after she was done swallowing her food. "Is it really that great? Your firm? You seem to talk really highly about it a lot." 

"It's... it's fine." He shrugged, chewing his steak. "It pays a generous amount which is already great." 

"Yeah but what about the environment? Is your boss nice? How about the clients? The company's policy?" 

He dropped his utensils and took a sip of his white wine. "Does it really matter?" 

"Yes?" she replied in a matter-of-factly tone. "It doesn't matter to you?" 

Instead of answering, he sipped more of his wine. And then they just sat in silence. She put away her salad so she could start eating her carbonara pasta. Her heart almost stopped as she was hit by flashbacks before her eyes. Laughter. Deep rumbles. Darling. Sweetheart. _I love you._ She pushed the thought away and paid attention to the man in front of her. 

He was frowning. "Your face is turning white," he pointed out. "Are you okay?" 

She let out a nervous laugh, twirling the fettuccine around the fork. "Yeah, I'm good." 

"Look, we could just drop it," he assured her. "You can work wherever you want and I'll support you anyway. I was just suggesting." 

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I was, um, I was just thinking about my mum," she lied. "I forgot to tell you. She's flying here soon for my—for my graduation. I just texted her earlier and she's coming in two weeks." 

"Oh. I'm finally going to meet your mum?" 

She nodded. "Mmhmm." 

"Brilliant," he remarked, chewing his steak. "I'm looking forward to that." 

The restaurant played a song that she hadn't heard in a long time because... reasons. Everything was like a walking reminder of him. No matter where she went, no matter how much she pushed the thoughts of him away, he would always be there. Haunting her. 

She couldn't even listen to _Sittin' On (the Dock of the Bay)_ without feeling like breaking down. At first she thought she was doing okay. She was moving on from him, she was with someone else. Being with him wouldn't end well. This was for her own good. 

Six months of trying to get over him and waiting for him to be on her doorstep, she was done. Four months of spending time with Jude. Ten months of blocking his number. 

"Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?" Jude said, his eyes shining at her. 

Well, he did actually. When he picked her up on her doorstep earlier. She was wearing a simple cream midi dress with some sunflowers at the hem. It was girly but she thought it was cute. Plus, when else was she going to wear it if not during a date at a fancy restaurant like this? She grew out her hair so now she could tie it up in a ponytail and her dark roots were showing. It just looked like she had ombre hair where the blonde colour was at the end. 

Basically she looked cute, okay? That was all. 

"You did," she teased. "You look great too, Jude." 

Seeing him flustered reminded her that she liked him for some reason. Sometimes it felt like they were best friends more than lovers but whatever, she was having fun. "Thank you. Is the food okay?" 

She nodded. "Kind of. But I do prefer the Thai takeout." 

That made him laugh a little. "Me too." 

* * *

They walked around the street, hand in hand, without her feeling anxious of getting caught. It was so foreign, being so open with someone. First eating in a restaurant full of people, now walking hand in hand. 

Part of her sort of wished she was doing this with someone else. Ugh, she hated herself for this. 

While they were walking, she kept feeling eyes on her. She had no idea why, it was probably a weird paranoia but she felt like she was being watched. She ignored it, letting go of Jude's hand to hug his arm instead just to feel a little safer. 

Finally after going around the street, they came back to where the restaurant was because his car was parked there. He opened the door and she offered him a smile. No urgency or anything. He talked about his work throughout the ride while she listened intently, wanting to prepare herself for the career life. They also talked about where she was going to live now that she was done with her studies. 

Thank god he didn't ask her to move in with him. They were still so new.

As always, he accompanied her to her dorm room. She was finally moving out of this. A laugh escaped her lips when Jude pulled her towards him the moment they reached her door. "I'll see you tomorrow," he murmured to her, pecking the corner of her mouth. 

She bit her lip, smiling at him. "Good night." 

"Good night, babe," he said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'm so proud of you. You worked so hard." 

It was true. And Jude helped her a lot. If it weren't for him, she didn't think she was able to even do her thesis. He had been her rock, encouraging and supporting her. How much more lucky could she be? "Thank you," she said with a grin. "I'll see you soon." 

He winked at her. 

She sighed as she entered her dorm after he left. God, he was so sweet. Then why did she long for more? What was she longing for? She took off her coat and her heels, relieved to be able to walk on bare feet now. Heels could be so fucking painful. She hung the coat near the door. 

There were two knocks on the door. It kind of sounded aggressive too. She frowned, wondering what could Jude forget. She turned and strode towards the door, opening it. And she wished she didn't open it. 

All this time of wondering about him, having delusions about him that he was near her even though he was across the country, could anyone blame her for thinking this was just her mind playing tricks? 

"What the fuck," she hissed through gritted teeth.

Why couldn't she get rid of this man? It had been a fucking year and she thought—she thought—

He looked like a sweaty mess like he had been running here. His eyes seemed to heavy, especially with those eye bags he was donning. His hair grew so long, it reached his shoulders, and his face was full of facial hair. "Oh god. I found you. I... I finally found you," he panted. The gulp he did was audible. He looked so thirsty and tired, but she refused to sympathise him. 

She tried to shut the door on him but he was quick and strong, even when he seemed so out of breath. Here she thought he had more stamina than this? How much did he run? "What are you doing here?” she demanded. “You know what, I don't care. Get out." It was… it had been so long… What was he doing here? 

"I... I just... drove by the airport and I just... I don't know.” He ran his fingers through his damp hair. “I bought a fucking ticket but I don't even know where you live so I... I searched for you everything. Starting from your university."

Her eyes widened in horror. "Charlie, that's... _weird_." It definitely made her stomach flip. 

Using his hand, he wiped off the sweat trickling down his brows. "Yeah, I went door to door looking for you. Someone thought I was a stripper." He coughed a little, wiping the sweat on his jeans. “Maybe I’ve gone insane and I shouldn’t have done this.”

She just crossed her arms, watching him with a glare. Waiting for what else he had to say so she could get rid of him fast. She bared her teeth. 

His throat bobbed down. "Rey." Hearing his voice saying her name really gave a pang of hurt on her chest. It had been too long. "I miss you. I'm sorry I let you go. I shouldn't have let you go." 

It hurt too much to look at him while he was being vulnerable, so she averted her gaze. "You didn't call me for almost a year. And you suddenly turn up out of the blue?" 

"I know — I know it has been almost a year. I’ve been doing some soul cleansing. But I never stopped thinking about you. I haven't thought about anyone or been with anyone because I'm so tethered to you, baby. Just you." 

_Soul cleansing?_ What the fuck was he talking about? She licked her lips, shaking her head. "I have a boyfriend,“ she hissed. 

The hurt in his eyes was apparent. "I know," he murmured. "I—I saw you walking on the street after going around this other dorm so I, um, I followed you guys." 

So she wasn't being paranoid. There _were_ eyes on her. His eyes.

She glowered up at him, her whole body shaking with anger. "The audacity of you." That was when she realised she wasn't exactly angry at him. She was mostly pissed that he came back right when she was starting to be... to be... happy. Like he was trying to disrupt her peace. He never wanted to give her peace. "I told you not to come. I told you we’re over. And, oh! It has been almost a year.” 

He seemed sorry, alright, if that guilty look was an indication. He pinched the bridge of his nose before he raked his hair, like he was searching for words to say. He was his wearing parka and grey plaid shirt underneath, looking so fucking beautiful that it hurt. "You're right," he said. "I shouldn't have come—I just thought since I'm already here, might as well pop in to say hi—" 

"Oh, fuck off," she snapped. Realising how harsh that sounded, she shut her eyes and calmed her breathing before she looked at him again with a softened expression. "Sorry. I mean. Fuck off for being so weird. God, you're so stubborn. Come on in then. I'll make you some tea." 

Definitely not something he thought she was going to say from how surprised he looked. 

"I wasn't angry with you," she explained, extending the door open so he could step in. "You just caught me off guard, that's all.” Plus, she was too tired to be angry. He had come all the way here. “Just come on in, Charlie. I can control myself around you, you know." 

Ugh, now she wished she could wipe off his stupid smirk. He walked in her dorm carefully, thrusting his hands in the pockets of his parka. She shut the door gently with a click and walked towards the mini kitchen to boil some water in a kettle.

Her dorm was small, but it seemed even smaller when this gigantic man conquered the whole space of the room. "Take a seat wherever you want. How was your flight? When did you arrive?" 

From the kitchen, she could still see him since it was basically an open kitchen, she guessed. He looked around awkwardly, rubbing his arm with his palm as he sat on the single-seat couch. "Oh, uh, this afternoon actually." He blew out his breath. "It was okay. Didn't have enough room for my legs because, uh, economy class." 

She frowned at him, walking towards him as she waited for the kettle to finish boiling. "Thought you're loaded enough to sit in first class or something." 

He rubbed his nape, clearing his throat. He really seemed older, his grey hair was increasing. But he also seemed really healthy. His eyes may seem tired but he seemed broad and muscled and just huge. Like he had been working out. She really never thought he could get larger than he already was. The couch barely fit him. And oh, he seemed tanner too. "It was the only seat available. I decided to come here last minute. Just thought, ‘well fuck it, let's see how Rey is doing.’" 

She smiled a little. "How are you?" 

After looking like he was deliberating his answer, he finally let it out. "I sold the apartment. I live in California now." 

Oh. That meant that... 

"Just thought it would be easier to see Henry because Nicole lives in LA permanently. Kind of dreadful, yeah. But it's in Downtown, um, LA and it feels like New York anyway. It's not bad."

"Ah," she said with a nod. She stood up when she heard the sound of the water boiling, like someone was screaming. "You two patched things up?" 

"Turns out, separating made us more tolerable with each other. Coparenting is not actually that bad, contrary to popular belief." 

She froze. Coparenting? Separating? Her hands were shaky as she poured the hot water in a pot where she had already threw in a tea bag. Get a grip, Rey. Get a fucking grip. "Oh," she said in her best casual tone. "When did you guys..." 

"I filed it a couple of days before you hopped in the cab. It just got finalised early this year. Even without the lawyer, it took some time for some reason.” 

Huh. Okay. She poured two spoons of sugar. Her hand staggered a little, spilling some of the sugar on the counter. Shit. 

"Now I'm just really busy settling things down. You know, new apartments and shit. I've worked on my issues too this whole year." 

She carried the teapot and two mugs towards the living room and placed it on the coffee table. Hopefully he didn't notice was nervous she was from how she poured the tea in both of the mugs. "Issues," she repeated him.

"Yeah," he answered. "I learned to put my, um, ego and selfishness aside. And my anger issues. I mean, I'm still working on them." He laughed to himself. "I guess I... I wanted to be the best version of myself. I'm still, well, me, I guess. But, uh, just a little more decent. I learned to actually listen whenever someone talks to me." 

Wow, that wasn't something she expected. 

"It was mostly for you," he mumbled. "I wanted to be... I wanted to be the best version of myself for—for you, actually. If you were willing to take me back. Because you deserve so much better, Rey, and I want— _wanted_ —to be a great partner for you." 

Oh. 

"I mean, I'm still too late obviously." He winced. "Who wouldn't want to be with you?" 

That hurt, okay. That kind of hurt. 

"But I'm still glad that I learn to improve myself," he said hurriedly. "I was prepared for the scenario where you don't take me back and I'm okay with it. Because this is—this is for me too. And it comes in handy too as a... as a father." 

In that moment she realised that this... this was a gesture of love. She felt bad that he did all that for her but at the same time she was, well, glad. To see how well he was doing now. 

"So you like LA?" she asked, immediately changing the topic. 

That pained look was obvious, which he quickly masked with a smile. He nodded. "Kind of. I do miss the hectic environment in... in New York."

She tried not to pay attention to how big his hand was when he picked up the mug. Or his mouth when he sipped the hot tea. Or the way he scrunched up his nose because the tea was piping hot. 

"How about your theatre company?" she asked with a frown.

"Well, I had to open a new one in LA," he replied, sipping more of the tea when it was less hot now. This apartment was kind of chilly so it turned lukewarm pretty quick. "But I do have to fly back and forth to New York. Did you know one of my plays got to be on Broadway?" 

She shook her head, beaming. "No,” she said with a small laugh. A disbelief kind. “Oh my god, that's so exciting! What play?" 

His eyes glinted. Now he seemed less sweaty now as he got comfortable. "Yeah. Oh, Electra." 

"Tragic." 

That made him smile even wider. "You know it?" 

She laughed, nodding. "Yeah, of course,” she replied in a _duh_ tone. 

But the happy moment was cut short when she remembered that they were not together anymore.

For a moment they just stared at each other, sharing longing and sad look in their eyes. She certainly wondered the what-ifs. 

She fumbled with her dress and dropped her gaze, scared to look at him any longer. "How long are you going to... stay?" 

He blinked. "Oh, I'm not sure yet." 

"Well, I could show you around," she blurted out and regretted it the moment the words came out of her blabbering mouth. "And... well, we could go to London too, um, maybe West End to catch a play. You know, since you—you came a long way here." 

There was a glimmer of hope in his eyes so she had to kill it quickly. 

"As _friends_ ," she emphasised. 

As expected, his smile faltered slowly, though the hope in his eyes barely subsided. "As friends," he echoed almost sadly. Well, sorry, babe. "I'd like that. I, um, I barely go outside New York and Indiana actually, other than LA because of my ex in laws." It was seamless when he said ‘ex’ like he was... relieved. 

As if all the weight on his shoulders was finally lifted off. 

"So I'm pretty excited to be here," he continued, nodding. "Even when I accompanied Nicole on the red carpet, we were mostly stuck in the hotel room, getting out hair done and shit." 

She laughed. "Well, lucky for you, I happen to be an expert as a tour guide. Sort of." 

"Well, lucky me." He grinned before he let out an exhale. He was holding something back. 

Even when their relationship was mostly revolving around sex, she still sort of... knew him. Memorised him. "I'd like us to be—to be friends," she confessed. "If you want to. I don't mind getting to know you beyond physical. I just... I like being around you." Well, she felt safe around him. She didn't want to keep wondering what would happen. If they stayed friends, if she friend-zoned him, maybe it would be easier to get over him properly. 

The sad smile was so apparent in his eyes. Fuck. But she really didn't want any bad blood between them.

"Yeah." He swallowed audibly. "I... I'd like that very much." Then he looked at his watch on his wrist. "I think it's... pretty late. I gotta go now." 

"Where are you staying?" she asked as they both stood up at the same time. 

At first he froze, like he almost forgot about that. "Oh, right. It's a bed and breakfast cottage. Kind of nice actually." 

"Ah," she drawled out. When she watched him picking up his mug like he was about to bring it to the kitchen and wash it, she quickly stopped him. "That's not necessary. I can do that." 

"It's just a mug, Rey," he said, amused. 

"Exactly, it's just a mug," she retorted. "Means I can do it." 

He sighed. "What if I just put it in the sink? And then just leave it alone?"

"Just leave it be, oh my god," she argued, making him laugh. 

He lifted his hands up after placing the mug on the table like he was raising a white flag. "Okay, okay!" 

She shook her head at him. "Dork." He laughed again. Sometimes she missed him. Sometimes. She led him outside her dorm room to where the staircase was, which wasn't that far. 

"Thank you for letting me in," he murmured as they reached where the staircase was. 

"It's just a common courtesy," she said, facing him. "Goodbye, Charlie." 

"Goodbye, Rey." 

As he stepped one step of the stairs down, she stopped him. “Wait.” 

He turned his head, a hopeful look on his face. 

“You know you could... stay longer,” she suggested. “If you want. If you planned on staying here for a day or two, that won’t be enough for me to show you around London.” 

A smile tugged on his lips. “I’ll see about that. Good night, Rey.” 

Sharing one last look, she watched as he went down the stairs.

A sigh escaped her lips, grateful to see him again. She never regretted meeting him, never regretted sleeping with him. She did regret that some people got hurt from this relationship but she was thankful that she learned to fall in love. And he took care of her throughout their relationship the way she wanted to be taken care of. 

No more wondering 'what-ifs'. She was tired of thinking, _'Had the situation been different...'_ because this—this was the path mapped out just for her. This was where she was supposed to be. She didn't know where her life was headed and maybe she should take charge of her life but for now, this was the way.

She was just glad she got to see her old friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of them being friends and really get to know each other as they figure their shit out and just never stop loving each other ya know. 
> 
> This is just one last step of Rey learning how to put her guard down.


	24. Graveyard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It's crazy when_
> 
> _The thing you love the most is the detriment_
> 
> _Let that sink in_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re from London, I’m sorry.

"Don't you just love some whodunnit?" she sighed as they walked out of the St Martin's theatre in West End after watching The Mousetrap on stage. "Whodunnit movies are already amazing but to see it live is remarkable. I love Agatha Christie’s works so much." 

Charlie laughed, wrapping his maroon scarf around his neck. The maroon scarf over this black jacket looked good on him. He also had shaved off his facial hair but his hair was still long. Didn’t exactly help with her feelings for him.

"It's truly a classic,” he said, nodding. “I've actually watched it a couple of times but every single time blew my mind." 

"Aw, that was my first time!" she whined while they were walking on the street. "But I'm still glad I got to watch it. I can't believe you managed to get tickets this soon." 

He waggled his brows. "I have some connection." 

That made her roll her eyes at him, jabbing his arm with her elbow. He laughed freely, making her smile too. 

"So, where do you want to eat?" he asked. 

She frowned. "I think I have to go now. Jude gets off work around this hour." She looked at her watch and clicked her tongue. "Yeah, I gotta go. But we could still ride the tube together while you go ahead to Paddington if you want to go back to your cottage. I'm only going to Marylebone which is also through Bakerloo line." She sounded like a nerd every time she talked about the London Underground. "Unless you're going to eat somewhere around here." 

His response was immediate. "No, I'll come with you." 

It was easy to be around him as they walked towards the tube station. It was only a ten minute walk anyway. On the way to the station, she managed to make a joke about the play, trying not to talk too loud in case she accidentally spoiled it and people might hear her. He laughed at her joke, then tugged her closer by gripping her arm when he turned to see someone was in a rush and he didn't want her to get bumped into them.

"Oh," she gasped, frowning at that person. 

Ah, how she loved London. People walked so fucking fast here, she couldn’t catch up.

After sometime, he let go of her arm after lingering for a few seconds. Their hands kept brushing against each other as they walked alongside together so she had to cross her arms to avoid any awkwardness. It was kind of tricky to walk down the stairs with crossed arms though, so she placed her hand on his shoulder to avoid falling. 

_Naturally._

But that meant nothing. She was just clumsy sometimes, that was all. It was a precaution. 

It wasn't like Jude didn't know they were out together. When she told him that she was going to catch a play with Charlie, even told him that they slept together before, he surprised her when he said okay. _"I trust you, babe,"_ he had told her. _"Thank you for telling me."_

Honestly, she didn't deserve him at all. She tried holding on to that trust, not wanting to break it because he was so nice to her. 

She pulled away her hand after they reached at the bottom of the stairs. She had bought him an Oyster card so they didn't have to buy a ticket every time they boarded the train. It wasn't like that card was useless, she could just keep it maybe for her mother later. Convenient. 

The tube was fucking crowded around this hour, packed like a can of sardines. It was unfortunate that the only ticket available was at two in the afternoon and now it was around half past five but hey, at least they got a ticket. This was the price they had to pay. If it weren't for Jude, she wouldn't even hop on around this hour. She always avoided it like a plague. 

The ideal area was right beside the door against the side of the train so she led him towards there. Since it was so packed and Charlie was so broad and tall, she accidentally got pushed onto his body when more and more people started coming in. "I'm sorry," she muttered out to him. She was currently sandwiched between the side of the train and Charlie, making her feel a little bit safer.

He gave her a tight lined smile, planting his hand around the handle. "It's fine, sweetheart." He froze when he blurted it out. "Sorry. Habit."

"It's fine," she mumbled. The pheromones hit her hard right now because she could smell his spiced cologne that she always loved. That smelled like home. No cardamom though. "I haven't seen you smoke in sometime."

"I kind of quit," he answered with a shrug.

"Wow," she said, surprised. "You... you've really changed." 

He chuckled. "It's no big deal. I also cut some of my alcohol consumption.”

It kind of was a big deal to her. She couldn't even quit yet. “That’s great,” she said, meaning it. 

"Well, I had a great day today," he said with an earnest smile. "Thank you for showing me around London."

"I haven't even taken you to the London Eye or the River Thames yet," she joked. 

"Well, I'm not exactly rushing to go home yet." 

"You should."

"Henry is fine, Rey." His eyes danced with amusement. "It's only a week and I call him everyday." 

She wasn't exactly convinced but if he said so. Their proximity was so close, it sort of terrified her. Here she thought getting to know him more was a good idea as a way to friend zone him. But it made her more... It made her see him so much more than a _Daddy_ , she guessed. Now he was a person, a man, someone capable of being a boyfriend. It was weird to call him a boyfriend because he was like, what, forty? 

_Snap out of it, Rey. Snap out of it._

"This is my stop," she announced to him. It kind of took time for the tube to stop though so she had to announce it when it was screeching so loud. "I'll see you later, Charlie." 

"I'll see you later, sweetheart," he sang while she was going through a beeline of people to reach the door. 

Alright, now that was totally not an accident. 

* * *

That night, she let Jude fondle with her breasts in his apartment as she spent the night. It didn't go further than that when she told him she wanted to go to sleep. 

Because she kept comparing Jude's hands to Charlie's. 

* * *

It was a habit for him to come over her dorm room almost everyday while Jude was busy working.

She couldn't believe he hadn't left yet. She knew it was wrong to let him come in, but she was lonely a lot in this lonely dorm. He had been helping her look for a flat to stay. Her contract with the lease would be ending in a month so she still had time. 

These past four days of spending time about him taught her more about him than the whole semester break of her sleeping with him. Well, their affair taught her to understand him more. But them talking like this really showed this side of him that she had been curious of. She learned about his childhood trauma when his alcoholic parents always argued and threw beer bottles at each other while he was in the same room. His dad was absent most of the time and his mother, while was around a lot, was not always present. 

He had also told her about how he ended up in New York. From that tall awkward boy in Indiana to New York when he attended film school. Watching Company as a kid when his grandfather brought him to New York the first time was what sparked his Broadway dream. 

_“I actually used to write screenplays in my bedroom, being a high school loser,”_ he had joked. 

She used to think it was impossible for her to love him even more. But it _was_ possible. Now her chest just ached even more every time she looked at him. 

Getting to know this side of him, his past, he just seemed so much real to her. She never realised about that, that all this time she only saw him as her knight in shining armour, her dream man, a fucking sex god who knew how to coax out every kind of pleasure. Someone she had always romanticised ever since she was little. 

She also shared some — but not a _lot_ of — things about herself. They were spending tea time together, eating scones with jam and all, and she talked about how sometimes she did wish she knew her father but she was too afraid to contact him after what he did to her mother. She waited and waited for her father to come back but he himself didn’t know she existed. Charlie just listened intently while she apologised for rambling. 

But she also didn’t want that soap opera thing to happen — where the absent father just turned up out of the blue. 

_“Sorry, I just never told anyone that,”_ she said apologetically. 

_“Thank you for trusting me,”_ he told her with an earnest smile, taking her hand. 

She didn’t even pull away. Just letting him squeeze her hand. 

Little by little, she started opening up more and more. 

Technically she was emotionally cheating on Jude. 

"So you're really not coming back?" he asked while they were browsing on her laptop on the couch, scrolling down this website focusing on properties, PrimeLocation. This could help her pick the right job. Anywhere close to a potential flat she was going to live in. 

She glanced at him briefly before turning back to her laptop. There were a couple of factors to consider here. The cost, the neighbourhood area, whether there had been a murder case recently, etcetera etcetera. "No, I've made up my mind, Charlie." 

Good god, they were getting so close and his arm was casually on the head of the couch behind her. She shifted a little until he got the hint that she wanted him to drop his arm. Which he did. "Have you really considered which firm you're going to work at?" 

She smiled, shaking her head. "Not yet. I told you I want to pick the flat first because all of these three firms are great." 

His stubbles tickled her shoulder (she was wearing a tank top) when he leaned down to look at the laptop closer. "Hmm, this looks nice," he pointed out at the flat in Euston Square. Which was close to Harper James Solicitors. "There are two bathrooms too. That's rare."

"And it's not so costly," she stated when she squinted. She gasped. "Oh my god, Charlie." 

"Is it near any firm?" he murmured close to her ear. 

"Yes, and close to the tube station too." She smiled widely. "This is perfect. Thank you." 

"Glad to help," he said, sounding slightly sad. "Are you happy here?" 

Her chest ached all the sudden. "Well... yeah. I guess.”

The warmth of his exhale warmed her shoulder. "That's good." 

When she turned her head to glance at him, she didn't realise he was still so close to her because now their lips were just inches apart. He was _definitely_ thinking about it when he gazed down at her lips, his eyes darkening. He was about to close the gap when she turned her head.

"We can't," she murmured, her cheeks were flush. 

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "You're right, I'm sorry. You have a boyfriend." 

"No, _I'm_ sorry." 

"You have nothing to be sorry for." 

"But I—maybe I gave you the wrong signal." 

"You didn't, it was me. I just—"

"Charlie..." 

And then he scrambled away from her couch. "I'll see you... yeah." He picked up his jacket and was out of her door in a flash. 

Leaving her even more confused. 

Fuck. 

* * *

The next day, she called Jude up to tell her about her decision.

"Wow, that's pretty close from where I work at," he said almost excitedly. 

"Yeah, I also found a flat near the office." 

That was when he got quiet. "I thought you'll move in with me?" he asked softly. 

"Is it not too soon?" she quipped. 

"Not to me." 

Oh no. Oh fuck. 

"I'm sorry I'm not asking you properly here, I was actually planning to ask you on your graduation day because I didn't expect you to look for flats but um... do you want to move in with me, Rey?" 

This—This was the moment she dreaded the most. She squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing. She tucked her hair behind her ear, picking up her cup while looking out the window of the cafe she was sitting at. "I... I have to think about it, babe,” she forced out. 

"Right. Okay." She could hear him exhale through his mouth. "I'm sorry, I have to get back to work. Talk to you later?" 

"Okay." 

* * *

Today felt like it was a date as she showed Charlie around the city, including Harrods where she felt a bit underdressed because of how shiny everything was in there. She was wearing her black coat the whole time because she was only wearing a simple custard coloured jumper and ripped jeans underneath, that might catch attention under the bright lights, surrounded by the shiny gold mirrors.

She then took him out cruising on the boat around Thames. Her feet didn’t feel any pain even when they traveled from station to station, always going back to the tube as she showed him around. From Oxford Street to Hyde Park to Thames. 

It was fulfilling when the person she showed around for seemed very appreciative.

"This is amazing," he said while they were in the gondola, the London Eye. There were other people in it too so it wasn't like they were going to recreate Before Sunrise. 

She smiled, looking at the Tower of London. She had been here too many times, it barely affected her anymore. But seeing his face throughout the tour was worth it. 

"Hey, just stay there," he said and took out his phone, capturing a photo of her. She grinned, feeling shy all of the sudden. 

"I should be taking photos of you," she argued. " _You're_ the tourist here." 

He laughed, tipping her nose with his finger out of habit. "This is the only thing I need to remember from the trip. Just you and the city while I’m here. I think the city does scream your name." 

She rolled her eyes. "Not you using Taylor Swift's lyrics." 

It was the genuine surprise on his face that cracked her up. "I'm quoting Taylor Swift?" 

There was no way he came up with that. "Yes, idiot." 

He burst out laughing.

"You both seem like a lovely couple," an elderly woman who shared the same gondola as them said. Rey could detect an accent there, but she wasn't sure what. Sounded kind of Swedish. 

Rey was surprised at first. "Oh, we're not—" 

"Thank you," Charlie interjected with his million watt smile. "Do you mind taking a photo of us?" 

Then the woman nudged her son or something, Rey wasn't sure. "Ezra, take a photo for this lovely couple, will you?" 

The son sighed at first but then he took Charlie's phone and took photos of them. Charlie wrapped his arm around her, but she tried to only think positive thoughts. This was only for a photo, Rey. So she leaned her head on his shoulder, smiling for the camera. 

Just for the camera. 

When Ezra was done taking photos of them, she parted herself from him, running her fingers through her hair. 

"Selfie?" he offered. 

Old man Charlie asking for a selfie would never stop being hilarious. "Let's do it." 

He extended his hand with the front camera facing them. The selfies looked kind of cute if she was being honest.

* * *

In the evening, when it was almost sunset, they took a stroll on the Millennium Bridge. The cold breeze fanning their faces until she could feel her cheeks numbing. At least this city wasn't as cold as New York, so she was cool with that. "You know, this bridge is pretty iconic," she told him, glancing at the Shakespeare Globe instead of him. "They shot Harry Potter here. Deathly Hallows, if I’m not mistaken. Taylor Swift also shot her music video here." 

He chuckled a little, their arms kept brushing against each other. "I love that you always have an excuse to mention Taylor Swift." 

Wow, she never even realised that. "Wow,” she said as she recalled almost every time she mentioned her. “I really do that a lot." 

"It's cute," he teased with a smile. "Give me all the Taylor Swift facts, maybe they'll come useful." 

Asshole. She scoffed. "Let's stop here and watch the sunset," she gestured to him as she tugged his sleeve, unable to fight her smile. 

The purple skyline was painted by the hues of orange during sunset, taking her breath away. She preferred sunrise, but travelling here from Oxford in the morning would be a bitch so sunset it was. But it was still magnificent, the view. It was, dare she say, romantic.

"You and, uh, boyfriend love to come here?" Charlie asked, resting his elbow on the railing. 

She rolled her eyes. "His name is _Jude_ , and..." She exhaled through her nose. "We do walk here, just never during sunset or sunrise because, um, I don't really know. The timing I guess." 

He hummed, like he was doing his own conclusion in his mind right now. Which wasn't advisable. She and Jude were fine. There was nothing to worry about just because they have never walked around Millennium Bridge during sunsets. They did stroll around Tower Bridge at 9 in the evening, that should count. And Jude bought her cookies people sold around the street that time. 

_That_ was romantic. It was. She recalled cooing as he let her pick whatever she wanted, however many she wanted when her nose caught a whiff of the strong cookies. They were huge, owned by this old lady and her grandson. Of course she picked red velvet and chocolate chip while he smiled at her. 

"You're really the best tour guide," Charlie said, snapping her back from her memory. "I feel like I've seen everything." 

She snorted. "Oh, not _everything_." She smiled at him before she looked down at the glistening water below them. "There are so many places I need to take you. Like the museum. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. Unless you're going home? When are you going back home?" 

Somehow the thought of him going back home made her feel upset a little. What, did she really want him to stay here? Did she want to keep spending time with him? 

It was just... she was starting to enjoy their time together. Loved it, actually. She was surprised herself that she liked spending time with him without having sex every single change they had or just arguing. It was refreshing — just talking. Sometimes walking, sometimes just sitting on the couch without any ulterior motives or anything. No expectations that at the end of the day, they were going to fuck.

Maybe she did like him, even after getting to know him. Well, not _like-like_ him but...

Fuck, she was confused. 

"I'm not going home anytime soon, sweetheart," he assured her.

Her heart skipped a beat to hear that word again out of his mouth. At this point, she felt like Backstreet Boys now, begging him to quit playing games with her heart. Okay, but, he wasn't exactly trying to be coy here. He was the one who flew here to tell her he got his shit together and now he wanted to be with her. 

It was her, _she_ was the one with a boyfriend. She was the one who was playing games with his heart. 

Oh, how the tables had turned. 

* * *

> **fuck yoj cherie**
> 
> ***charlie**
> 
> **ffjdjjd im pretrhr drunk**

> **Rey?**

> **yesss issme**
> 
> **i thgnk yur so hot**
> 
> **think***
> 
> **and i miss yodj cock**

> **Jesus, Rey.**

> **especially in my kouth**
> 
> **mouth**

> **Rey. Go to sleep, sweetheart.**

> **i chant i'm ina bar**

> **Do you have a ride?**

> **yesh i'm w a friend dw**

> **If you say so, sweetheart.**

> **stop cskljng me that**

> **Why not?**

> **bcaus i'llfsll in kvw with you again**

> **Because you'll fall in love with me again?**

> **yes soz i cmt type**
> 
> **mdrunk**

> **You should go home and go to sleep.**

> **u cnt tell me wht to do anymore**

> **I can and I will.**

> **fine**
> 
> **nite chrlie**

> **Good night, sweetheart.**

* * *

It was exactly the ninth day of his trip when Charlie came over again after almost everyday. She couldn't contain her happiness of seeing his face again so she immediately attacked him with a hug. "Charlie!" she cried out, nuzzling her nose in his soft hair. His hair that still smelled like cardamom and jasmine. 

Even though she was still kind of hungover, the scent of him somehow cured it a little. Just a little. 

He was taken aback of course, rubbing her back and laughing a little. "Hey. This is... not the kind of greeting I expected." 

Well, he better get used to it if he was going to come over everyday. She pulled away from him and tugged his sleeve. "Come on in," she chirped, shutting the door the moment the giant was inside her home. 

Somehow that sounded dirty on her mind. 

"So... how are you feeling?" he asked nervously. 

She was already in the kitchen, boiling the water in the kettle. "What?" 

After a while, he joined her in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his hands gripping the counter edge. "Nothing." 

Fuck. She was out with her couple of classmates last night, celebrating their freedom from law school. They had a lot of shots, she especially when they kept chanting her name as she downed more and more tequila. "Oh fuck," she whined. "Did I drunk text you? I drunk texted you, did I? I haven't checked my phone." 

He chuckled nervously. "I, um... You don't need to worry about it. Don't overthink when you check it. Okay?" 

"Shit, was it dirty?" she asked in horror. 

His cheeks reddened. That just answered everything she had to know as she palmed her cheeks. 

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry," she cried out, wanting to slap herself. What did she say to him? At this point, she was too scared to find out. 

Instantly, he shook his head, smiling a little. "No, it's fine, ba—" He cleared his throat. "It's fine, Rey. You were drunk. We all do stupid shit when we're drunk." 

She bit her lip, still grimacing. "Yeah. I was celebrating with my classmates. It's finally over and we're finally going to graduate." 

He smiled. "I'm really proud of you." 

"Really?" Somehow it meant a lot, coming from him. 

"Yeah, of course! But does this mean you really give up on your... dancing?" 

She sighed. "I mean, it's... it's a hobby?" Even she was kind of unconvinced. "I've busted my ass to be a lawyer. I have to be a lawyer." 

"Yeah, but... it could just be a backup degree? Just in case...?" 

"In case what? My dancing career goes nowhere?" 

And then he put his hands on either side of her arms, really looking at her. "Rey." She shivered listening to her own name coming out his mouth in that voice of his. "You're gonna be fine. You can do anything you want because it's you. Whatever you set your mind on, that's what you'll get. Because you're you." 

She smiled a little, swallowing a lump in her throat. "You really believe in me that much?" 

It was like he was offended by her question when he frowned. "How could you doubt that?" The crinkles around his eyes deepened as the grin spread on his face. "You're amazing, Rey. The most amazing person I've ever known." 

Now she was going to cry. She was either going to cry or... or kiss him. And it seemed like he was thinking the same too when his gaze dropped to her mouth. His lips parted with his tongue almost sticking out, as if he was considering it. She just wanted to put her hands on his nape and pull him towards her.

She was ready to risk it all.

Shit, she really never got over him. She would never get over him— 

"Rey? Hello?" 

Fast as a lightning, Charlie dropped his hands and pulled away from her while she looked to her left, to where her boyfriend just opened the door to her apartment and hadn't seen her yet in the kitchen. 

"Babe?" he called out. "I'm sorry to barge in, I'm here with some breakfast because I know you're hungover now." She gestured to Charlie to act normal and he just made a ' _what?_ ' face to her. "I've already told my boss and the HR department that I'll be a bit late to work for you, babe." 

"That's great!" she chirped. "Um, I have an old friend of mine visiting me here. We're in the kitchen. You know, I told you about Charlie." 

That was when Jude saw her and he quickly crossed the room towards her. "Charlie is here?" he asked, his tone shifted from gentle understanding to, well, displeased. He entered the kitchen and she saw his nose flared when he looked up at Charlie. Ah, yeah, Jude _was_ six foot tall, but he just... wasn't six foot three like Charlie. Apparently that made some difference as she looked at them standing side by side.

Jude was closer to _her_ height than Charlie’s, oddly. 

Maybe he lied about his height, she would never know.

Charlie cleared his throat and scratched his jaw. "I just, um... I'm only here to say goodbye to Rey," he said and she looked at Jude to see what he was thinking. He was just staring down at Charlie, though he had to tilt his head a little. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Um, back to America."

Her head turned to him so fast, she got lightheaded. "What?" she asked, frowning. "You're leaving?" 

He nodded, shrugging. "Yeah, I booked a plane ticket, uh, for tomorrow. I just, um, I think I've been here long enough." 

Fuck, why was she disappointed? She should have gotten rid of him ages ago. Not leading him on. Maybe it was good that he was leaving. But... "Oh, so soon?" she asked, gulping. 

"Hasn't he been here for two weeks?" Jude scoffed. What was going on with him? He had always been understanding. 

"Only over a week," Charlie said politely. "But that's, uh, long enough. I think I've basically seen the whole city? I could always come back." Seeing Jude scowl, she assumed, he winced a little. "Um, yeah, I could show myself around. Or follow a tour guide." 

"Don't be ridiculous," Jude said with a snort. "Just hit Rey up, or me maybe, and we'll show you around. We know the city by heart."

What was _happening_?

She laughed nervously, nodding. "Yep," she bit out. "We'll, um, yeah."

Charlie didn't seem convinced but he smiled anyway, albeit awkwardly. "That's great!" 

"Oh my god, my mother's coming over tomorrow," she murmured. 

"Another reason why I need to leave," Charlie said jokingly. But he also didn't seem pleased to leave. 

That sort of gave her a glimmer of hope. Maybe he still wanted to stay. But she couldn't exactly ask him to stay, right? There was no reason for him to. He had no one here. His whole family was in LA. Oh god, he lived in LA now. Not something she was used to at all.

"Did anything happen between you and my mother?” she questioned him. “She asked me to stay for a minute when I was about to leave the apartment." 

He blew out his breath, averting his gaze from her. "Um, well, I, I don't know," he stammered. “It doesn’t matter now, Rey.”

"You _talked_ to her?" she asked, frowning. 

"Should I be in this conversation?" Jude asked. 

"Will you shut up?" she told her boyfriend before she turned to Charlie. She didn’t miss the surprise on Jude’s face. "So?" she asked Charlie expectantly. 

Charlie rubbed his nape. "It was a... short conversation. Let’s just drop this." 

She didn't want to but if he wanted to, then fine. 

"You know, I really have to go now," he said apologetically. "I have to pack. Shit like that. I'll, um, I'll talk to you." Even with Jude around, Charlie still had the balls to kiss her cheek. "Goodbye." 

"We should grab dinner tonight," she suggested. 

Jude looked at her with a confused look. 

"It's just a goodbye dinner, babe," she said to her boyfriend. "There's no harm. He's leaving anyway." 

"Okay," Jude gave in. "Yeah, you guys can go out together." 

"I never asked for permission." 

Jude seemed so done with her. "I'm just saying that I’m _okay_ with you guys having dinner together. That's not me giving you permission, that's me telling you to not worry about how I feel." 

Oh. That made sense. She offered him a grateful smile. "Thank you,” she said, cocking her head to the side. “You're-You’re the best." 

Charlie seemed uncomfortable between them, crossing his arms awkwardly. "Actually, uh... I really don't think I could make it to dinner," he interjected, looking genuinely sorry. "I'm sorry." 

She tore her eyes off Jude and just stared up at Charlie. "Why not?" 

"I'm going to be really busy packing and I need to find, uh, souvenirs for my employees." 

"I can help you find—" 

"Rey, he said he's busy," Jude interjected sternly, placing his hand on the small of her back. 

She wanted to argue but then she shut up, clenching her jaw. "Okay." 

Charlie just smiled at her. His eyes said a thousand words. "I'm glad we got to catch up." 

"Yeah, me too," she mumbled and without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his neck, having to tiptoe to hug him. Jude’s hand immediately dropped from her back. She didn't give a fuck about anything right now, she just wanted to hug Charlie one last time. "I'm gonna miss you so much." 

He whispered back so lowly, Jude wouldn't catch it, "I'm gonna miss you too, sweetheart. Take care of yourself, okay?" 

She sniffled, nodding. "Okay." 

"I love you," he murmured in her hair. 

He didn't even let her react when he just ripped himself away from her and left so quickly that the door accidentally slammed it closed too loudly.

Jude turned to her with a _"the fuck was that?"_ expression written all over his face.

She just smiled uncomfortably and shrugged, those three words ringing in her ears again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER (excluding the epilogue) OH MY GOD.


	25. Not Afraid Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I am not afraid anymore,_
> 
> _Standing in the eye of the storm,_
> 
> _Ready to face this, dying to taste this, sick sweet warmth._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mena made another [moodboard](https://twitter.com/ddaisyridleyy/status/1321515792819752960?s=21) for me and I’m so happy!

It was fucking unfair she had to wear a white shirt, skirt and stockings under this robe instead of some nice dress because of the dress code. Apparently people were still intimidated by calves in this university. But then again, she looked kind of professional, she guessed, with her black heels. 

Nervously, she walked inside the fancy place, Sheldonian Theatre where it looked like a literal court room to her where the ceremony was, squeezing her mother's hand and smiling at Jude before she went to take a seat with her friends. Leaving those two. The click of her heels echoed the walls. 

She said hi to her classmates, grinning excitedly at them as the vice chancellor started speaking. This was one of those monumental moments in her life. It was the beginning of a new chapter of her life. 

Since it was a prestigious university, she guessed, some notable alumni who used to go here gave speech, almost made her yawn. She didn't sleep a wink last night. Plus, the Vice Chancellor was giving a long ass speech in Latin, which made it even more boring, making her yawn a couple of times. The language was beautiful and she understood some of them though. 

If only Charlie Barber spoke Latin. 

Why was she thinking about him now?

At the same time, it was exciting, she guessed. That she was finally here, on her graduation day, at the ceremony itself. 

Since the ceremony was long, it gave her time to think. She glanced behind to see Jude smiling and waving at her. Then she turned to the Vice Chancellor. These few months of being with him and ninety percent of the time, Charlie ran through her mind. 

Maybe Jude _was_ a rebound. 

Damn, she really had to stop stringing guys around.

Still, Charlie was so _wrong_ for her. Jude was great. He was considerate. Thoughtful. Cute. Supportive. There was barely any drama between them. He got along with her mother, sort of. He was… he was _perfect_. 

Meanwhile Charlie drove her _insane_. One second he made her laugh a lot and then the next, he made her all confused or angry. Or both. Maybe it was because they were a secret relationship and so all she felt was apprehension and now that there was no longer any obstacle between them... Now that they could be together in public, they could be more open— 

There was nothing holding them back anymore. It somehow opened this window of possibility for her. That things might work out between them this time. 

But... Jude. 

Her reverie was cut off when it was finally the time for everyone to receive the degree, which was just a _tedious_ thing. They had to swear an oath, binding them to the university and the Proctor said something in Latin again as they presented the diploma. Something about _I grant you this diploma in the eyes of the Lord_ , she wasn't sure.

Pictures were taken as she received the degree as one of the students that graduated first class honour. Honestly it was all a blur, until the diploma was in her palms. 

First class honour. 

She almost sobbed in relief. She smiled at her mother after walking past the Dean and the Chancellors and showing the diploma in her hand. Even from the distance, she could see tears in Mama's eyes, looking at her with pride. 

As much as they had a complicated relationship, she was happy she managed to make her mother proud. Her mother who had raised her all by herself. The moment they were out of the fancy theatre hall, the first thing she did was hug her mother, and she almost cried. She couldn't cry now, they still had to take photos. 

She and her classmates exchanged their congratulatory by shaking their hands and hugging outside the theatre, taking selfies and pictures together. She excused herself to get to her mother. 

"Oh, sweetie," Mama sobbed, hugging her equally tight. "I'm so proud of you. You did it." 

"Thank you," she mumbled, smiling widely. "God, I can't believe this." 

When they drew apart, her mother watched her intently with glistening eyes, stroking her cheek with her calloused hand. "You're an Oxford alum now." 

Rey laughed a little. "I guess I am." 

"Congratulations, babe," Jude said from behind her and she had to turn to see him. Fuck. She almost forgot that Jude was here. Shit. There was a bouquet of flowers in his arm as he handed it to her. Daffodils. 

"Aww," she cooed, feeling heavy as she accepted the flowers. "Thank you." 

He leaned to kiss her cheek, making her flinch. "You were amazing up there." 

Her chest felt heavy as she stared at the flowers. She really didn't deserve him. At all. Fuck.

"Thank you," she muttered under her breath, ridden by guilt. 

"Let me take a photo of you both," her boyfriend offered. Her _boyfriend_. She had to remind herself that this was her boyfriend. "Shall we?" 

"Yeah, okay," she said, handing her phone to him. She led them both to somewhere that looked nice, like the campus park. 

With the flower and the degree in her hand, her mother posed beside her when Jude started photographing them. "This is a great lighting here, guys." 

"I think you should wear the robe now," she said after a couple of photographs had been taken. 

Mama seemed surprised. "Oh no, it's fine."

"You gave up your education to raise me," she argued. "This is your sacrifice too and I think you deserve this." 

There was sadness in her mother's eyes. She could see that. She could feel what her mother was feeling.

"Okay,” her mother said, sniffling. 

She handed the bouquet to Jude as she took off her robe and cap, putting them on her mother. Now she felt like crying as her chest warmed at the sight. Her mother deserved this. "You look good,” she rasped. 

Mama laughed a little, choked up. 

"Okay, both of you, look here!" Jude called out, ready with the camera. 

"Alright, I'm going to take your photos together now," Mama said after a lot of pictures had been taken. She took off the robe. "Here." 

"Actually, I need to... I need to talk to Jude," she said, turning to him. "Can I talk to you?" 

His lips parted. "Uh. Yeah. Sure." 

"Could you excuse us?" she asked her mother.

Concern was written all over her mother’s face but she nodded anyway.

Rey gave her a smile of gratitude before she tugged Jude's sleeve to somewhere a little remote, under the tree. They took a seat on the bench near there, careful not to photobomb anyone. 

This was difficult. Usually she wasn't the breaking up in person kind of gal. She was the running away kind of girl, blocking their number, hoping they would get the hint kind of person. But she owed it to him. Well, not just him. Okay, _hopefully_ no more because the only one she wanted to be with — now and always — was Charlie.

Basically she had to be a better person now. No more selfishness. Starting from now. 

"Jude..." she trailed off. 

He frowned a little. "You're making me a bit nervous, babe." 

Well, he kind of should.

She took off the cap and placed it on her lap. "I'm breaking up with you,” she said, biting her lip. 

His brows cocked up but he didn't look... surprised. No, he just seemed normal. Composed. His shoulders tensed but overall, there was barely any expression of his face. "Right," he muttered. 

She blinked a couple of times, waiting. 

Then he blew out his breath. "I thought you wouldn't. I mean, when that tall bloke came to your apartment, I really thought you would break up with me to be with him. But I was surprised that you never did. I thought for a second, you would choose me over him. You still stayed. You didn’t go with him or ask him to stay.” 

"What makes you think it's because of him?" she reiterated, though that was just asking for hell. 

He squinted at her. "How could it _not_ be him? He's tall. Big man. He got nice hair. I can't compete." 

She stifled a snort. "Jude, come on." 

"And you never let me touch you," he murmured. "I thought it was because of trauma but when you told me about him, I got it. You were never over him." 

A pang of guilt hit her chest. She wasn’t subtle at all about her not being over Charlie yet she convinced herself she was while everyone could see that wasn’t true. Jude didn’t deserve to be dragged along as she went on a journey of healing herself and loving herself. "I'm sorry,” she whispered to him, a drop of tears streamed down her cheek. 

Jude let out a small laugh, wiping the tears off with his thumb before he put his hand back on his thigh. "Nah, it's cool. I was in denial anyway. We had fun." 

She smiled a little. "We did. But you know that I-I did care about you.” 

His eyes were smiling as they fixated on her. He shrugged. “It’s good that you didn’t lead me on too long.” 

Always the optimistic. “I didn’t lead you on, I actually think you’re cute,” she confessed, grinning. “I did like you.”

That made him chuckle. “Out of all people that I don’t mind ruining me, it’s you.” 

She slapped his arm. “You are so dramatic.” 

He feigned a wince. "So now what are you going to do?" he asked, sounding more serious now. 

She frowned. "What do you mean?" 

"Are you gonna chase _him_?” He actually looked like he genuinely cared. “He went back to New York right? Doesn’t he live there?" 

No, he lived in LA now but she still had no idea _where_ he resided. "I don't know what I'm gonna do, okay?" she said softly. "But even if I do, I couldn't just tell you. That makes me a bitch." 

He just seemed amused. “I’ll be _fine_. I didn’t even think I could manage to score a date with you and you gave me a chance and I still managed to go out with you for a couple of months. That already makes me feel so lucky.” 

Something about what he said made her feel like she was a trophy but she refrained from saying anything condescending. “I’m just a girl, Jude,” she decided instead. A girl with issues like everyone else too. Baggage on her shoulders. Daddy issue. Mummy issue. Commitment issue. Intimacy issue. 

But he just snorted. “You’re not _just_ a girl, Rey,” he said like she was silly, those words were just hanging there in the air. She opened her mouth to protest but he interjected. “I better get going then. Congratulations, solicitor.” 

With a sigh, she nodded. “Okay. Goodbye, Jude.” 

“Bye.” He kissed her cheek before he stood up. She watched as he walked away. 

Then she searched for her mother before she found her talking to her professor. She sauntered towards them. 

"What were you both doing?" Mama asked, putting her arm around her while her other arm was still holding the daffodils. She grabbed them, not wanting to trouble her mother even more. "Where's Jude? I don't think we took a photo of you both yet." 

It was like nothing changed, like they didn't barely talk to each other after the whole Charlie incident. Only the occasional _"how are you?"_ and shit like that. Oh, and that time her mother begged her not to walk out of the door yet before she encountered Charlie again outside her apartment. They never talked about it again. 

Jude sort of made it easier to talk to her mother again. Just telling her about her boyfriend since it was easier. _"Oh, Jude and I went to this place." "Oh, yeah, that was all Jude." "Ah, hold on, Jude needs something."_ It was then she realised that she was just using him as her crutch to get through her mother. 

He didn't deserve this at all. 

She stared at her mother. Just staring. Heaving. Contemplating. "I love Charlie," she finally said. 

Her mother's expression shifted from confusion to annoyed. "Not this again, Rey. It has been a year." 

Well, _almost_ a year, but she didn't need to tell her mum that. "I love him. And I love you. But I would follow him anywhere. Even in LA. Yeah, I heard, Ma. And I'll let you follow me. Actually, I want you to follow me so I can take care of you. But I want to be with him. He has a family and I want to be there for him and help him raise his son. As a family. I love him. And I care about his son too. I care about Henry.” 

At first, Mama just gawked at her. Like she wasn't sure what to say. Honestly, she never expected an appropriate response anyway. She blew out her breath, clutching her hips. "Sweetie." 

"No, I'm not asking for your permission, I'm telling you right now that I've decided!" she snapped for no reason.

Mama pursed her lips. "I know that, sweetie. I just want to say, if that's what you want, then okay." 

Now it was her turn to gawk, gaping at her mother in disbelief. Her lips parted in surprise, never expecting that at all. She was so used to rebelling to her mother so not having to fight her back was, um, weird. The fact that her mother just... agreed to her. "You—You're okay with that?" 

She shrugged a little. "You're an adult. I can't stop you anymore. I want the best for you but you're capable of making your own decisions. Plus—I'm not saying that I like him now—he seems like he's in a great place these days. Nicole told me that he's more present now. He got a therapist and he's writing his own play instead of directing recycled plays. He puts all his anger in his art now and he does his best to be there for Henry no matter what. If he's not with Henry, he's writing. If he's not writing, he's with Henry. Those are the only things he does now." 

Hearing that from Mama's own mouth made her feel something else. As much as she argued with her mum all the time, unfortunately she valued her opinion. 

Did the world just turn upside down? She started being committed to a relationship. Charlie moved to LA. Her mother agreed with her. 

"I'm still going to watch out for you," Mama continued. "But I also trust you know your instincts, you know what you want. And if he's what you want, then who am I to stop you?" 

She couldn't help but smile, taking her mum by surprise when she pulled her into a tight embrace. "I love you so much." 

It took her mum a moment before she hugged her back. "Well, I'm... I'm proud of you. I mean, you graduated first class honour—" 

She rolled her eyes and just tightened the hug, sniffing her mother’s perfume that smelled like powder. Mama never changed her perfume all her life so this would always be her trademark scent. 

Then her mother finally said, "I love you too." 

That made her smile so widely that she laughed a little, her whole body shaking. They rarely said 'I love you' to each other without being ironic, which really explained why it was hard to say it to whoever she was dating. She pulled away, wiping some of the tears that she didn't realise she had shed. She cleared her throat. "I have to catch a flight," she said mindlessly. 

Mama sighed. "You want to fly today?" 

"I just need to see him now." There were so many things she needed to say to him and she couldn't waste a single time, a single minute, a single second. So many things she had wanted to say for ages. She had to gather up her courage. "Are you coming?"

After few minutes of contemplation, Mama sighed. "Yeah, I don't want to go home alone." 

Rey snorted as she took her mum's hand. "Then let's go." 

* * *

Thankfully she managed to book a couple of flight tickets online that would take off in a few afters after there were last minute cancellations. She had to rushingly pack, knowing she might have left something else. So she hoped she could ask someone to mail them for her later. Maybe she should ask the landlord, she was nice. 

After trying her best at packing up everything, especially the essentials she had here with the help of her mother, they rushed towards the airport before they missed it. They had a couple of hours, fuck. The things she would do for this man. 

Unfortunately, they were going separate ways. Her mother was going to New York while she was going to LA. She had already called Rose and Hux to help her mum out with some of the suitcases later when she arrived in New York. Rey took some for herself too so she refused to burden her mother. The flight to LA was earlier than New York though so she bid goodbye, hugging her one more time for everything. 

Walking to the terminal and waiting for her flight to arrive, she kept flicking the edge of the ticket with her finger, every bit of her was filled with anxiousness. She had already checked in her luggage, only bringing her hand carry. Oh god, now she was thinking about where to drag her suitcases later. 

"First time flying?" someone asked beside her. 

She smiled a little. "First time going to California," she answered.

The woman smiled, nodding at her. "Well, it's a beautiful state." 

Maybe not as great as New York, but then again she was biased. 

Her mind swirled around every moment she had with Charlie like a montage. The way he made her feel was something that she didn't think she could have with anyone else. Technically, she had always wanted to be with him since she was twelve, peeking through the blinds as she watched this tall man huffing as he walked up the stairs to his own apartment. She just didn't think she could. 

Basically he was her dream. And she hoped to make her dream come true — which all depended on him. Whether he wanted to be with her or not. 

"Oh, and congratulations, dear," the woman beside her said. 

She was confused at first before she realised she was still wearing her graduation robe. "Oh. Thank you." She laughed a little, reminding herself to take it off later in the plane.

When they were called to queue up, she stood up and handed her ticket after it was her turn. 

She was coming home. 

* * *

They weren't kidding about the palm trees. They were everywhere. 

Frank was a lifesaver, letting her know where was Charlie living now while keeping a promise to her that he wouldn't tell anyone about this. She really hoped he would keep that promise. But there was another thing he told her. Charlie directed a new play at Vagabond. 

As she looked out the window, there it was. Vagabond. Actually, it was The Hayworth Theatre. The play was called The Sun, which sounded so ordinary but hey, the content was what mattered. She could see the poster, all bright yellow and ‘A play by Charlie Barber’ outside, which sort of made her feel warm all over. Pride. That was she was feeling. The two leading stars were posing in almost intimate way, and she swore they were both topless. They only showed from shoulder up to their head. Without thinking, she told the cabdriver to halt the car and drop her off here.

At least she had some time to think about what she could say to him. If she went to him.

She googled to see if there was any last minute ticket and if there was any show around this hour. As if luck was on her side, she managed to buy one ticket to the show in half an hour. Perks of going alone. It was at the Circle area, pretty far to the back but whatever. Closer to the exit, right? 

Wasn't this where they shot La La Land? She wanted to see what was this play he had written himself instead of adapting old plays like he always did. Wanted to see this part of him before she could muster up her courage to see him. And she had some money in her card to spend. Some. 

Stepping out of the cab after the driver dropped her off in front of the entrance, she just left all her suitcases with the concierge, hoping they would still be there when she was done. They looked at her like she was insane but she was desperate and she needed to see it. After a lot of fluttering her lashes and smiling and pleading, " _please_ ," they finally agreed.

Entering the theatre hall, she took a seat, careful not step on people's shoes. She probably smelled like the airplane but fuck if she cared. 

It began from the darkness when the curtain slid open. She wondered if Charlie was here. Maybe not. The music started playing—something melancholy. She waited as the blue light finally started dimly flickering the stage when a couple—short haired woman and long haired man—sat on the couch, distant from each other. Sitting at each edge of the seat. 

They were having a conversation. But they seemed like they were in their own separate world. From their conversation alone, Rey felt her chest ached. Even as they sat on the same couch, having conversations, they both seemed lonely. Like they would rather be anywhere but there. 

The next scene introduced another woman looking bubbly. Graceful even in a leather jacket and a mini skirt. The spotlight slowly brightened into pink, which somehow made Rey smile. Even from afar from where Rey was sitting, she could see the actress had a lot of freckles on her face, so distinct. 

At the other corner of the stage, the dimmed blue light was still there, revealing the lonely man from the couch earlier. She frowned, paying attention to every detail. He was sitting at some office desk, fancy bottles of alcohol decorated the table. 

The girl hummed beautifully, glowing like the sun. She stumbled upon somewhat a door that separated her from the lonely man. And just as she opened the door and went in, the sullen music turned hopeful. She wasn't sure how to describe it but there was the triangle sound thing. 

"I'm sorry," freckled girl gasped. 

As soon as their eyes met, both the blue and red lights met in the middle into a sort of a lovely shade purple, which was so enchanting. He really played with the colours and the music here. Her talented man. 

After a while, the man just scoffed, averting his gaze from her. Outside the freckled girl's view while he looked at the audience, he seemed breathless. He kept cool when he looked back at her. "It's fine." 

Freckled girl smiled. "Is it?" she mused. "You don't seem fine." 

"Well, it's all fine, you should go now." 

"But I'm here." 

"I know." 

"Can't I come in?" 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"It's unnecessary." 

Freckled girl clutched her hip, as if daring him. "But I want to." 

Well, when she did it like that, even Rey herself couldn't say no. 

"Come on in then," lonely man said. "Want some drink?" 

"You have merlot?" she asked. 

A smile danced around his lips as he grabbed one of the bottles and glasses, pouring it in. "Here." 

Even through the short conversation, Rey already felt the chemistry between these two characters. She watched as these two — while seeming opposite in terms of their characteristics, they still looked like — lonely people. 

At some point after flirty banters and freckled girl inching closer and closer to him, he pulled her into a deep kiss before he immediately apologised. A sense of deja vu rushed over her. 

"I'm sorry," the man muttered, his face all flushed. 

Freckled girl just gave him a reassured smile, almost playful too. "I'm not." 

And they kissed again, but not too long that it felt uncomfortable, not too short like it wasn't passionate either. Just enough. Seamlessly, they started dancing, her hand brushed over his crotch over and over and Rey wondered if it was the choreograph. Dirty. 

Forty minutes into the play, she started to put the pieces together. This... this was the story about them. He changed it a little, maybe to be more vague or because the story was just theirs, but she could see that it was about them. And he didn't completely pay attention to the character that was representing him either. 

It was about all three of them. Him. Nicole. Her. And he didn't even paint her or Nicole's characters dirty either. He showed the vulnerability side of her. That she was way beyond just a manic pixie dream girl like she thought the freckled girl was going to be when he slowly stripped the character's dimension layer by layer like, well, onions. 

Or, er, dare she say ozones? 

He showed the loving side of the character named Starlight. Yes, he named the character that he based on her Starlight. Was it a coincidence that it was the name of one of the songs from the album she introduced to him, Red? Or did he just like that name? 

She also realised that the dance represented their sex. That was how he expressed it and made it PG13. Beautiful choreography too, made her legs itch to dance so badly. 

The play hit home when he included the fight scene between him and Nicole, the acting of both actors was superb. She actually felt it, she actually sympathised both of them. God, a lot of screaming that she jumped multiple times in her seat. 

There was some... John Lennon kind of vibe. The dialogues. The most noticeable one was this line that sounded a lot like _If I Fell_ lyrics which was _allegedly_ about John's affair. Probably because both John and Charlie cheated on their wives (though one was abusive, one was... decent). Oh shit, was she Yoko Ono? 

At least Yoko Ono's pussy was strong from all the articles she read and all the songs John wrote for her. So strong he was addicted, leaving his wife and his band for her. Just saying. 

It was an ambiguous ending. Nicole-actress ended up with another man who was supportive of her. The actors that played her and Charlie bumped into each other at a crowded place full of people. The two spotlights radiated on them as they stared at each other with at least twenty people between them, smiling.

Embracing. Accepting. 

The end. 

What the fuck, Charlie. 

That was fucking good. Maybe she was biased, but she loved it and was glad she got to see it on stage. 

By some miracle, her suitcases were safe and sound. She booked Lyft ride this time instead of the cab. She gave the address from Frank's text message. 

* * *

The building that Charlie currently lived in was nice and tall, taller than where he used to live in. She prayed that he was at home, though she wouldn't mind just waiting until he arrived home. 

She had to bring her suitcases too because where else would she leave them? She didn't know anyone here. She had never even been here, in California. 

Downtown LA overall was a beautiful place. It was spacious and full of beautiful buildings. She swore the whole place seemed familiar but she couldn't put a finger on it. It was like it came out of her dream somehow. 

Waiting until someone else unlocked the gate, she followed suit, hoping they wouldn't question her. She stayed quiet in the elevator after pressing the button to Charlie's floor, unsure why was she even freaking out. 

She paced the hallway in front of the door to his apartment, wondering what she should say, how to confess her undying love for him, how to—

How to break down her walls. 

After sometime, she found herself pressing the doorbell then immediately regretting it. It was all impulsive and now she just froze, her brain was cut circuit. Her heart was drumming against her chest, just dup-dup-dup. 

When there was no answer after approximately 30 seconds, she was ready to jump down the building now. Okay, she wasn't seriously considering jumping down the building, of course. But she did consider running away even though she really thought she would wait for hours. 

Deep breaths, no big deal, she just had to drag her suitcases back to elevator now and conquer the whole space. 

But then the door swung open and there he was. 

The love of her life. 

He looked so beautiful with his damp hair and blue button down shirt. He seemed confused at first as he blinked a couple of times, just staring at her. "Rey?" 

She gulped, fumbling with her dress. "Hi." But then she couldn't hold it in any longer. She choked a sob, aggressively wiping her tears. Shit. It felt like all her feelings, everything that she didn't even know was bottled up in her chest, it all just burst when she looked at him again in this moment. 

This moment when she was finally ready to love and be loved. 

His face completely softened as he rushed towards her and gathered her in his arms. "Hey, sweetheart, why are you crying?" he asked softly, stroking her hair and shushing her in a calming manner. 

The scent of him brought her back home. She calmed herself down in his arms, clutching his shirt as she tried to catch a breath. After sometime, she pulled herself away, biting her lip. "Charlie." 

As she struggled to find her words, he just waited, giving her time. He just stood, staring at her with a small nervous smile. He let go of her arms and crossed his arms instead, giving her space. He didn't even pressure her to say something, he just watched her. Though his eyes did seem encouraging, letting her know she could tell him anything. 

"I love you," she blurted out. 

It seemed like that wasn't what he expected because she saw that it caught him off guard. 

She played around with her fingers, tears still streaming down her face. "I love you with all my heart," she confessed. "I never really told that to someone, maybe just my best friends but I've never said that to a boyfriend or... or a girlfriend." 

There was something on the corner of his mouth. Like he wanted to smile but he was holding back. Afraid or something. 

"But you have to know that it's really fucking difficult for me to open up, okay?" she continued, her voice staggering. "I guard my self up nicely for years. I don't mind getting naked but to be vulnerable with my feelings? That — that makes me self conscious."

He listened. He just kept listening. 

"But here I am, Charlie, baring my soul to you because I—I love you. And I know love is fucking complicated, it's more than sex, it's more than anything. But if we... if we trust each other... if we tell each other everything and just open up, no refraining anything... I think we can do this. I want to do this with you. I want to tell you everything, like how my day is going and, hell, what I eat for breakfast everyday if that's what you want. And you'll tell me everything too." 

That made him smile really wide. "That's all I want, Rey. That's all I ever want." 

She wiped her snot with the back of her hand. "And... somehow, I _trust_ you. Maybe I shouldn’t but I do. I trust that you've been telling me the truth more than lies. I'm sorry I doubted you, I just..." 

He stepped forward, shushing her. "It's okay, it's hard to trust me knowing my reputation."

She let out a small laugh. "Yeah." 

"But have faith in me, baby, I'll never lie to you," he pleaded. "I can promise you that." 

Either it was naivety or something else, she chose to believe it. 

"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to say that," he said, sighing. "God, I love you, Rey. I've never stopped loving you and I will never stop." 

"I love _you._ Saying that is gonna take me some getting used to but I love you, Charlie Barber."

He laughed, a relieved kind of laugh. "I'm gonna kiss you, okay?"

They had done more than a kiss and here he asked for permission. It still warmed her heart though. Her eyes watered as she nodded. " _Please_ kiss me,” she murmured. 

And then he leaned down and did that. Her arms automatically snaked around his neck, pulling him close. She felt his arms wrapped around her waist, hugging her tight. God, she missed this that she almost burst into tears. Nothing else could compare to this feeling — to this _kiss_. 

This kiss felt so different. It was better, so much better. Liberating, actually, knowing the guilt no longer hung above them. Her head was spinning and her chest was so warm and fluttering, so in love with him. It probably have lasted for hours, maybe just seconds. They just savoured each other and putting their all in the kiss like they had all the time in the world. 

"What are all these suitcases?" he asked after they drew apart. Then with a smirk, he teased, “You want to move in with me or something?”

Actually, that wasn’t a terrible idea. "I just... I came straight from the airport," she explained with a blush. "I had to get it off my chest, you know? Wait, no, I actually had _some_ time to think. Not just in the plane. But also... while I was watching your play." 

His brows perked up in surprise. "You saw my play?" he questioned, the nervousness was apparent on his face. "Rey, I—" 

"I loved it," she cut him off, smiling a little. "You wrote all that?" 

"All I had to do was think of you," he mumbled. "You're my muse. I'm sorry if it's... I should have asked—" 

She used her finger to shut him up, pressing it on his lips. "It was beautiful." 

"Yeah?" he asked self-consciously. 

"Mmhmm." She made a move to kiss him again, dropping her hand from his face. "You really showed how much you know me by justifying my character." 

"It was pretty difficult to justify the perfection of my muse when she's more perfect than that," he teased, his fingers traced the hem of her shirt that was already untucked out of her black skirt. She looked either like a nun or a librarian. 

But he was looking at her like she was so beautiful. 

"You look so pretty—hold on, the airport? Did you leave your graduation ceremony for me?" he lamented, frowning at her. 

Her cheeks flushed deep. "Well, I got my degree, what else do I need? So I ran here. Not literally. You get what I'm saying. The degree is in one of those suitcases, don’t worry.” 

He grinned. "Oh, baby."

"And... And, I think I _do_ want to live here," she said nervously. "If you'll have me, of course." 

It was gradual when his face expression shifted into a shock. "What do you mean?" 

"I know you have priorities — you got your family. Well, I could get a job wherever I want and I want to stay here." 

"Rey..." 

"I'd be happy to," she interjected. "I want to be with you. Unlike you, I don’t belong anywhere. I mean, I’m basically a… wanderer, I guess. A nomad. Actually, I do belong somewhere. Anywhere you are because—because _you’re_ my home.” 

His eyes were shining as they looked at her, his lips trembled a little when he smiled. "Rey. Baby." 

A laugh escaped her lips. "Charlie." 

"Are you sure?" His eyes were hopeful. 

There was not an ounce of doubt when she said, "One hundred percent." 

"How about your mother?" 

"Once I get a job, I'm buying a house for her here." It was true. She had already done the math. 

"You've really thought this through?" 

Actually, she just thought of it this morning but she had a lot to think in the plane. A lot of planning. This was what she wanted. He was what she wanted. "Yes." 

In one swooping motion, he lifted her up by the ass, making her gasp. Her skirt hiked up her thighs, above her stockings. “You’re my home too,” he murmured, burrowing in the crook of her neck.

She stifled a sob, nuzzling her nose against his hair. 

"I could help, you know, buying an apartment for your mother,” he said when she looked at him. 

She knew that. "I don't want to trouble you. I have some money I saved up when I planned to buy that house in London."

He snorted. "Yeah, but I still want to help. You staying here makes me so happy I could die. So no, it won't be a trouble at all. Plus, you're staying with me. I'd just chip in if that's what you want.

Well, if he said so. She smiled at him, shrugging and nodding at the same time. "Yeah, I guess." She knew it was unrealistic for her to immediately afford a home anyway. Even with the money to sell the house in New York. 

"So, want to see your new apartment? Our apartment?" he asked with a smirk. 

Our. Wow, she loved that. She never thought she would love codependency but then Charlie happened. She smiled widely. "Does that mean you want me to move in? You'll have me?" 

He looked at her like she was so silly. "Of course, sweetheart, I'll have you anywhere. It doesn't feel like home without you. Wherever it is." 

Her man. She loved her man. She bumped her nose against his, making him chuckle. "Then take me with you." Her arms around his neck tightened, feeling his cock throbbing against her. 

"Wait I have to bring your suitcases inside—" 

"Shh, leave them. Fuck me first." 

He squinted his eyes at her, shaking his head. "You are insatiable and I love that. But we can't just leave them here—" 

Who the fuck cared about her suitcase? This wasn't New York. She was pretty sure everything was safe here. Well, in this building at least. She rubbed herself against his groin to tempt him, earning a groan from his throat that she wanted to suck now. 

"Okay, five minutes," he mumbled, squeezing her ass in his hands. And then he led her inside his apartment. 

Wait. 

_Their_ apartment. 

And then he kept his words, making her come within five minutes. While she was still wearing the skirt and stockings. Apparently he dug the whole librarian slash nun look. 

Or her. Maybe he just liked her. Ugh, there were still so many things she had to learn. 

But as long as he was with her in every step of the way while they learned together, it was going to be fine. 

Even though that took around five minutes, they still hadn't moved from his couch to get her suitcases. Instead he slipped inside her again as if he couldn't get enough of her, the entrance door was still opened where anyone could walk by. That thought excited her a little. 

"Come here," he murmured, adjusting her a little so that instead of having her on all four, he lifted her up while he took a seat on his nice couch. And she, she just let him control her, mould her, anything he wanted with her. Now that she was straddling his lap, he guided her to sink down on his cock. "Fuck, I miss you, sweetheart, it has been a year since I fucked you, since I fucked someone. Since I have a pussy to warm my cock." 

She bit her lip, realising that she, too, hadn't had a cock inside her for so long and she missed being filled up like this. She stroked his hair, kissing the tip of his nose down to his lips, smiling. She was still clothed, technically, and the armrest blocked her thigh from people that might walk down the hallway, past the door. Some of her buttons were undone though so he could see her cleavage. 

"Don't you want to close the door?" she taunted. 

"It's not like they can see what you're doing," he said. "Plus, it's just my girlfriend sitting in my lap, what's wrong with that?"

Girlfriend. She was pretty sure she was clamping his cock from the way he squeezed her hips tight. Girlfriend. She was Charlie Barber’s girlfriend. Her chest had never been this full. Her cheeks really hurt from smiling. Shit, she was... _happy_. "And you're my boyfriend?" she asked, hopeful.

He chuckled. "Yes, I am, baby.” 

There was no way to describe this happiness. She didn't think she had been happier than this. 

His eyes shined for her. "Happy graduation day, sweetheart," he said like it was a secret between them, worrying his lip. 

She laughed, not even lifting herself up yet. Just sitting down with his cock inside her, no big deal. No rush. 

The new apartment still seemed incomplete where she could still put some pieces of herself here. It wasn't as big as his apartment in New York, but it was bigger than the apartment she shared with her mother though. "I love you," he told her, looking into her eyes. 

There was no heaviness, no feeling in the pit of her stomach, no pain in the chest when she uttered the three words back to him. "I love you." 

Just relief, exchanging those three words, letting them linger out in the air. 

Charlie had the biggest smile on his face. She didn't think she had seen this kind of smile on his face where his cute teeth were shown. It was endearing to watch, plus he looked so much younger like this too. Her finger traced his smile. From the crinkles around his eyes, to the lifted cheeks, to his pretty dimples. 

Usually even when he was smiling, there was sadness in his eyes. Not this time. This time, he really just looked jubilant. 

"You're so beautiful," she sighed and he twitched along the walls of her pussy. Praise kink detected. "I love this. I love you." 

"You took the words out of my mouth," he retorted, pulling her to kiss. "I love you."

That was when her cunt flutter around him, eliciting the soft groan out of him. But he still hadn't hoisted her hips to properly fuck her. "I'm..." She laughed at the silliness of what she was going to say. "I'm so happy."

He just seemed so drunk when he smiled. "Not as happy as I am." She could feel him swell inside her as she squeezed him, earning a warning glare from him. “I’m _elated_.” 

She kissed his forehead, down to his nose, to both of his cheeks, his chin, his jaws, before she finally settled on his lips. And the smile never wiped off his face. 

"I have a crazy thing to ask," he said so she had to pull away to look at him. While his eyes were still smiling, his lips made it seem like he was about to say something serious. "It might be weird." 

Now, why would he ruin it now then? But she was too curious so she asked, "Okay, what is it?" 

Unable to refrain himself from chuckling, he asked, "Do you want to go on a date with me?" 

What an idiot. She let out a gasp, jabbing his rib until he yelped. "Of course I want to!" she shrieked and he laughed at her. She had to pinch his stupid cheek. There was never once in her life had she been as happy as this. 

The best thing was that they didn't even have to pretend they were in love now. She wasn't the littlest bit sorry that she fell in love with him. That was when he started to lift her hips up so they could properly fuck now until she writhed, not caring who could hear them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue is coming, friends. 
> 
> Don’t unsubscribe yet 😉


	26. Finally // beautiful stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _But I think it's finally_
> 
> _Finally, finally, finally, finally safe_
> 
> _For me to fall_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m already emotional, y’all. I’m for real saying good bye to these babies. 
> 
> Last moodboard for this fic by the amazing [Mena](https://twitter.com/ddaisyridleyy). I’d also like to thank [Michelle](https://twitter.com/blessedreylo) for helping me out with LA stuff! 
> 
> **TW: mention of pregnancy, babies**

Even though carrying a child for almost ten months was painful at times, mainly because of all the morning sickness and the constant need to pee, what happened afterwards was so worth it.

Yes, it was finally meeting the other love of her life, her bundle of joy, August Lev Barber. 

It was the month of her birth, it was her favourite Taylor Swift song, and it was actually Charlie's idea to name him August. He actually came up with the idea, probably because he was such a pretentious snob who lived for that. She came up with Lev because she loved it, for some reason. It was Russian for ‘leo’ which was also her sign. How exactly did she know Russian? It was one quick Google search and it led her to Lev. The end. 

It just _fit_ when his name was literally August. 

When they welcomed their son, Charlie had the biggest smile, kissing her temple and her lips and just uttering his gratitude. He had always expressed that he wanted another kid, though they did discuss when she was finally ready to forgo her implant. It was all up to her and he was so patient with her. 

Again, she would do anything for him. And her son. 

Now they had two sons. She had three loves of her life. Henry had become her priority too. She had always adored the kid, and having him as her family was amazing. He confided in her too much though, like she was just a cool aunt even though he literally had an aunt of his own, Cassie. 

Charlie had been an amazing father. He always offered to be the one to change August’s diapers and let her rest. In the middle of the night when August wailed, he would shush her to go back to sleep as he picked their baby up. 

"Are you sure you want to watch him?" she asked Henry for the umpteenth time. He was sixteen now, surely he preferred to go out with his friends instead of watching his half brother. 

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Rey, I'm sure. August is adorable and he doesn't cry a lot. Plus, I could... ask Violet to come over and help me out. She's great at babysitting, she does babysitting actually after school." 

Ah, _that_ was why. She smirked knowingly. "You sly little shit. This is your ploy to impress your girl?" She looked at sleeping August on the couch, his cheeks looking so heavy when his mouth was opened. Her little angel. 

Henry's face reddened. "Just go out with Dad." 

She shook her head with a smile, ruffling his hair. "Don't burn down the house. Don't focus too much on making out with your girlfriend, I'm paying you to take care of your brother here. Two hundred dollar is a lot for one night, you know? We'll be back tomorrow." 

He snorted. "Yes, I know, I know. And I’m not making out with her, _Mom._ Now go." 

"Just call me if there's a problem,” she reminded him again. “ _Whatever_ it is, even if it's petty, okay? Or call Carter."

Carter was Nicole's husband, who was still here instead of with his wife. 

Which reminded her of the time her wedding day with Charlie and Nicole was heavily pregnant with her own kid with Carter after winning a Golden Globe for her own TV show that she produced and acted in. Rey really considered delaying her wedding because Nicole was seven months along, but Nicole insisted not to let her stop their wedding. 

Her wedding day was something she wanted to relive again and again. They didn’t invite many people, just the close ones. Charlie proposed six months prior, in bed. It was an intimate kind of proposal, spur of the moment kind of thing. It was fall and she wanted to rewatch Gilmore Girls in bed.

While she was already cozy under the blanket, snacks in her lap, that was when Charlie kneeled on the floor beside her. She thought he was looking for something under the bed, but _no,_ he was proposing. While her fingers were orange from eating Doritos.

_“Darling, I love you. I’ve already planned on string quartets and dinner at some restaurants with Michelin 4 stars. I took tango class too, thinking maybe I could ask you while we’re dancing. But I just… I can't wait anymore.”_ Then he took out a ring from his back pocket. “ _Will you marry me?_ ” 

Mind you, she was wearing pyjamas and her hair was all tousled. But she burst into tears and nodded, screaming, _“Why yes, you idiot!”_ She was careful not to stain his cheeks with the Doritos when she pulled him into an eager kiss. _“Wait, my finger is dirty,”_ she gasped when he wanted to put the ring on her. 

_“We’ll clean up later,”_ he said with a small laugh, eyes glistening with tears when he slid the finger onto her ring finger. He put four of her fingers in his mouth and sucked the Dorito off of her fingers, to which she laughed out loud. 

_“Wait, you took tango class?”_ she asked. 

He didn’t answer, but instead he moved the Dorito bag to the nightstand. 

It was a beautiful ring. A 2.5 diamond carat cushion cut ring. She couldn’t stop staring at it, even when he fucked her afterwards on top of her and she just held out her hand just so she could admire the ring again. She called up her mum and thank fuck her mum was elated about it.

Flash forward to their wedding when they got married at this beautiful chapel. The flower arrangements were so beautiful thanks to Rose and the wedding planner she hired. She had asked her mother to walk down the aisle with her. Outside the chapel, she wasn’t able to refrain her tears from coming out. _“Thank you, Mama. For… for agreeing to do this.”_

Mama dabbed her cheeks a little so her makeup wouldn’t be ruined from her tears. _“I want you to be happy. Now stop crying, your mascara is going to smudged.”_

For a moment, they just took a deep breath. She rested her head on her mother’s forehead so she could calm herself down. 

_“I’m so glad I’m able to witness my baby’s wedding,”_ Mama said, with deep wrinkles around her eyes. 

Tears welled up her eyes again to which Mama quickly pushed away. Ever since that graduation day, her relationship with her mother had been improving. They were closer now than ever, and Charlie grew on Mama as they kept visiting her almost every weekend. Mama had also become a family to Charlie soon, which she adored. 

She walked down the hallway to _There She Goes_ by The La’s, which was a surprise because Rose wanted to pick the song so badly. When the chapel door was opened for her to walk in and the song started playing, she couldn’t contain her surprise. She completely forgot that she told Rose in middle school that she wanted to walk down the aisle to this song one day when she ever got married. Now she felt like crying. She glanced at Rose, smiling in gratitude. Rose just winked at her.

Rose, the best maid of honour ever. 

Charlie never kept his eyes off of her, looking like he was torn between looking at her face and her dress. Well, the aisle was long enough for him to appreciate her whole look as she strode towards him. Her hair was styled half up and half down, slightly curled. Her dress was a simple strapless white ball gown silk dress with a front high slit since her man loves her leg so much. And the best thing? Pockets. 

The way he stared at her was priceless, his eyes were glossy with tears. The smile did reach his smile though his lips were most quivering. He had done this before, surely it didn’t mean that much to him, did it? But Charlie told her before that Nicole and he were married at a City Council and they never had a proper wedding. 

That was only over a year ago. Two months after they tied the knot, she found out she was pregnant right after Nicole gave birth because Charlie was uncontrollable, really stuffing her with his cum. He kept murmuring in her ear about _“gonna put a baby in you”_ and _“you’re gonna take all of it”_ and she came so hard she almost died. Poor Henry, honestly, gaining that many siblings. Two in less than a year.

But they still went on their honeymoon though. In Rome, which was incredibly beautiful. Charlie kept insisting them to stay in their room because he was insatiable but she wanted to sightsee so he begrudgingly agreed. The pictures in her camera roll and on the Polaroids indicated that he actually enjoyed the honeymoon though. Clown.

Nicole didn't mind if she left August at their place, keeping her daughter, Laura company. But Nicole herself wasn't home tonight, she had a film shooting in Vancouver. Which left Henry with... August. 

"Darling, let's just _go_ ," her husband whined behind her, always so clingy and needy around her. "Henry is fine, right, kiddo? We're already late, you know. Everyone’s expecting us." 

Henry nodded fervently, grinning at her like a lil shit. 

She finally stood up after kissing August's hair. She couldn't get over babies’ smell as she inhaled her son’s hair. This was the first time she was leaving her baby after four months. Even when she was taking her maternity leave, she managed to settle all the cases at home while her baby was sleeping next to her. They even had a baby cot in her office. 

Yes, she ended up becoming a lawyer. And yes, she actually _liked_ being a lawyer. _Studying_ law was hell but lawyering was nice, that fulfilling feeling whenever she won a case was always so worth it. Also yes, she still danced during her free time. 

Now she felt heavy leaving her baby but... With one last look, she sniffled. "Bye, baby." She smiled at Henry. "Bye, honey." 

Turning around, Charlie finally got to see her in her dress. That was the other perk of pregnancy. Because her body looked amazing post pregnancy, her tits were kinda bigger now (they could finally fill the bra cups) and her ass — well, her booty had always looked great. Her body was the shape of an hourglass now in her black lace dress with red roses, ready to celebrate her husband's Broadway opening night. 

His eyes darkened as his eyes roamed around her body, licking his lips. Eye fucking her. She smirked coyly, making sure to sway her hips when she strode towards him. Bet he wished he didn't have to leave the house now, or maybe could go to some hotel and leave their kids at home. 

Tough luck, sir. "What are you doing, just gawking around?" she teased, walking towards where the wooden bench by the door to put on her heels. He loved watching her put on her heels because he could peek at her cleavage. "I thought we're already late." 

The jerk really just snapped a photo of her wearing her heels on his phone huh. She rolled her eyes at him as he looked at his phone before he kept it in his pocket. 

He offered his hand after she was done putting on her heels, helping her stand. They were out of Henry's view now in the entrance hallway so he was quick to put his hands on her ass. "God, baby, you're killing me in this dress." 

Her man, her one and only, her lifeline. "I need to look good for tonight since it's your night, my love," she murmured, smoothing his lapel. He looked so gorgeous in his black Prada suit and red tie to match the roses on her dress. Plus, his facial hair was back, which she very much enjoyed, thank you very much. "Then you can unwrap your gift tonight when it's just you and me." 

"Oh yeah? What's the gift?" he asked with a smile. 

"Why, it's underneath this dress," she taunted, grinning. He was wearing the perfume she bought for him, smelling like leather and ember. Making him even more irresistible. Maybe she sort of had a great taste. Maybe. 

He groaned, squeezing her ass ever tighter, causing her to gasp. "You're gonna kill me, baby. You're _really_ gonna kill me." 

She giggled, pecking him on his lips before she stepped out of the house. The moment he barged out, he shut their door and hoisted her up against the wall. At that moment, she was grateful her Versace dress had a slit so it wouldn't tear. "You almost ruined my dress, Mr. Barber," she chided. 

"I don't _care_ , Mrs. Barber," he grunted, which made her blush a little. Oh god, _she_ was Mrs. Barber. Years of calling the next-door neighbour Mr. and Mrs. Barber and now _she_ was Mrs. Barber. It would not stop being funny. 

But she also liked being Mrs. Barber. She loved being his in every possible way.

He pressed his hard on against her crotch, eliciting a gasp out of her mouth.

"Fuck, Daddy," she moaned when he rolled his hips, not caring if their neighbours could hear them. 

"Yeah, baby girl?" he huffed, almost capturing her mouth with his when she stopped him. 

"I have my lipstick on,” she chided. 

"I don't care." 

She snorted. " _I_ care." And then she kissed his cheek. Letting the red shape of her lips paint his cheek, blotting it so they wouldn't make too much of a mess later. Then she giggled because it felt like she was claiming him. "That's better." 

He scowled at her before he planted his lips on hers, their tongues dancing together. And she could feel his smile against her lips, his heart beating against her chest. They were so fucking late but until now, he still had this addictive effect on her.

She moaned. "We have to go, Charlie. People are waiting." But she still kissed him nevertheless.

With a groan, he finally ripped himself off of her, but not before pressing a kiss on her neck. "You smell so good." He kept sniffing her neck, at times flattening his tongue on her skin. "Shit, the pheromones are really crazy right now." 

Grabbing his hand, they walked towards their car. Like a gentleman, he opened the door for her after kissing her knuckles. God, he was so cheesy. 

Five years (including their affair) of being with him, she just fell more and more in love with him everyday. She wondered if it was the same case for him too. He usually never let her out of his sight, always finding excuses to be around her even while he was working. But of course she still managed to escape to see her friends at the coffee shop or the bar. 

Then coming home to him dragging her to their bed. 

She would never get over the sight of her man driving, his hand still holding hers. His face was radiated by the streetlights, making him look so much prettier. She was so in love with him, way too in love with him. 

"You're staring at me, creep," he joked. "I can't concentrate on my driving now." 

"But I can't take my eyes off of you, you're just so pretty," she cooed. 

He rolled his eyes though she could see the pink tinge on his cheek. "Well, I have a pretty wife, I have to complement her beauty, right?" 

Grinning made her cheeks hurt so bad but he made her smile way too much, it sucked. "You're an idiot." 

"I love you too." 

As he drove, she took the time to fix her makeup a little, especially her lipstick. He warned her in case there were some bumps on the road so she wouldn't make a mess out of her makeup. After seeming decent enough, she kept her makeup back in her purse. 

When one of her favourite songs blasted on the radio since they were using her Spotify, she turned up the volume. "Come on, baby, you know this song," she teased. 

He groaned. "No, I don't." 

"What a fucking liar, I literally heard you singing this in the shower." 

His cheeks reddened. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

" _We found Wonderland, you and I got lost in it and life was never worse but never better,”_ she taunted. 

" _Never better,_ " he blared out, cracking her up so much that her stomach hurt. There he was, the Swiftie himself. " _We found Wonderland, you and I got lost in it.”_

She clapped her hands excitedly, whooping for him. Her camera roll alone was just filled with her recording him singing Taylor Swift whether in the car or during karaoke. 

They were almost there, she could see the cameras flashing there and people starting to arrive. They would ride in a limo, but they were planning to go somewhere else after the event and they preferred doing that lowkey instead of troubling the limo driver. 

Detecting his anxiousness, she took his hand and squeezed it in reassurance. "It's gonna be okay. I'm here with you." 

He offered her a grateful smile. When they arrived at the entrance of the theatre hall, there was already a valet ready to open her door to greet her. Charlie rushed out of the car to get to her so he could be the one taking her hand while she stepped out of the car. 

It almost made her laugh. The cameras were flashing, almost blinding her eyes as she clutched his arm, smiling at the camera briefly before focusing to get to the door. There were security people blocking them a little so no one would get to them. It was overwhelming but holding onto his arm made her feel a bit safer. 

They still had to pose for more cameras inside. She smiled as she looked at the wall where the poster of his new play was displayed before she looked at him. "It looks amazing," she gasped. It was just two people dancing but it looked amazing nevertheless. The bright yellow background was a nice touch. 

He chuckled nervous, wrapping his arm around her waist, settling his hand on her hip. "It's all thanks to you, really." 

She laughed a little. They faced the flashing cameras in front of them and posed with a smile on their faces. Well, she was smiling. She wasn't sure if he was. But she could feel how tense he was.

"It's gonna be over soon, love,” she whispered. 

He looked back at her and she watched his face softened. "I'm so glad you're here." 

"So am I." 

The stars of his play soon joined them. She tried to excuse herself so the stars could only pose with their director, but Charlie squeezed her waist instead. "It's just gonna be a moment," she told him with a laugh. 

"Yeah, but I _want_ you here," he argued. 

She could hear some of the actors snicker at their interaction. So she smiled for the camera, standing between her husband and the leading actress of the play. 

Finally they went in the theatre where they sat in the box seat. As the play began, she interlaced their fingers together. "I'm so proud of you," she whispered in his ear. 

That earned her a kiss on her cheek and an 'I love you.'

As the curtains were slid open, dancers had already taken their place. The orchestra began and so did the dance. She couldn't believe he let her choose the choreography for this. She didn't accept at first when he asked her help because she wanted to give other choreographers the chance, but he insisted.

She looked at the crowd worryingly, wondering what they would think of the number. Her man kissed her knuckles and reassured her that it was fine. Sure, she knew he was a perfectionist and wouldn't give her the opportunity simply just because he loved her but who the fuck knew? The man was a simp for her. 

Her heart soared when everyone gave a loud applause after the dance was over. Maybe it was just the tradition or something. She looked at the line of seats where critics sat and all they did was write something. The dancers were great, so if there was a problem, it was her. 

"Darling, you did an amazing job," Charlie convinced her. "Believe me. Please?" 

She licked her teeth and sighed in defeat. "Okay. I believe you." 

He smiled in satisfaction and she watched his face shifted into anxiousness as the actors started speaking. They really were that kind of couple, huh. But at least they knew each other's concerns. 

When he first wrote this play, even at night she found the space next to her was cold only to find him in his office, writing and writing and writing. She kept insisting him to come to bed but he always answered her the same thing, "Only a moment more." 

Sometimes at night, he woke her up and asked if the line was okay, if it made sense. It was a romance play about two soulmates, Kira and Kylo that always got reincarnated, only to meet each other again and again with no memory of each other from the past. It began from World War II right to the present where they finally broke the curse and grew old together. The way Charlie wrote the story was so profound, especially one of the eras where the man was never happy, abused from a young age and then only got to be happy for twenty seconds before he died in his lover's arms. 

That was so cruel of Charlie, she almost got mad at him before she kissed him because that was fucking amazing. She also loved the part where in one of the eras, Kylo was an anti hero with a daddy issue and people might think he didn't deserve sweet feral Kira. That was a nice touch. 

The beginning started off when the woman was still a ballerina before she met the love of her life for the first time. Ugh, the play was so good and she expected positive reviews only from the critics. She had seen the actors' rehearsal. It was going to be superb.

When it was finally over, she grinned to see that the play got a standing ovation. She stood up as well, clapping her hands really vigorously and kissing him. "That was amazing, babe!" she cooed. "They all did a great job." 

His cheeks flushed. "They really did," he said with a laugh. "Let's hope it's good enough." 

"Yes, it is!" she argued. "We're going to wake up to overall positive reviews from the critics, I know it." 

He chuckled, shaking his head. "You're my number one supporter, aren't you?" 

She rolled her eyes. "I'm your wife, of course I am. I’m your stan.” Yes, she taught him what stan meant.

* * *

They didn't stay too long at the wrap party. Even though she could still how much he wanted to leave and that he would rather be alone with her right now, she still made him stay a little longer and just socialise. These actors seemed to admire him a lot so it was important for her husband to stay grounded by spending time with them just a little bit more. They always expressed their admiration for him to her, making her smile. 

She was proud of him. 

The whole time, he had his arm around her to make sure she was still there with him, although she wondered where else could she go? While he was speaking to the actors and some of the critics, she couldn’t help but stare at him in awe because he always seemed passionate when he talked about his art. He never forgot to mention her, talking about how “I had to bribe my wife with two pots of coffee so she could stay up while we brainstormed even though she herself had her own job taking on those pro bono cases. Yes, my wife is a _litigator._ A badass one actually, I’ve seen the way she kicks ass at courts. I think most of your favourite parts are the ideas that she planted herself. You could say that I’m a fraud. Yeah, take note of that, publish that.” She snorted at him for that and he would make remarks like, “See? She’s _so_ humbled.” 

But when it seemed like his social tank was lessening, she stepped up and conversed with the critics especially, making sure to hype him up. His face was scarlet the whole time but she kept going anyway. “He’s a genius. He is. Maybe I’m biased but I think my husband shaped the theatre industry. I love Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber but, come on, Cats got _nothing_ on this play. Maybe Phantom of the Opera but that’s hardly fair since that’s adapted from a book. Actually, Cats was also adapted from a book too, right? Yeah. My husband wins.” 

Charlie chuckled sheepishly at that, squeezing her rear. But not because he liked it, oh no. That was a warning squeeze. He might be cocky but when it came to her sincere compliment, he got so shy, he looked like he was dying. _Good._

Whenever she felt like taking out her phone to check on August, which was often, Charlie placed his palm on her back and shook his head. “He’s fine, darling,” he assured her. 

She peeked at her phone’s screen and there was no notification from Henry. She sighed, still feeling the pinching in her chest. Even while she was at home, she would always have this constant anxiety over her son’s well being. Whether he was okay or anything. The worrying never stopped. 

“He’s fine,” he murmured in her ear, kissing her temple. “We’ll check on them in five minutes, okay?” 

The reluctance was sitting heavily on her chest but she nodded. “Okay.” 

They drank more champagne, posed for more pictures, socialised a little more before Charlie had his hand on the small of her back and whispered, "Can we please go now?" 

She gave an apologetic look to the actors she was talking to because her husband couldn't leave her alone and keep his hands to himself. 

"Happy birthday, sir," they all chanted. 

Right, Charlie turned 40 today. Old man. She had already given him a surprise this morning as his birthday treat — a blowjob to wake him up and a breakfast in bed. She got him the breakfast combo from that place he loved so much in Westwood. It was a half an hour drive, an hour in total if counted back and forth but the things she would do for him for his birthday. 

_"Happy birthday, baby,"_ she had murmured in his ear after watching him sleep for a couple of minutes, even though the food was getting cold. She even had the time nibbling and kissing while he smiled sleepily. When he stirred in his sleep, that was when she crawled lower and took his cock out to put in her mouth. 

They took their boys out for birthday picnic that afternoon. August finally got to see the outside after four months. It was a lovely day. 

He laughed sheepishly to his actors, his employees, his friends basically, his pinkie brushed over her ass. Hopefully the cameras wouldn't catch this. Actually, she kind of wanted that photo. "Thanks, guys." 

She smiled and gave them a small wave before put her arm around her husband's hips, letting him lead her to main entrance. "Did you have a great time?" she asked. 

"Having you made it all better," he answered cheekily. 

It was so cheesy that she scoffed while they waited for the valet to bring their car around. "Seeing on the big stage was amazing. I've watched the rehearsals but, wow, on the stage? What an experience." 

He laughed. "You've been to theatre a lot of times yet you still get starstruck?" 

"Well, never when I caught up with the rehearsals," she retorted. 

“Thank you,” he said, his tone was rich with sincerity.

She frowned a little. “For what?” 

Those big brown orbs were fixated on her, glistening. Which meant he was about to say something cheesy. “For staying by my side. For having my back. Just… for being with me. Choosing me to be by your side. For letting me love you. I couldn’t get any luckier than this.” 

She snorted at his cheesiness, wrapping her arm around his waist and leaning on his chest. Even though that was so cheesy, he sounded so genuine, making her chest flutter. He had dedicated their whole relationship, their whole marriage into making her happy. There was never a time when he gave her a reason to doubt him.

Except that one time he wanted to surprise her on her birthday and that was such a shitshow. He was driving her insane that time and he kept sneaking out somewhere, But it was so worth it after that when she found out what it was. She was definitely surprised, alright. “I love you,” she sighed. 

He kissed her hair, rubbing her arms with his scalding palm. She could feel his heart beating for her, taking her home. 

Their car was finally in front of them. He rushed towards the door, beating the valet to open the door for her. What an idiot, she loved him so much. 

As they hopped in the car and he started driving, he glanced at her with a coy smile. “So, Mrs. Barber, is there somewhere you want me to take you?” 

After she read Henry’s reply that he and August were fine and he even sent a selfie of both of them together, she let out an exhale. Glancing up at her husband, she smiled.

She wasn’t picky, she would go anywhere as long as he was with her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve written another Charlie/Rey fic but it’s a one shot and I’m planning to write more and more Charlie and Rey because they’re so fun to write! 
> 
> Thank you everyone for your kind comments, for supporting me, for reading this. I wouldn’t have finished this long ass fic if it weren’t for you guys, for real. It’s been an amazing five months of posting! 
> 
> If you haven’t left kudos yet please, please do, only if you’ve enjoyed reading this. 
> 
> I love y’all.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ch4rliebarbers).
> 
> Craving for more Charlie Barber? Check out my other Charlie/Rey fics:  
> — (Tags:: breeding, pregnancy, two-shot, MIND THE TAGS): [Use Somebody ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28574685/chapters/70029840)  
> — (Tags: praise kink, boss/employee, one shot): [invisible](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800731)  
> 


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